Eyes closed but not fully asleep. I lay soundly, listening to the same old morning routine. Doors slamming, voices booming...the telltale sounds of yet another day commencing. I kept my eyes closed, not wanting to wake entirely just yet. Instead I turned, my back now facing whoever would walk in within the next few minutes.

Today didn't feel any different than any other day. I was reluctant to get up, unwilling to experience the same thing that I had been forced to live day after day for around four years. I didn't know exactly how much time I'd spent in here. Anyway, why did it matter?
What I did know though, what I knew all too well was the feeling of complete and utter solitude. My time in this place seeming to be never-ending.

The sound of my door opening pulled me out of my thoughts for just a moment. I braced my self somewhat lazily for the heated outrage that would no doubt come since I wasn't out of bed. That I wasn't standing obediently in the middle of the room waiting for whoever it was doing the count today. To my surprise however, I heard nothing but a sigh followed by the sound of the clicker. Strange. Sneaking a squinting look over my shoulder, I saw that I was again alone. My door left open and the bright light above it now fading until I knew for sure the count had been finished successfully.

Unfortunately I was completely awake now so with a groan of dissatisfaction I sat up, running my fingers through my hair as a makeshift hairbrush before standing and stretching each tired muscle I had gained while sleeping. Without much thought, I grabbed a towel from the corner of the room and pulled it along as I left. It was only a brisk walk to the shower room and once I entered, I was surprised to see that it wasn't full today. Usually there was a line out the door.
Frowning, I waited my turn outside the stall that I had always used since I first arrived. Thankfully I didn't have to wait long, the girl who was showering soon realised that I was waiting for her to finish and with a ninety degree bow, she quickly rushed out. I rolled my eyes as I noted the shampoo still in her hair before climbing inside and stripping off, laying my clothes neatly outside of the stall.

Feeling my eyes close as the still-warm water trickled down my face, I suppressed a moan as the water did wonders for my aching muscles. I would spend hours under the shower if I could, but I wasn't going to be selfish. Quickly washing my hair and then towel drying it, I climbed out before wrapping the same fabric around my body.

It was all the same repetitive routine. Wake up, shower, get dressed….then go back to bed to read. It's what I did every morning. I was always eager to escape my reality by delving into another within whatever book I had chosen. It helped, it really did.

But for some reason, today I didn't. Instead after dressing, I found myself leaving the room and walking down the now reasonably occupied corridor. My hands plunged into the soft, warm depths of my jacket pockets as I strolled, a small smirk showing at how my fellow inmates cleared a path for me. I ignored the whispering as I left them behind and continued on. I didn't really have a destination in mind, I just wanted to walk. I wanted to look around and take in every detail.

Its funny. Although I had been here for such a long period of time, it amazed me how much I had refrained from observing the building that imprisoned me. I hadn't noticed how the steel beams above held just as much rust as they did dust, I hadn't seen how the walls weren't the colour I thought they had been. I hadn't observed how the floor contained specks of dirt or mud that were most likely completely irremovable now.
I examined each thing I came across for a while, taking it all in until the familiar sound of a whistle signified recreation was about to start.

As the routine commenced, I lined up and once outside, decided to take a seat at the many benches, one that wasn't occupied but enabled me to watch over every single inmate that was in the yard. I studied each one, their behaviour, their mannerisms. Some were with the friends they had met here while some, like me, were sitting alone. I wondered about them, how much time each one had left. I wondered about their families - Would they have someone waiting for them when the cage doors opened, or would they walk away and cease to exist. Would they return?

So many questions that could have been answered by me simply asking them, befriending them. Only I didn't want that. I had never wanted to make friends here, knowing that I could possibly have shared such a great bond with someone….only to have to leave them behind. Seeing someone I cared about in the windows, watching as I turned my back on them and disappeared. Leaving them in the hell that I had endured and somehow managed to escape from. I couldn't do that, I refused to lose anybody and I in turn refused to be lost from somebody when my time finally came.

Freedom was a word I could never escape from. It was the one thought that would never go away, no matter how much I tried. It was the dream...inside the nightmare.

I kept faith, knowing someday I would be free but I didn't know when, or how. I couldn't ever imagine that someone would walk into my life and try so hard to get me out of the place that had held me captive for so many years. But it happened. After that, freedom came like a flood and changed every aspect of the landscape of my existence.

When I first heard that they would cut my sentence down, that in a matter of months I would be free….it was as if I wasn't even in the moment. It was like an out of body experience, completely and utterly surreal. But the real thing that hit me, was that when I was led back to my room….I had nobody to tell. I had no one to ring up and let know that I would be 'home' soon. My family were long gone. Friends? I wasn't sure I had any.

