Jaune Reacts to Paternal Messages!

A/N: Welcome, one and all, to Weiss Reacts! A little perspective change here. Heh, I'm personally surprised that you people are so surprised Yang used Nanami to beat Weiss in a game- she's done worse, after all. However, that doesn't at all rule out Weiss getting revenge on Yang at all. She'll probably get revenge. This will be fun. A shout out to oobidoobi for letting us use their story for this chapter, and go look at their gallery over on DeviantArt if you have time!

However, let it saved for another time. For now, Jaune must suffer. Which will be fun.

DISCLAIMER: RWBY does not belong to me, otherwise Nora would have her own tank to drive and it would be awesome.

Paternal Messages belongs to oobidoobi, over on DeviantArt.

All mentioned franchises and characters belong to their respective owners.

In JNPR dorm...

"Oh come on!" Nora cried, smacking her armrest as she placed down her controller after a game of Mario Kart. "Unfair! Ridiculous and unfair!"

Ren didn't even look up from his book. "What is it now, Nora?"
"S-some person just...just blitzed past me with a normal kart and no modifications!" Nora cried. "T-that's ridiculous!"

Ren blinked, looking up at the screen to see what the girl was talking about.

True to Nora's words, the berserker was in second place, with the first person being a player by the name of 'Nanami', using an unmodified kart and a pink-haired female Mii. She was currently doing a victory lap, having managed to comfortably beat Nora by what appeared to be a whole two minutes.

Ren tilted his head. "Huh. Maybe she's just better than you."
"T-that should be impossible!" The berserker cried . "R-Reeeeen! Huuuug me! I need hugs to make me caaaaaalm!"

The gunslinger sighed, closing his book. "Nora, you know you don't need a hug every time something goes wrong-"
"OF COURSE I DO I NEED HUGS I'M IN NEED OF COMFORT FROM BEING BEATEN!"

Jaune walked into the dorm, interrupting them. He was followed by Winter, who looked around and waved softly at Nora. Pyrrha looked up at her, suspicious.

"Winter." The spearmaiden uttered. "What are you doing here?"

"Winter's having her dorm fumigated again. Her admirers sent her too much chocolates again." Jaune explained. "So she's staying here for the afternoon."

"I apologise for the inconvenience." Winter stated, bowing her head. "I am afraid that I will have to make use of your residence for today."
Ren smiled. "Sure. Won't have too much of a problem with that, will we, Pyrrha?
"Huh?" Pyrrha tilted her head, glaring at the gunslinger. "Of course I-"
Ren's smile suddenly seemed to gain an ominous quality to it. Pyrrha's indignation suddenly seemed to fade.

"...of course I'd be...happy that Winter is sharing space with Jaune!" The spearmaiden smiled, her eyelid somewhat twitching. "I would love to have her in here with us."
Nora cheered. "YAY! Now we can share pancakes and partake of the Sloth God's holy food!"

Winter chuckled softly. "I am not hungry, but I thank you for the hospitality, Miss Valkyrie."

The knight rubbed the back of his head, chuckling nervously. "Well, uh, Winter, I don't think we have that much here. Nora's called the Wii for the whole day, and I don't suppose you're all too interested in reading fanfiction-"

"Actually, I would love to read fanfiction with you." The lady corrected him, smiling. "We should make do with what we have, should we not?"
"Yeah." Jaune nodded, laughing. "I suppose if you think of it like that..."
"I, too, would like to read fanfiction with Jaune!" Pyrrha stood up, standing next to his computer.

Jaune realised exactly what was happening.

"Oh, Pyrrha, it's not like that!"

"Not like what?" The spearmaiden and the lady both stared at him. Ren chuckled.
"Jaune, you're screwed."
"...dammit…..." The knight sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Never mind, never mind. Just let me log on so I can see what's for reading, okay?

By the way, Winter, we didn't make anything since we didn't think you'd be coming, but apart from Nora's pancakes, we have some stuff in the fridge."

