There was a slight hesitation before I burst out laughing. "Crush? On you? Please!" I sniggered, hoping that it was believable though the raised eyebrow I got in return once she returned to stand in front of me didn't look too promising. "I'm straight Taeyeon, Do you know what that means?"
"Huh," she smirked before looking me up and down, folding her arms across her chest soon after which hid her breasts from my view thank goodness. "Alright so tell me, what do you want?" When I didn't answer she took a step towards me as if to warn me to tell the truth or else.
I was fully prepared to argue "I want you to-" but when she leaned in making it so her lips were only inches from my own, all dialogue and all sounds stopped dead. The only noise to hear was the sound of the shudder in my breath when I exhaled. It made her smirk slyly which in turn made my eyes flicker down to look at the appearance of her lips still wet from her saliva. My gaze lingered there for a little longer than three seconds before going back up to get lost in the dark depths of her orbs.
"You want me to what?" she asked seductively, parting her lips and sliding her tongue over her teeth. Holding my breath and turning away did nothing to calm my heart. She took the opportunity to lean even closer and even though I felt I was paralyzed, the feeling of her nose hitting my cheek was all I could take. I immediately brought distance between us while she laughed at my reaction "What?" she asked with a pout and in a voice you would use as if talking to a baby. "What's wrong?"
"You know what...?" I said as I shook my head, everything was just too much to handle. "I am sick of what you do." I approached her but this time of my own accord "I'm sick of how you treat people, me in particular."
"Wha-" she tried to reply but I interrupted.
"First, you act like a recluse but in actual fact you're hiding back this side of you. Like... who are you? I don't know you… I thought you were sweet but then you changed. I felt sorry for you, but then you changed. I cried for you...but you changed" I noticed her frowning now at my words. "You are really not worth any of my time" I turned to leave but remembered I had to lead her out.
"Finally...she gets it" Taeyeon smiled but it didn't quite reach her eyes. "You're totally right, I'm not worth your time, so fuck off and go elsewhere" she finished with a scowl before grabbing and wrapping a towel around her naked form then holding her arms behind her back ready for me. I cuffed her immediately, and did so extra tight just to make her feel an ounce of what I was feeling in my heart. She hissed but didn't retort and we walked out.
However, once we were about to walk past the other officers, Park included...her towel slipped. I watched as it unravelled down her body and watched as she bent down trying desperately to keep it on her, trying to keep her dignity. The officers whistled as her back was exposed and it was then that she looked at me for help. I could've just let it fall, I could have laughed with them after all that she had just said and done to me, but I didn't. I instead used my body as a shield just as the towel slipped over her ass and fell down to the floor.
"Come on Tiff don't be a spoilsport" I heard Park call out while the others sniggered behind him. "She's quite hot, I wanna see her tits"
Trying to ignore his comments, I picked up her towel and pulled it around to cover her front so the two ends were at the back, and then I lifted her arms so the towel would fit snugly beneath her armpits. This made it so even with her hands bound behind her, she could push down with her arms and keep it there. Just to make sure what happened wouldn't again, I tucked the end in at the top and then led her away. Only Park wasn't done, he started to walk beside me and tried to make conversation with me but Taeyeon began to flinch and pull against me, I soon realised why. Park was stroking her through her towel. So without thinking, I pulled Taeyeon behind me and pushed Park, hard enough that he hit the wall.
"What the fuck do you think you're playing at?" I growled. "I can have you for sexual harassment just like that" I said as I snapped my fingers before pointing out the many cameras in the corridor that were in fact working unlike most of them in this place and from many different angles too. As he looked to where I had pointed, I saw his perverse grin falter and my smug one appeared. "If I see, or hear any more of that, whistling included...you're going down Park." I said, finally grabbing Taeyeon and taking her to her room, closing the door soon after. Once I released her from her shackles, I turned to leave but a familiar word stopped me.
"Wait"
I didn't turn, but I listened. I listened as she got to her feet and approached, afterwards hearing her voice behind me.
"I want to know something" she whispered as if people could hear us. I took a glance to the upper corner of her room where another camera resided...but the flashing red light that told me it was working was nowhere in sight. I then looked over my shoulder just as she had done earlier today and saw the same Taeyeon that was in the shower room just now with me, but I also saw a tiny little flicker of the Taeyeon that had smiled at me once. "Why?" The moment she lifted her head, more and more of the previous 'nice' Taeyeon came through those orbs of hers.
"Why what?"
"I don't understand why you keep coming back, why you keep trying with me. Why you stick up for me time and time again, I really just can't comprehend it." I frowned but she continued, halting my attempts to reply. "I don't like company, I don't like feeling."
