10:53 AM

Abicus huffed and puffed as he made a mad dash down a wide and empty alley. He turned around to see if Tank Top Black Hole had followed him. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Saitama darting towards him with a very angry look on his face. Abicus leapt out of the way at last moment but the shock caused by Saitama landing sent catapulted him few feet further through the air than he anticipated.

"Geez!" he exclaimed. His body twirled but he front flipped to land on his feet, albeit imbalanced. He faced a growing cloud of dust.

"Damn," Saitama said as if he spilled a drink on an expensive shirt. For a while he remained nothing but a silhouette among the dusty debris. His footsteps were the only sound in the spacious area as they slowly approach the baffled and cautious magician. Saitama's silhouette appeared among the clouds with an enraged look. Abicus' body stiffened and his face dropped as he focused on the menacing shadow slowly walks towards him.

(The atmosphere just got really intense all of a sudden. This guy's got a pretty threatening aura around him. Better go all out just to be safe...I'll have to buy myself some…)

The distance between Abicus and Saitama closed within a fraction of a second. Abicus gasped as noticed a red blur traveling towards his face. He ducked, holding his hat with his left hand. He stepped off his left foot and glided several feet ahead. He turned midflight.

(Goddamn! That was close! The wind of that punch could have killed me! And what speed!)

Saitama kicked off his left leg in the same fashion with his right arm cocked back. Before he reached him, Abicus tapped his head and chest with his wand.

"Rubiosa!"

Immediately following, the fist connected with Abicus' torso sending him flying through five buildings. Fragments of cement flew with clouds of dust following.

"Whoops," Saitama said easing up slightly. He sprinted in the direction he launched Abicus, running through the holes in each buildings. He looked around to see if any civilians were hurt.

"Sorry, sorry."

He stopped in front of the fifth building, a rather tall yellow hotel.

(I hope I didn't kill him. He owes me five-hundred twenty yen.)

Saitama's face dropped as he saw the magician standing up, brushing off dust from atop the left shoulder his dark suit.

(No way…)

(No way!) Abicus thought. (Was that even his full strength?! Is he trying to kill me? Good thing I made myself rubber before he made contact…)

"What the hell, man?!" Abicus yelled. "What's your damage? You gonna off me over some Goddamn panties?"

"I don't give a shit about any of that," Saitama yelled back, putting a puzzled look on Abicus' face. "You've destroyed something very precious of mine."

"Huh?"

Saitama stomped his left foot and vigorously pointed at Abicus.

"You'll pay for ruining my cabbages! Literally!"

Abicus' mouth hung open slightly. Then a few seconds later, it drops completely. His posture even hunched over as if that sentence zapped a bit of his strength.

(You gotta be fucking kidding me.)

"Dude, cabbages aren't even that expensive. Don't you think you're overreacting just liiiiiiitle a bit?"

"Don't you know how precious sales are to someone with a C-ranked hero's salary?!"

"No and I don't care. Regardless, it doesn't look like you'll let me off the hook easily. So…"

Abicus stepped off his left foot propelling himself forward at high speed. Saitama threw a punch but the magician slid underneath it revealing a series of debris from the hotel heading towards him. Saitama threw five hooks turning the yellow rocks into dust. He quickly turned around. Abicus kicked a sewer door at Saitama but it ricocheted off the side of his head. He sprinted towards the magician.

Abicus then stepped to the left. Looking down Saitama saw a banana peel in his path. He stepped on it with his left foot causing him to slide a few feet. The portion he stepped on was flattened as he kicked off to chase after his foe. A vein taking the pattern of a lightning bolt appears on the right side of Saitama's head as he nears the elusive magician. Inches away from his face, he cocks his fist back and clenches his muscles.

(This won't kill him. I think.)

Abicus put on a cheek to cheek smile as he poked his temple with his wand.

"Rubiosa," he whispered in sinister voice.

Saitama's fist sunk into Abicus' nose. His neck extended, taking his head several meters out of Saitama's field of focus. A second later, it quickly came crashing into Saitama's face. He flinched and a loud smack is heard as he stumbles back a few steps with his head angled up.

