Glynda Reacts to Diary of Glynda Goodwitch, Part 4!
A/N: Welcome, one and all, to Weiss Reacts! Now, for Part 2 of our Beacon Staff Special, with 100% more Gretchen Faust! And yes, more insanity shall ensue. We shall indeed be covering the chapter that came out today, rounding it out to a thirty-five chapters this time around. Let's hope I can get this one out on time, yes?
DISCLAIMER: RWBY does not belong to me, otherwise there would be a giant chicken Grimm.
The Diary of Glynda Goodwitch belongs to Half-Blind Otaku.
All mentioned franchises and characters belong to their respective owners.
"So, Misses Goodwitch and Fall, what was that you were saying?" Gretchen Faust, Professor of various subjects, but most specifically Alchemy and Sorcery, seethed, glaring down at the two women.
"G-Gretchen, be reasonable!" Glynda pleaded. "W-we didn't mean any harm by it!"
"T-take my money, my clothes- anything but my burritos, just don't hurt me!" Cinder squealed in fear. Even her fighting prowess was no match for the woman who had taught her how to.
That and she wasn't sure that fire had any effect on people who, supposedly, made deals with demons to look that young.
"Hm...disembowelment seems too swift." Gretchen mused, a slow, sadistic smile growing on her face. "Far too swift. Perhaps I could create a particular spell circle...hm. I know the runes...but I have no ingredients...
...perhaps death by scaphism might be sufficient. Long, slow, painful and simple to ensure. No magic needed, and all I need do is to let insects and vermin do my work for me."
Glynda gulped. "...G-Gretchen, y-you don't need to, err, harm anyone. Nobody needs to die...w-we promise, nobody else will know."
"Y-yeah!" Cinder nodded hurriedly, hoping to not horribly die from whatever scaphism was.
"...your pleas for mercy move me. Very well." Gretchen adjusted her glasses. "It was a shame. I wanted to test out that particular method of execution, but I guess it will have to wait.
In exchange for me not using you as test subjects, I demand to read the diary with you as collateral."
"Another person reading my private diary?!" Glynda snapped. "Not lik-"
"Glynda!" Cinder hissed. "Just do it! I want to live, dammit! I have so much to live for!"
Cinder's desperate pleading and Gretchen's resulting glare changed Glynda's mind. She sighed, acquiescing to her demand.
"Alright, fine."
"I knew we could agree on something." Gretchen's smile widened. To Glynda however, it seemed if anything scarier than when she was plotting their horrible deaths a second before.
"Now, let's get reading, yes? I'm sure reading her diary is fun yes? And we should be doing fun things."
Cinder nodded hurriedly, eager to change the subject from anything that would imply horrible murder. "Y-Yeah, it's fun!" She chuckled nervously, flipping to the next entry.
"Interesting. Even you were taken in by my appearance." Gretchen adjusted her glasses. "Glynda, I am far too old for you, even if I was interested.
And I remember this experience well." She sighed happily. "It was an excellent experiment in social mentality."
"I still can't believe you forced me to be your wingman for you to attempt to date a married man..." Glynda muttered darkly.
"And how was the love potion-"
"Absolutely useless. N-Not that I used it!" Glynda snapped.
Gretchen gave her a strange look. "So you didn't. Disappointing."
"I have no need for such unholy substances!"
Cinder rolled her eyes. "Oh, don't act so high and mighty. You considered it."
Glynda crossed her arms, blushing and looking away. "J-Just read the diary, you idiots. I didn't ask you for your moral opinions..."
"Woooow." Cinder whistled. "You even robbed Yin blind in poker. You really are heartless."
Gretchen nodded. "That would be a waste of time. Doubtful that Yin had any significant amount of money."
"You take issue at the money, but not at the summoning of a god?!" Glynda snapped.
Gretchen shrugged. "When done properly, the invocation of a powerful entity can-"
"Y-you know what, I don't care. I don't want to know." The instructor shuddered. "Just keep reading, please."
Cinder had to hold in a chuckle. "Ahhh, I remember the beauty pageant!"
"The one you sabotaged." Glynda grumbled, still bitter at losing to a ghost at a beauty pageant.
"That was you?" Gretchen looked over at the pyromancer, confused. "I thought-"
"Yuko was too lazy, and nobody knew she existed." Cinder reminded her, before beginning her indignant retort. "And dammit, I didn't expect her to steal my votes too!"