"I want to help" I shrugged with a slight comforting smile on my face, no matter how much this girl hurt me, her sensitive side just brought out the instincts in me. "I want to help you get in touch with your feelings"
In a split second, pissed Taeyeon was back "Did it ever occur to you that I don't want to get in touch with my feelings?" She snapped. "And how actually, feeling my feelings might make it impossible for me to survive in here?"
"I'm getting whiplash from your moods Taeyeon" I sighed and again approached the door. "Whether you like it or not, I'm in charge of your care and without me you'd suffer immensely"
"Why? Why you?" she asked "Out of the hundred or so CO's in here, why you? I'd even prefer Park or Nichkhun"
I didn't hide the fact that that hurt, especially after what Park had just done "Well I'm sorry but I'm all you have."
"And isn't that a sad old thing. To have to rely on someone who took your trust and threw it in the garbage." She chuckled darkly.
"I won't stand here and say that what I did wasn't wrong but I'm not going to stand here and take this abuse time and time again. I could be so much worse Taeyeon and you should be grateful that I'm even here because if I wasn't... you'd still be in your room full of your books, but instead of being the usual sad and lonely shit you are, you'd be the sad and lonely shit with four extra years on your sentence" I retorted, finally turning and beginning to pull the door but once again she stopped me.
"Why!?" She shouted "What do you get from this? What the hell do you want from me? Is it...do you want a quick fuck like the rumours suggest?"
I frowned at that but couldn't get in an answer
"No come on" she said as she approached "Do you want someone to hold you, to care about you? To protect you since it's clear as day that no man could ever put up with someone like you." The laugh that came from her made me sick to my stomach.
"Just fuck off" I replied. I'm tired, tired of all this push and pull nonsense.
"Oo she's getting feisty." She teased "Did my body turn you on babe? Are you getting wet knowing you're going against God's will? It's exciting isn't it...living life on the edge"
"Fuck you" This girl, she wasn't worth the pain she gave my heart all those months ago and she wasn't worth the guilt I felt each time I saw her. "I was wrong, you aren't worth shit"
"Oh yeah?" Taeyeon had the ability to change from one mood to the other like the flipping of a light switch, anger showed through her orbs right now only mirroring my own. "I suggest you get out before you piss me off a little too much"
Just before I attempted to leave again, I lowered my voice and spoke reasonably softly "You know what, if you keep pushing people away...you'll have nobody. Your last months in here will be spent alone, no contact. People will not like you, people won't want to be around you. People will give up on you."
"Do you think I care?" her voice held the same anger, but I could see my words were affecting her somewhat, I turned around and leaned my back against the door, watching her rise from the bed. "I don't want 'people' here, I don't want you here. All you do is bother me". She started walking closer to me, the memory of her doing the same in the shower room playing over and over in my head but the anger in my heart overrided that, instead making me madder and causing me to snap.
"You can stay and rot in this hellhole alone for all I care Kim" I shot back. "I'll pray for your sins" I went to leave for the hundredth time but stopped when she said her next words, only then did I turn to face her again.
"And I'll pray for yours"
"I have none" I snarled, not noticing we were both stepping closer and closer, shouting in each other's faces.
"You think I don't know what you're thinking right now? You're turned on to hell. It's not Christian Tiffany, God would be ashamed..."
With the anger flowing out of me, I stepped even nearer fully intent on damaging that pretty little face of hers.
"You are going to die a sad and lonely old woman Kim Taeyeon. Look at you, all alone in here with nothing to do, nobody to talk to once I leave. You're pathetic"
"I'm pathetic?!" she screeched. "Look at yourself! You're a despicable human being!" she walked closer, attempting to intimidate me but I wouldn't have it, instead I took a step forward too.
"And you aren't? I'm not the one in prison!"
"I told you what the fuck happened!" she seethed, coming nearer, and nearer...soon we were face to face, our noses almost touching. "And you threw it back in my face!"
"Oh my god are we seriously back to this? For fucks sake Taeyeon let it go!" I screamed
Now fuming, Taeyeon stepped that one step closer "Like hell I'm going to let you walk around and ridicu-"
"..."
That was it….
All it took was her lips to graze against mine. That's all it took to stop the argument, to stop the screaming and the shouting and while we both pulled away immediately, the damage was already done. All it took was one accidental touch.
Taeyeon was no longer looking at me with hatred, instead she was frowning in confusion, and her lips were parted just like my own. Her breathing was uneven, ragged and her eyes held back surprise when they weren't aimed at my lips. All I could feel was the rise and fall of my chest while my heart pumped relentlessly against it, my lips that still tingled from her touch.
I attempted to speak but the words caught in my throat. Every time I rested my gaze on her mouth my body wanted to move closer, it was like a drug. She, was like a drug that I wanted more of.