The one main friend I had all that time ago, was Jessica. I met her, along with many other of my colleagues that I could work with comfortably but were so different than her. She and I trained together, got accepted into the police force together…we were never apart. I didn't gain any proper friendships with the other members of the force, and maybe that was my mistake. Every ounce of my attention was put into her only for everything to happen on that one fateful day.

Nothing prepares you for being present at the death of a loved one. The emotional enormity of the experience and the rarity of its kind. Her death was something that you would only expect to see in the plot of a film, something completely unbelievable.

Sometimes, I'd imagine just that. I could picture the audience hushing at that part. There would be no laughter, no jokes just…complete silence. As the plot would unfold, each one would stare at the screen, mouths agape. Half in wonder, half in terror. Wondering how a person could be so evil and how such a man could laugh at what he was seeing in front of him. How the screams of finality were drowned out by the ultimate ending. Tears would fall, the reaction of the woman who had lost everything in that one moment being the final scene. The audience would wonder how she would live on, that surely there would be some aspect of psychological trauma for the rest of her life.

But then the credits would roll. And then the list of people's names next to their characters would come. It wasn't real. They would laugh at themselves for being so silly as to cry at something that was make believe. It was just a movie.

But for me, it was very, very real. It had been like my world had stopped spinning. All sounds had stopped, everything frozen. All that was there for me to focus on was the death of what would have been someone that I'd spend my entire life with. How do you get past something like that?

The answer? You don't.

You don't get to start over. You don't get to wipe the slate clean, forget every moment, every second that caused the once searing pain that is now only emptiness. It doesn't work like that. The trauma stays with you, it consumes you. Every waking moment is spent just as it was when you saw the tragedy happen. Everything stops.

Watching a loved one die peacefully when it's their time to go? That's closure. Watching a young woman that had only just begun living getting her life ripped away from her and being unable to stop it from happening...that is different. You don't get closure. You don't get to say that 'that's the way she would have wanted to die' because, that would be the furthest thing from the truth.

It's different.

For many years, I didn't know I was capable of smiling anymore. What reason did I have to actually do it? I was locked up, abused by the staff, spent every other week in solitary and kept repeating the same moment in my head over and over. That was until she came along. She was someone who I treated inexcusably. The last person I could call a friend.

The way Jessica died was similar to the way I felt when I realised I no longer had anyone. It felt like I had a bomb within me…that every burst of anger I had given out had made it tick down faster until finally it exploded just like the one that had taken her. Only I was alive yet still unable to pick up the pieces, unable to fix things as already I had pushed everyone away.

Officer Kwon was the one who came to me. The one who called my name and number without so much as a smile. I couldn't say I blamed her. I knew what her issue with me was, and I completely understood why she thought she had to glare at me every now and then once Tiffany had left. I would have done the same.

"Hands behind your back," She ordered, grabbing the bag that was filled with my possessions from my hands before motioning for me to go to her. I obeyed, not missing how the handcuffs became tighter and tighter until I was forced to grunt to tell her to stop. She then pushed me to walk in front of her as we went to a part of the prison I vaguely remembered being in when I was first brought here.

Time passed, Kwon pulling on the chain between the handcuffs every now and then so they would dig into my wrists painfully and would no doubt leave marks. It was most likely something to remember her by. I bit my tongue as I stood, when finally my number was called again and I, along with a few others were loaded onto the prison bus.

Still cuffed, Kwon was to sit next to me and make sure I didn't do anything that could make my stay at the prison a longer one. Although I knew she would indeed love that, I was on my best behaviour.
Noises were amplified as the bus started up and pulled off, travelling to an unknown destination. I didn't know how all this worked, surely they couldn't just let me go straight away. Clearly not, the bus didn't approach the solid iron gates that stayed shut for the meantime. Instead it travelled to the back of the prison, stopping and letting off other prisoners at different units until it was just I and three others left.

All of a sudden I felt a jab to my side, my cue to follow Kwon to the entrance of the bus once it had reached its end target. My legs felt almost like rubber as I stepped off the bus, perhaps because I was walking in an area of the prison that had previously been forbidden to me. I was led into what looked like a holding room where I, along with the others stood and waited.

It was like an endless waiting game. Soon their names and numbers were called, and then finally it was my turn. The handcuffs were taken off and my property bag was shoved into my hands by the ever-friendly Officer Kwon, and soon I was ordered to take out each and every item. Making sure nothing was contraband, the people in charge wrote down what it contained and then handed it back over to Kwon while I was handcuffed yet again.

