A/N: Sometimes I wonder if Tamaki realizes what he is actually doing. If you have not seen them, I wrote a Tamaki/Haruhi two shot entitled Against the Odds, and another Kyoya/Haruhi oneshot entitled Coffee I.V. The prompts selected today were requested by Shortie87, and the revenge plot was requested by . Enjoy!
#5…Block people from approaching when they are not wanted. Such as keeping Tamaki-senpai a safe distance away from Haruhi. The shinai is used as an effective wall/line he is not allowed to cross when held against his chest with the slightest amount of pressure.
#20… Wall décor – looks awesome hanging on your wall, especially when you have two crossed.
#24…Golf Club – my best putter.
#46…Door Lock – when I want to keep everyone out. Even if they pick the lock, they can't enter.
#80… Escape the tight embrace of a certain blond president – Haruhi can use it to make her escape.
And I decided to bring back #70 for the story… When placed on the ground in front of Tamaki or someone else you are irritated with, you can watch them roll around and lose their balance much like in the cartoons.
Midterms were over and now Kyoya knew exactly what he wanted to do with his precious free time. If memory served him correctly (dear reader, I have a feeling his memory is long and scary good – an elephant's memory), he owed a little payback to two redheads and one blond. As much as he admired Tamaki and what he had overcome and how he lived his life to the fullest, the idiot president of the Ouran High School Host Club had still shut down the club for one whole day, gave the twins two practice swords so they could battle it out, and one of those shinai almost took off the Shadow King's head. No, Kyoya was not a happy camper about that. Then there were Hikaru and Kaoru. The twins had almost taken off his head. They needed to pay. Really, they could have just taken the shinai, swung it a few times, and called it a day; however, this was Hikaru and Kaoru Hitachiin, they didn't do things by half measures. Memories of the fake argument from their first year in high school flashed before his eyes, and he wanted to kill them anew…which made the taste of revenge that much sweeter.
He wouldn't get all three idiots at the same time. No, that would be too easy and they might actually see it coming. Instead, he would get them in two different phases and each phases would land him a premium trophy for his wall (dear reader, I'm not sure if he got bit by the inner mind theatre bug or if he really plans on mounting them…I'm kind of too scared to ask).
Phase one went into effect the Friday the midterms were completed (you see dear reader, he had actually been planning and plotting since the twins took a swing at him). The plan was full proof. How did he know? He thought of it himself.
Closing and locking the double doors, Kyoya spun around and found Haruhi cleaning while Tamaki followed her around like a puppy dog or close personal shadow, the twins whispering to each other as they kept their eyes on Tamaki – never a good sign, and Satoshi and Chika were doing their part to help their friend clean…and Satoshi may or may not have on purpose left a shinai directly in Tamaki's path so that he would trip over it, forcing him to fall flat on his face. Once the blond recovered from his fall, he jumped up and ran after "his daughter" once again. This time when he caught her, she used the shinai that had been lying on the ground (dear reader, it was the very one Tamaki had just tripped over) and pried herself out of his tight embrace. He would have probably caught her again, but became her bodyguard and Satoshi held him at bay with a shinai.
I digress. This is a story about revenge.
Discreetly, Kyoya grabbed a shinai out of Satoshi's bag and hid it behind his back, and then he walked to the front of the room and cleared his throat. He had an announcement to make, "Now that midterms are over, I have organized a golf event at my family's country club tomorrow. And Haruhi, before you say anything: attendance is mandatory and that includes you. I have already discussed it with your father, and he said that you did not have anything pressing to attend to."
"Gee thanks, Kyoya-senpai," Haruhi deadpanned. Her voice thick with sarcasm.
Ignoring the sarcasm in her voice and the daggers she was sending him with her glare – she really had gotten bolder since her debt had been cleared – he continued, "Everyone will need to arrive at my home, no later than 11:00am. From there we will have brunch and then move to the club for our tee time."
No one seemed to want to argue with him, either because he was the Shadow King or because they were actually looking forward to playing a round of golf…doing nothing but hitting a little white ball around green grass (dear reader, if you play golf…I apologize for making fun of it. Watching it is rather boring, but playing isn't too bad).
"Everyone is dismissed. Haruhi, the cleaning staff will finish with picking everything up. Hikaru, Kaoru, please stay a moment. I need to speak with you about the Host Club's webpage," Kyoya ordered and watched as everyone, led by Haruhi in the front (dear reader, she was afraid he was joking and wanted to leave before he changed his mind) quickly made their way towards the exit.
"Sorry senpai, but we got to go…" Hikaru started.
"Water our plants," Kaoru snickered.
They both started to walk towards the exit and Kyoya threw the shinai into their path. When they turned around to mockingly say "Good-bye" to him, they tripped on the bamboo rod. Hikaru fell on his back and Kaoru fell on his face. Smirking, the Shadow King stood over them and announced, "I believe I told Haruhi the maids would take care of the cleanup. Today, you two are the maids. Get to work. Oh, and you won't be able to leave this room until it is spotless."