"Huh," Saitama said with a red mark across his face. "I forgot what pain felt like."

For the record, Saitama's pretty damn tough. Out of all of the opponents who have managed to land a blow on him, none of them were able to bring anything resembling harm to him. But in this case the power from his punch was absorbed by Abicus' face using his spell. Thus, his own strength was used against him.

Abicus kicked back yet again and extended his arms in front of him. His palms faced forward.

"Chidori: One-thousand birds!"

Several white birds flew out from of his sleeves in the direction of the bewildered Saitama.

"Hmm…" Saitama beckoned. As the birds come heading his way at high speeds, he his raises his fists towards his face. "Consecutive Normal Punches."

Using one arm, Saitama snuffed out every single bird that came at him, reducing them to feathers and purple dust.

(Son of a biiiitch.) Abicus panicked. Sweat rolled down his face after seeing one of his most hard to avoid attack easily defeated.

Saitama passively sprinted towards Abicus but disappeared out of his line of sight about halfway. Panicking, Abicus looks around. While his head faces the left, the reflection of the sun bounces off of Saitama's head, alerting him to his presence in front of him. He quickly turns around and sees him with his left fist cocked back. Abicus realizes he isn't fast enough to dodge or block. However, he sees that his fist is heading right towards his wand.

"Rubiosa!" he quickly yelled.

Saitama's fist made contact with the tip of the wand. Oddly, the impact reverbed right back up his arm, making it wiggle up to his shoulder. Saitama's pupils dilated and his brow tightened as he let out a small grunt. His left arm flopped to the side and dangled in an unnatural fashion. Abicus kicked back and waved his wand side to side between his thumb and index finger.

"Taa taa!" he exclaimed.

"Ahh," Saitama said. "Not a problem."

Abicus' face tensed at his foe's surprisingly whelmed reaction.

"I saw this in a manga once."

Saitama threw his left arm back, making it stretch far out of Abicus' range of focus.

On the other side of town, the cyborg Genos, known by the public as Demon Cyborg, strolls down a block. He was so entranced in thought that he didn't notice the fleeting looks of women of various ages staring at him. Although to be fair he might have ignored them regardless.

(I wonder if sensei overslept again. We were supposed to go on patrol...Come to think of it, he still hasn't returned my calls. Could he have overslept the entire week as well...?)

As Genos unconsciously rubbed the bottom his chin, a red glove shot past him and crashed into the display window of the jewel store to his left. Genos' head shot up and saw an elongated yellow arm. The clenched fist blurred towards the same direction from whence it came. Genos stares at the arm with a wide eyes.

(Sensei's arm...?! But why is it stretching that far? He's never shown any signs of having rubber powers… It must be the work of a new villain. But who?)

Genos lowly gasped. He turned to his right, pulling his arms back to shoot rockets out of his palms, back and feet. He hovered above the ground at high speed and quickly avoided any cars in his way.

(He must have been training because he got my warning. Damn… it might just be him… he may not look like much of a threat but according to few reports, he's incredibly dangerous. In terms of power, his magical abilities might analogous to sensei's strength. He's no joke… Abicus the Magnificent.)

"Gum Gum…" Saitama said. His fist trailed through the air at an incredible speed, pushing aside cars parked near the sidewalk and breaking all manner of glass in its wake. Abicus swung his wand under his armpit. "Jet Pistol."

"Misdirection!" Abicus yelled as he swung his wand at the fist that has broken the sound barrier, deflecting it skyward. It demolished a cloud on its travel up.

A certain tiny psychic woman with curly green hair casually floated across the azure sky with her arms crossed. The Terrible Tornado, aka Tatsumaki gently sailed past a sea of clouds with a deceptive expression of annoyance. To anyone unfamiliar to her, it may appear she is in a perpetual state of pouting. But she has what is colloquially referred to as Resting Bitch Face syndrome.