It only got better as I was pushed and locked into a room with the woman herself, and then ordered to strip. Trying to contain myself due to the looks she was giving me as I shed my clothes, I clenched my jaw while she performed the degrading acts that apparently were necessary if I ever wanted to leave. Not one to argue at this point, I did as I was told albeit with shame and once over, quickly got dressed while she continued to look me up and down.

Everything became a blur as I was whisked away from room to room, my photo and fingerprints taken, forced to change clothes in front of many members of staff until finally…the words I'd been longing to hear.

Officer Kwon came to me, my bag in hand which again was shoved into my arms with unnecessary force. "Here's everything you have, Kim. Books, sketches, the money you had left the commissary as well as a cheque from the Inmate Trust Fund. Now..." She paused, looking down on me for I hoped would be the last time. "Get out of here."

It was then that I was led to those same solid iron gates, and I witnessed them finally… after all of this time begin to open for me. There were no words I could say as I saw what was beyond the place that I had belonged to for more than four years of my life. My body began to tremble as I found walking was not easy anymore. All I had to do was put one foot in front of the other but the sensory overload of seeing the mountains in the distance, the roaring of engines, the sirens and then the wind blowing forcefully against my body was enough to make me collapse.

Squinting to see all that I could while the sun shone down heavily, I flinched as the gates that were now behind me began to close. Shutting me out of the prison forever. That was a sight I would never, ever forget. Watching as Kwon and the other Officers in turn watched me until we could no longer see each other. It emitted a shiver up my spine yet I couldn't quite stop the urge to lay my hand on the metal, as if to say goodbye.

I must have spent a few minutes doing just that until I was disturbed by someone clearing their throat, obviously aiming to ruin whatever moment I was to trying to derive from the action. Turning my head, I realised there was a car parked just a few feet from the gates. Whether it had just pulled up or had been there through my momentary loss of mental function was a mystery, but when I saw the figure that was being shielded by the rays of the sun walk closer, I couldn't help the smile I gave when I recognised her and everything she had done for me.

Bora.

She was the one who had made all of this possible. She had helped me through every problem my case had held, she had taken everything that was thrown at her and turned it into this incredible result. More tears fell as she approached until she was standing just in front of me, her and Kwon's features almost identical through blurred vision.

"Kim Taeyeon." She smiled, opening her arms wide to show what we had accomplished together. "This is it, huh? We finally meet outside those walls!"

"I guess so." I chuckled, still fighting to stop the flow from my eyes as I took in everything around me.

"What are your plans? Where do you want to go?"

And then everything came into focus again. I didn't have anywhere to go. I perhaps had enough money to stay at a hotel for a few days, but not enough to survive for the long term. Do I stay in Seoul? Or do I go back to my hometown, despite not having anything left for me there. I suddenly had the weight of the world in my hands. I needed to find a job, yet what employer would hire somebody who had been in prison for four years. I was….lost.

'Humans are social creatures; you can tell yourself all you want that being alone makes you happy but there will come a time when you want somebody there, right next to you.'

I'd never taken in the full magnitude of her words until now. She was right, yet I had completely ignored her because I of course was in control, I didn't need to listen to a word she said because I had plenty of time to think about what I wanted to do when I left prison. Yet here I was, everything had happened in a whirlwind and I hadn't made time to plan my future. I was lost and alone.

"Taeyeon?"

Looking up at her, I suddenly felt self-conscious at the fact that I had absolutely nothing to offer her for all she had done for me. "I uh…" I bowed my head , unable to hold it up high any longer due to the embarrassment that I had become.

Bora watched my behaviour thoughtfully before placing her palm on the small of my back and pulling me along with her. Confused, I began to ask where she was taking me.

"You're coming with me," she smiled, opening the passenger side for me where I was half forced into the leather seat.

"Going where?" I asked, uncertainty etched into my features. "I don't-"

"Its fine." She said as she walked around the back of the car and relaxed back into the driver's seat. "Trust me."

They were the last words spoken before we set off on our journey, the destination unknown to me.

I had never been in a car capable of so much speed before. The feeling of driving fast was like nothing else I had ever felt. It starting as we sat waiting at the traffic lights, my heart beating faster as if I was preparing to run in a race. Sliding my fingers down the smoothness of the car as my hand hung out the window, I looked over to Bora and could see she was experiencing the same feeling. Tensing up, perhaps in excitement as we awaited the green light and when it finally did happen and she hit the gas pedal…our eyes grew wide as the car accelerated. And when I closed them for a split second, suddenly it was like we were travelling at the speed of light. It was an experience like no other.

