Raleigh wakes up screaming. He's burning alive. A flaming orange sky, rippling waves of light. Falling, falling, falling.
"Hey Ray, wake up! Please, you're scaring me!" He scrambles out from under the blankets, shoving whoever this is away. He hears a thud and a yelp, but he can't remember who it is. Jaz? Mako? Did he hurt them?
He can't get that burning sky out of his head. It's following him, trying to kill him, like those monsters. He sits down on the floor, resting his head in his hands and rocking back and forth, trying to focus on his breathing, his movements, the rough carpet under his bare feet.
Finally, he becomes aware of the dusty smell of the room, the tears dripping through his fingers, the voice of someone standing over him, shaky but concerned. "Ray? Are you all right? Are you going to do that coma thing again? Please don't, you scared me." Kenzie. He remembers pushing someone away from him. Oh God, did he hurt her? She kneels next him, rubbing her elbow. "Ray?"
Now that he's thinking clearly, awake, the room is chilly. He shivers, rubbing his arms. Kenzie hands him one of the blankets and he wraps it around himself, staring at his shaking hands.
"Do you want coffee?" He shakes his head. He doesn't drink anything with caffeine. What he needs is a beer…no, no, that just makes things worse. He can't do that. But that nightmare…he was burning. He can't tell if he's hot or cold and he thinks he might be sick.
"Do you need to talk? You were yelling for Mako and crying." Kenzie sits down next to him and twists her fingers in the blanket's fringe. "I just thought you might…"
"You want to fix everything, but some of us don't want to be fixed!" Raleigh can see the instant pain in the kid's eyes. Shit, I didn't mean to yell at her. He doesn't want to talk. He wants to forget.
"Sorry." Kenzie stares at the floor like she can burn a hole in the carpet.
"It's not your fault, kid. I'm the one who should be sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you." He awkwardly puts an arm around her shoulder.
"You need a shower." Kenzie wrinkles her nose. Raleigh realizes he's sweated through his shirt and she's right, two days on the street did leave him a bit of a mess. "Mike has lots of clean clothes, I'm sure he'll have something to fit you."
He nods, and starts walking out into the hallway, then hears Kenzie giggling. She points in the opposite direction he was going. He shrugs, just a little, and follows her directions.
His clothes are wrecked, grimy and stiff and torn, and washing away the dirt and spilled beer feels like washing away some of the awful thoughts that got him here in the first place. He doesn't bother shaving-he'll be less recognizable with the beard.
The water sputters, turning icy, and Raleigh leaps back out of the spray. Rain. Cold. Alone. He shuts the water off, shaking, feeling hot tears mixing with the cold drips running down his cheeks from his hair. There's no getting away from the pain. No washing it away. He traces the raised, dark Drivesuit scars on his shoulders. Yance. Mako. He wonders what they'd say if they could see him now, breaking down in a shower, crying because the damn water is cold and he can't stop remembering. He feels like a child again, like the time he was beaten up by those kids back in middle school and Yance sat with him at the nurse's office with a box of Kleenex and ice for his black eye.
He has no one to take care of him anymore. No family left. Jaz is in the wind. Yance is dead. Mako is fighting a war without him…Mako. He reaches out for her; maybe he can at least feel her thoughts somewhere. Fire. Burning alive. Falling, down, down, down. He gasps and slides down the wall, resting his head on his knees. Mako is falling. She's dying. He wonders if the Breach opened, if she fought, if the Kaiju killed her. Or if she tried to close the Breach like he did, if that's why he feels her falling, burning. He thought at first it was just his own memories. But he's in Mako's mind and this is her pain, her fire.
Raleigh whimpers, shaking with silent sobs. I left her alone and now she's dying. It's my fault. I wasn't there for her and she left and she's dying alone. Everyone dies. If he believed in things like that, he'd say he was cursed. Mako, where are you? He wants to find her, save her. But he can't. He's useless, broken. He can't save anyone. He can't even save himself.