Winter nodded. "I see. Thank you."

Jaune sat down in front of his computer as Pyrrha followed suit, sitting next to him quite closely.

'I don't know how the likes of Ranma and Tenchi deal with this...' The knight reflected.

Stretching his fingers, the knight logged onto his DustFiction profile and started looking around.

"Alright, Just In...hm-huh? I have a new message?" The knight raised an eyebrow as he checked his messages.

Sitting in his inbox was a short message, saying 'Please Read This' from a user Jaune had never seen before, sitting atop piles of links to trollfics and Jaune/Pyrrha lemons Yang had sent him.

"...who is LovelyLeKappa?" Pyrrha tilted her head. "I don't know anyone who uses that name."
"Me neither...I wonder what they want..." Jaune clicked on the message to see what this person had sent him.

From: LovelyLeKappa

Alright. I think you might like this story. It's funny, and pretty close to you, too.

It's called 'Paternal Messages'. It's hosted over on another site- the name slips my mind- and it's more a comic than a story, but I think you might really like it.

Signed, LLK

"...I don't know whether to be suspicious or flattered..." Jaune scratched his head. "...this is, er, kinda out of the blue."

Nora looked over at the monitor, shoving sloth-shaped pancakes into her mouth. "READ IT! IT MIGHT BE FUN!"
"That's what I'm afraid of, knowing your idea of fun..." The knight closed his eyes. "...you know, I've got nothing to lose, and it doesn't look like it's going to be a troll fic like that one you liked-"
"That was the best fic ever!" The berserker cheered. "I blew people up and stuff!"
Pyrrha shuddered. "You did horrible things..."

"IT WAS FUN!"

Winter tilted her head. "Huh? What was fun-"

Ren, Jaune and Pyrrha simultaneously raised their hands to stop her.

"YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW!"

Nora pouted at them, indignant. "You guys are so boring..."

"It must be similar to the many incidents my sister does not want me to know that involved Miss Xiao Long..." The lady noted pensively. "...alright. I will take your word for it."

Jaune sighed in relief, wiping his brow in relief. "That was too close."
"A repeat of the Trolled Weiss Incident is not one we can afford right now." Ren hissed. "The collateral damage from her rampage took days to clean up..."

The knight nodded, shuddering from remembering the disaster. "Indeed...that's why we're never showing Nora a trollfic again..."
"You guys are boring..." The berserker crossed her arms, pouting in the corner. "Unfair..."

Jaune exhaled, before turning back to the screen. "Alright...well, let's see about this 'Paternal Messages' series thing.

I'm hoping it's not a trap, but I'm not liking my luck here..."

Winter smiled as she took a seat next to him. "You may as well take a risk, Mister Jaune. I doubt someone would be so malicious as to deliberately link you to something that you would not like."
Ren snickered at the remark.

"Why, then, Miss Schnee, you must not be used to how things work in the rest of the Academy."

Jaune nodded slowly. "You have a point...very well."
He swallowed nervously.

"Let's...investigate this...series. Let's see if it's any good."

With that, Jaune searched up the name with much trepidation.

As it turned out, the series was legit. It was over on an art site, and it appeared to be a comic series, from what Jaune could see. He sighed, nodding.

"Alright, let's see if it's any good..." He opened up the page, staring closely at the comic.

All in all, it was fairly well drawn, mainly pencil-drawn, if a bit rough on the edges. There were a couple of mistakes, here and there, but it was of good quality.

Jaune chuckled. "Oh dear, my dad drunk-texting me..."

"How can you tell?"
"He mispelled my name." The knight sighed. "I know, my actual dad does that all the time. Granted, he talks about 'manliness' and 'heroism' when he gets drunk, but...

WAIT WHAT HE PUT ME IN AN ARRANGED MARRIAGE WHEN HE WAS DRUNK?!"
Winter sighed. "This cannot bode well. I fear for your wellbeing in this story."

