Weiss Reacts to Recaps: The Recappening!
A/N: Welcome, one and all, to Weiss Reacts! Yes, this thing is still somehow alive after nearly two years! And to celebrate that...well, I've been riffing on just about everything (Remnant's Reclaimer, Tankery, Persona) under the sun, it's time to riff on myself since you guys haven't done enough riffing! With that in mind, let's cover the one thing we have yet to riff in a while before I let my ego inflate itself again!
DISCLAIMER: RWBY does not belong to me, otherwise even canon would riff on Weiss Reacts.
All mentioned franchises and characters belong to their respective owners.
"I'm bored." Weiss complained, lying back in her bed, reading a book. "Nothing interesting's happened in a long while."
"What about that Tankery match yesterday?" Yang pointed out. "That was pretty-"
"Meh. Same thing, Blake somehow pulls a victory from nothing, as she always does." The heiress shrugged. "Not really anything new."
Yang sighed, admitting defeat. "Yeah. It's been pretty boring around Beacon. I mean, there's not enough people to troll anymore.
The most interesting thing I've done all week apart from that Tankery match was trying to find Taiga already so I can complete my cameo collection."
"Cameo collection?" Weiss twitched.
Yang took out a case with various memorabilia and assorted objects, presenting it to the heiress. "I collect an object every time someone shows up in our story randomly as a cameo.
All I need now is something from Taiga and Squid Girl and I'll have everything!"
"...wait, what about Mina-" Blake raised her finger, but Yang glared at her.
"Never mention that chapter again. For all intents and purposes, volume one, chapter fifteen never happened! NEVER!" The brawler declared. "NEEEEVEEEER!"
"Well, good to know you're as insane as always." The heiress remarked irritably before laying her head back onto her pillow, covering her head with her hand. "Can we do something interesting at least?!"
"...we could always check on Weiss Reacts." Yang pointed out, causing Weiss to glare at her angrily.
"...that blasphemous, lying, antic-filled piece of heretic dreck?! I refuse to read that thing ever again! EVER!"
Blake frowned. "It's not exactly blasphemous if that's exactly what happens to you in life."
"STILL! That fool of an author makes me look like a complete and utter tool whose lot in life is to suffer at the hands of this yellow beast," Weiss remarked, pointing at Yang. "And to act like one of those blasted tsunderes Velvet seems to have a fetish for!"
The brawler shrugged. "What can I say? It's fun to make you suffer. You're too easy to embarrass, Weiss."
Ruby looked out of the window, noticing the storm clouds gathering nearby. "...hum. It seems we're stuck in here, so...err...anyone up for playing Munchkin?"
Weiss crossed her arms. "I would rather let Velvet rub her face into my chest like a pervert than let Yang lord it over me that she cheats at that game!"
"The box art does say 'stab your buddy'." Yang pointed out casually. "...buuuut, if you insist, it's either playing Munchkin or reading Weiss Reacts."
"That's not even a choice." Weiss grumbled. "You might as well be offering to let me be run over by a herd of buffalo or a herd of yaks..."
Blake shrugged. "Pick your poison. I've been meaning to look at that fic for a long time anyway. I was wondering how it was doing to begin with. So, munchies?"
"I'll grab them!" Ruby offered enthusiastically. "I never grab the munchies!"
"You always grab cookies though." Yang frowned. "Only if you promise to grab me a meat bun or three."
"I want tuna sandwiches!" Blake requested.
"...fine, since you people seem to be hell-bent on forcing me to read that dreck, I'll read it." Weiss conceded, knowing she was fully outnumbered in not wanting to watch the madness. "Ruby, if you please, get me a vanilla sorbet. I'll pay you back later."
"Alright, no problem!" Ruby smiled. "Sure! Fanfic marathon time!"
'How I get dragged into these things, I have no idea,' Weiss mused, lying back in bed and shutting her book. 'I seriously never know.'
"Oh, Christmas!" Yang snapped her fingers as team RWBY settled into their usual positions in front of Weiss' computer; Weiss on her desk chair, Yang settled onto a beanbag, Blake in a comfy armchair and Ruby, appearing to be almost sucked into a cookie-shaped beanbag. "I remember this!"
Ruby blushed, somewhat embarrassed. "I can't believe I walked outside in my pajamas..."
