Chapter 4 – The Outlaw Gene
Walking into the clubhouse was such a weird feeling. I smiled when I saw the mugshots on the wall and saw Uncle John's. My mother looked nothing like him despite them being siblings. Jax looked a lot like him though.
"I bet you don't recognise most of these guys," Jax said as he walked up beside me, giving me a quick side hug.
"Not really." I shrugged.
I looked around the room and breathed in the familiar smell of beer and cigarettes. The atmosphere was the same. I walked over to the bar, running my hand over the smooth wood until I found the slight notch.
"I remember when you did that," my cousin laughed, "I had never seen so much blood in my life. I thought you were gonna die. Me and Ope were crying so much."
"I didn't even know what death was back then," I said and ran my finger over the scar at the top of my forehead, just under my hairline, "I still have the mark where the wood went in."
My mind went back to being chased around the clubhouse by Jax and Harry, as he was to me then, despite being shouted at by the club members to stop. Mr Winston had grabbed his son by the scruff of his neck but Jax continued until I ran head first into a large splinter of wood hanging off the side of the bar. I remember being in so much pain and feeling winded as warm blood soaked into my hair and down my face. Uncle John had immediately come over to me and started working over my head while my own father stood back and watched everything unfold, seemingly uncaring. My mother was too drunk to notice what was going on. I think that just about sums up my entire life.
The wood of the bar had worn down into a smooth dip over the years.
"Uh, ma'am?"
The voice brought me out of my thoughts and I whipped around to see Juice stood behind me holding what looked like a wad of paper. He looked nervous. I smiled at him when I realised he had called me ma'am. I had never been called that before. He was so sweet.
"You can just call me Viv, Juice, don't worry," I laughed.
"Yes ma'am. Clay told me to give this to you," he handed me the papers; "it's all the info on all the Warren's clients."
"Oh! Thanks. You hacked into their system? Was it easy?"
"Yeah kinda. Their passwords were all 'Warren', except their Porn site accounts. They were all their dogs' name- butter69."
I laughed as he showed me to the table where I guessed everything would be taking place. I wasn't allowed in their actual meeting room so they had pushed some tables together in the bar to make a makeshift conference table with 6 chairs around it. Jax shooed me out of the seat I had chosen and said to sit at the head of the table.
"Seriously? Isn't this your seat?"
"Nah, I sit up there. Besides, you're in charge of this meeting. Just don't tell Clay I told you."
Juice had sat on my left and was looking through all of the information with me but when the other guys filed in behind Clay; he stood up so quickly I jumped and swore.
"Good afternoon Pumpkin," Clay said to me before looking pointedly at Juice who just looked sheepish.
I put my hand on the younger man's forearm and told him to sit down. Once he was seated and the other guys had got all their drinks, I felt a warm hand squeeze my right shoulder. I looked up to see Chibs sitting in the chair on my right, smiling at me, before returning his hand to the table. Tig placed a glass of wine in front of me; clinking his beer bottle against it. I raised an eyebrow at him.
"Should I trust this?" I asked him sceptically.
"Totally up to you sweetheart," Tig joked back, taking his seat beside Juice.
"If I end up passing out," I said, turning to Chibs, "I'm trusting you to look after me."
"Anytime," Chibs said and sipped his beer.
Clay tapped his beer on the table, signalling the start of the meeting. I listened to their plan, nodding and taking notes on the back of the papers Juice had given me. I wasn't going to say what I thought until they had finished explaining it to me. I had decided to trust the wine and sipped it throughout the conversation.
The plan was, essentially, as follows:
Step 1: Get into contact with the clients.
Step 2: Set up meetings with them in their compounds.
Step 3: Get all of them on the SOA client list.
"So," Jax asked, leaning forwards, "what do you think?"
I sipped my wine and looked over the notes I had made, nodding.
"Well," I said carefully, "you have a good overall plan but you need to reel yourselves in a bit; you can't expect all of the clients to want to switch their loyalties. There is 12 groups here, there is bound to be people that don't like the Sons. You need to prepare for that," they all nodded thoughtfully, "even with bribes you're going to struggle. You can't go into their places; its way to dangerous even with all of your guys. It would look like an ambush and set them on edge, not the ideal situation for a good first impression. They also can't come here. You need to find a no man's land, of sorts where you can meet amicably."
Clay scratched his chin and nodded again, "ok, I should have thought of that. Good point."
"How are you going to persuade them? You need at least a rough plan."
"We were kind of hoping you would help with setting up the meetings," Jax said, looking at me hopefully, "and maybe set up a kind of… like a script for me to use."
"And," Chibs interjected, turning towards me, "we would like you to come along."
"Oh. Oh no I don't think I could do that."
"Why?"
I looked at him not knowing what to say. I didn't want to admit that I was afraid. I was afraid, not only of the organisations themselves, but when the Warrens find out what is happening, they will kill me; or they will kill Jax or Gemma. They killed Anya, a random girl that just got in the way; she wasn't even a part of this. They wouldn't think twice about killing anyone related to the Sons. I had just got some family back; I didn't want to lose them.
