Chapter 4: Guardianship

"Focus, John! You've got to keep a firm handle on the gun! In a real fight you can't drop your weapon or you'll end up dead. Try again."

The sound of rapid gunshots followed Sarah's command.

The five of us were in the forest practicing with guns. Well, Johnny and Addy were getting lessons from their Mom and Pops, while I just watched. Sarah was pushing John to hit all the targets without reloading. Pops was teaching Adele how to dismantle and re-mantle a gun.

Addy had thrown a tantrum a few minutes ago about the sounds hurting her ears and refused to fire another bullet. Sarah, fed up with her daughter's attitude, sent her over to Pops to continue her training.

For a seven year-old, my daughter was a pretty good shot. That is, if she focused instead of whining. Unlike my son, Addy didn't really grasp why she had to learn these kinds of things and would usually refuse to participate unless her brother asked her to.

Little Addy was growing up to adore her older brother, who doted on her at every chance.

Sadly, we often focused more on Johnny because we knew he had a destiny to fulfill. I could understand why our daughter resented us at times.

All of this was making me recall the first time I learned to shoot a gun with John.

"Focus, Reese! You only get one bullet to shoot when you're fighting the machines. If you can't kill it with one shot then it'll kill you with one shot." The man I had come to know as my savior was shouting at me, but I felt no hostility from him, only the rigid determination to keep me alive.

Ever since the day the leader of the resistance found me, I swore I would follow him to the ends of the Earth.

"Now relax your shoulders and widen your stance. You've got to focus! Keep your eyes open and your aim straight." John came beside me, adjusting my stance and hold on the gun.

Taking a deep breath, I put all my focus into making the next shot hit the bull's eye on the target.

I wanted to make this shot!

I wanted to make John proud! I wanted to show him that I could be everything he wanted me to be.

I pulled the trigger.

"Ha! Now, that's how you shoot a terminator! Well done, Kyle." John patted my shoulders.

Those light blues of his were filled with pride.

My chest filled with happiness over this new achievement. I had impressed my savior!

The moment was interrupted by a soldier delivering a message about a raid. Connor's joyful expression turned serious and cold as he addressed the soldier. He then departed with soldier after telling me to keep practicing with the gun. I reloaded the gun.

Why did John Connor chose to train me instead of delegating it to someone else? As the leader he was a busy man.

Why was it so easy for him to smile around me? Was I the only one who ever got to see Connor's smile?

"Daddy, can I sit with you?"

My memory ended.

I looked up from the gun I was reloading to see my daughter at the ground with her feet.

Why was she so nervous? Adele must have done something.

"Of course you can." I set the gun down and guided Addy onto my lap, letting her lean back against me.

My little girl was so small. It hurt to think about her being forced to fight.

Together, we watched the others. Unconsciously, I started combining through her sandy blonde hair to get rid of the knots she always seemed to get.

"Why do Johnny and I have to learn how to be soldiers? Are you going to send us to war, like those people on tv?" Addy picked up the gun I had been reloading and continued my work.

Her question wasn't something I could give a straight answer to and I struggled to come up with something she would understand. I held on tighter to my daughter as I gathered the courage to tell her the harsh truth about the world.

"No we aren't sending you to the military…but there's a force in this world that will take away everything bright and good that we love. And unless we get stronger, we'll never be able to protect what's important to us. And for your mother and me, what's important is you two. Our two miracles…" I confessed.

Addy stopped reloading the gun and stared at me, confused by the lengthy answer.

"We will do everything we can to protect you two, but if there's ever a day where we fail and aren't there…then we want you two to be able to defend yourselves because there's a war coming."

Ever since John had seen his future self, things had been changing in the world. There were all kinds of wars going on in different countries. Disasters were constanly happening across the globe. Worse, O'Brien had informed them of rumors about the researchers from Genisys continuing their work in secret with the military. He didn't have any conclusive evidence, but it was still enough to make us edgy.

What we feared was about to become a possibility. Skynet would go back online.

What we accomplished in 2017 was crumbling and I don't know how much time we have left.

"But you're my daddy, you're supposed to be with me always." Addy's eyes teared up at the thought of me leaving.

She was still an innocent child. I wanted to keep her that way, but if there's even a chance that Skynet could be re-awakened, then we had to prepare them.

"And I will, Addykins." I promised, kissing her head.

In all the other timelines, the moment I met Sarah my fate was sealed. Only death awaited me. Somehow I had managed to live through this timeline, but for how long would that be for?

The nightmares were becoming more frequent and I'd lost count how many dreams of my own death I'd experienced. Seeing my dead body cradled by Sarah night after night was starting to make me as paranoid as my wife.

There was a threat coming for my family and I'd die first before anything happened to them.

"Adele, why are you crying? Kyle, what did you say to her?! Do I need to remind you it's rude to make a girl cry?" Sarah bent in front of Addy, wiping off her tears.

She just kept crying and demanded her mother take her home. The crying was preventing her from actually speaking coherent sentences, but Sarah got the message.

"I think you should just take her home. I'll stay here and help clean up." I stood up, rubbing Addy's back to make her feel better, but it only made her cry harder.

Man did I feel like a jerk. I'd really upset my daughter.

"But what happ-"

I interrupted my wife. "I told her there's a war coming."

