Stephanie Hwang
He is one adorable person. My mind was occupied by him throughout the day and ever since the little 'date' on his boat I will never get over that day.
I can't get over how charming Taeng is. He treats me with such respect and tenderness, he isn't pushy or overbearing he's just right. He's playful and not serious most of the time. When I saw him step out of the car I felt like I was watching a commercial for a Gucci ad. His hair was combed over to the side and he was wearing a blue dress shirt that was rolled up to his elbows and wore a blue navy tie that rested upon his chest. I could smell his perfume; it smelt like clean sandalwood and I also got a whiff of his after shave too
It's as if everything bad was wiped away during that moment. My harsh memories, and my worries were gone. Like they disappeared, vanished and never to be seen again till it slowly crept up in my mind as the feeling of the day with Taengo went away slowly.
I've always had a habit of reacting negatively to someone's touches. But every time he touched me, it felt normal. In general, I just don't freak out anymore.
I couldn't stop thinking about him for a moment as days passed and my daily routine was ruined by him. Everything do, Taeyeon. Everything I see, Taeyeon. Everything I hear, Taeyeon. Everything I dream, Taeyeon. Like seriously he's so addictive, almost as addictive as those honey wheat pretzel snacks but we can compare him with those another time.
It's been a long time since I could be this free with a person, and just let loose. I could be myself around him; kind of.
But then again I felt I was falling for him too fast.
The night he saved me solidified that escalation of me tumbling right towards his heart.
Taeyeon-ah, what have you done to me?
Throughout the month we were like that, kind of like best friends in an instance. We had some things in common yes, but I've noticed he's kind of the quiet type, a 'home-fairy' if you will. Very introverted, reserved and calm. Very different from me but I guess they aren't wrong when they say opposites attract.
The more we hung out the more my doubts about him faded away. But the feeling still lingers there and I can't help but still feel a little cautious.
I was laying in bed watching Netflix when my phone started to ring. I look at my screen to see Taeyeon's dorky face plastered on it. He was calling and I was freaking out in my bed. I quickly slide to answer but with a lot of fumbling and happy squeals.
"Hello?"
"Hey buttercup, mind if your handsome bestie swing by for tonight?" He says super huskily through the phone and like how can someone not faint and die on the spot from that.
"H-here? Tonight? You? W-what's the occasion." I stutter like no tomorrow. Get it together oh my god.
"Am I not allowed to see my bestie?"
I'm literally holding onto the edge of my bed like I was going to die. I felt like hyperventilating but his voice on the other end brought me back.
"Uh, sure."
"Mkay, I'll be there at like 7 or some shit. Till then, don't miss me too much." He makes smoochy sounds and then hangs up.
I scramble out of bed and barge into the shower like it was nobody's business. I brought out my nicest shampoo and body wash, I even shaved my legs. Because no one knows whats going to happen, not that I'm anticipating it, but you still want to be safe. That's what I told myself anyway.
I wasn't even half dressed when he rang the doorbell. I scrambled to find a shirt and I stumbled over Prince.
"Yah! Trip me another time not now Prince!" I scold him and he lays on his back asking for a few belly rubs.
I checked myself in the mirror and wow, I look like a complete disaster. Taeyeon kept pushing the doorbell repeatedly, more like spammed it.
"I'll be there in a moment!" I shout and the ringing stops. Then he begins pushing it again but only faster. I swear he'll break my doorbell by the time I'm done. Gosh he's so annoying.
I yank the door to see a laughing Taeyeon barely keeping himself together. He held onto the wall as he looked like he was going to cry tears of laughter. "You are one impatient person." I glare at him and he's kneeling on the floor trying to regain the oxygen he lost while laughing at me.
Honestly, he looked like he's an angel fallen from heaven. Except that angel is an annoying Satan and that heaven is the deep depths of hell. He's attractive though, but he is so evil. His hair was so messy, not like the combed perfection I'm so used to seeing and his shirt was missing a few buttons from the top, I wonder why.
"Ha, did you miss me buttercakes? Nice hair by the way. Did you like the sick beat I made with your bell? I should drop a flaming mixtape." He walks past me and kicks his shoe off as well as his suit jacket before making his way into my living room.
"Taeyeon-ah! Do you have any morals? You're supposed to put your shoes away on the shoe rack, and pick up your jacket!" He shoos me away and kicks his feet up on a table before cracking open a can of coke.
