Weiss Reacts: The Recappening, Part 3!
A/N: Welcome, one and all, to Weiss Reacts! Boy, it's been one long weekend and boy, do I need to get that totally-planned myth arc started eventually. I mean, I've set it all up; Chiaki, Jaune's Semblance, Norn's upgrades, the Antic Order being what it is...and of course get all these nice and nifty fanfics that we keep saying we'll react to out of the way. That is, to anyone who still reads this crap. :P
With that in mind, let's get this out of the way!
DISCLAIMER: RWBY does not belong to me, otherwise Weiss would be the token mini-moe.
All mentioned franchises and characters belong to their respective owners.
Warning for spoilers to ALL the stories mentioned here.
The Shadow of Fire, Part 3
Ruby frowned. "Oh come on, we're reading about the fic where all my limbs get blown off..."
"People tend to like blowing your limbs off for some reason." Yang sighed, rubbing her temples. "It seems to be a fetish with this fandom, along with killing you off."
"And this fic manages to do both." Weiss muttered, exasperated at the trend. "How. How?!"
Blake nodded slowly. "This fic still reminds me of Exalted for some reason.
Must be the fact that everyone seems to be either a god, a demi-god, or some sort of major league badass. If it was a happier fic and had more Exalted elements, this could be the Glorious Shotgun Princess of the fandom."
"Yeaaaaaah no." Yang rolled her eyes. "The fic's good, but not that good. And definitely not reality-hacking.
Although Ozpin still strikes me as a Sidereal..."
"You know, I've yet to figure out where Zwei goes when we're not looking..." Yang rubbed her chin, reading the monitor.
"Arf!" The dog barked from behind them, his tongue hanging out happily.
"Being chased by-" The heiress facepalmed. "My life used to make sense. When your girlfriend's dog is running away from fangirls...that makes me doubt if I'm the sane one or everyone else is..."
"In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king." Ruby commented, shrugged. "You could probably become queen of the world or something."
"D-don't give her ideas!" Yang cried. "You've seen how power-mad she becomes!"
Weiss rubbed her chin. "The Holy Kingdom of Schnee does have a nice ring to it-"
"You will rule this country over my dead body." The brawler retorted, crossing her arms defiantly. "I will literally die before I have to follow any law of yours! You'd probably make antics illegal or something."
"Most of your antics are illegal anyway!"
"Nuh-uh. Not under the East Wing Concordat."
"THAT ISN'T EVEN A LEGAL DOCUMENT!"
"By the definition of legal document, it is, and every government in the world would recognise it." The brawler retorted, wagging her finger. Weiss seethed.
"Urusai...Urusai...URUSAI!" The heiress snapped. Blake looked over to Ruby.
"You know, I never figured out why Weiss knows Japanese and German." The catgirl mused, pointedly looking over at the reaper.
"Well, her mom is a famous idol in Japan. She probably picked it up from her."
"Or she could not deny the inexorable exhortations of her tsundere soul." Yang declared melodically.
Blake and Ruby merely stared at her, blinking.
"What in the name of Dust was that supposed to be?" The catgirl inquired.
"Would you morons get back to reading the story already?!" Weiss interjected, interrupting the conversation.
Ruby whimpered. "Y-yes, ma'am!"
...
Mafia
Weiss cheered triumphantly. "FINALLY! A CHAPTER THAT DISPLAYS MY TRUE SUPERIORITY!"
"Y-you only won out of luck!" Yang reminded her, crossing her arms and looking away, embarrassed. "If those idiots had just voted me up, I would've won!"
"Just accept it, you failed and I won, thus proving my superiority and thus disproving your supposed awesomeness." The heiress smiled.
Blake was busy actually reading the fic.
"You know, I can never tell if Minako's trolling or actually into Jaune..." She complained. "I'm putting money on the trolling."
"Why?" Ruby tilted her head.
"Well, just seems like a thing she'd do. She's pretty trolly, all things considered." Blake admitted. "And maaaaan people fell for my ruse.
That was definitely a good claim, calling Investigator."
Ruby giggled. "I'm just adorable enough nobody would ever think silly old me would commit crimes~"
"That was a stupid move on my part." Weiss grumbled. "I should've known. After all, quite a few movies have the villain as a person close to the protagonist."
"Point taken." Yang nodded. "Surprisingly savvy of you~"
"S-shut up. I have my moments of savviness, y-you moron!"
...
Beauty Pageant, Parts 1-3
"Only a pervert would ever come up with a beauty pageant." Weiss scoffed irritably. "I've said it once, I'll say it again. Besides, the only reason I even got into this was because Yang couldn't take being less attractive than someone!"
"H-hey, I was the queen of sexy before Winter even existed!" Yang complained, pouting. "How come she gets to be sexier than me?!"