"Who is this Cindy your father is pairing you with?!" Pyrrha inquired. "How dare he? Does he not know that he has to pass her through your friends first to see if she would be a good match for you?"
Ren smirked. "Pyrrha, are you jealous of a-"
"CINDER?!" Jaune's eyes widened as 'Cindy's' identity was revealed. "WHAT?!"
"Dear, I'm not into little boys."

"GAH!" Jaune stepped back as Cinder smiled at him, having been watching from behind them. Pyrrha stared at her.

"P-Professor Fall! When did you get here?!"
"I heard people talking about me." The pyromancer sighed. "I just saddled Roman with all my paperwork again and went down to check."
"The staff room is on the other side of the school." Winter pointed out. Cinder pouted.
"D-don't question me! I-I'm a ninja! I can have dreams too!"

"You're our teacher and yet you still act like a kid..." Jaune sighed as she stared back at the screen. "...and I'm surprised I'm not doing a spit-take here."
Cinder studied the artist's illustration of her.

"...hm. My chest's a little too small, and my dress isn't revealing enough...but it's pretty good." The pyromancer smiled.

"Perfect."

Winter frowned. "I do not understand...Jaune's father seems to be rushing into this far too quickly for my taste.

I am uncomfortable with the idea of him being married off...but...I do not understand why."
Ren facepalmed.

"Oh dear Dust, Winter."

...

"Alright, well, my mom is accurate." Jaune noted. "She'd probably kill my dad for trying to pimp me out. Along with the people who he pimped me out to.

Winter breathed in deeply.

"That is hardly a nice way to treat one's son, using them as a way to pay one's debt in gambling."

"Hayate knows that pain." Ren muttered. "And woooow. You nailed Ruby AND Weiss' mothers?"

Winter stared at him. "That would be my mother you speak of too. And I assure you that she is happily married to my father."
Cinder rubbed her chin, chuckling at the idea of Yin Xiao Long, Summer Rose and Freya Schnee lusting after Jaune.

"Long as he doesn't touch Glynda, I'm happy. Glynda's mine~"

Nora whistled.

"Awwwwkwwaaaard."

Pyrrha twitched. "I doubt anyone that old would be interested in Jaune, even if he is...handsome..."

"Right, onto the next one!" Jaune declared. "...I really don't think I want to read the next one."

Ren rolled his eyes. "Jaune, just do it. You might as well.

You have a guest to entertain."

Winter nodded. "Even if these comics...make me feel...something that I do not quite understand."

...

Jaune smiled fondly at the mention of his mother's quirks.

"And that's totally mom, alright. A little embarrassing, but she's kind."

"And hot." Cinder whistled. "You ever figure out why your mom wears a bikini all the time?"
Jaune blushed. "P-Professor Fall, that's my mom you're talking about...and...she says it's because it makes her faster or something..."

Pyrrha nodded slowly. "Such a rationale for speed would normally make no sense, but she needs all the lack of weight she can find.

Her weapon's skills lie in long-range combat, do they not?"
"True." Ren nodded.

Cinder grinned. "Although, considering her figure, one might think she's trying to use something else to distract her enemies..."

Winter nodded slowly. "I do not see why he doesn't simply seek someone closer to his own age to pair you with."
"Yes, someone who has always been at your side and protects you..." Pyrrha completed for her quickly.

"...good Dust, you got the Malachites too." Ren noted, laughing. "And Pyrrha's jealous."
"Jealous? The Malachites are no threat to me or Jaune." The spearmaiden retorted. "They are hardly interested in him."

Winter nodded quickly. "After all, are they not interested in other people?"
Cinder chuckled at both girls. "Oh dear..."

"I'm surprised he hasn't nailed Nora yet." Cinder noted. Nora glomped Ren furiously, sticking her tongue out at her.