It took all I had to stop the smile from taking over my face. I sensed Bora watching me now and then, taking in my reactions to even the simplest things and because of that, I turned my head away from her where my facial expressions could not be seen and scrutinised. Despite what we had been through together, I still didn't trust her enough to let her in completely.

"I bet you cant believe this is real, huh?" She suddenly asked, again looking over. "Seeing the outside world again. It must be strange…"

"Something like that." I murmured, looking nowhere but out the window.

"Any specific place that you really wanted to go to once you were released?"

Now that, was a question. Was there? I remember the topic coming up once or twice when Tiffany was around… but I don't think we touched on it again after that.
All I dreamt of was freedom, there was nothing in particular. There was no place that I longed to go, nothing except outside those gates.

But then upon seeing the beautiful scenery pass by as Bora drove, I remembered something. Something in my past, back when I was a child. A picture had been taken of me by a family member that was no longer around and the urge to go back to a place that would remind me further of my childhood and the happiness I had felt was instantaneous.

Bora was unaware that I was no longer paying attention. "Everyone has a place where they go to escape. You must have had at least one growing up or-"

"Wait!" I cried as after squinting, what was in the distance was clear. It was my place. Turning to her, I asked if she could stop the car.

"What, why?" She replied, looking around to see what it was I was wanting until I grabbed her arm softly, making her look at me.

"Please."

Bora paused, looking at me with somewhat of a suspicious look Maybe she thought I'd run as soon as she let me out. But then surprisingly she nodded, albeit with a small and confused frown as I got out of the car and began briskly walking away from her.

"Taeyeon! Where-?"

I was no longer listening as my destination neared. It was all I wanted in that moment and I needed to see it up close. Soon her voice drowned out completely. I had no cell phone, no way to contact her if we lost each other but…that could be worried about later.

As I walked closer, the horizon stretched across my entire field of view, the massive expanse of blue-green water only a few feet ahead. Following the pathway from the street, finally I reached the long stretch of white sand that I had caught sight of back at the car. It wasn't a moment later that I had taken off my shoes and resumed walking through the soft powder-like substance. The sun shining down had made it hot yet not so that it was unbearable. I couldn't remember feeling this way, like I was home. And feeling the soft smooth sand beneath my feet only reinforced that feeling, taken in by the soothing atmosphere that encircled me. All the pressures and the worries that I'd repressed, the problems and troubles, the stress…all that drifted away.

My eyes remained active, taking in every single detail of the surroundings that they could manage as I further approached. Even from where I was, I could hear the waves crash as they hurtled towards the shore, washing up onto the sand and then receding back toward the water. Washing up…then flowing back down. The ever-repeating rhythm that I had somehow forgotten the sound of.

I felt the mist from the ocean on my skin as I got closer until the warm sand beneath my feet became wet and firm. Another wave washed over the sand towards me, gracefully touching my toes before withdrawing back. Taking a step forward, I finally felt the waves wash over me. The ocean represented escape, new beginnings…all while effortlessly reflecting the most incredible colour in the way that only it can.

Venturing further into the almost clear water, I gazed down at the sand under the now softer waves before looking back up to see the horizon in the distance. This was the moment that I had needed to remind me that the world was so much bigger than a prison yard, and had so much more to offer. No description could truly capture its majesty, yet only a few words could express its beauty.

I was so overwhelmed with my surroundings that I didn't hear Bora approach from behind. She came to a stop just beside me and stared for just a moment before turning and watching the waves with me.

"What are you doing?" She asked quietly as if her normal tone would ruin the serenity of it all.

My eyes fluttered to a close when the wind blew with more strength, strands of hair crossing my face while I suppressed the urge to hold out my arms to feel the force all over my body. Instead I inhaled deeply, the smell of the salty sea at its strongest now as it travelled through the gust.

I felt a tear fall while the corners of my mouth tugged into a wide open smile. I didn't bother to wipe it away, self-consciousness was the last thing on my mind right now.

"You look different. Its like you finally look at peace with the world." Bora murmured, turning to me. "It's actually really beautiful to see."

She stayed by my side, it must have been hours. Walking along the water's edge while simultaneously taking in the scenery. I couldn't get enough. The fascination only got more intense as I watched the rhythmic pounding of the waves crashing against the shore, the way the sun shone off the rippling water. Its golden light warped in the twisted, glass-like ocean.