The noises of the inmates in the rooms around us seemed like they were getting louder, I could hear every noise they were making and my head was spinning out of control. I was panicking and my breathing got quicker, when Taeyeon stepped closer while staring at my mouth I knew I had to get out of there. I moved quickly and swiftly, doing all I could to leave. Once I got to the door I pulled it open with ease because of the adrenaline pumping throughout my body and then slammed it in her face before locking it with trembling hands. I backed away from that door that held her and with the sound of my heart still pounding in my ears I asked myself...
What. The fuck. Was that.
Sure I wanted to leave, to stay away but unfortunately she was in my care and I was the one who had to feed her. After getting her tray that was filled with the most inedible slob you could imagine, I walked over to her door and knocked hesitantly before unlocking and pushing the tray through the slat in the door. It was big enough so I could see her hand grabbing it from the other side but then she let it go.
"Can you come in" I heard her ask quietly. I smiled slightly until I remembered what happened.
"How did you know it was me?" I replied
"I just know"
My heart started up again after that. "I'm sorry but I can't, I have others to tend to"
I heard a chuckle before she responded "That's not the real reason is it?"
No, it wasn't. Park and the other officers had already fed the other inmates and had left Taeyeon for me under Nichkhun's instructions.
"Can you take your tray, I have to go" I sighed but she made no attempt to hold it, my arm was beginning to ache from being in the same position for too long.
"Not unless you come in"
"Taeyeon please…" I can't, I can't face her after that.
It was then that I heard her footsteps walk away from the door. I cursed under my breath and entered soon after, slamming the door behind me. She was standing in the middle of the floor watching my every move.
"Here" I said without eye contact, handing her the tray again but she didn't take it, instead motioning to the small table in the far corner of her room. I bit my lip and took it over there, set it down and turned to leave only she was now there in front of the door, blocking my way.
"Are we gonna talk?" she asked
"About what?" I replied without an ounce of emotion, letting her think that I had forgotten about it as if it was nothing.
"You know what" she scoffed and started to walk towards me, her smell invading my nostrils and making my head spin simultaneously. All I could do was back up, backing away until I was against the wall. She closed in soon after, holding her palms to the wall either side of me keeping me imprisoned. She wasn't touching me but with the combination of the closeness between us, the slight claustrophobia and also the sensory overload I was feeling, I cried. Yes, I cried in front of a prisoner, I wanted to get out but if I moved an inch I'd touch her and I just knew it would feel like fire against my skin... I couldn't handle that, not now that she was so close.
"Why are you crying?" she asked calmly. "I'm not hurting you"
"But you are" I retorted, the tears flowing now. I must have looked like shit in front of her, pathetic too.
"What's going on?" she replied. The tone in her voice was dare I say nice, comforting. She was trying to help but her mood swings…if I said the wrong thing she could hit me right now.
"Please, just let me go and I'll leave, I'll talk to Nichkhun and tell him that I can't watch over you. Just-"
"What if you don't want that?" I turned my head to the side when I sensed her leaning closer, her elbows bending into a push up like motion and I cried even more. My nails were embedded in the concrete behind me just to stop them from going anywhere else. "What if I don't want that?"
That made me look up and stare into her eyes, they were revealed to show nothing but warmth. But then I saw them getting closer and closer to me and I found myself getting confused. My brain wouldn't register the fact that she was closing the distance, one look at her lips though and I understood and tried my best to fight, to push her but my arms didn't move. No muscle moved within me, I was weakened by her. Her smell and her stare were a very effective paralysing drug.
I searched her eyes again and now all I saw was pure lust. Why was I letting this woman get so close? Why wasn't I pushing her away? I didn't have an answer for any of those questions…all I knew was, that Taeyeon's body was now leaning against mine and the rush I got from it was out of this world. Her lips were right there, I could barely see them if I looked down because they were so close and every exhale from her flowed into my slightly open mouth generating saliva to coat my tongue, making it soft...ready for her.
"This is what you want" Taeyeon hummed as she rested her hand on my waist. The action made me shiver and she smiled at the reaction I gave. "You want me"
I didn't get to reply because I was pulled roughly towards her until our lips met. My mouth opened of its own accord, letting her tongue enter soon after while I tried to stay standing. She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me even closer despite the noises coming from my throat and the tears pouring down my face.
My fingers that were still digging at the concrete behind me came to rest against her stomach ready to push her away, but when her tongue slid and twisted with mine and I felt her teeth nibble my lower lip, that thought went out the window. Taeyeon was pulling my waist against her making our breasts meet which caused me to gasp into her mouth and I couldn't fucking stop. She was so….Jesus. My hand pressed against her stomach and I could feel her abs through her shirt when a groan escaped from my mouth, making me fall deeper within her grasp.
