Chapter 7:

Interrogations and Conversations

"Urgh." The Doctor tried to say more, but it hurt to move his face. He opened his eyes, only to see nothing but blurs. "Okay," he thought, "Let's see how deep in trouble I am this time." He blinked his eyes, hoping to restore his vision. The blurs began to take shape, and the Time Lord found himself in a featureless room made of greyish-blue bricks. In the middle of the room was a chair, and strapped to that chair was an old, quite confused time-traveler.

"Hullo!" No answer. "Well," The Doctor said, "it seems I'm all alone. Oh, wait, no I'm not." He craned his neck, and twisted it until he could look at the camera behind him. "I'm awake, if anyone cares."

"Hopefully, that gets someone in here", he thought. And maybe they would bring some answers. Perhaps they could help him figure out what was going on…

"Rise and shine," Trouble snorted, lying back in Artemis' armchair. The fairies had thought to put the stranger in the same room Artemis had put Holly in years ago. Unfortunately, the only room with access to the cellar's camera was Artemis' study, meaning the usually clean room became a jungle of lie detectors, wires, and monitors.

"And how is our "guest", Commander?" Artemis leaned in to the monitor on his desk. This man intrigued him.

"Well, he's shouting at the camera, so I think I'll pay him a visit soon." The commander got up, and motioned for Foaly and Luskar to follow. Artemis decided that it was now or never.

"Commander," he began, "There's something I wish you'd consider." Trouble turned around, his eyebrow twitching.

"Yes, Fowl? Please, grace me with your genius."

"This man, quite obviously, is very intelligent. We've seen that with his technology. He also seems to be tracking the object, just like us." He paused, finding the right words. "If we can, perhaps we can persuade him to work with…"

"I'm not going to bother letting you finish. Answer: No." Trouble opened the door, letting Foaly push a hover cart full of equipment past. "It's bad enough you people know about us; I don't want the Council on my ass about another Mud Man we have to worry about." And with that, he strode out the door, Luskar tailing after him. When they were gone, Holly sat up in the chair she was sitting in.

"And here I thought the Great Artemis Fowl was so smart" she snorted. "That was your plan? Ask nicely?"

Artemis shrugged. "So far, yes." He walked over to his desk, and typed in a command on the keyboard. All the screens on the wall suddenly formed one image; the cellar and the prisoner.

Holly brought her chair up to the screens. "Still, you must have known Trouble wouldn't go for it." There was a short silence after that. Then, Holly spoke again. "You know, he does appreciate your help. Even if he doesn't show it."

There was another silence. "Artemis?"

"I know" Artemis said suddenly. Holly turned her head, but Artemis turned away, and walked back to his desk.

"What was that all about?" Holly thought. "Was he just…staring at me that whole time?"

Artemis dragged his armchair up to the screens, and set it beside Holly. "Now, let's see what we can learn from our friend" he said.

"Changing the subject" Holly noticed.

Well, whatever was going on with Artemis would have to wait. Looking at the screens, Holly saw that the Commander had begun to talk. Artemis turned up the volume, and the two friends sat motionless, eager to hear every word.

The door creaked, and the Doctor looked up to see three of the fairies walk in. One was human-looking, another was reptilian, and the Doctor could not help the giddy smile on his face when he saw the centaur come in with the cart.

"The service here is terrible" he said. "I specifically asked that my wake-up call come at 10:00. It is now 10:25."

The human looking fairy set up a folding chair from the cart, and sat down, looking the Doctor right in the eye. "Think you're a funny Mud Man, don't you?"

The Doctor shrugged. "On occasions, yes. Now, I assume that you have come here to question me, but first, can I just say it is an honor to meet you."

This took Trouble back a bit. "Pardon?"

"It is! I've seen pretty much everything there is to see on this planet, and then I meet you! You really surprised me, which isn't as easy as it would sound. I'd shake your hand again if could move it. Which leads me to my question: why am I tied up in a cell? Not that it's my first time…"

"I don't doubt that" Foaly muttered.

"…But I don't think I did anything wrong." The Doctor scanned the three fairies. "By the way, do you think I could know your names, by any chance?"

Foaly clopped over to the Doctor, and started attaching diodes to the man's forehead. "I'm Foaly. The big boss is Commander Trouble Kelp, and the goblin is Major Horam Luskar."

The Doctor craned his neck to look at the Major. "Goblin, huh? Strange. I was thinking that you were a Silurian, but…"

Luskar hissed, and conjured a fire ball in his hand. "What did you call me, punk?"

The Doctor stared at the flame. "Silurian. Definitely not. But to answer your question, here's a bit of deductive reasoning. Seeing as I have seen nearly every historical moment in history and not seen you lot anywhere, I assume you live underground, yes?"

"Right" Foaly said, unsure where this was going.

"Then tell me," The Doctor continued, "have you ever seen "other things" besides you down there?"

Foaly was officially interested now. "Such as?"

"Believe it or not, you people aren't the only non-human species on this planet. There are the Silurians and Sea Devils, descended from dinosaurs; nice people, if you get to know them. Then the Wisps; love the Wisps. Sentient clouds of gas, how brilliant is that? And then you have the Golem tribes in the American North; not actually made of rock, but they grow this sort of organic mineral on their skin, it's quite fascinating…"

Trouble couldn't believe his ears. This man was more off his rocker than any of them thought. He turned to have Foaly start the lie detectors, but the centaur was listening to the stranger with wide eyed attention, almost like a child at story time.