As more time passed, the sand began to get cooler when the sun disappeared and mid-day turned to evening. Finding a nice spot not far from the ocean but not too close either, I sat facing the water. Bora stayed standing, folding her arms across her body as the temperature fell.

"Did you ever think you'd be able to do this again?"

I thought for a minute before answering. "No. I knew and acknowledged that one day I'd be free, but to picture it so vividly wasn't something I could do. I didn't know I could feel this way again." I replied honestly. "I think I figured holding onto hope and not having it happen within the time frame I wanted would make my stay more painful than it was already. Shutting everything out was easier."

From the corner of my eye I saw her nod at my words, understanding. Glancing up at her, I found what I had wanted to say for a while now came to me easier than expected.

"Thank you."

I don't think she was expecting such genuine gratitude from me because as soon as the words left my mouth, she raised her eyebrows as if waiting for an insult to come next. However, when nothing followed, she lowered her head and gave a small smile to herself, perhaps thinking I couldn't see it.

I watched on as Bora sat down beside me, at first making sure there was a significant distance between us due to knowing my discomfort with certain contact but then…she thought against it. After a slight pause, she shuffled along on the sand until there was just a few inches between our two bodies.

"You're very welcome, Taeyeon."

We sat there a while and in complete silence. All that was heard were the waves and the distant sound of seagulls flying above the water. Of course, that was until she spoke.

"If I stand up and have sand on my ass, I'm totally going to kill you. I hope you know that."

I turned to her, seeing the absolute serious look on her face complete with a raised eyebrow and I lost it. I hadn't laughed like that in a long time, and I think she knew it too because I could feel her watching me in disbelief before finally joining in herself.

As our laughter faded, she reinforced the threat by saying that she really did mean it. I snorted to reply which was covered up by the fact that my stomach had started growling. Bora chuckled, standing up and holding out her hand for me. I didn't hesitate to take it and soon we were up and laughing again at how she had to slap the sand from the seat of her smart work trousers.

"I warned you."

"I could take you down in a second." I replied with a smirk, one that was met by her holding her hands up in mock defeat. Making our way back to the car, my stomach rumbled again, Bora rolling her eyes at the sound.

"I promise you food and you make us take a detour. Now, get in before I change my mind." She said as she squinted her eyes my way. She got a small smile in return as I buckled my seatbelt and we went on our way. Wherever that may have been.

It was close to an hour later when she took out her phone and started typing something.

"So, how many people have you tried to save from going to jail for texting and driving?" I asked cockily, beginning to get a lot more comfortable being myself with the lawyer.

"Shut up, you. I'm not texting, I'm calling." She said as she held the phone to her ear. Like that was a whole lot better.

As I stared out the window, I could hear the ringing audibly. Looking back over to Bora, I could see she had since placed the phone in her lap face up. I could only just make out the contact name.

'Tiff'

No. What, was this her plan? Was she… Quickly looking at the surroundings, I realised that this didn't look like Seoul anymore….Come to think of it, there aren't oceans in that location either.

"What are you playing at?" I snapped.

Caught off guard slightly at the sudden hostility, Bora frowned. "What's your problem?" The phone continued to ring as she spoke. "I'm simply phoning a friend. Do you have an issue with that?"

"Where are we?"

Bora didn't answer, and I began to get angry at her audacity to call Tiffany while I was right here.

"I said, where the hell are w-"

"Hello?"

The suddenness of her voice flooding throughout the car caused an almost automatic action, that being to clench my fist yet restrain myself from hitting it against something. Words began to gather at the tip of my tongue to say out loud. They would have come tumbling out if it weren't for Bora holding her finger against her lips. Gritting my teeth, I listened while turning my face away from her, pushing my ear against the head rest of my seat as if that would prevent me from hearing the conversation that was yet to come.

I sat in silence while I wondered what this whole plan was. Suppose we were in Busan….surely she didn't expect the three of us to meet up and pretend that nothing had ever happened? Didn't she know how Tiffany and I had left things at the prison? We were both angry, furious even. And then the phone call happened which only served to make me feel worse about myself. And then the letter…

"Hey, its me." Bora replied, I could hear the smile in her voice.

"And…what do you want?" Tiffany asked, and it was almost like I could picture her rolling her eyes. She and I had that habit whenever anybody annoyed us. It was maybe the only thing we had in common.

"Hey, you should really be nicer to me since, you know…I am driving over to come and see you."