My body was literally on fire as Taeyeon was kissing me with undying enthusiasm and everything just made it that much harder to pull away. The thought that she was a woman didn't even cross my mind, all I thought of was how fucking amazing it was and when she broke the kiss to begin trailing smaller ones down my neck, I fell to the ground breaking the contact between us. That was when everything came rushing back…God, homosexuality, Taeyeon. I glanced upwards and saw she was about to crouch down to resume with her black eyes scanning every inch of me so I quickly scampered away before she could. I literally sprinted from that room and locked it before leaving solitary.
I needed to go, I needed to get out of here. I couldn't feel like that again, not with a woman.
When the time came to go home, I couldn't get there fast enough. Once the keys opened the lock on the door, I rushed inside my apartment, dumped my bag and grabbed my laptop.
Website after website, email after email…I applied for every fucking CO related job imaginable. While some were in America, others were in Korea…If there were no jobs available in a certain place, I'd email my CV and ask to be contacted whenever one opened up. I don't even know how long I had spent on that computer but it was long enough for my eyes to ache and a headache to form.
Just as I was about to shut it down, one of those annoying pop-up advertisements appeared and just my luck...it was advertising a porn website with two lesbians in a video making out. I didn't want to watch it, but it was there. Without even realising what I was doing I clicked on it and watched as a new tab formed and the two women resumed ravishing each other, ripping off clothes and jewellery even...covering one another in kisses and bites. My finger hesitated over the mouse button that would get rid of it because although it disgusted me, it brought back the memory of what just happened, how fucking incredible it was.
While shaking my head in disappointment at myself, my hand snaked its way down under the waistband of my trousers where my fingers came into contact with the wet fabric. Why was my body doing this? Why was it betraying God? Why was I betraying him? No matter how much I told myself I was a disgrace, I kept watching as the women moved to the bed while keeping contact, one straddling the other. The moans that came as they kissed were over the top but if I closed my eyes…I saw her. I saw both of us and unknowingly my hand's movements got faster, and faster. I opened my eyes again as I held my breath when I felt it rising within me, the need getting overbearing. One of the women were leaving kisses down between the others' breasts and stopped at her vagina. The groans got louder and the feeling got stronger.
Taeyeon…
She was locked in my head while I was at the edge but suddenly, another pop up for another porn site…this time it was a man and a woman. My hand slowed and my orgasm painfully started to die away. Realising this I quickened the speed while watching the very handsome man thrust into the woman….but it was gone. I'd lost it.
If you've ever experienced the feeling of losing an orgasm, you'd know it's the most frustrating thing imaginable. Knowing you were seconds away from that pleasure and then for it to stop and then slowly dissipate. Getting angry, I slammed the laptop closed, took off my clothes and got in the shower, making sure it was cold hoping it would cool me down a little.
But it didn't. As soon as she and the two women came to my mind again, my hand immediately placed itself down there for the second time today and started to rub furiously. It was ecstasy as I began to approach again and I hoped all these feelings of stress and anger as well as the homosexual thoughts would disappear once I climaxed. I hadn't orgasmed for months and hadn't had sex for years and I told myself that that was why I was interested in Taeyeon, it wasn't because I liked her, it was because I was horny and would be attracted to anything at that point. That's it!
So without guilt and knowing my so called 'crush' would be gone soon, I plunged my fingers into myself and pressed my face against the cold tiled wall, shutting my eyes while feeling it coming closer. I was thinking of Ian Somerhalder, Daniel Henney, Brad Pitt and sure they got me going, but I couldn't tip over that edge. My arm was beginning to tire and cramp but I was so fucking near! I cursed but allowed myself to think of her, imagining she was doing what I was doing and as I pressed my thumb down on that bundle of nerves and my fingers plunged as deep as they could…I came. It was the most intense pleasure I had felt in a long while, maybe even ever.
I backed against the wall while my fingers were still inside of me and I dragged myself down it until I was sitting. Fuck me that was good. It took me a while to recover too, I must have sat there for twenty minutes just dozing but once I got my head back from the clouds, I began to shiver because the water was icy. Quickly jumping up, I turned on the hot water and washed my hair before stepping out and drying my body.
I felt so refreshed and free, all of that anger and stress was gone and I just felt relaxed. Walking over to the bed while hand-drying my hair, I smiled when I thought of my bed and how comfortable it would be now I was free from everything but unfortunately, things didn't stay that way. All it took was a look to the book on my bed that I had gotten a while ago 'Speak' and all that happened flooded back along with the tingling of my still sensitive clit. It wasn't over, who was I kidding…I couldn't get rid of her with a stress relieving orgasm. She was always going to be there, whether I liked it or not.