I realised that I was still looking at him as these thoughts and fears raced through my head and he was looking back with a steady gaze. I blinked but still said nothing. I didn't want him to know I was scared.
"Exactly," he said with a shrug when I didn't reply, "so you can come with us. Besides, you can give them something to look at. They don't wanna look at our ugly mugs."
They all laughed but I couldn't get past the cold feeling in my heart when I thought of Anya. I have tried to push it all from my memory but every time I blinked I saw her blank, lifeless eyes staring after me as I was dragged from the room.
The meeting continued with them making new plans that now involved me and my part in it. I still wasn't convinced that me going along would be a good idea but it had been decided that I was going too.
"You ok, Lass?" I heard Chibs ask.
I blinked quickly over my dry eyes and focused them on him. It was just us sat at the table now, how long had I been staring into space? He had a hand on my upper arm and had ducked his head so that he could look into my face. I cast my eyes over his face and nodded. He was a handsome man, I realised for the first time, very handsome in fact. I felt myself blush at the thought but if he noticed he didn't show it. He slowly let go of my arm with a sceptical look and turned back to the table where he had been squinting at my notes. He sighed in resignation and pulled a pair of glasses out of his front pocket; sliding them on to his face and relaxing his eyes, obviously able to read the writing better.
"Can't see a bloody thing without these anymore," he said when he saw me looking at them.
"They're cute," I said, surprising both myself and him.
I played it off as a joke, laughing at his suddenly shy demeanour and pink cheeks. He cleared his throat and studied the paper intently without moving his eyes. i sat and looked around the bar, Clay and Jax were sat at another table talking quietly. When they caught me looking they nodded their heads at me and Jax smirked. I narrowed my eyes but turned back to Chibs.
"You do all this at uni?" he asked me.
"Yeah a lot of it, some of it is just common sense and some of it must be the outlaw gene though."
He laughed slightly and handed me my notes back.
"And you're sure you don't mind helping us? At least with setting up the meets?"
"Yeah sure," I shrugged, ignoring the images that played through my mind, "it'll take my mind off things. Anyway, I'm going to see if I can find Gemma, I need to make a start on my duties."
I drained the rest of my wine before standing up. As I stood he took hold of my hand and pointed to his cheek with a cheeky grin and a wink; making me laugh and shake my head in disbelief but I bent down to kiss his cheek, placing my hand on his other cheek to hold him in place. He squeezed my hand as a goodbye.
When I turned around I saw Tig with his arms open wide and a grin on his face. I laughed again, stepping into his arms and covering his mouth with my hand so I could get his cheek and not get kissed on the lips again.
"I wish I had never started this," I said as I stepped away from him.
"You can't have favourites, sweetheart, it's just not fair," Tig smiled and looked back at Chibs.
"I don't have favourites! I'm sure I'll get to love you all equally."
"You don't love us now?!" Tig feigned hurt, putting his hand over his heart.
"I literally met you yesterday."
I waited by the car for Gemma. It was coming into late evening now, the stars were peeking through the clouds and looking at them gave me a sense of calm. I had my arms folded and my back leaning against the cold metal as I ran through all of my thoughts. I thought about how much my life changed in a week. I was surrounded by accents that were so strange and yet so familiar, people the same.
I wondered what my friends were doing back at school, how had everybody taken the news of Anya's death? Did people know that I had been lying to them for all those years about my name, who I was, everything? Was Anya's mum angry at me? Probably.
I heard Gemma's shoes coming over the concrete and looked up.
"You did good today Baby," she said as she came closer, hugging me, "they are all so impressed with you. You're fitting right in."
I didn't want to fit in. I wanted a normal life without gun running and killing and death. I wanted to be an accountant in Russia or Spain or Italy.
I smiled at her when she pulled back and slid into my seat.
The drive home was quiet as I was thinking about the past and the future, just everything. I saw why my mother pulled us away from that life but I didn't get why she invited it back in by getting married to Michael. I guess she just wanted someone to love her too. She loved Clay, I know she did, but he never loved her. I was the result of a one night stand 25 years ago and they had both resented my existence ever since. She thought he would stay with her if I was here; she was wrong. I realise now that Michael hated me because I was the child of the enemy, but that was no reason to hurt a child.
"Are you ok?" I heard Gemma ask.
I looked around and saw that we had arrived back to the house and were parked up in the driveway. I nodded at her with a weak smile as I opened the door. We gathered our shopping bags from the back seat and trunk of the car; struggling up to the door with them. This morning felt like a lifetime ago. We had gone shopping in the city where Gemma had bought me all sorts of different clothes. I had brand new shoes, professional clothes, casual clothes, underwear, pyjamas… everything. I was both grateful and felt awkward that I had accepted it. I had protested but then she said that I could pay her back as soon as I got a job, which had made me feel better about the whole thing.
"Don't forget to put all that away in your closet then come down for some dinner, ok? We're having steak."