"My father would do the same thing." Weiss commented, facepalming. "So you hardly embarrassed yourself to him."
Yang flinched slightly at the mention of Siegmund. "...jeez. Siegmund really does get himself involved in a lot of crap..."
"This was fun, setting this up." Blake whistled. "It really was."
"...y-you guys didn't have to do this for me..." Weiss muttered, blushing slightly. "...I-I even said you didn't."
Yang scoffed dismissively. "As if! You needed it! You barely ever celebrated Christmas as it was thanks to your ass of a grandfather!
Besides, it was worth the look on your face! And the absolute chunk that spa treatment took out of my monthly savings..." Yang groaned, remembering how her eyes had nearly bulged from her head when she found out how expensive the spa she'd booked an appointment at was.
Weiss nodded slowly in realisation. "So THAT's how Minako got banned from that store.
Sometimes, I can't even tell if she's pretending to be in love with Jaune or that his blasted Semblance is doing it all..."
"I still need to look at that Semblance." Blake muttered. "There's something that rubs me wrong about it..."
Weiss inhaled briefly. "I still can't believe you guys went to all that trouble just to give me a Christmas party.
Granted, you nearly blew up the school trying to, but...err, points for effort?"
"No attempt to hold a party is ever complete without nearly blowing up the school!" Yang held up her thumbs, grinning. "And damn if prom's going out without at least one explosive!"
"Good Dust, prom." Weiss groaned, remembering that that had yet to be celebrated. "If the Beacon Dance was anything to go by, you are going to do far more than blow up the school."
"In fairness, I didn't march a freaking TANTOR into the hall!" Blake cried. "That was Nora!"
"You still crashed a mecha into it, you've got no room to talk." The heiress remarked. "Let's keep reading this.
By the way...I know I've said this many times, but I'm grateful for the Christmas party. Thank you."
The brawler gasped. "D-did Weiss Schnee just say thank you?!"
"S-shut up, you dolt!" The heiress snapped. "D-don't ruin the moment, you idiot! I was thanking you for something you did!
G-gah, just read the stupid dreck...moron."
Ruby giggled. "I knew it wouldn't last..."
...
Weiss shuddered at the mention of one of the darker fics they'd ever read.
"Blood Rose. Of course, the writer somehow figured out we read Blood Rose." The heiress seethed. "Why am I not surprised?"
Yang choked slightly. "Y-yeah, that fic was...kinda gory."
"Well, did you expect anything else from a fic called Blood Rose?" Blake reminded them, shrugging. "It's not like anything else was going to happen.
You guys are a bunch of lightweights..."
"Well, no duh! We're not like you, we're not exactly capable of not being horrified at the thought of the girl we love having a gore fetish!" Weiss snapped irritably. "Seriously!"
Blake shrugged, dismissing the comment with a wave of her hand. "You're still lightweights."
Yang giggled. "I still can't believe Weiss got jealous over that doe Faunus..."
"I was NOT jealous!" The heiress cried, blushing. "I was merely concerned that it was an unhealthy thing for her to be doing something like that with a girl she just met!
Oh, and Blake, you owe me sixty Lien, Alys lived." Weiss put out her hand to receive the money.
The catgirl's ears perked up in surprise, before she sighed, digging out the money from her pocket and pressing the cards into Weiss' outstretched hand.
"There. Take the money." Blake grumbled. "I was hoping you forgot all about that."
"When I actually win something for once, I'm not going to simply just let it go. Case in point, when I beat Yang at Mafia!" Weiss cheered, staring at Yang. "Yes, I beat you! I actually beat the supposedly-"Y-you don't have to rub it in!" The brawler cried. "Sheesh, it's just a g-game."
"Don't go tsundere on me, Xiao Long! You always go on about how it's my shtick!"
"DAMMIT!" Yang put her face in her hands. "I just shamed myself t-to Weiss. Weiss.
It's official. My sexiness gets stolen by Winter and then my awesomeness...what kind of world is this?!"
"One where karma favours the sane for once!" Weiss cheered triumphantly. "YES!"
Blake rubbed her temples. "Oh, dear Dust, don't remind me about the netorare vibes, please don't..."
"I still don't know what that means." Ruby pointed out. Blake shook her head.
"Good. You're too innocent to know. And nobody look this up, your life will be better without it."