"Ren's the only one for me! He will have my babies! MY BABIES!"

The gunslinger blushed. "Err, Nora. I don't think we should be talking about-"
"NONSENSE! I'M PROUD OF BRAGGING ABOUT THE MOTHER OF MY BABIES TO EVERYONE ELSE! THE MOTHER OF MY SLOTHSPAWN!"

Winter raised an eyebrow. "Slothspawn?"

"Don't ask." Pyrrha answered. "We learn just not to question Nora when she says things like this."

"Jaune Arc, the Ultimate Waifu." Cinder remarked. "He cooks! He cleans! He sews!"

Jaune blushed, twiddling his fingers. "My mother taught me all these skills to help out with my sisters...

Artemisia and Aspasia always managed to tear their clothing up and Lucy always got into fights..."

Pyrrha held his arm strongly. "I will have to make use of his services! He is my friend, after all!"

Winter gazed over at her, smiling. "Miss Nikos, you can hardly stake a claim to Mister Jaune on that basis alone.

Besides, what if his...other friends wish to avail of his services?"

Cinder sighed. "Girls, you do not have to argue over him, there's enough Jaune for everyone."
"D-dammit, I'm not a commodity you can just TRADE!"

Ren chuckled.

"I don't think you have a say on this, Jaune."
"Dammit, why me?!" The boy placed his face in his hands.
"Can I just NOT be a chick magnet in something that isn't the show for once?! It really sucks..."

Nora stuck her tongue out.

"Just gotta deal with it! And besides, it's funny!"
"TO EVERYONE WHO ISN'T ME!"

...

Cinder crossed her arms, shaking her head.

"Hah. As if you girls have any chance. Everyone knows Jaune's going to marry me instead~"
"E-Eh? Not you too, Professor Fall!"

"I could be lying about not being interested in you, you know~" The pyromancer winked. "You're not that young, and I'm not that old~"
"G-gah!"

Pyrrha glared at Cinder. "No."

"Dear," the pyromancer started. "If I was serious about Jaune, there's not a thing in the world yo-"

Pyrrha's glare intensified. Cinder stopped, swallowing.

She felt as if the girl's stare was actually piercing through her, peering into her very soul and stabbing icy-cold daggers into her.

"Eheh...I wasn't serious. Heh. It was a joke."

The spearmaiden stared at her for a couple of moments before nodding. "I would assume so, Professor."

Ren laughed. "I can't believe the only thing they think about is that they've got a chance to make you dad marry them to you instead of Cinder and not that marrying you off to anyone without your consent is, y'know, kind of insensitive."

Jaune sighed for the umpteenth time that day.

"That seems to happen to me a lot, with or without my dad."

Cinder clapped.

"And so, exactly like in our world, Jaune's parents are secretly Kamina and Yok-I mean,a king and queen."

"I told you guys, my parents AREN'T Kamina and Yoko!" Jaune snapped. "Just because BLAKE claims that my dad is actually the reincarnation of a completely fictional anime character and that my mother looks, sounds and fights exactly like Yoko doesn't make them that!"

Ren looked aside. "Oh, I don't know about that, Jaune, but, if you insist."
"THANK you, Ren. For once, you agree with me!"

Winter rubbed her chin. "Royalty...the Schnee Family in this world would likely be paying hard through the nose, so to speak, to get a chance at marrying one of their daughters off to you."

"You, for example?" Ren inquired.

"Not me. I do not have any interest in Mister Jaune at all." The lady clarified, with only an imperceptible stutter.

One that Ren picked up on nonetheless. He filed it away for future study.

"I suppose my family would not...mind...if I were to marry for love..." Pyrrha noted, rubbing her thumbs together. "...right, Jaune?"
"E-eh?!"

...

"Perfect! He got my chest JUST right this time!" Cinder cheered. Jaune looked at her strangely.