"If you aren't already busy Foaly," Trouble growled, "Perhaps we could start with what we're wasting our time here for."

Foaly smile sheepishly, and clopped back over to the cart. He flipped a couple switches, and immediately the computer hummed to life. The Doctor's pulse showed up on the monitor, beeping in a slow rhythm.

Trouble straightened up in his chair, and took out a notepad. "Now, I'm sure you know what we're doing, so answer as best as you can." He flipped through a couple pages. "Question one: What is your full name?"

"The Doctor", the Doctor said.

"A doctor of what, exactly?" Foaly asked.

"…Interesting" The Doctor said. "Most people ask "who"…. Well, I pretty much specialize in anything. And everything. Which ever you think is more appropriate."

"Smug little Mud Crawler, aren't you?" Luskar growled. But there was no change in the pulses rhythm. The man was telling the truth.

"Question two: how old are you?" Trouble continued.

The Doctor scrunched up his face, thinking. "Let's see… last time I looked, I think it was…. Eleven hundred and nine… I think."

There was a small silence. "Eleven-hundred and nine?" Trouble said.

"You think?" Foaly said.

"Well, I'm sorry," The Doctor said, getting defensive, "but it's not my fault I can't be bothered to remember my own birthdays, what with all the situations I always seem to be getting thrown into. You would think as a time-traveler, I'd have all my personal dates in order, but no, it's a huge mess; what with all this planet's Christmases, birthdays, friend's weddings… And then the Monodians create "Day of the Doctor"… Let me tell you, nothing screws up your personal calendar more than having your own day named after you…

For some reason, it was that last sentence that put Trouble over the edge.

"Enough!" the elf roared. "This is a Priority One military operation, not an asylum! I am wasting enough time here as is, and you insist on wasting even more with your stories, so shut up and answer the questions!"

"You know," the Doctor started, "that much anger can't be healthy. This may seems out of place, but I'd suggest you go see someone about-"

WHOOSH! A fireball blew past The Doctor's head. Luskar smirked at the man, belching smoke and sparks.

All the anger suddenly drained out of Trouble. He slumped down in his chair, and faced the cause of all his grief. "Look, you. I am extremely tired, and I still have a whole operation to head. So just tell me; why are you here?"

The Doctor shrugged. "Same reason as you. Something mysterious appears in the sky, and I come running. Now, what I think is the best course of action here is co-operation."

"Out of the question." Trouble said

"Really?" The Doctor retorted, "because it looks to me that you could use all help the help you could get."

That got under Trouble's skin. "Now, look here…"

"No, you look here." The Doctor shot back. Something had changed; his voice had taken on a different tone; a commanding tone. "I am very, very old, and I've seen enough to know that you are all way over your heads. Something incredibly old, incredibly powerful has appeared in your sky, and you think you can handle it? Your technology couldn't even come within fifty miles of what that thing is capable of. And if you think you can even begin to understand it, you will come to the harsh reality that you are centuries behind anything you will discover. Now, I ask again; do you want my help?"

Trouble was really mad now. "If you even think that we'd…

"…We accept, Doctor." Foaly said. "Thank you."

Troubles face went bright red. He grabbed Foaly by the arm, and dragged the centaur to a corner of the room. "Foaly, are you out of your dammed mind?" he whispered. "Do you know what the Council will do to me if we don't wipe this guy's brain right now?"

"Trouble, please. I wrote half of the Councils guidelines. But think about this." Foaly pointed at The Doctor. "He's just like Artemis..."

"Oh, gods…" Trouble moaned.

"..In the sense that it would be soooooooo much harder if we didn't have his brain working with us. So what if he's a little…eccentric? But like you said, the Council probably won't go for it. Best to just wipe him and drop him off in some town. Yeah, that's the best course of action…"

Trouble groaned. "I see what your doing Foaly; You want him on your team. Alright, you get him…" Foaly pumped his fist, "…BUT. If he causes any problems, I'm telling the Council this was all your idea, and you did it behind my back, understood?"

Foaly shrugged. "Fair enough." He clopped back over to the Doctor, making no attempt to hide the grin on his face. "Welcome to team Foaly, Doctor."

The Doctor beamed. "Wonderful! Always love being part of a team. Now, about this situation with the chair …"

"…And the trap is sprung." Artemis laid back in his chair, with that self satisfied smile he always got when he was right.

"And what are you so smug about?" Holly asked. "Not that you need any reason to be smug."

"Simple, my dear Holly. The plan was a success."

This didn't help Holly at all. "The plan?"

Artemis chuckled. Another chance to show his genius. "This "Doctor" is incredibly intelligent, and he undoubtedly knew Foaly was, too. It would make sense to both of them that we could combine our resources…"

"Which Trouble didn't want." Holly said, still not following.

"But the idea was fresh in his mind, courtesy of me. All that was needed to convince him was reinforcement from a third party; say, a centaur and eccentric Mud man…

Holly still didn't get it. "And?"

Artemis smiled his conceited smile. "I knew that the Commander wouldn't listen to me. I also had a hunch that our new friend would want to work with us. And, I knew that Foaly would trump the Commander's decision. So, I let them do the work of convincing Trouble for me."

Holly's mouth hung open. "You sneaky little Mud Boy."

Artemis shrugged. "Not really. Anyone with enough experience in psychology could see what I was doing."

Holly raised an eyebrow. "Meaning anyone who's as smart as you?"

Artemis smirked. "Exactly. Now, my dear Holly, I have a feeling that we'll be using the conference room soon. Grab those chairs, would you?"