From underneath her, a red hand darted towards her direction. Tatsumaki noticed but not before the unclenched palm made contact with her hilariously underdeveloped right breast at the peak of its height. Her mouth dropped as quickly as the hand fell back down to Earth. Tatsumaki floated in place for a moment and attempted to process the events that have just transpired before her. When that failed, she flailed her arms and shouted

"WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUCK?!"

Saitama's arm snapped back in place and created a slapping sound upon impact. He clenched it, revealing that the extended elasticity has worn off.

"What the fuck? Was that the wing of a plane? Nah...too soft. An animal's belly maybe?"

"Hey," Abicus called out. "Imma need you to fuck off, like, now. So…"

Abicus jumped several feet into the air. He waved his wand in a circular motion.

"Fifty-Two Drop Down!"

A giant deck of playing cards materialized around him. Abicus pointed the wand at Saitama with the cards following pursuit at a high speed. Saitama leapt into the air, jumping off several cards in succession. He punched a few on the way up which made them crumble as if they were made of stone.

(Man,) Saitama thought. (This guy's a pain in ass. And yet, this is somehow…)

Saitama punched another card which reduced it to rubble. Amidst the dust and card fragments, a once in a lifetime earnest grin can be seen

(...exciting... )

Saitama hopped off an ace of hearts card while he cocked his left arm back. Abicus waved his wand toward himself causing a nine of clubs to dart in front of him. Abicus raised his legs forward putting his feet against the card. A second later, Saitama demolished the card in a single strike, making a explosion of dust and card fragments. Abicus disappeared. Saitama looked surprised as he fell before he landed on the edge of a building. Abicus stood folding his arms on the opposite edge as his toes perfectly held his weight against the edge.

"So," Saitama beckoned. "At this point, the bad guys usually explain their motives and origin stories."

"What? Why the hell would I do that?"

"I don't know. It's a villain thing."

"Are you retarded?"

"Hey. It's got nothing to do with my intelligence. It's more like… you don't seem like that bad of a guy. I mean, I'm still mad you destroyed my cabbage but it's not like I want to kill you over it. And you're like the second 'bad guy' I didn't beat in like, a second. Why are you doing these petty strings of crime?"

A drop of sweat fell down the side of Abicus' head.

(Fuck, that's an honor. I wouldn't be surprised if this guy beat people in one punch on a regular basis. But still…)

"It's none of your Goddamn business."

"Come on, don't be that way."

"No, fuck you! You don't understand what it's like to be me! You couldn't possibly understand. Plus, you might just use that as an excuse to punch me while I'm talking."

"I'm not an asshole. And you don't know that."

Abicus smacked the air with the back of his left hand as if it owed him money.

"Shut up! You don't know man...you couldn't possibly know man…my struggle man...It all began in my college freshman year..."

(And then he talks anyway,) Saitama ponders with a goofy and relieved smile. He quickly reverts back to a neutral expression. (Villains are all the same.)

"I was admitted to a local college off an academic scholarship in S-City because of my exceptional grades in high school. I was only six points away from a perfect score in the exam they gave me… It's not like I tried hard or anything. School just wasn't all that difficult to me, especially since I liked looking things up on the internet all the time..."

(Man, I wish I grabbed some popcorn from the supermarket, Saitama thinks with a blank expression. Maybe if I imagine myself eating popcorn, this story won't be as boring...munch...munch...chew, munch...crunch...hahahahaha…)

"Anyway...I was in the library, studying for my honors theoretical physics mid term. And then, I met her… Sally Perkins... She was the most beautiful girl I ever laid my virgin eyes on."

(Heh. Virgin...HA. LAID.)

"She had beautiful emerald eyes and long blonde, albeit dyed, hair. As she frustratingly chewed on her eraser, I couldn't help but notice she was having trouble with some physics homework. So I ask her if she needed help. She chuckled and said "Yeah...physics was never really my thing, haha." I never imagined I'd ever talk to a girl like her before…"

(Man, he does need to get laid. I mean, I shouldn't be talking but at least I never let it tare me up like that.)

