I didn't want to hear it like this. I wanted to hear it when she wanted to tell me. She clearly didn't and was just doing this out of spite because I betrayed her, making me feel fucking awful for even saying that girl's name. I tried to leave before she started to talk, wanting nothing more than to get a breath of fresh air because in this tense atmosphere I was pretty much suffocating. However, even before I could get to the door, Taeyeon blocked it with her body and looked my way as if to dare me to attempt to leave.

"Taeyeon…" I said as softly as I could, my tone full of regret and sorrow for whatever she had been through. It had to be devastating because of her reaction.

"Don't leave officer, we have much to discuss and you have a lot to learn about me. Would you like to get a pad and pen to write down every detail just in case you forget?" She smiled, it was more sickly than sweet.

"Stop it" I replied, feeling the anger build up within me again. I wanted her to let me go, i'd leave and just stay away if that's what she wanted even though it would hurt me like crazy. But I'd do it, I'd understand why she'd want nothing more to do with me.

"Imagine this" she said, before holding her arms together outstretched in front of her, then moving them from the middle outwards as if setting out the scene that I was to 'react to'. "Two girls do everything together, they shop, they go out, they sleep….everything they do together. They are so in love that it hurts, it hurts when they are separated and almost like a conjoined twin sharing only one heart…without the other person, they would die. If this is too hard for you, imagine it as a man and a woman" She smirked.

"I'm leaving" I replied, attempting to move past her but each time she stopped my efforts. I warned her with my eyes but she shot just as much warning back so reluctantly, I reached for my radio…only to have it plucked from my hands and thrust down Taeyeon's top.

"You aren't leaving until I give you what you want Tiffany. Now listen up. These two girls, they are also partners at work. They are both police officers and almost always get put together on a job because of how well they work with one another. They are Kim Taeyeon and Jung Jessica and they have known each other for seven years and had been a couple for four. So anyway one day, they're sent out on a job to investigate a warehouse after having a tip off that it was being used for drug trafficking, bringing drugs through the building and then transporting and selling all over Asia."

I released the breath I was holding, I hated the way she was telling me her life through a story as if it was unimportant, something to laugh at or cry to.

"Are you imagining it Tiffany? I bet you're curious now right? To know the last thing in my life that I had wished to keep private from the likes of people like you? Well here you go!"

"Stop" I said through my clenched teeth, I didn't want to be here with her. Something about the way she was speaking was scaring me, it was icy and cold.

"Stop? But you want to know the best part right? Why I'm in this place? Only then you can go back to your colleagues and say 'I know all about Kim Taeyeon, I won the bet and I get your money'"

"It's not a bet Taeyeon!" I raised my voice, she needed to listen to me or God forbid I'd use that pepper spray and make her listen.

"Well let's get on with it, I wouldn't want you to lose out on anything. This is the part where it gets a little more exciting by the way... The two girls approach a HUGE fenced-in area with concrete flooring and a rather large building right at the end of the pen. It was a fair while away but that didn't mean the two girls could let their guard down, no sir. So they crouch and almost comically swish their guns from side to side to check for any movement or anything that could be a threat to them, they also have officers on standby only a few blocks away in case they get into any trouble but those girls had been trained well.
They are convinced that this job, if executed perfectly could change their lives. It could up their rank amongst the other officers and also get them a raise, something they really need at that point. So with adrenaline pumping through their veins, they walk further and further into what we will call the drug pen. Can you feel the adrenaline Tiffany?"

"..."

"Nothing to say? That's okay, I wanted you to keep quiet anyway remember. Once the two girls scope the outside area and deem it safe, they go into the warehouse and find…. absolutely nothing! Zilch. If there had been drugs there, they had been cleared out or hidden effortlessly since the floors and the walls coated with dust and cobwebs made the place look as if it hadn't been used recently…or ever. So now the girls are slightly dejected, they had wanted to at least find SOME evidence. With sullen looks on their faces, they walk back outside but this time go to the back of the warehouse where it has some garages. Imagine their excitement when they see an extremely suspicious looking white van with blacked out windows and a subtly tinted windscreen!"

I bowed my head, feeling awful because I wanted to know more. My curiosity was something I needed to get rid of somehow since it always gets me into trouble.

"Jessica says to Taeyeon 'Cover me, I'm gonna go check it out'. She gives Taeyeon a peck on the lips that wasn't fucking long enough before crouching down and going over to the van while her girlfriend watches on with pride. 'I can't believe I get to call her mine' Taeyeon thinks to herself' Lesbianism at its best huh?"