"No, that part's karma. You deserved that." Glynda reminded her angrily. "What wasn't deserved was that the rest of us lost because teenagers have an overly high libido and let their imagination do the rest when you mentioned Yuko..."
Gretchen nodded, applauding Cinder slowly. "Indeed, although I must admit, that was an excellent experiment."
Cinder smiled proudly, placing a hand on her heart. "I live to impress, Gretchen...now, let's continue embarrassing our colleague, eh?"
"Do not attempt to ingratiate yourself with me, Cinder. I'm still keeping your comments in mind." The sorceress glared at her darkly, causing Cinder to swallow nervously.
"O-Of course." The pyromancer nodded. "N-now...l-let's get to the next chapter, eh...
...and Glynda, you dirty cheat! You'd imply I had hemorrhoids?!"
"I did what I had to, to allow a sane man to take over the council, to have a semblance of sanity!" Glynda protested, glaring at Cinder. "Not like it worked in the first place, all things considered."
"The power of antics will always prevail." The pyromancer. "But shame on you for implying this perfect, sexy body had hemorrhoids..."
"I did what I had to." Glynda maintained. "And the next entry shows even slandering your perfect, sexy body didn't work."
Gretchen shrugged. "Maybe if you'd made use of Yuko's attractive body for your campaign-"
"I refuse to sink as low as that! In fact, it's not like it mattered, considering she ended up being Public Relations officer!"
Cinder nodded. "Alexander does have an impressive beard. You should've invested in one."
"You're one to talk. You dropped out to protect your own antics!" Glynda snapped, to which the pyromancer merely shrugged. "A girl needs to protect her interests. And you still suck for losing to a ghost~"
Glynda grumbled. "Be quiet, Cinder."
"...this was a completely pointless venture." Glynda muttered, pointing at the War Department. "I'm glad the current council abolished that."
"A War Department? The council doesn't need that when it has a Mecha Division, an Armor Division and an Antic Research Squad." Cinder pointed out helpfully.
"Which I was asked to supervise." Gretchen added, adjusting her glasses.
Glynda sighed exasperatedly.
"You just have to take that away from me, don't you?"
"Like I said, I live to impress~"
The instructor exhaled. "Why am I cursed to have co-workers with the collective mental stability of a dying lunatic..."
"Because you love us and you know it." The pyromancer responded with a wide smile on her face. "And the conquest of Signal was a genius idea!"
Glynda rubbed her temples. "Not for the person who had to bankroll it. Namely, me."
She flipped the page over, pointing at the page. "Half of the expenses we spent here weren't even necessary!"
"Still, you let them happen." Cinder shrugged. "You're as complicit in the antics as us."
"Tch. Sure I am." Glynda waved her off dismissively. "Don't try to involve me in them retroactively. You know I wanted nothing to do with it."
"You would not have funded them if you did not," Gretchen pointed out helpfully.
"T-this is hardly fair, b-both of you teaming up on me! G-go back to reading the diary already!"
"Alright, Miss Passive-Aggressive, don't get your underwear in a twist." Cinder teased her, as Glynda resisted the urge to throttle her for that.
"Now...maaan, that wasn't really worth the effort, conquering Signal." The pyromancer pointed out. "Why, not enough perversion?" Glynda inquired sarcastically.
"No, too easy."
"...I should've known you'd say something stupid like that."
"Amateurish." Gretchen noted dismissively. "A mere summoning of Cthulhu, I am beyond. I could invoke Nyarlathothep or even Azazoth -"
"We would prefer you not to." Glynda cautioned her irritably. Gretchen sighed.
"I suppose. That would be very taxing on magical ingredients.
"Summoning a world ending abomination and it's the ingredients you're worried about..." The instructor muttered under her breath.
'Then again, I suppose that's to be expected. This is Gretchen Faust...'
"And you're one to talk, bankrolling expensive things! You practically bankrupted yourself with that huge gift!" Cinder remarked. "I appreciate the effort, of course."
"Pfft. It was nothi-"
"Although, seriously, you thought Ozpin drinking eggnog was him toasting your beauty? I mean, n-not to say y-you aren't hot, but..."
"I WAS YOUNG AND STUPID!" Glynda snapped. "YOUNG. AND. STUPID."
Gretchen sighed morosely. "And to think I missed out Christmas doing nothing but experiments.
...I suppose I may find a person who understands me one day. As a companion."