"Thanks, Gemma. Is Clay coming for dinner?"
"Of course he is, why?"
"I just… I think it's time we had a talk, that's all."
She smiled at me sadly and nodded.
In my room, I heaved all of my stuff on the bed and looked over everything with a sigh. It was almost overwhelming to look at but I made a start on cleaning up and putting everything away, making sure I left out some clothes for the next day and some pyjamas for later before going back down stairs to help Gemma with dinner.
Sitting around the dinner table was quiet while we ate. When Gemma stood to clear the table I decided now was a good a time as any to speak to my father.
"Why didn't you want me?" I asked him, my voice sounding stronger than I felt.
"Viv…"
"I need to know, Clay. Please."
"It's not that I didn't want you, Viv. I couldn't be there for you."
"Why?"
He fixed me with a look that was fixed in my memory from when I was a child. He looked cold and uncaring but there was something in his eyes that looked like regret and pain. I saw that he regretted letting me get taken away but that didn't stop the feelings of resentment that I had towards him.
"I was just a kid, Clay. I shouted for you and you did nothing to help me." I stated when he stayed quiet, "I needed your help for 14 years and you never came."
"I tried, sweetheart," Clay said eventually, "I came to England on more than once but I bet they never told you that, did they? The Warrens have always used you as a bargaining chip. If we didn't give them the guns; if we didn't let them sell dope and crack in Charming, you would be hurt. Your cracked ribs were a warning. The broken jaw was payback for our guys attacking theirs."
"But what was stopping you from coming to get me? You were in England; you knew where I went to school."
"You're uncle John died. They needed to get a new leader. I knew you were safe while you were at the school I sent you to. You had a new identity and I didn't even have to tell you to get one. When I found out that you had finished high school, I paid for you to go to college. I didn't want you in that house."
"You paid for my education? Michael said it was him."
He laughed bitterly and shook his head in disbelief.
"No, Pumpkin, I paid for it all. I went to England, I saw you while you were in… primary school do they call it over there? I found your mom and I told her that if she didn't send you to that private school I was taking you away. In her way she loved you and wanted to know you were safe. I told her that was the best way for that to happen. Michael didn't even know which school you were being sent too.
"When we made that deal with the Warrens, we didn't know they were being watched. The shipment was being followed by law enforcement and some of their guys got arrested; Christopher blamed it on us. Your mom sold you out and told them where to find you."
"Why?"
"Fear. Michael is bad but Christopher makes him look like a kitten. She really had no choice."
I sat back in my chair and tried to digest everything I had just heard. My whole life had been a lie. Mother lied to me about everything. I grew up resenting my dad because I thought he didn't care about me. I didn't know that he sent me away from that house in secrecy to keep me safe because he cared. I hated him.
"I'm sorry Pumpkin, I thought you knew." He said it so sincerely I felt like crying, "When I learnt that your mom had dropped my name off of the end of yours I was pissed. I named you, your mom wanted to call you Alana-May Teller-Morrow. I thought Vivania Teller-Morrow was less of a mouthful. I didn't know how to feel when I found out you had changed it completely and dyed your hair."
I smiled. I didn't know he had named me either. I liked my name; it was unique but held a lot of unhappy memories for me. I didn't even know who Vivania was anymore; I had been Emilia for longer than I had been Vivania. Emilia was cool and sexy woman that got what she wanted whenever she wanted; Vivania was a scared little girl. I didn't know who I was anymore.
"I didn't want anything to do with you. I didn't want your name, or her name, I didn't want blonde hair like you or Mother or John or Jax. I wanted nothing to do with the Sons so I lied about everything. I worked on losing my accent and everything until I wasn't Vivania Teller anymore."
Gemma came back in then. I wondered if perhaps she had been stood listening. I would have been if it was me. She went and stood beside her husband and rubbed his back affectionately. I watched them with a pit in my stomach; I had to look away.
"Thank you for telling me that. I don't know how to feel about it; there's a lot to think about."
"Sleep on it sweetheart," Gemma said softly, "you've got a big day tomorrow."
I looked back up at her with a nod.
When I stood up Clay held his hand out to me. I hesitantly took it and he kissed the top of my hand tenderly. I knew I was seeing a side of Clay that perhaps even Jax had rarely seen; a kind side to him that he had probably saved just for me. I smiled slightly but when he told me that he loved me, I couldn't say it back but I think they understood. I stepped away with a small nod and went back upstairs to sit and digest everything that I had just been told.
Miss Vanjie, Miss… Vaaaaangie- real life sucks right now so I want to throw myself into this pretend one. Who else is watching the new season of RuPaul right now? I fucking love it.
This is a crappy update, I know and I've expositioned you all to death but I felt like there was air that needed to be cleared between Vivania and her dad. The next chapter I think things are going to get more exciting. Things are going to start happening soon I promise.
To the guest reviewer/s asking for her to pair with Happy, this is a Chibs fic but I do have an idea for a Happy one. He is Daddy #2. Don't think I have forgotten about him.
Until next time,
Doe xx