There it was - confirmation. I already knew, but hearing it from Bora only served to make the slight nauseous feeling gain magnitude. I couldn't do this, not now.

"You're what?!" She squealed. "Why didn't you tell me? I'm not even ready! Wait…how far away are you? Are you coming over?"

Bora laughed at her overreaction, and I could hear Tiffany in turn huff at Bora's reaction. "I thought we could meet up at the little coffee place near your apartment?"

"Right okay. Good. Because my place is…not the best right now." She groaned while I began to wonder what her 'place' really did look like. I didn't think she was that unorganised, but then again I've never seen her in her own environment so I wouldn't know.

"I can imagine." Bora replied. "Anyway I'm about half an hour away. But I can drive really slowly if-"

"Thirty minutes is plenty of time, thank you very much." Tiffany responded curtly with somewhat of an attitude. I held back a small smile at the fact that she didn't take Bora's shit either. "But still, you could have warned me."

"Yeah, yeah. What fun would that be?" She smirked. "I want to talk to you about you know who's case."

My head snapped back to stare at her. She had mentioned me in conversation and instantly thoughts began to race through my mind as to what Tiffany's reaction would be.

"Oh…"

Bora glanced over at me to witness the frown make its way between my brows. "What?" She asked, still looking my way.

There was a slight pause before Tiffany answered. "No, nothing. I wanted to know something…but it doesn't matter. It can wait until I see you."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure."

I didn't really know what to think of that. Once Bora had said her goodbyes and hung up, I think she could tell the mood in the car had dropped.

"You okay?" She asked, keeping her eyes on the road.

"What do you think? What could possibly give you the idea that this would all turn out alright?"

"It will be." She replied. "I know her. You'll be fine."

I felt the rage build up within me. While part of me acknowledged she was just trying to do good here, the other half of me was pissed that she could be so stupid.

"What if I don't want to see her?" The tone of my voice got louder with each burst of my breath until I was ultimately shouting. "What the fuck did you just do?" She didn't answer me, didn't even look my way. "I don't want to do this, Bora. I'm not ready for this. I don't want to face her!"

"Good. Let it out."

I barely even heard her. I was too overcome with emotions. "I tried to fix it but I couldn't. Instead she walked away, which is just what she did that day she left her job in Seoul."

"Why did she walk away, Taeyeon?" She was pushing me and I wanted to leave but couldn't. I was trapped in this makeshift interrogation room and I began to panic. Instead of stopping the car, Bora repeated her question. "Why did she walk away?"

"You know why." I growled.

"Tell me."

"Because I'm a terrible person, is that what you want to hear?" I said as I thumped my fist against the leather seat. "Because I couldn't tell her I wanted her to stay." My eyes began to glaze as the truth was forced from my lips. "Because I'm so fucking terrified of feeling this way again and I don't want it to end like it did before! I don't want..." I gasped as I grabbed the edge of the chair and squeezed with all my might.

We stopped at another red light and Bora looked over at me, pity in her eyes at my state.

"Do you want to know what I think?" She didn't wait for an answer. "I think what you're scared of is the thought of moving on from your first love. You're scared of betraying her and you're scared because Tiffany makes you feel like you want to run and stay at the same time. You want to run now, I can tell. Now you're in the open world, you could run and she wouldn't be able to find you. Is that what you want?"

"I-"

"Right now, you think I'm throwing you into the deep end when you just cant swim yet and in a way…yes, that's exactly what I'm doing. Don't you want to know what you and her have together could evolve into? If its more than just casual and illegal sex?"

I bowed my head, maybe in exhaustion…maybe as a sign of giving up. Bora didn't take kindly to that.

"If you want me to turn the car around I will. But just know that I will tell Tiffanyeverything. I will ring her right here while she's sat waiting for us and tell her that you are out of prison and that you didn't want to see her. You didn't want to thank her for all she's done for you and you want to be the same old selfish piece of shit you have always portrayed yourself to be. That nothing has changed since she locked you in your cell and walked away. Is that what you want, Taeyeon?"

I could feel her staring at me with about as much anger as I had previously held. When my eyes met hers, I knew she was serious. Completely serious. I felt a tear drop and make its way down my cheek before I shook my head and turned the opposite way, wanting to avoid the glare that was so much like her cousin's.

"Good." She snapped back. "Because I don't want to even imagine the look on her face if I had to tell her that." Truthfully, I didn't either.

The car fell into silence again, yet this time it was slightly hostile and I really didn't like it. If I was nervous, then this certainly wasn't helping. In an attempt to ease the atmosphere, I began to speak though Bora quickly cut me off with a sudden change of tone.