Cinder smiled fondly. "Christmas Day itself was nice, though. You have to admit that much, right?"
Glynda sighed, nodding slowly and conceding her point. "True, I'll give you that much. It was nice to have you people not commit antics for one night and one day."
"See? We have self-control!"
"Yes. If only you'd exercise it more."
"Pffthaahaha!" Cinder laughed. "Here, I remember you had the constitution of a baby kitten."
"W-we weren't even allowed alcoholic punch!" Glynda reminded her. "What were you thinking?!"
"Having fun, that's what." The pyromancer reminded her happily. "Isn't that right, Gretchen...Gretchen?"
The sorceress seemed to have disappeared, with a faint crying noise behind them. Cinder frowned. "Huh. She must've had to check on something." The pyromancer shrugged. "Anyway...oh yeah, Snow Day! Those were good times!"
"Indeed." Glynda nodded hurriedly. "Let's hurry up with-"
"So you DID do that thing to Yin! See? You have a Yin fetish."
"I do NOT have one and I never had one!" Glynda snapped, blushing and shaking her head. "That is entirely a construct of your imagination, p-pervert!"
"You say I'm the pervert, but who keeps acting like a creepy stalker to Yin? Glass houses, dear-"
"Those were just over ten years ago!" Glynda cut her off irritably. "K-keep reading!"
Cinder chuckled, shaking her head at her friend.
'At this point, she'll give herself an aneurysm with all this denial...' The pyromancer mused as she flipped the page.
Glynda only realised what was on the entry when Cinder's expression twisted into a mischievous smile.
"Oh, Glynda...so that's what happened to the love potion, eh?"
"...I-It was a younger time, and I-I was foolish!"
Cinder smirked. "This diary just keeps getting better and better..."
"I-Idiot..." Glynda muttered, blushing profusely. "I-It was your fault for spilling the stupid thing..."
"My antic sense told me to. It was funny, and I even got an admirer out of the deal." The pyromancer shrugged.
Meanwhile...
Emerald Sustrai, one-half of popular Beacon J-pop imitation duo Madrigal and ex-thief, sobbed over a movie where two women were kissing, eating scoop after scoop of chocolate ice cream.
"R-Real life doesn't work like that!" The thief cried, hugging a Cinder plushie to herself as she pined after her. "...C-Cinder-sempai never noticed me..."
Back onto the bus...
"Tch." Cinder scoffed. "Miho shouldn't have beaten us. We should really get our actual Tankery team to fight 'em. With that tank whiz Gunther in charge of development and Valkyrie in command, I don't think we'd lose again."
Glynda rolled her eyes. "Miho and her team must be what, our age now? I doubt they'd still be running Tankery battles still."
"Not if the rumours around Tankery Club here are true." The pyromancer shrugged. "Supposedly, she invited the Vasilias boy over for coffee.
Boy's got an eye for Tankery, even if he's not officially allowed to do it himself."
"I see how it is!" Cinder yelled. "So you get to boot us out of the dorm to watch Magical Momo, but we don't get to kick you out for anything?!"
"M-Magical Momo was a work of art!" Glynda retorted sharply. "You were probably just going to do some stupid antic or something."
"Not everything I do involves antics, dammit!"
"Xiao Long uses the exact same excuse and if I recall, you let her get away with it!"
Cinder scoffed. "She does her schoolwork, so I let her do what she likes."
"I don't approve of having fifty boxes of pizza, billed to me and delivered to my front door every Friday." The instructor adjusted her glasses, irritated at the amount of times she'd had to deal with Schnee Pizza Go-Go about the various transactions placed under her name.
Cinder looked somewhat wounded at being kicked out of her dorm for an anime, but she sighed. "Well, at least you got locked into a box of ice for that, you monster. It's the least you deserve for kicking us out of the dorm..." She flipped the page.
"...and bankrupting everyone else, too!"
"In my defence, I would've been able to concentrate if you hadn't distracted me while I tried to enjoy my good and wholesome magical girl shows!" Glynda snapped. Cinder shrugged.
"Not my problem. It wasn't me who did it in the first place. And you even looked for pin-ups of me? That's deep."
Glynda's face merely turned a deep shade of crimson. Cinder giggled.
"You don't need to hide it, dear, I know I'm sexy~"
"S-shut up."
...