"Man, the office was tough today. I hated it. I hate it with a passion. I was sitting at my desk bored as shit then I was like why not just head over to my best buddies place to have a little fun because I have nothing else to do tonight anyways."
"Uh, by having a little fun, you mean annoying me and being a brat."
"Ouch, feisty. What did you do to-" Prince starts barking effectively interrupting him as he runs around in circles till Taeyeon kneels and scoops him up in his arms.
"Hey little guy." He smiles at Prince then looks at me, giving me a sly smile too. I guess I was staring at him for too long.
"I know I'm good looking but you're drooling on the floor." This guy is so cocky, I don't even know if he's even joking about it. I turn around so he won't see me blush.
I can smell his sandalwood scent from all the way here and I'm about to faint. It smells so good, everyone need to get on that.
"Nice place you got, I really really really like the pink." He says in a sarcastic tone that earned him a gentle slap from me.
"My eyes, it hurts. Being blinded by this disgusting colour. Blue is better, just saying." He covers his eyes while Prince is trying to cling onto him. I head over to the takeout he brought over and start untying the bags.
"I like pink okay?" I mumble hoping he wouldn't hear it.
"Wow toots, I wouldn't have known by the amount of pink in this room eh? Pink curtains, pink couch, pinch cushions, pink rug. Hell, you might as well colour your dog pink, like dip him in a bucket of pink paint. Running little pink dog." He places Prince down and starts to snoop around my place.
"You're such a sarcastic ass." I push him away as I felt him breathing down my neck, I had regrets saying that.
"Language Ms. Hwang, no need to be vulgar. So stop fucking swearing will ya?" I couldn't keep a straight face, I laughed at his stupid self. Cute.
"I'm funny aren't I?" He said confidently. I rolled my eyes and that only fueled his relentless ever growing ego.
"In your dreams."
"You wanna know what I dream about every night?" He cocks his brows and winks at me while mouthing the words you and making a heart shape with his hands.
I shove a takeout box in his hands and push him to the living room as I kept looking down trying to avoid eye contact with him. I feel so nervous but I have nothing to be nervous about.
Wait yes I do, Kim Taeyeon the man on Men's Health Magazine for 4 consecutive times in a row is in my living room.
"Who's this somewhat handsome fellow that's not as handsome as me? Your boyfriend?" He said looking at me with curiosity.
I look up at the photo and see the collage of me and Nick. I forgot to take those down after we broke up 8 months ago.
I question myself too, it's been 8 months and he broke my heart and I still have pictures of him on my wall?
"He's my ex." I whisper, not wanting him to know.
He stood right in front of me. I could smell his sandalwood scent and the aftershave he used; my favourite. His pecs were practically bulging out of his dress shirt and I caught myself starring. I look up to catch his stern look. "I'm getting old, could you speak louder?" He says up close and personal with me.
"He's my ex." I say a little louder. Not wanting to look at him, I stare down at the floor and spin the ring on my finger. I didn't want to remember the pain Nick put me through, not right now, not with Tae around. I try to suppress the tears that were trying to creep up my eyes but I blinked them back.
Taeng squeezed my hand and tilted put his hand on my chin lifting my face to look at him. "Sorry, I didn't know. I won't ask anymore." He said with a half smile.
My heart was pounding looking at his eyes while his hand was in mind. Is this real life? Somebody pinch me.
Taeyeon chuckled and brought me over to the couch and opened the takeout boxes.
"Pizza, nuggets, chicken teriyaki? How do you know all my favourite foods?" I asked him raising an eyebrow.
"I just know." He smiled at the food then looked at me.
My heart melted. He's so charming. No seriously someone pinch me.
"Stop looking at me like that Hwang." He said sticking his tongue out.
"Stop looking at me like that Hwang." I imitated giving him my best Kim Taeyeon impression.
He scrunched his nose up and squinted his eyes and started clapping. "11/10, you deserve an Oscar."
"Stephanie, do you not have any other movies other than sad romantic chick flicks?" He asked not impressed by my DVD rack.
I frowned looking at him sending a glare at his way. "I'm a girl what do you expect, stop judging my movies or we can watch rain fall from the sky for the next hour." I say letting out huff.
"Cute."
Did he just call me cute? Yup, someone just smother me in a blanket and drag me down a hole because I can't afford to live anymore.
We sat side by side as we both faced the TV. He sucked up his food like he hadn't eaten in 100 hours.