"I never-"

"Anyway, while Taeyeon watches to make sure her girlfriend has nothing to worry about, she can't deny the fact she feels slightly cold, slightly on edge so she decides to check out the area again, she also glances back at Jessica to make sure she's okay from time to time. Just as she was crossing behind the warehouse, she sees something like movement and she automatically raises her gun and takes out her radio. 'Jess I think there's someone here' Taeyeon says but there is interference and it can't be heard properly. Seeing as Taeyeon is quite far away from Jessica now, she instead decides to check it out herself. Plus her girlfriend was busy, looking through the windows of the van. Are you enjoying it so far Tiffany?"

"Taeyeon stop, I don't want-" tears poured down my face as I tried to get her to stop talking but she didn't listen. I was finally going to hear what I had wanted to know for all this time but now I didn't. I wanted her to keep it private, I didn't deserve to know.

"Of course you do! You want a story to tell your friends right? So let's continue. Taeyeon passes behind the wall and now out of sight of Jessica, she is attacked. A twist! How exciting!" She smiled, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "It is a man the size of a gorilla, he's huge and right then, Taeyeon feels afraid for her life because he has her hand that holds her gun in a vice-like grip. The force Taeyeon feels on her arm was enough to snap her skinny wrist in two but she doesn't show pain, she was trained not to.
Knowing that she and her girlfriend are in danger, Taeyeon tries to scream for Jessica to call for backup but her cries are quickly muffled by his large hand that covers half her face. She can smell the cocktail of different drugs on his palm and it's so strong that she opts to hold her breath or she'd be high in minutes. In his other hand…he holds a little device used to get rid of evidence quickly. Taeyeon frowns and tries to figure out what it is because his hand is covering half of it. Only when he shows her properly does Taeyeon finally realise what it is. Take a guess, what is it?"

"Fucking stop, let me leave" I ordered.

"It's a square shaped remote and on the top there is a timer, on the bottom is a big red button. Taeyeon's eyes grow wide and she screams and screams, not caring anymore that her flaring nostrils are breathing all of those fumes from his hand. With a sadistic smile, the man who is wearing a balaclava to hide his identity presses the button and the timer starts to count down."

"..." I couldn't even speak now, she really believed that I was happy to hear all of this, that it was part of some bet so I could tell the other officers that I'd been the first to get through her seemingly impenetrable wall. That I'd do that for money as if selling her out.

"I bet you're enthralled now huh? He leads Taeyeon kicking and screaming over to the edge of the wall and peeks around the corner where Taeyeon is shown the worst thing she had ever seen in her lifetime... or if you look into the future, the second worst thing but that's coming, be patient. What does she see you ask? She sees a matching timer right on the underside of the van. The van that her girlfriend had since gotten in and she was sitting right above it. Just in case Taeyeon missed what he said the first time, he points it out again except this time, he pairs his action with a word. Wanna know what he said?"

I shook my head and looked away from her, wanting nothing more than to have a hole just open up beneath me and swallow me up. Taeyeon then leaned close to me and placed her lips near my ear, her breath sending shivers down my spine and causing me to close my eyes to concentrate more on the feeling.

"Boom. That's right Tiffany, it was a bomb." She said as she retreated back into her own personal space leaving me to open my eyes from the sudden emptiness I felt.

"Tae-"

"So imagine the horror poor Taeyeon feels as she realises that her girlfriend is sitting there whilst looking through the glove box for evidence she can gather to make this job successful for the both of them. Taeyeon feels desperation, she feels the overwhelming need to get away and to pull her girlfriend from that van and far away. Taeyeon punches, kicks and scratches while trying to grab at that remote that holds Jessica's life but every time the man blocks her attacks while laughing at how feeble she is compared to his gargantuan size. Here it comes Tiffany, are you ready for the main event?" she asked.

I felt like the most despicable person living. I had led her to this, to relive the horror of what had happened and tell like a mere story even though the outcome was still unknown to me.

"He lets Taeyeon's mouth go and she wastes no time in screaming both through her radio and over to Jessica herself that there's a bomb and she needs to get out but Jess is simply too far away. The next thing Taeyeon hears is Jessica's voice, though the radio is crackling, Taeyeon hears 'What did you say babe?'
With tears clouding Taeyeon's eyes and the desperation continuing to cause her heart severe pain, she answers but again, there is no reply. Jess can see Taeyeon barely through squinted eyes flailing around and trying to sign for her to get out of the van with only her wrist hidden behind the wall where the man holds it firmly. Then….Taeyeon is let go"

She smiled at that and I thought for one moment that the story was going to have a happy ending. How wrong I was.