"You know, if you don't ask her out, I will."

My reaction was instantaneous. "What?"

"You heard me."

The idea of her and Tiffany being intimate again was enough to make my blood boil. I didn't hate Bora, but I did hate picturing her touching Tiffany in that way. I didn't know whether she was trying to push me again or whether she was being serious but either way, I didn't like it. One bit.

"No."

"No?" She replied, quite clearly holding back her laugh. "No? What do you mean no?"

I said nothing, because I had given my input. No. That wasn't going to happen.

"Because she's already taken?" She pressed. "She's not. She is single and-"

"Clearly you and Tiffany don't belong together." I blurted out, cursing myself inwardly as I witnessed the smile begin to spread across her face. Quickly thinking, I added "Otherwise why would we be on our way to meet her? You wouldn't need me here to ask her out. What do you want, some moral support? All you are is a one-night stand."

"Oof!" She cried out as she began to laugh. "Feisty!"

Hopefully now she got the point that I didn't want to talk about this anymore. We were still on our way to meet Tiffany and that was enough, I really didn't need her trying to push my buttons any more than she had been already.

She opened her mouth to speak yet again, clearly not reading the warning I was giving her. This time though, I got there first.

"Don't you fucking dare say another word."

"Okay, okay I'm done." She replied, shooting me a small wink as she continued. "I'm sorry, okay? All I want is for you to just be comfortable with how you feel about her because I'm warning you now, Tiffany is not going to run to you anymore. She's not going to keep trying with you like she did in prison. This is the only, and I mean the onlychance to be something with her."

I realised that, but deep down I didn't think I was ready to take that plunge.

"Seriously, If you don't tell her how you feel, that's it. I mean, she already thinks she's moved on." A beat, some uneasiness settling around my heart. "Of course, I know better. She hasn't. After your letter and your phone call, she kept on and on about finally having closure. But its obvious that she hasn't completely stopped thinking of you. She hasn't gone on dates… she's talked about no one except you. Taeyeon this, Taeyeon's case that…" I smiled at that, Bora noticing and quickly wiping it away. "But don't expect her to feel that way forever. If you fuck up this meeting, it'll be the straw that breaks the camel's back. Trust me on that one." She paused, letting the information sink in. "Do you hear me?"

"Loud and clear." I replied, albeit with a breathy sigh. Bora was right. She had always been right.

I couldn't sit on the fence with this anymore. It felt like having Tiffany, and not having her at the same time was the easiest way to back out if I needed to which I did, many times while in prison. I wouldn't call her mine, I didn't tell her that I liked her or that I loved her because if things got too intense and I panicked…I could always escape from that. I could walk away and have some breathing space. I wasn't a girlfriend to her, so I didn't owe her anything other than what I chose to give.

In the end though…she was the one who did the walking away and honestly, that had shocked me. When she finally gave up and slammed that door behind her, I felt like the life had seeped from my body. I didn't want her to leave, yet I hadn't told her that I wanted her to stay. There is no in-between. I was terrified of commitment, yet it was either that or losing her completely.

"I know this is a lot to take in at once, and I did sort of kidnap you with this in mind. For that I apologise. Maybe I should have asked you beforehand but-"

"No," I cut in. "If you had, I wouldn't have come. You were right to do it this way."

Bora nodded and suddenly I felt all was okay again. I didn't want to hate her, I knew she was trying to help me. She had already helped me, I mean look where I was now. In the open world where I could continuously walk without hitting a wall that would further trap me.

"I spent a lot of time hating you, you know." I looked to her, seeing the smirk on her face as she pursed her lips my way. "But now I kind of like you. You're a good kid."

"Well that wasn't completely offensive or condescending at all..." I retorted sarcastically, rolling my eyes yet again. Bora laughed, then reached over to turn on the radio, blasting music from her car and most likely deafening me in the process.

"Now this, is living." She grinned, speeding the last few miles away.

It all hit home when we pulled up outside the coffee shop. Was this really going to happen? After all this time…I was going to see her again. I was going to see and speak to Tiffany in a natural setting. And it wasn't like she was expecting me either. Bora hadn't told her that I was being released today. For all Tiffany knew, it could still be weeks away and so she was going to be thrown in the deep end too. We were both in the same sort of situation but only I had had time to process it. Suddenly I started to worry for her instead of myself and that was even scarier.