"As I helped her, I noticed the pile of books on her left were all related to magic. "Magic Tips, Encyclopedia of Magic, Magic for Dummies." So I boldly said "Hey… so you seem to be into magic, huh?" To which she replied "Hm? Oh yeah. I'm a total sucker for magic and stuff. Ahahaha…" So then I had this brilliant idea."

(Oh no…)

Abicus clenches his right fist as he proudly shouts

"From then on, I decided I would become a master of magic and all manner of sorcery!"

Saitama facepalmed.

"Later that night, I looked up everything I could about magic. I would continue to do so, eventually neglecting my studies in favor of magic. I studied magic for hours at a time every day for the next two years. I made sure I got enough sleep every night so my brain could adequately solidify the information I've gained. Eventually, my grades suffered because I neglected my studies. I had to drop out by the end of sophomore year to avoid being drowned in debt. So, on my last night on campus, I snuck over to her dorm when it was late to get one last look at her. Using magic, I floated to a second story window and hid in the trees to peer through her window. And that's when I saw it.

"Sally Perkins was making out with Bensen Uberwhich, the ape like captain of the lacrosse team. She said she wasn't seeing anyone midway through sophomore year. But then again, she was really popular with the boys. She stopped for a moment and looked away. "What's the matter babe?" the man ape asked. "This doesn't feel right…" And then the man ape snorts like he has a dick in his nose and says "Maybe it's because this ain't the right position." Even though I hid myself from sight using magic, I felt her gaze penetrate me as she looked out the window for a second. Then she turns back to the man ape and gleefully says "Yeah, you're probably right. Ahahahaha…" I dropped to the ground, crushed, betrayed. Utterly demolished. Also, my back really hurt from the two story fall. But it didn't compare the two story fall of my heart.

"All that time and effort... wasted. I had to move back in with my parents but my dad practically disowned me and my mom couldn't look me in the eye. I could only make money by street performing. I barely made a few bucks a week in spite of my otherworldly talents. To top it off, I felt totally numb on the inside.

"But as the weeks went by, a terrible anger grew inside of me. Anger at Sally Perkins for stomping on my heart. Anger at Bensen for stealing my girl. Anger at the job market for being so fucking ridiculous. I mean, why the hell do I need experience to be a Goddamn cashier? But most of all… I felt anger at this cold and unrelenting world! So I vowed to get vengeance upon every Bensen in the street by stealing the panties of beautiful women everywhere! Gwahahahahahaha!"

Lightning struck in front of Abicus as he cackles and points at Saitama. Saitama pondered for a second where the lightning came from but then realized Abicus artificially created or summoned it or whatever for dramatic effect.

"And there's not Goddamn thing you can do to stop me…"

Abicus' stopped speaking upon noticing a very pissed of Saitama folding his arms.

"Dude, why the face?"

"Well, first of all, yeah, actually I do know what you've went through. Likey almost exactly the same thing except not as pathetic. I wanted to be a hero for justice so I trained my ass off and became so super powerful. Then I started beating people in one punch. Yep, 100 push ups, 100 sit ups, and 10 kilometer running every single day for three years."

(Ah,) Abicus thinks as sweat rolls down his temple. (So that explains the ridiculous punching power. WAIT, THAT WORKOUT REGIMEN ISN'T IMPRESSIVE AT ALL!)

"And it turns out being super strong isn't all that cracked up to be. I haven't felt the thrill of a good fight in ages. And look, I'm sorry you lost your girl, I really am. But that doesn't excuse you from being a panty stealing sack of shit. Second, you could have joined the Hero Association if you wanted make some cash with the skills you have. Sure, you might have to train a little harder to pass the physical portion but it's not out of reach for you. I mean, even if you are kind of a loser, your powers are awesome. You could have done great as a hero.

"But no. You decided to waste your powers on petty robbery. I guess I could be projecting a bit since you're kiiiiiiiinda like me but your origin story really pisses me off because of how pathetic it is."

Abicus stared at the bald man lecturing him from afar. His left eye twitched.

"Now come on. Turn yourself in and give up these stupid strings of crime. I don't feel like punching out some sad old man. I might get nightmares."