"Oh, Glynda." Cinder shook her head, chuckling. "I want a lot of people~"
"K-keep your mouth shut." The instructor barked. "Y-you fools set me up with Ironwood."
"In our defence, those were the times before Lia and Dear-me started screwing like bunnies." Cinder shrugged, causing Glynda to stare at her, blanching. "What? I thought everyone knew."
"I-I didn't!"
"Well, it wasn't as if Lia Nikos was going to keep her hands off of the guy with the mythical love curse, was she?" The pyromancer protested, facepalming. "Seriously. How else do you explain Pyrrha?"
Glynda muttered irritably at the next entry.
"They teach us to fight Grimm and evil Huntsmen. They don't teach us to fight idiotic amateur necromancers who don't know any restraint."
"Fight fire with fire." Cinder shrugged. "Only way to survive in our dog-eat-dog world, eh?
"You'd know all about that."
"So I would~" Cinder shrugged. "Also, the fact that we managed to follow up the necromancy crap with a moe-zombie apocalypse..."
"Which you ended up getting caught in and indirectly causing-"
"It's not like you didn't appreciate all the moe Yin cleavage you-"
"CINDER!" Glynda snapped. "What are you insinuating?!"
"Don't play coy with me," Cinder tutted, shaking her head at her neighbour. "We've already established that you have a Yin fetish, don't lie, you know you wanted to see her dressed like that~"
"Or perhaps it was simply necessary to protect herself from the horrors of cuteness-obsessed zombies." Gretchen interjected. "Not everything is necessarily related to sexual urges, Cinder."
The pyromancer scoffed. "I beg to differ. Only you-"
"You would be incorrect." Gretchen raised her finger. "I have found a person that I might find a close approximation of primal lust for."
Glynda looked incredulously at her. "And who might that unfortunate man be?"
The sorceress' cheeks turned slightly red. "His identity need not be known. "
Last week...
"She's been staring at that guy for five hours straight!" An unfortunate cashier at the local Schnee Wurstbude in Vale's shopping center complained, as Gretchen, if it was possible for whatever she was, stared dreamily at a tall, inhumanly thin, faceless humanoid in a dapper suit, who was simply buying a small meal for himself in the cafeteria, while horrifying the poor woman in charge of the sandwich stall.
The next door Schnee Pizzeria vendor nodded. "I know, right? Seriously. Who is that guy?"
"He's a regular here." The Wurstbude cashier explained. "Goes by the name 'Slen D. Mann.' Guys call him the Slender Man, or something, but I don't buy.
The real Slendy's thinner, anyway. I've seen the games."
"Just what kind of a woman would be Slendysexual?" The delivery boy shuddered at the thought.
The aforementioned Slen D. Mann turned around to see Gretchen staring at him dreamily, before she waved at him with a breathy sigh.
He was gone in a blink. The sorceress looked disappointed as she sat back down, returning to toying with her fingers shyly.
"Tch. Women, I'll never understand 'em." The delivery boy sighed.
"I just feel sorry for Slen, Slendy or not. Supposedly that woman over there works up in Beacon with demons or something."
"Sheesh. Poor guy."
Back on the bus...
"...woooow. Seriously, how were you so blind to the whole you got used by Momo thing?" Cinder inquired quizzically.
Glynda merely crossed her arms, sulking off in a corner. "In my defence, s-she was unaware!"
"If Lia freaking Nikos is telling you she's bad news, then you should listen."
Gretchen nodded. "Indeed, the pessimistic tend to have excellent insights into situations-"
"I don't need your input, Faust. I don't need to be reminded of my stupid adolescent urges..."
"Oh, oh! Physical Examinations! And you sneaky minx!" Cinder chuckled at Glynda. "Seriously, a slipped bra strap?!"
"It seemed like a good idea at the time!"
The pyromancer rolled her eyes dismissively. "Desperate. Seriously, you need a date, considering you're still that desperate."
"A person can be professional without romance in their life!" Glynda protested.
"Yep, Beth and Tukson prove that just fine." Cinder admitted. "You're just a womanchild at heart. At least I admit it."
"I have nothing to admit, Fall."
"Oh, look, the next chapter!" Cinder declared. "You still have a Yin fetish!"
Glynda crossed her arms, indignant. "Huge cleavage runs in her family! You've seen Yang, right?"
"And the fact that you still ignored Lia's advice just because Momo is cuter than the love child of Madoka and Squid Girl doesn't prove anything?"
"That was years ago!"