The air began to get thicker, my throat having issues letting it in and out properly without wheezing. Panicking internally, I began to wonder if I could still avoid this whole thing without anyone getting hurt. Looking up to Bora beside me though, I knew she was serious about the threat of telling Tiffany. And the thought of her 'personally helping' Tiffany to get over whatever feelings she had left for me….

"Focus. Now, follow me."

I did as she asked, and soon we entered the café. Immediately I began scanning each person inside, ignoring my growling stomach due to the incredible aroma of freshly made coffee and pastries constantly filling my nostrils.

Continuing trying to keep up with Bora, I suddenly sensed it was my time to lag behind and then come to a stop when I saw she entered a booth not too far away from where I was now standing. I watched as she tapped the one who occupied the seat on the shoulder, a beam spreading across her face when the woman jumped up to hug her. There was no doubting who it was.

I could honestly say that in that moment, I'd never seen anything more beautiful. It was her in her natural surroundings. No uniform, no handcuffs...no stern facade and no dimly-lit rooms that only cast shadows across her features.

She had her hair loose, cascading down her back in subtle curls. It was the same colour but somehow looked so different compared to the last time I had seen her. Her clothes were casual, yet smart and they fitted her well unlike her old uniform. Beauty radiated from every pore of hers and it was only now that I fully realised it.

Yet another thing that I had taken for granted.

I had treated her like she wasn't even worthy of being in my presence when actually in fact...it was quite the opposite.

I heard the two laughing together, clearly eager to catch up on whatever had happened since they had last seen each other and suddenly I felt out of place. I was intruding on what Tiffany thought was a private meet up between friends. She was happy, and I was going to ruin that...like I've always done.

Again I thought about avoiding this situation, it wasn't just because I didn't want her to turn and to lose her smile, it was because I was scared. What if Bora was wrong, what if Tiffany caught sight of the woman who turned her world upside down and instead of being forgiving...what if she in turn ran. What if what happened before happened again...what if she left me behind?

And then suddenly, silence. It was like the world had stopped - A familiar feeling. My heart began to pump more and more viciously and a strange warmth spread over my entire body only to be replaced instantly with a shiver when I saw Bora motion over to me. I stood wide eyed as I saw Tiffany turn as if in slow motion. Just as I feared, she turned with a smile only to quickly lose it when she lay her eyes on me. That look, followed by a gasp and then her voice trembling just like I imagined mine would if I even attempted to speak right now.

"Is that...?" Her voice was unmistakable. "Bora is that...?"

I heard the crack in that voice as well as the confusion as to why and how I could be here. I couldn't do this. I couldn't look at her knowing that there were no walls separating us, no rules that could get her into trouble. I was in her world now. I was helpless here, I wasn't protected.

"Tae...?"

Please don't call me that…It was as if I was on the verge of a breakdown, my body tensing immediately as I felt an arm envelop my shoulders. A familiar voice whispering in my ear telling me I could do it, and that she was there for me every step of the way. She repeated what she had told me in the car, that she knew this wasn't easy for me and she believed in me. She began pushing me forward until I was standing right in front ofher.

And as our eyes met for the first time within this proximity since she was with me in Seoul, all of a sudden we were back in the dimly-lit solitary cell where we had shared that accidental kiss. Our first kiss. I was thrust back behind those impenetrable walls yet... somehow I didn't feel scared anymore because she was there with me. I wasn't alone. I could reach for her and hold on and she wouldn't go anywhere, she wouldn't leave.

Time stopped. Noises erased. The only thing that I could hear being our breathing, panting almost as if we had both just run for our lives. We had kissed, and it had taken the breath out of both of us, robbed us of it.

I was naked if not for a towel and shivering, and she was wet and still under the impression that she didn't feel for women but despite all of that, we looked nowhere but at each other. The coldness then disappeared, followed closely by the light pouring into the room until she was clear. Until I could see every inch of her standing here in front of me in this coffee shop.

I watched on while her deep brown eyes filled as she took in my presence, and suddenly mine were too. My tear dropped first, followed instantly by hers. She and I. Her and me.

I saw her jaw clench for what must have been a millisecond before it opened aimlessly in a gape. Disbelief. Utter confusion were her features as her eyes left mine to take all of my small stature in.

My eyes closed, only for a moment and it was only a fraction longer than a blink but it seemed much longer. In those few moments I concentrated on something else. The sound of my heart speeding up until it was going at a pace that was quite familiar to me now.

And when I felt another tear drop, I was engulfed in the tightest hug I had ever been given. Her sweet scent overpowering anything the pastries could offer and before I knew it, I was hugging her back with just as much force. Maybe even more so.