(Wow, I'm actually pretty heated over this.)

Abicus clicked his teeth. He may have faced scorn, he may have faced harsh words from his victims. But never, ever, has anyone had the scones to talk down to him in such a way that portrayed moral superiority.

(Don't you fucking condescend to me you piece of trash.)

"Eat shit."

Suddenly, he dropped backwards. Saitama gasped and sprinted ahead. When he looked down in the alley between this building and the next but saw no sign of Abicus.

(You know, for a geezer, he sure acts like a brat.)

Out of the corner of his eye, Saitama detected the movement of a black cape flapping in the wind as it rounded the corner. He dashed to opposite end of the building and saw Abicus running down a somewhat crowded sidewalk. Citizens glanced at him but he ignored them.

Saitama dropped down. As soon as his feet made contact with the ground, he kicked off towards the magician, easily swerving around startled civilians.

Abicus looked at him with cunning eyes. When Saitama was three feet away from him, Abicus hopped towards the right hiding behind a frightened young woman. Saitama reached the woman a second later, skidding to a stop. To his surprise, Abicus was no longer next to her. Instinctively looking to the left, he saw Abicus on the other side of the street.

Saitama closed the distance in a second causing a red and orange car to skid past each other on the way. He cocked his right arm back but the magician stepped behind an old man, removing himself from Saitama's sight. Saitama's face grew pale as he skid to a stop again. Abicus disappeared again.

The old man pointed down the neighboring alley on his right with a shaky finger.

"He's down there!" he yelled in wheezing voice. Abicus frowned.

(Fucking geezer. Looks like I'll have to whip out my trump card. And lucky me, I met the requirements.)

He pulled out a saw with a rainbow patterned handle from under his sleeve. Saitama kicked off his right foot boosts ahead.

"Thanks gramps!" Saitama yelled.

Abicus somersaulted behind a garbage can. Then, he appeared in front of another one a few meters ahead. He swung the saw forward, revealing a rainbow patterned line that widened into some sort of tare. He leapt inside.

Saitama kicked off his left foot and reached out with his right arm. The two flew down a colorful wormhole that resembled the inside of a kaleidoscope. Abicus turned around and frowned at Saitama accelerating towards him.

"Can you fuck off?!"

Saitama managed to grab Abicus' left foot and cocked his left fist back.

"No."

In the next instance, they reappeared in the midst of the blue sky. Saitama yanked Abicus hard enough that his face would fly directly into his rock hard fist. Oddly, instead of wincing in anticipation of pain, he had on a disturbing smile. Upon contact, he exploded into a series of white birds flying in opposite directions.

"Huh?" Saitama said. Before he realized it, he was falling at an increasingly fast pace. However, in about half a minute he landed on his feet in the middle of the street. "Darn… I lost hi-"

An expensive looking yellow sports car crashed into Saitama. A large gap digs into the front engine, giving it the appearance of the letter "U". Saitama, unmoved, looked at the driver, a young man who appeared to be in his twenties. His mouth hung open in shock upon witnessing that sight.

"Hey," Saitama said. "You okay?"

The young man, while shivering, nodded.

"Okay. Now, I'm off to do hero stuff."

With that, Saitama jumped several stories into the air. The young man stares in awe. Then his car's airbags went off.

As Saitama reached new heights, he wore appeared puzzled expression as he looked down. Surrounding him were various electronic billboards advertising male students vests, energy drinks, and a children's television show featuring a young, female wizard.

(I don't recognize these buildings. They look really...fancy. And clean.)

He landed on a section of the sidewalk. He made a quick note of his surroundings before hopping up again. Some nearby teenagers point in awe as they take their cell phones out to record him.

(Lot of kids around...A lot of kids. Students actually… Where the hell am I?)

As if the universe read his mind, Saitama passed by a large white blimp with a display screen covering a good portion of the side. There was Japanese writing on the screen that read "Good Morning Academy City! 580" followed by a symbol of the sun.

"Huh? Academy City?"