"You're not that old."
Gretchen snatched the diary from Cinder's hands and flipped through it. "If you two are quite done squabbling, I intend to read this diary further myself.
Now..." She flipped to the next entry. "...hurm. I don't see why you felt the need to deny that Fruits Basket was inappropriate."
"A-all I said was it was art! I denied nothing!" Glynda roared, shaking her head rigorously.
"I'm more shocked by the fact you mentioned Fruits Basket and Wizards of Romance in the same breath." Cinder said reproachfully, shaking her head sadly.
"Ahh...I remember this duel..." Gretchen nodded slowly. "Miss Branwen was disappointed to have lost to her less serious cousin.
If she had not wasted time with her obsession with honor, perhaps she may have won."
"Yes." Cinder nodded. "Seriously, she takes things too seriously. All 'honor' and 'skill' and stuff.
Such wasted talent. She could've joined the dark side of antics."
"Thankfully, she didn't. "Glynda sighed in relief. "That would've probably signalled the end times..."
Cinder blanched. "Seriously, even Lia?!"
"I-I just wanted to be her friend! I-I wasn't going to try anything!"
Gretchen shook her head. "If only you hadn't wasted your love potion, eh? Maybe you might have succeeded."
"I-I'm telling you, I wasn't going to do that to her! Besides, I felt that she needed friends at the time!" Glynda shook her head. "Honestly, not everything I do is triggered by lust, unlike some people."
Cinder sighed. "You haven't changed a bit.
Eh. We didn't even get to see them making out, either."
"Indeed." The instructor nodded slowly, before looking up. "N-Not that I wanted it to happen! Or wanted to see them do it, o-or anything!
"Slendy-sexual..." Gretchen twitched. "...I'll need to pay a visit to Miss Nikos after this trip."
"Huh?" Cinder scratched her head. "Slendy-se-you know, I don't want to know."
"I don't think I want to either. "Glynda grumbled. "Just keep reading. At least I had the foresight to hide the other volumes from you."
"Oh, I'll find them, don't worry about that~" The pyromancer stated with a smirk. "Don't you worry about that."
...
"Wow." Cinder stared at her friend in disbelief. "Chieri?! I mean, I know she's got the figure of a goddess, but she's not that hot.
You seriously went into the Tournament just to get a kiss from her..."
"G-grah! W-what does it matter, I lost the Festival anyway!" Glynda snapped irritably. "I still can't believe Kotomi beat me..."
Gretchen frowned. "But is it not, as Ozpin claims, the privilege of merely having fought and proven oneself in the arena the beauty of the Cockerel Festival in the first place?"
Cinder and Glynda both stared at her.
"Gretchen, are you entirely sane?"
"That doesn't sound like our Gretchen."
"...disappointing. My attempt to appeal to emotion backfired." The sorceress mused. "It was at least worth a shot."
"Alright." Cinder announced. "The last page of this ridiculously long diary-seriously, Glynda, only people who expect to have their diaries written or boring people have diaries this long!"
"Well, clearly I'm having it read, so at least I prepared for that." Glynda muttered drily.
"Oh, right, your eighteenth birthday!" Cinder laughed. "I still owe you birthday spanks."
"Y-you are not giving those to me! I am a grown woman, and so are you! And anyway, the statute of limitations-"
"Can go screw itself." Cinder giggled, advancing upon Glynda, her hands extended, lust filling her eyes when-
"Ladies, we're here." Ozpin announced calmly from the aisle, drinking a thermos of coffee. Glynda blanched.
"O-Ozpin?!"
"And Glynda, please save such...ahem, affairs for the beach house." The headmaster requested."Now, if you excuse me, I'll be helping unpack our bags."
He walked off, calmly drinking his coffee. Cinder had a huge smirk on her face.
"Busted."
"CINDER FALL" Glynda screamed, half-embarrassed, half-confused. "WHY"
"Because it's fun~"
Needless to say, this was merely the start of many embarrassments for Glynda that vacation.
END
A/N: Next chapter, the Beacon Staff Holiday Retreat! Huge shout out to Half-Blind Otaku, who wrote the Diary, and Little Sun Dragon-Chan, a good friend of mine on here who's recently come back from hiatus, and I wish her all the best in writing!
So, I hope you enjoyed that, leave your ideas, comments, suggestions, reviews, criticisms and thoughts, and I hope you have a GREAT day! Until next time!