Weiss glared at her. "You know, I never know who you're talking to when you say that."
"Does it matter?" The catgirl inquired. "And really, Ruby? I still don't like your sister!"
"You can hide it all you want, Blakey, but you and I both know you want the booty~" Yang winked at her mischievously.
Blake merely blushed, staring somewhere that wasn't Yang.
"...hmph. N-not everyone falls for your sexiness anymore." She muttered under her breath, rubbing her arm.
Weiss rolled her eyes. "And you're also being tsundere? You people call me on that all the time but you people are worse about it."
"You're the designated tsundere." Yang shrugged. "It's kinda your schtick."
"Yeah, yeah, just read the fic. I'm curious to know what JNPR was doing when they were watching that accursed Madoka anime..." The heiress muttered.
"Shame on you for showing us that, Yang."
"I live to be an eternal embarrassment to killjoys~"
Yang giggled at the mention of shipping Pyrrha with Jaune. "Well, that's not going to be the pairing soon enough if that many people want Winter and Jaune together..."
"Don't even start mentioning my sister and that dolt in the same sentence! I-I refuse to believe she'd even think about falling in love with him!" Weiss complained.
Ruby stared at the screen, reading about team JNPR's reactions to Madoka Magica. "Oh, I feel so sorry for them! I can't believe you put them through that, Yang!"
"It made for good viewing." Yang shrugged, waving a CD in her hand. "I had it recorded."
"Of course you recorded their responses to that anime. Why am I surprised?" Weiss facepalmed, grumbling. "I don't know why I expected anything different-
And of course, of course Nora wants to give Mami a twenty-one gun salute! With a grenade launcher." The heiress facepalmed. "Idiot, does she know how destructive that would be?"
Yang nodded in approval. "At least Pyrrha was savvy enough to expect it.
I was kinda disappointed Madoka did no badass stuff until the last couple of the episodes ,though."
"Don't get me started on the movie..." Blake shuddered.
"I'm pretty sad I missed the Kyoko cameo though." The brawler slammed her fist onto the desk. "Seriously?! I freaking LOVE Kyoko!"
...
Weiss cringed. "Don't even get me started. You rigged that game of Fire Emblem, didn't you?"
"Nah. You just suck." Yang shrugged. "What did you expect was going to happen, you instantly became good at it?
You overused Frederick."
"They shouldn't have left me a promoted unit just sitting there asking to be used!" The heiress protested. "Seriously!
And where was Lucina the whole time! That moron should've helped the Shepherds instead of going off and being mysterious!"
"I'm sure the real one regrets that, somewhere in the multiverse." Blake admitted.
"And what's this about...dimension-BLAKE." Weiss glared at the catgirl. "What did you do?"
"Nothing~" The catgirl whistled innocently. "Absolutely nothing. I totally did not do anything at all!"
Yang giggled.
"Oh, Blake, you sneaky person. I can't believe you did that~"
"Huh? I don't know what you're talking about."
Ruby rubbed her chin. "...you know, I really need to start saving up for if. I think it's going to be a good game..."
"Yeah. Remind me to get it when it comes out." The brawler nodded in assent. "Alright, next chapter!"
...
"NOT THIS PERVERTED FIC." Weiss snapped, blushing profusely. "NO. NO!"
Yang stared at her. "What's wrong? It's just a lemon between you and Ruby. Sheesh.
It's not like you two aren't going to be doing that in two years time. And it better be two years time." Yang glared at Weiss.
"If you do it with my sister here, I don't care how in love you two are, I will end you."
"Don't you dare go all protective sister on me. You've all but tried to get us two to do something indecent!" Weiss snapped. Yang held the glare for a couple of seconds, before collapsing into laughter.
"Ppffhh-yeah, you're right. Still!"
Ruby blushed, twiddling her fingers. "U-um..."
"This fic was hilarious, though. Weiss trying to get some self-help by making herself a bucket list..." The brawler snorted. "Please. I think our one might need it-"
The heiress folded her arms, huffing angrily. "I am only so stressed because I have to put up with your antics, you dunces!"
"And of course, we come to the part where Weiss fails epically at playing Super Smash Bros." Yang declared. "As if she couldn't suck any worse at playing video games."
"I was new to playing that stupid game, and that 'Lucina' person was playing cheaply!" Weiss cried defensively. "Don't you dare call me terrible because of those idiots!"