"How can you even tell?"
"I have the eyes of a hawk and I know how big my chest is." The pyromancer shrugged. "I see I'm checking out my future hubby~"
Pyrrha clenched her fist. "Professor Fall..."
"I'm just kidding around, calm down~" The pyromancer giggled.

Winter frowned. "A criminal mastermind hardly enters an academy full of people willing to take her down on sight..."

"Dear, I wouldn't be a criminal mastermind if people could do that. And I wouldn't be alive long enough to, ah, change my mind and teach you guys if I was." Cinder pointed out. "Besides, that's all behind me now.

I'm a new woman, Still the same sexiness, but now I burn bad people."

...

Jaune facepalmed.

"And of course Cinder doesn't know my dad used me to make deals with everyone else. That can't end well."

Cinder giggled. "I can smell this all tumbling down soon enough..."
"You and me both." Ren whistled, looking sympathetically at the strip. "Good Dust...and did you just go Velvet on him?"
"I'm not clingy!" The pyromancer snapped. "I have my vices. I'm lustful, gluttonous, selfish, guilty of crimes and sexy beyond moral limits, but dear, I am not clingy.

I'm offended at that!"
Jaune narrowed his eyes.

"That's what you're offended by?!"
"A girl has to have her limits somewhere."

"Oh, she knows." Ren chuckled, before turning to Nora. "You've been kinda-"

Nora was asleep, huddling in the corner with a sloth plushie.

"Pancakes..." The berserker muttered in her sleep, snoring. "...delicious, maple syrup covered...pancakes..."

"Guess that takes care of one problem. And HEY GLYNDA!" Cinder cheered. "YES! Perfect!"

Jaune blanched. "Not her too...w-wait, what?!"

Pyrrha twitched.

"P-Professor Fall, p-please assure me you will not be kissing Jaune in real life."

"Oh, dear, if I wanted to kiss him, I could do it right now."

Winter looked over at her. "That would be...rude, would it not?"

"Winter, you're clenching your fists." Jaune pointed out, tilting his head. The lady stopped, staring at her hands.

"I...I am?"

"...are you angry?"
"Of course not." She sighed deeply. "I...I do not know what came over me. I should not react like that to seeing a fictional version of my teacher kissing a fictional version of you."
"Yeah...you shouldn't..." The knight blinked. "...you alright?"
"I might just be suffering a little stress from the fumigation, that is all."
Cinder facepalmed.

"You're worse than Lucina."

"My sister?" Jaune tilted his head. "She's nothing like Winter."
"Not her." The pyromancer shook her head, sighing. "Another Lucina."

...

Somewhere in the ether of the multiverse, the heir to the Ylissean throne, Lucina, sneezed and muttered something about not being interested in Robin.

...

Cinder glared at the screen.

"Glynda's mine, dammit! Jaune can't have her!"

"Y-you can have her!" The knight cried. "I-I don't want to date Professor Goodwitch!"

Ren laughed, shaking his head.

"I don't know what's funnier, Jaune not liking it or Professor Fall being jealous..."

Pyrrha muttered darkly.

"She's not the only one with any reason not to like it either..."

Winter shook her head.

"I do not think asking him to seduce you at all is appropriate, Professor Goodwitch..."

"Y-you think?!" The knight breathed heavily. "How much worse can this get?!"

...

"You're doomed." Ren stated succinctly. "Absolutely, positively doomed."

"Can't get any more doomed than that." Cinder agreed. "You're screwed.

I say just run to the mountains and become a hermit, like that one reviewer on that other story said once."
Jaune had his face in his hands, again for the umpteenth time.

"It got worse. I had to say it, didn't I? It got worse."

Winter placed her hand on his shoulder, rubbing it.

"Do not worry, Mister Jaune. At least it isn't happening to you here."
"No, I think what's happening to me here is worse..."
Ren nodded. "You know, he's got a point about that, at least the girls after him there don't have tanks or mecha at their disposal."

Pyrrha nodded. "True point, Ren.