"Taeyeon runs and runs, tripping over her own feet because of the speed she is going, even too fast for her short legs. All that is in her head…is to save the love of her life"

For the first time, Taeyeon looked away from me and redirected it to the wall where she had told me to imagine the scene. She held a lone finger to her head as she had said her previous words and tears started to clog up those eyes that held such pain. Her switching to how she felt rather than how 'Taeyeon' felt was heart-breaking and I cried with her.

"As I got closer I actually thought I could do it. We were going to be okay" She gave a tearful smile "We were going to get that house that we had tried to save up for but could never afford, we'd get our raises from doing this job and we'd move in soon after. We'd get a puppy, maybe even a child later on in life. Jess wanted a girl and I wanted a boy, she always joked that we'd have twins but they'd be either two boys or two girls."
Taeyeon chuckled sadly and even I cracked a smile, despite the lesbianism I could tell they were a beautiful couple, it hurt.
"She'd carry them though, since I was seen as more of a father figure. It was perfect, we had the whole thing planned out Tiffany." She looked at me and I saw nothing but heartache. This was killing her and she was only telling it because of me. She soon made me feel even worse than I already did.
"But of course, seeing as homosexuals are dirty and disgusting human beings, undeserving of anything nice happening in their lives they deserve to die right?"

I shook my head frantically. "I didn't say homosexuals were-"

"Well that's exactly what happened!" Taeyeon shouted, her heart shattering right in front of me. Her voice became quiet after that but didn't hide the pain she felt, not for a second.

"That day the almighty God you call Father took a twenty-two year old woman from this world when that bomb countdown changed from double figures to single.

Ten – She looked up at me with joy on her face for she had found the smallest packet of cocaine under the seat of the van. Our dreams would have come true, we'd have all we ever wanted because of what she held within her grasp.
Nine – Her eyes began to show confusion when she saw how frantically I was running to her.
Eight- My screams were heard but they didn't make sense because they were so desperate, they were more like screeches.
Seven- The guy who had followed behind me held up the remote and I watched as her smile disappeared and her face fell.
Six- The look on her face as she put two and two together was enough to kill me right there and then.
Five- Frozen in fear, she looked only at me, tears now falling from her beautiful eyes that would never see the world again.
Four- A twenty-two year old girl soon realising she was going to die.
Three- She still felt fear but she looked into my eyes and smiled bravely for me as I tripped and cut my leg open, blood gushing out. But I got up.
Two- She mouthed the words 'I love you' as I screamed her name.
One- She closed her eyes.

Boom"

Taeyeon fell to the ground just like as she had described and Jesus, the look on that girl's face was just….indescribable. Still crying with her, I kneeled down in front of the broken and destroyed girl and wondered what to do. I couldn't comfort her for I had done this to her, she was fine earlier but I just had to mess it all up.
Her tears were drowning her face, the flow so severe that they ran into her open mouth and made her choke though she continued on, she growled and coughed through those tears to try to get her words out.

"That beautiful face that I woke up to every morning for four years was gone along with the rest of her. She was somewhere, engulfed in fire and smoke and surrounded by the screams erupting from my body that had since fallen again as I punched the ground and tried to get up but my leg was broken and I didn't even realise." Taeyeon looked up at me, her hair dishevelled and her face far from the perfection it usually was.
"I had been so near yet so far Tiffany. I was on my knees, looking at the wreckage and still screaming her name, stupidly hoping that she'd walk out only with a few burns that we could fix but of course, that didn't happen." She pounded her fists to the ground and punched the metal cupboards as she cried and did it so hard that her hands started to bleed, her healed cuts bursting open once again.

I quickly grabbed her wrists and tried to hold her but the grief she was feeling made her even stronger than before. She pushed against me with all that she had and I knew I'd have to do something or she'd hurt herself or me, perhaps even both. I grabbed her wrists while she struggled and cried, her face resting against the cold tiled floor and I took out my handcuffs. She screeched at me and knowing that anyone could come in and witness this (whatever it would look like to an outsider), I clicked the handcuffs closed around her wrists that were behind her back and then pulled the girl into my lap. Even if she didn't want me, she needed comfort and she was going to fucking get it.

"She w-was gone, it was o-over. My whole life gone in an explosion." Taeyeon stuttered while I stroked her hair calmly, my heart pounding against my chest because of how close we were. I was holding her like a child across my lap and her head was in the crook of my neck, each exhale from her lips causing shivers to attack my body "That beautiful girl with a beautiful heart deserved to die for being gay right? Is that what it says in the bible?" her spiteful tone returned while she pulled against her restraints.