"You can't be serious," the twins gaped in disbelief.
"Oh, but I am." He strode towards the door and walked out, locking the door behind him. Now, the door could be unlocked from the inside, however, as per Satoshi's list, a shinai could be used to lock a door and keep people from getting in. The same could also be said about locking two people to a room as if they were caged animals. Placing the shinai through the suddenly big enough door handles, the twins could try to get out, but the sturdy shinai would prevent their escape.
Once the banging and clanking of the door settled and it appeared the twins had given up, Kyoya hit a couple of buttons on his cell phone and was instantly patched into a PA system he had had installed in Music Room Three, "There is no escape. I suggest you get to work because you only have until brunch to complete your task. Oh did I mention, you were spending the night here? I've already informed your parents. Next time, I would suggest you watch where you swing your shinai, and if you ever want to create havoc in the Host Club again due to boredom, you will rue the day it happens."
Was he done with them? Was this all the Shadow King had planned for them? Not by a long shot. Plus we can't forget about Tamaki.
Over the course of the night, the twins heard so many strange sounds, saw so many weird things. Later, they would even swear that a candelabra floated in the air across the room. And in the morning when they woke up (after managing only a couple of hours of sleep), they were both wrapped up like mummies in spider webs, unable to move or scream. The spider, or whatever had done this, had even wrapped up their mouths, nose, and eyes… Luckily, their nose and eyes only had a light covering and they could still breathe and see.
They felt someone pick them up and place them into the bed of a pickup truck, and there were a couple of times they felt as if they would be launched into the air and fly out of the bed, but they didn't. When next they were carried, they were thrown over someone's shoulders and carried up a back staircase. Where were they? What was happening to them? They wanted to kill Kyoya, but they were afraid if they did that, he would come back to haunt them and that would be more frightening than their night in Music Room 3.
Thrown down on the ground, it only took a few minutes before they were mounted…yes, mounted onto a wall. What the hell was going on? They looked around, but found something that would distinguish this place from a million others. What felt like hours later, they heard someone coming. It couldn't be! It sounded just like Kyoya and Tamaki.
"Mommy, I really think I'm going to use the shinai as a putter today!" Tamaki exclaimed excitedly. Ever since he saw that on the list, he wanted to try it.
"No. Do not make a mockery of me or my family at the club," Kyoya ordered.
"But mommy! It will work! Here, I'll prove it to you!" The blond pulled out a shinai dropped a golf ball and then got ready to putt the ball when he saw something on the wall and screamed. The ball was then launched into the air, hit the wall, and then came back and hit Tamaki directly in the forehead knocking him out.
Shaking his head and leaning over his friend, dripping something onto his lips, Kyoya said, "Well, not exactly what I was expecting, but it will work. Tachibana, please put him with the other two. He will be the one holding the two shinais." He squeezed the lips shut, put a sleep mask over his eyes, and took a step back.
"Hai!" The bodyguard responded and inwardly rolled his eyes. He knew his employer had some issues with his friends sometimes, but even he thought this was going a bit too far.
The Shadow King stood back and surveyed his work, "I really need to thank Nekozawa-senpai for helping me last night. I'm not sure how he got the webs on him, but I'm not going to question him. Now when the museum opens, this will be the feature piece for the day…and those three can't say anything."
True enough, with Hikaru and Kaoru's mouths bound, and the fact Kyoya had super glued Tamaki's mouth shut, none of them could utter a word. They were the "talk" of the new surreal art exhibit, and everyone loved how realistic everything was…including how the mummies seemed to wiggle slightly.
The piece entitled "Death of the Samurai" was offered 700 million yen for purchase, but after about an hour of deliberating, Kyoya rejected the kind offer. Considering it was Chairman Suoh that had offered the funds in order to purchase the piece for the school, the Host Club vice president didn't feel like it was completely wrong to at least consider that sum of money, but alas, he wasn't in the business to sell his friends…regardless of how much he sometimes wanted to kill them.
Instead of golf, his friends wound up at the art museum – much to their surprise – and bore witness to just how far the Shadow King would go for revenge. They never wanted to get on his bad side. In addition to being mummies, Kaoru wore a female mask – which resembled Marilyn Monroe – and he had enough padding on his chest to make one believe it might be here; and Hikaru wore the mask of an old man with bad teeth and no hair. Tamaki had whiskers and a beard drawn on his face with a sharpie – it would take a while before it would come off. The twins hung on the wall with Tamaki between them holding two shinai, his arms crossing on his chest and the shinai pointing towards the twins. They were framed in more shinai. Well, Satoshi did say that shinai would make great wall décor – the hosts just didn't quite believe this is what he had in mind when he wrote the list.