Do not worry, for I will defend you from that."
"Pyrrha, you're not one to talk, either." The gunslinger cut her off. "You're worse than them all."
"W-what's that supposed to mean?!"

"Yeah, I don't think anyone's mistaking one of the hottest women in Vale for Jaune's sister anytime soon." Ren pointed out. "Even if she does look like a teen after all these years..."
Cinder stared at the screen.

"...wow. Ms. Arc is a kid."

"Y-you're one to talk!" Jaune cried, shocked.

"I am a mature, grown woman!" Cinder crossed her arms and pouted like a child, offended. "H-how dare you imply such things!

J-just for that, I want cake and burritos!"

Winter chuckled. "Oh dear, Miss Arc seems to be very protective."
"I would be in that situation..." Pyrrha nodded, agreeing with Jaune's fictional mother. "I would only want the best for Jaune."
"Indeed." The lady nodded. "The best for Jaune."

...

"Good Dust, there's even a legal document for this." Ren sighed. "Yep, your dad's been doing this a long time."

Jaune exhaled. "My real dad would probably kill him. He'd probably try to get me with Blake or something, she's all into that manliness stuff."

"I am sure your mother has better choices. A-after all, she's not interested in you, right?" Pyrrha pointed out.

Ren closed his eyes. "Not really, she did ask me for shirtless Jaune pictures the other day."

"Nah, those are for Yang." Cinder corrected him. "Blake's one true love is-"
"And I want to sign that legal document...j-just to see what it contains." The spearmaiden added. "Not because I would like to marry Jaune, although that would be...not an undesirable outcome..."

...

Cinder giggled.

"Well, I'm liking the fangirling Glynda, but like I said, Glynda's mine." The pyromancer stated surprisingly ferociously. "Miiiine."

"Good Dust, you're screwed. Even Glynda's completely fallen for you." Ren whistled. "You're lucky this comic isn't NSFW or something."
"I don't think that's supposed to comfort me..." The knight remarked.

Winter looked over at him. "You still have not shown me how well you truly sing."
"M-Maybe another time, Winter."
"I would like to hear it some time." The lady requested, smiling. "I think it would be interesting to know how skilled you truly are."

"CAT-SMILES ON GLYNDA ALL THE YES!" The pyromancer cheered, pumping her fist in triumph.

...

"Alright, this should be the last one." Jaune sighed. "Aaaand...it's not too hard."

Cinder nodded slowly. "To be fair, I'd be scared even if it was Yona. Especially if it was Yona instead of that other mom.

Have you SEEN how big her gun is?!"

Winter nodded. "Well, I wish Miss Belladonna all the best, even if I do not believe she will succeed so easily..."

Ren rested his head on his pillow. "Well, I think that was a well wasted afternoon.

Jaune, you know the drill. Leave a comment."

"...eh, why not."

-SaviorOfOrleans

Nice job, dude. But, um...I'm not that much of a chick magnet.

And Pyrrha doesn't like it that much either. I wonder why.

By Jaune Arc

Pyrrha sighed, closing her eyes.

"Well, it's a good job I am here to protect you."
"As am I." Winter added quickly.

Jaune closed his eyes.

"If that Jaune thinks he's in Hell on Earth, he should see me..."

Cinder looked aside.

"The one hormonal teenage boy in the whole multiverse who complains about having multiple attractive and sexy girls fawning over him. Typical."

END

A/N: Woo! That was long! Next chapter, Blake Reacts to Music Standoffs: Hokuago Tea-Time Rematch! With 100% more K-On! shoutouts and interactions! 100% more music! And, possibly, Blake redeeming herself!

Another shoutout to oobidoobi for letting us do his comics, of course. If you're reading this, I hope you know that you're awesome!

So, I hope you enjoyed that, leave your ideas, comments, suggestions, criticisms, reviews and thoughts, and I hope you have a GREAT day! Until next time!