Sarah glared at me. "Adele's not like John. You can't tell her those things and expect her not to cry, she's a kid!"

I could tell this was going to develop into an argument with one or both of us in tears.

"Sarah, please. Not now, not here."

She cooled her rising anger and walked off towards the house. Her method of comfort by horrible singing became distant noise.

I went over to the makeshift shooting range for the kids. Pops was already taking all the targets down and gathering all the bullets. Luckily, those machine eyes of his would be able to detect the fallen bullets. Otherwise I would have been out here all night trying to collect the bullets. We couldn't leave behind such obvious evidence if anyone ever came snooping near the house. I joined John at the table where he was gathering the guns up and checking their conditions.

I was suddenly overcome by how much he was starting to look like his future self.

Johnny's hair had grown out, curling around his head in brown waves of spirals and his jaw had gotten a little firm, but his eyes remained the same cool blue I was so familiar with. My son had also gotten taller and was now up to my chest at twelve. Well, in a few days he'd be thirteen.

The dreaded pre-teen age, or at least according to Sarah. I didn't understand what she meant by that.

Johnny by nature was pretty well behaved and always polite.

"A good leader always keeps a cool head." That was what John, the resistance leader used to tell me.

Strangely enough, Sarah ended up repeating the same thing to me when I mentioned our son's lack of attitude. I was starting to see that most, if not all the things John had taught me were actually things Sarah had taught him.

Man time travel sure messed with your head.

I felt John's hand land on mine.

"Dad, you're going to mess up the gun like that." He took the magazine I was loading backwards and put it in the correct way. I laughed awkwardly at the stupid mistake. "You never make mistakes like that…were you thinking about the other me?"

I immediately stopped laughing.

While Sarah and I had told Johnny about Terminator John and what his original future was supposed to be, my son had never openly questioned me about it.

"How did you know that?" I weakly questioned.

Talking about John hadn't gotten any easier over the years.

John wouldn't meet my gaze. "Because you only get that dazed look in your eyes when you're around me. And now since I know the truth from the dreams, I know it's not really me you're looking at."

He finally looked me in the eye and I wished he'd look away. My son looked so broken and hurt. I wanted to take away the pain he was feeling, but how could I when he was right? I hated that I made Johnny feel that way, but old memories got in the way. Sometimes, being human was messy.

"It's never me you're talking to. It's never me you're smiling at or laughing with. And it's not me you make those bitter smiles at. No, it's the other John you're looking for. You want the John that doesn't exist."

Every word he spoke was like a bullet fired into my chest.

"No, no, no. It's not like that, John. You're my son. You're my boy, my Johnny." I grabbed onto his shoulder, choking back a sob.

He had to understand. I loved him for him.

"No, Dad. I'm your replacement, Mom sees me, but that's because she didn't know John. With you, I'll never be anything more than a stand-in for a more perfect version of me." John jerked himself out of my arms and ran back to the house.

I let him go.

I couldn't chase after my son when I was feeling too conflicted to properly explain myself to him.

Maybe this was what Sarah meant by the dreaded pre-teen age.

"Kyle Reese, your family is systematically falling apart. You must stop antagonizing your offspring or you will end up pushing them towards unfavorable outcomes." Pops droned.

I gave him the most hateful glare I could. I didn't a need a machine to tell me I essentially screwed up with my kids. In one day I'd managed to upset both my chipper daughter and docile son.

"What're you? A guidance counselor or something? I don't need your advice, Pops. Just help me take these guns back." I angrily stuffed the guns into a box and marched back to the house in a foul mood.

"I shouldn't have said those things to, Dad." I groaned, tossing and turning in my bed, unable to sleep.

Dinner was a silent affair filled with tension. Mom finally got fed up and told everyone to go bed after an hour of straight silence. No one had been willing to talk about anything that happened today. Usually Dad and Addy were the ones that did a majority of the talking. He was upset about what I'd said and wasn't in the mood for conversation. Adele flat-out ignored anything directed at her.

Addy and I were quick to run upstairs to our rooms after being dismissed. I had expected her to run into my room and tell me what made her cry. When she didn't come after an hour I checked on her. More silence was what I got for my efforts and she refused to sleep in my room with me when I offered.

Another failed encounter. What was wrong with me?

I really hadn't meant to say those things to Dad, but he kept getting that glazed look and I knew he was thinking about John again. Knowing that Dad was thinking about someone that was and wasn't me, just hurt. It hurt so much that I couldn't keep quiet about it anymore.

I wasn't him!

I wasn't the strong and fearless military leader he knew! The man that was brave enough to fight against an army of machines and risk his life everyday to protect humanity.

I wasn't a hero!

I wasn't a savior!

I was just a scared kid that wanted what normal kids wanted. I wanted my parents to be proud of me. I wanted them to love me unconditionally. Was I wrong for wanting these things?!

My eyes burned from the tears.

"I'm so stupid! Getting upset and jealous over my own self. How can I be jealous of myself?!" I shouted into the pillow.

These stupid feelings of jealousy were driving me crazy!

Why couldn't I be more like John Connor, humanity's last hope? Why couldn't I be the man my parents wanted me to be?

I fell asleep to the sounds of crickets and sniffles. My dreams were of the man I could have been in another life. As jealous as I was, I never wanted experience his be alone and abandoned was a miserable existence. How sorry I felt for the other me.

Poor John Connor.