Even though she was cuffed she still tried to get away from me and that hurt badly. I held her arms so that her elbows were almost touching which made it so she couldn't injure her wrists anymore, they were already red as it is.

"Sirens soon surrounded the area" she said, now calming down as if her restraints gave the same effect of a baby swaddled in a blanket. I felt the odd twitch now and again but I held her close, she wasn't going to hurt herself on my watch. "I remember looking back at the man and seeing he was admiring the fire in front of him, the reflections of the bright orange flames lighting up his eyes..."

"Taeyeon" I choked out, again wanting her to stop now "I'm so-"

"We were immediately enclosed by a circle of the police officers that had been on standby, each pointing a gun to his head. He was ordered to hold up his hands so threw the remote aside before he was grabbed roughly by six of the male officers since he was so big" she let out a shaky sigh before finishing. "He was pushed into a car, and jailed for the rest of his life. He didn't even put up a fight."

"It's okay" I cooed, still stroking her hair.

"Oh I'm sorry" she frowned and looked up, her tone that she had used to mock me soon retuning. She wasted no time in shuffling out of my lap and wriggling over to the counter opposite me. "I missed out the bit where me going to prison comes in. How silly of me!"

"Stop now" I ordered and stood up, now looking down on her.

"No, no. You wanted this and you'll get it. So, picture me walking into the apartment I shared with Jess and being reminded of how our dreams of getting a house together and making our own little family had now turned to shit. I couldn't afford anything because I quit my job seeing as I was deemed unfit to work due to everything that happened. So not only did I lose the love of my life…I also lost my job, my apartment and my ability to feel any fucking thing. After living roughly for a week or two, or not living at all actually…I was taken in by a dear friend of mine who was a single mother with a son"

She laughed darkly at that last part while I looked on confused.

"Did you think that I was in for murder Tiffany? That I killed the guy who murdered my girlfriend? So again, that's what you think of me. Wow."

"I never said anything" I retorted, now sick of the abuse that was being thrown my way and having words put into my mouth when she wouldn't even let me speak for myself. I stormed towards her and tried to pull her up to her feet but she made her body dead weight. She wasn't going anywhere with me.

"Now now, let me finish the story, we've finally got to the point that you want to know most. That good friend was somebody who I had grown up with, shared a dorm with in college and shared an apartment with until Jess and I became serious. She took me in and told me everything was going to be okay, but due to me being gay God just had to punish me more.
Since the day Jessica died, I had developed a distressing and troublesome fear of loud noises. Because of that, I couldn't go out, I couldn't watch television…It really was bad. If I heard anything louder than I could manage, I would go into some sort of fit where I would close my eyes and scream, thinking I was back at that warehouse and fighting against that man's hold to get to Jess. It was sad to see that my episodes had become more frequent due to living on a busy highstreet and began to take a toll on my friend though her son found it hilarious. He had a hard time not laughing if he saw me panic."

I frowned at that, where was she going with this?

"One night, it must have been around 4am...I was sleeping peacefully until her face plagued my mind like it did each night. It seemed so real, the dream I mean. She was lying next to me, playing with my hair just how I liked it and telling me about how her day out shopping was. Anyway, I think I woke for a split second but went back to sleep soon after."

Taeyeons voice became shaky, in all honesty whatever she was telling me wasn't what I was expecting but I listened.

"The next dream was just me alone, walking through this maze or something. It was eerie and the sky and everywhere around me was full of fog that I could barely see past. But I kept on, twisting and turning through the sharp corners of this human-sized puzzle and then suddenly it opened up… I was back to where it all happened, to where she died.
I looked around frantically for just a view of her face and then I saw the van parked where it had been before. Knowing already how this went, I ran before he could get me. I even felt and heard the swish of his hand as it missed my wrist by mere inches. I was going to save her this time, nothing could stop me.
I heard the click of the button being pushed down close behind me and ran even faster...and I got there. I actually got there and I was so fucking overjoyed that I burst into tears."

I frowned as I watched Taeyeon relive that false hope, that cruel dream she had had where she saved her girlfriend. Imagine having a dream so real like that only to wake up and remember how differently it went in reality.