"Wow, you eat like a horse."
"I haven't eaten since this morning. I just had a toast. So if you don't mind, you should turn around for like a minute or something because I'm going to look like the most unattractive grossest mutated thing on earth." He nudged me by my shoulder and I turn around slightly. His loud slurping ant obnoxious lip smacking made me turn around and his cheeks were full of food, he looked like a human squirrel.
"You should eat often, you can't live off a piece of toast everyday."
"Yeah yeah yeah, save the naggy mom talk for late buttercup, I got a hockey game to watch."
Suddenly he reaches over me to grab the remote stretching his long body in the process. His face was so close to mine, I could see his sharp jawline and his musky smooth scent. His hand slowly retreats brushing past my knees as it sends a shiver down my spine.
When I nervously looked up at him he has the sly smirk and I knew what he was going to say.
"Save it, I don't want to hear it." I mutter. He chuckles and nods giving me a thumbs up.
"By the way, I'm sorry if what I said early hit a soft spot. I'll tell you something about me so it won't be that awkward?" He says quietly, but it caught my attention.
"Wait what did you say? I don't think you said anything off-"
"The photos on your wall." He interrupts me while looking at me unimpressed. I feel like half the time I'm annoying him.
"Oh, um. Don't worry about it. It was nothing really."
"When I was 7 years old, my mother passed away. I was left with my dad and at the age of 9 I ran away because he was a piece of complete dog shit that deserves to rot in hell. I lived with my best friend, his parents gladly took me in and ever since then I've took it upon myself to take care of myself and make my mother proud. For my mother who's life long wish was to just see me be successful." Well that hit like a truck, he just told me like it was nothing but I saw the slight anger with a mixture of sadness in his eyes for a split second. He returned to eating and watching the TV as if everything was normal and he shrugged it off like no big deal.
"Too much? Too much. Well, you're the first person I've ever told that to so, take it how you want it." He says without sparing a glance to me. I didn't know what to do or say. Things got awkward real fast and the silence was stupidly embarrassing so I ended up poking his rib cage.
He squirms in his spot and starts attacking me back.
"Leave me alone, I'm trying to eat my food woman god damn it."
"Why can't you eat at your own house? Why did you have to come to mine?" I teased back.
"So you're saying you want me to leave?" He shot back at me and his glare intensifies.
"N-no, I'm just, ugh I don't even know." I stutter because in my head I told myself to not give him the answer he was expecting, but you know what I did? Gave him the answer he wanted to hear, I'm unbelievable.
"Thought so, you little midget." I hit his shoulder and he starts chuckling on the floor while scooting away from me.
"Yah! You're such an ass!" I said as he practically runs away from me.
We were like this for the next 6 hours, drinking, chatting, watching bad movies and teasing each other. Every time he looked at me I couldn't help but blush and look away, I don't think I've held a glance for over 2 seconds. Tonight I've learnt even more about this guy. But I frown at the thought of his childhood, he didn't grow up happy, so that was the thing I couldn't pinpoint about him when I met him.
His heart must've been through so much, he was lonely at times and I could see it when I looked at his eyes for 2 seconds. His cold eyes gave off an icy aura that looked aggressive and the 'I'm-going-to-strangle-you' type of feel, but when you look long enough, you can tell he's not okay.
Both of us struggled to stay up to watch the movie. We'd both occasional my yawn and try to hide it from each other. My mind just kept telling me to sleep and there was a couple of times I closed my eyes and slept for a few seconds before waking up in a split second to the feeling of my head accidentally hitting his shoulder because of how sleep deprived I was. I sat up straight and wiped the tears from my yawn.
We were in the middle of watching The Notebook till I somehow fell asleep on Taeyeon's lap. I shot up quickly and looked up at him. My hand was clenching his shirt and it was balled up tightly in my first. I quickly let it go and smooth the wrinkles out. "Sorry." I said with a sleepy tone, still smoothening on his shirt that I crumpled up. The shirts probably worth more than my TV.
I scooted away from him and sat up. Embarrassed to the bone that I slept on the mans lap.
"Dork." He said before throwing a plushy at me. I look around still dazed from my little nap and look at the time; 2:23 AM.
"Yo, you're cute. I watched the entire process of how you fell asleep. First, you started to yawn and you weren't able to sit up properly so you ended up half assing it and occasionally dozed off onto my lap. And when you did get up, you had trouble keeping your eyes open and you blinked a couple of times before rubbing your eyes cutely. Then you fell asleep on my lap like a fucking ogre. Still cute though." I didn't have the energy to fight back so instead I unexpectedly laid my head on his lap again, which to my surprise I didn't even know I had the guts to do.