Ruby raised a finger. "You did kinda fail against AI-"
"Ruby! Whose side are you on?!"
Blake shrugged. "It's just a fact of life. Yang's a pervert, I'm manly, you suck at video games, and Ruby's the adorable background character."
"You think I'm adorable?" The reaper gasped in surprise.
"If it wasn't for that Chiaki girl, I would be unbeatable at Team Fortress and you KNOW IT." The heiress seethed at Yang, who started giggling.
"Yeah."
'Aaaaaand, of course, she doesn't figure out Nanami's an AI.' The brawler thought, giggling to herself. 'I'd probably be spitroasted or something if she found out...'
...
Blake folded her arms, sighing.
"Isara joined the Tankery club." The catgirl noted. "What a waste of talent."
"You really hate Tankery, don't you?" Weiss inquired.
"Hate it? It's a blasphemy to mecha! A blasphemous sport! It's just a crappy cannon on wheels with armour! A mecha could easily beat it!"
Yang smirked. "And yet you got owned with a smoke shell and a sixty-year-old tank model in the Gurren Lagann."
"D-don't you dare talk about that! That was unfair and you know it!" The catgirl snapped. "Such unmanly use of smokescreens should never have been tolerated!"
"At least Nora had fun." Ruby shrugged. "Then again, she always has fun when things explode."
Weiss rubbed her temples. "Yes, Ruby, don't remind me...it's a headache dealing with Valkyrie's obsession with sloths, pancakes and explosives..."
...
Ruby snapped her fingers. "Oh, yeah! I need to finish Omega Ruby, don't I?"
"That game's too easy!" Weiss snapped. "You got everything handed to you on a silver platter!"
"No, Weiss, you just sucked at Platinum." Yang shrugged. "We already established this."
"Stupid Exp. Share and stupid crits..." The heiress muttered irritably. "And I should've gotten a Quagsire or something if Marshstomp is that stupidly powerful!"
"You'd still suck." Blake reminded her. "You'd just suck with a strong Pokémon."
"I SWEAR TO DUST BLAKE"
...
Yang pouted. "Oh come on! Really, this gets displayed?"
"Now it's your turn to be embarrassed!" Weiss snapped. "Finally! The heavens have looked down mercifully upon me!
And are you so bad at cooking that you had to summon the god of cooking to help you out?"
"L-Leave me alone! Sheesh!"
"Oh, and of course Elsa's going to act like Nagato." Blake snickered. "Well...it makes sense."
"I still can't believe she thought the animal mice were used to make a cursor move..." Weiss shrugged. "Then again, she was literally born a year ago."
"Oh, I don't even want to know why Velvet asked for those..." Weiss rubbed her temples. "That pervert is obsessed with me..."
...
"I can't believe you snuck into detention to read me a fanfic and got Glynda kidnapped by that...Mami Appreciation Society thing..." Weiss sighed. "You got us all into trouble!"
Yang frowned. "In my defence, I expected her to enjoy the attention. It says it all in her diary, after all."
"Yes, but still!"
Ruby chuckled. "I loved this fic! It was absolutely hilarious!"
"Yes, and Yang only read it because it hard her name on it." The heiress reminded her. "She'd read a two-word fic if it had her name on it."
"Any fic with my name on it is awesome because I'm just the sexiest, most badass person here!" Yang pumped her fist. "Hell yeah!"
"This whole fic was nothing but Yang's ego and perversion!" Weiss snapped, before muttering miserably. "Measurements...who cares about measurements..."
Yang grinned.
"Well, maybe if you had measurements to speak of-"
"YANG XIAO LONG I SWEAR SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR STUPID CHEST" The heiress shrieked. "I don't even know why anyone finds those attractive! Those are just a bunch of lumps of useless fat..."
The brawler merely stuck her tongue out at her teasingly.
"Just jelly~"
To be continued...
Chapter count: 23-34
A/N: I think we'll need to turn this into a three parter to cover the Cockerel Festival Arc and then finish up after that from 45-75. And then after this, Cards against Remnant will be featured, so hold on to your seats, people who still like this crappy fic!
So, I hope you enjoyed that, leave your ideas, comments, criticisms, reviews, suggestions and thoughts, and I hope you have a GREAT day! Until next time!