"I yanked open that van door and I grabbed her, but all my hand connected with was air, she wasn't there Tiffany. She had gone. Soon after I heard a chuckle behind me and I saw the man, with his hand pressed down onto the button and I saw that timer on twenty seconds. 'Where is she' I growled as I grabbed his collar. 'Where the fuck is she!' He said nothing, but with a sadistic grin on his face he motioned to somewhere in the distance and my heart leapt for I saw Jessica away from the van. She was standing right there and I couldn't help but smile. As I walked, he followed but I didn't think much of it because she wasn't in that van"

Taeyeons voice broke as she bowed her head. I kind of knew where this was going.

"Once I got closer I heard a faint beeping noise that happened every three seconds or so. I ignored it but it kept getting louder, and louder…and louder until I saw her clearly. She wasn't smiling like I was, her expression was that of how she looked when she had realised that it was all over. I stopped, confusion etched onto my face. 'Baby its okay' I said through the incessant beeping 'I'm here, everything is okay'.
But it wasn't…I watched as she unbuttoned her police uniform and then? Wires flowed out of her shirt, all connected to one big box attached to her chest. Ten seconds shown on the timer. 'Babe' I whispered, not even knowing what to say. It was then that she came up to me, kissed my cheek and once again told me she loved me before backing away, into the fog. 'Boom' I heard in a throaty whisper next to my ear but I ignored it and I tried to follow her but I was grabbed by the same guy and that time…I fought with every fucking thing I had. The word 'Boom' still echoed in my ears and I broke my arms and my legs fighting to get away though ultimately…the explosion in the distance that lit up the night proved I couldn't do it. I heard a piercing scream soon after… but it wasn't Jessica's. It brought me back to reality and I opened my eyes to see the horror before me".

"Oh my god" I gasped, my hands coming up to cover my mouth.

"My friend was hunched over her son who was covered in blood at my feet. She was screaming into the phone she held in her hand while trying to shake him awake." Taeyeon wiped a tear and paused for a moment before continuing. "He had come into my room, set up a camera and placed his mobile phone next to my ear. He then whispered that one word into my ear the same time that man had in my dream and then he played an explosion noise he had downloaded. I hadn't attacked Jessica's murderer Tiffany, it was my best friend's son. It was a fucking thirteen year old boy that lay beaten to a bloody mess on the ground, covered in scratches and marks that would soon turn to bruises in front of me.
His mother looked up once I had realised what I'd done and gave me a look I'd never forget. Despite all the trust we held in each other, all the memories we had had as children, every fucking thing we had been through…nothing meant anything the moment she realised I had harmed her son. I couldn't speak, I couldn't breathe. I was unable to say a word to explain myself and she didn't hesitate to call the police."

"Taeyeon, god I'm so sorry" I exhaled, in complete shock. Never had I expected this outcome.

"He was thirteen Tiffany. I had assaulted a thirteen year old boy just because of my irrational fear of something that took my girlfriend from this world. I was disgusted with myself, there are no words to describe what I thought and felt at that moment. I went willingly with the officers that showed up, I was taken to court and could only listen as my lawyer tried to defend me, tried to tell the judge that I was going through a rough time and wasn't aware of what I was doing but the only word that came from my mouth when I was asked a question was 'guilty' because that's exactly what I was."

"It wasn't your fault" I replied with a frown. I was trying to block out the fact that I had acted crazy at her this morning and insulted her when she had gone through all of this stuff in her lifetime. She didn't need any of this, but it was my fault.

"Bullshit. Her son lay beaten to a bloody pulp in a hospital bed while his mother sat in court and testified against me. She said how I had become aggressive and how she only took me in because she felt sorry for me. She tried to make my sentence as long as possible by giving examples of how I would treat her son when he would laugh at my terror before his assault. How I would ask him nicely to stop once my body had ceased its trembling though she made it sound like I screamed at him and threatened him." Taeyeon sighed as she thought back. "Long story short, I got sentenced and now I'm here."

"How long?" I blurted out, unable to stop the curiosity that had taken it this far.

"Oh so you want to know even more? What I have just told you isn't good enough?" My lips pressed into a tight line as I lowered my gaze truly fucking embarrassed by my behaviour. I really didn't know when to shut my mouth when it was needed and I hated myself for it."Wow! Okay then, I was sentenced to six years since I only severely bruised the boy and have twenty-six months left to serve." She replied, getting up with difficulty since her wrists were still handcuffed behind her.

I stayed on the ground, just thinking about everything. Twenty six months... Two years and two months. That's still a very long time.

"So there you go Tiffany, that's my story. I'm sorry it made you cry, in all honesty I thought it'd make you laugh but it seems you do have a heart… albeit the smallest one possible. So run along and tell your friends...collect your money, tell them all how you made Kim Taeyeon look like a fool. Go on." She shouted but I wasn't going anywhere.