I was beyond tired to even care anymore. I glance up at Tae again retreating my stare from the clock. "Do you want to sleepover?" When I realized what I have just said, I cup my hands on my mouth. I wanted to kick myself for just asking him that. Was I too tired to even care about my image anymore? Because it seems to me my conscious just likes to trash it and completely ruin it.
He stops and cracks a smile. I feel my cheeks burn a hot shade of red and my face warming up.
"Sure why not? You're returning the favour from last time right? Plus I get to spend more time with my bestie. " He said with a wink. He's so childish, but it still manages to make me blush.
Believe what you want Taeyeon-ah, I'm totally 'returning the favour' from that night I slept over; totally.
I walk towards the closet and pull out a blanket and pillow for him. "Here, I hope you don't mind sleeping on the couch." I said. Then Taeyeon starts to take off his shirt and tie and throwing them to the side before he started to unbuckle his belt.
"Tae, woah slow down there." I can feel the hotness rushing up my face as I turn my body against him.
"I can't sleep in a shirt it makes me uncomfortable, and pants make me itchy too." Even though my back was turned against him I can feel him giving me a little smug smirk. This guy I swear.
I turn around catching a glimpse of his back, his back was so smooth and built, and his muscles moved with him every time he shifted himself. I turn back quickly so he won't notice me sweating, I start to clean up acting as if I was doing something but really the thoughts of Taeng shirtless run through my mind.
"Like what you see?"
"I'm not even facing you!"
"I know you're checking me out, come on just admit I'm gorgeous." I start to feel giddy and wave him a good night before rushing to my room.
I close the door and lean on it, just realizing that Taeng was about to strip in front of me and was sleeping over at my place. I started to jump up and down running around my room before I see a picture frame of me and Nick on my bedside table. I couldn't stop the bad things from running through my mind again, and to know Taeyeon who I instinctively knew I had a crush on him was outside sleeping on my couch started to make me panic.
I can't let myself let someone have a grasp of my heart and squeeze at it like its some toy then throw it away after I'm no use and find another one to replace me. It hurt so much, it was almost unbearable to the point I had wanted to just end things right at the spot.
I look down to see the faded scar on my stomach and I knew I can't have it happen again. I can't trust anybody that easily, and with Taeyeon I knew we were a budding romance. But I can stop it here and save myself from a heartbreak. That's what I'll do, I'll stop it and end it. Or at least set some boundaries and we can remain close friends, because I do enjoy his company. He makes me feel a way that I've never felt before and I'd hate to lose that feeling.
I had trouble falling asleep as the thoughts lingered in my mind as my brain wouldn't shut up for a second. But when I did, I knew the first thing I had to do when I woke up was to end it.
I woke up and started to rub my eyes. It was well into the afternoon and when I remembered Tae had slept over I crawled into my bathroom furiously and frantically put myself together, I really didn't know why I was trying to impress him, but I was.
I rush out of my room while fixing my cardigan and shirt, I walk out and take a peek at the sleeping god on the couch. He was still asleep shirtless with Prince sleeping on his chest, I also noticed he wasn't wearing any pants but his boxers. The blanket I had given him fell to the floor.
I lean back against the wall and sigh as inappropriate thoughts started to flood my mind. How was I supposed to wake him up? I can't believe he didn't leave either. Do I wait for him to wake up or should I wake him up myself?
Taeng looked so angry when he slept, it was kind of cute. You could also hear his soft steady breathing along with Prince's.
I suddenly heard his phone ring and he groans, rolling around on the coach as he pats the floor searching for the device.
"Kim Taeyeon. Speak." He says groggily, patting prince on the head.
"Oh, hey. Juniel, right? Yeah. I'm free tonight. Dinner? Sure I'll come around 5. Oh, and wear the dress I told you I liked." He says with a tired smirk. Juniel. You're kidding right? She's like the biggest Kim Taeyeon fan out there. It doesn't help that she's also a well known singer too so she's famous.
My hands clenched into a fight fist, my heart was so bothered by this. I need to set myself straight; he isn't mine I'm not his. He's single and he has every right to be with someone else.
