The next day the hospital wing at Hogwarts was filled to its limits. So Madam Pomfrey expanded it to the Room of requirement. Dumbledore visited all the sick bodies and shook his head.
"Probably those damn house elves putting something in the damn food!" Dumbledore said as he cut off his arm and gave himself a metal replacement thats was built ford tough.
Boom! As the door to the Hogwarts kitchen flew off it's millenniums old hinges.
The elves terrified at first scurried and tried to hide until they saw it was the greatest wizard of all time.
Master Dumbledore what can we do for you?" One of the elves croaked.
"You can start by giving me a free service with all the fixings!" Dumbledores snarled as he gargled a cup full of nails as he needed superior vocal health to sing the school song every night. (A new thing Dumbledore came up with to encourage school spirit)
"So does master Dumbledore want his broom fixed or a prepared meal one of the elves croaked.
"You know what I mean!" Dumbledore said with his legendary toothless, shit eating grin, as he removed his cloak and his rainbow colered boxers.
So the poor elf followed by all the tiny elves. gave Dumbledore a blow job, as Dumbledore giggled like a little girl. Dumbledore after having some fun, got down to business. "You elves I believe are poisoning the schools food." Dumbledore began as he started to plant some soybean plants.
"Master we would never do such thing!" One of the elves cried." "Yes you did, admit it, or I go badass on your heads." Dumbledore computer analyzed madly
"You know what screw this!" Dumbledore weedeated as he blew up the kitchen, killing all the elves."Serves you right you ugly wash boards!" Dumbledore stripp mined feverishly, as he picked up a decapitated elves head and began to french kiss it.
Dumbledore realized he had let his anger get the best of them so he used his time turner to save the elves lives and their virginities. He also realized that he needed Madam Pomfrey even if she did bug him about this illness.
"The things I do" Dumbledore sighed as he marched to his office as he applied chapstick to his cracked lips.
On his way to his office Dumbledore had a run in with a crazed student. The student kept trying to bite Dumbledore.
Dumbledore being in a flustered mood already had no time for this BS. So he picked this hooligan up and threw him down the stairs.
"There's a room in St. Mungo's for jackasses like you!" Dumbledore snorted to himself, oblivious to the fact that the student landed on his head smashing it too smithereens.
Any whom after that scuffle Dumbledore was back en route to his office.