It still doesn't make it okay that the days he's not with me he could be with someone else. Flirting it up, going on other dates. Only when he's bored of them he'll come visit me, right?
I make my way to the kitchen and start making an all american style breakfast; pancakes, bacon, eggs and toast. Still trying to ignore the guy on my couch.
I turn around and let out a squeak as I see a half naked Tae sitting on the island counter with his hair sticking up and his face showing a tired expression. How long has he been there starring at me?
"Did you really have to do that?" I say angrily picking up the dropped eggs.
He started chuckling. "Well good morning to you too negative nancy." His morning voice was laced with sleep. He really did look like a cute bear.
I set a plate of breakfast in front of me and his eyes were in awe.
"What?"
"I've never had a proper breakfast in months, hell I don't even think I've seen a pancake since my childhood days." He smiles and starts to shovel food in his mouth as I took the chance to watch him. It brought a smile to my face yes but it soon faded as I was clouded with what I had to do.
"So, I was wondering if you know you want to have another so called 'date' with me again? I mean I kind of owe you for this one." He says with a mouth full of pancakes.
I've thought this through last night, I can't let it happen again is what I kept repeating over and over again. It's going to end up where it did 8 months ago, I can't go through another repeat.
Plus he has like another girl on the side if I say no. It doesn't even matter anymore.
"Um, no that's okay."
"Oh?" He places his utensils down rather quickly, and looks up into my eyes like he's searching for lies.
"I guess this was my way of repaying you back for taking care of me during that night and the day you took me boating. You don't owe me anything anymore Taeyeon-ah." I say as nicely as I can.
"Hm, you sure? Are you rejecting me because you're being sincere or are you pushing me away because you're afraid of something?" He read me like an open book and I turned away not wanting to see his face.
I stayed quiet looking at the leaves of the tree sway back and forth as I hear Taeyeon shuffle on his seat.
"You and I both know we have a little something happening. I thought we kind of wanted the same thing, no?" His husky deep voice penetrates my ears and I feel like he's getting a bit upset with me.
If he just wants to get into my pants then he can go to hell because this is really starting to look like it.
Why does he have to be so pushy.
I shake my head slightly and he sighs. I can hear him run his hand through his hair and smack the table.
I look down at my fidgeting fingers. I hear him stand up and he took the ring off my finger.
"Taeyeon, what are you doing? Give it back!" I reach over to try to grab it from him but he puts an arm out to stop me.
He slams his hand on the table and looks at me. "I notice you spin the ring on your finger when you're nervous, anxious, confused or upset. If you don't want to have a date with me fine, but don't tell me you don't want to see me because of the feelings you have for me."
I flinch at the sudden outburst and look away trying to break the harsh tension. Silence filled the atmosphere, and time slowly ticked by as Taeng and I looked at each other for the longest time. I wanted to look away again but those cold eyes told me not to. Tears threatening to fall from my eyes but I stand my ground not letting them fall.
Avoid, reject, deny, say no.
"I don't want to see you because of the feelings I don't have for you." I said quietly while looking straight at him.
His eyes dart around mine and he looks at me as if I'm bluffing. I've never been so intimidated and uncomfortable in my life. Only he can do such thing, and with that he places the ring in front of me and slips his shirt on before putting on his shoes.
"You can't just kiss me a few times and then tell me you don't have any feelings towards me. That isn't right." He spoke with such authority and it wasn't helping that his jaw was noticeably tight when he said it too.
I didn't say anything.
"Don't lead me on." He said through gritted teeth.
My eyes widened at his menacing tone. I didn't mean to. It's not like I wanted to lead him on.
"I don't want to even see you if you're just playing me." He sneered.
I swallowed the lump in my throat, getting a bit upset. You're a notorious player Taeng. You don't even know me yet you act as if I'm just messing with you, and for what?
Fame, money? I don't want any of that.
"I don't either." I reply back with my head down avoiding him. If he's still just trying to get me into his bed then I want nothing from him, absolutely nothing.
He stands in front of the door and looks at me and gives me a slight nod before turning the door knob and heading out. I saw his figure leave and a part of me told him to stay but I ultimately don't chase after him. He closes the door behind him and I asked myself if I had done the right thing.
The sadness surges up my body and I cried quietly in the living room as I cuddle Prince in my arms. I shouldn't be crying, but I am. Only because he's making me feel in ways that I can't describe. I can't seem to let him go, but a quick run through memory lane frightens me to make me afraid to try what is called love again.