"Winter's older than you."
"I don't care! I'm sexier!" Yang retorted childishly. The heiress resisted the urge to slap her, simply muttering 'dumb Chihuahua' under her breath.
Blake giggled. "I need to write that crossover fic with RWBY and Toradora. Weiss would probably get along pretty well with Ami."
"Oh, that moronic pretentious idiot?" Weiss scoffed. "I'd sooner get along with an actual Chihuahua than her.
She reminds me too much of Pyrrha's mother, anyway, and she is a complete moron. Seriously, claiming she can't stand her husband and making out with him the next moment...what nerve!"
The catgirl rolled her eyes. "Takes one to know one."
Suddenly, the heiress glared directly at her, crossing her arms. "What's that supposed to mean, Belladonna?"
Ruby giggled. "Vivi should've won that. She's pretty adorable anyway, what with being a plushie and all..."
"I bet her fanclub went crazy." Blake whistled, ignoring Weiss' glare. "I'm surprised they didn't try to mob her..."
Yang crossed her arms. "I wish people would mob the stage for me. Where was my fanclub?!"
"It was there. Winter's simply overshadowed it." Blake shrugged. "Seems obliviously sexy beats knowingly sexy."
"T-t-that's not...but...ARRRGH!" The brawler screamed in frustration. "Damn it! Can I just win something for once?
Elf-sama, come on! You always make my antics go wrong!"
"And they should because that's simply karmic justice for doing them in the first place." The heiress retorted. "Even if this Elf-sama cared enough to change your fate."
"That's just not fair..." Yang whimpered. "It just isn't fair..."
Blake and Jaune's Infinite Playlist
Blake blushed. "W-what?! C-can we skip this chapter?!"
Yang grinned. "Why, afraid something might slip out?"
"No." The catgirl retorted. "Unlike Weiss, I'm completely confident in who I may or may not have feelings for. Through research, I've determined I just don't feel anything for him without his Semblance."
"Don't go Faust on me, Blakey!" The brawler complained. "Seriously?"
Weiss seethed. "I'm still not going to accept that my sister has feelings for that moron. She's just too innocent for that..."
"D'aww...Weiss is getting all protective of her sister." Ruby squeed happily, clasping her hands together. "That's so sweet!"
"Arc's a moron. Why would I want to be his sister in law?!"
"You're letting me be your sister in law." Yang pointed out.
"Unfortunate consequence of dating your sister."
"And wouldn't Jaune marrying Winter bring the unfortunate consequence of being Jaune's sister-in-law?"
"That's a different thing entirely!" Weiss snapped.
Yang frowned. "I don't think it is."
Ruby rubbed her chin. "I wasn't too happy with Weiss looking like one of those manipulative anime schoolgirls in this fic. She's grumpy, not manipulative..."
"I'm only grumpy because I have to deal with your sexiness-obsessed sister and Blake's obsession with manliness..." Weiss pointed out.
"At least Yang proved she was a judge of good character. Heh. I'm not petty and cruel."
Yang stuck her tongue out.
"Oh, we can debate petty~"
"XIAO LONG"
...
Diary of Glynda Goodwitch Parts 3-4 and the Beacon Holiday Retreat
"So THAT'S where they all went for that week." Yang realised, nodding slowly. "Huh. They said they were going away, but not even Cindy told me they were going off on a vacation..."
Weiss shrugged. "They deserve one for having to deal with your antics."
"Hey, I don't even prank people that much anymore! Besides, you people always predict my antics! It's not fun!"
"Somehow, I don't trust you for not pranking people." The heiress' eyes narrowed. "That's just not you.
For you to not prank someone would be tantamount to an alcoholic attempting to quit cold-"
A distressed squeal in the distance told Weiss she was right; the squeal seemed to belong to Velvet. The brawler's face slowly curled into a grin. Weiss facepalmed.
"You have got to be kidding me."
"I still got it~"
Blake chuckled. "Glynda really does act like an older Weiss."
"Nonsense!" The heiress snapped. "I act nothing like her!"
"You're both tsunderes, you're both sensitive about your chest size and you're both obsessed with stopping antics from happening." The catgirl responded, listing down each way Glynda was similar to Weiss. "Trust me, you two are like peas in a pod."
"Y-yes, but she has a perverted obsession with every single girl around her!"
"And you've got one for Ruby." Blake pointed out. "At least you direct your urges to one and only one person."
Weiss blushed profusely, but she knew she couldn't argue back. She turned away, crossing her arms.
"This isn't over...i-idiot..."
"Wow. Who knew Glynda got up to so much when she was a kid..." Ruby looked amazed, reading about Glynda reading about her own youth. "I wonder why she hates what we do so much?"
"She has some sense in her, unlike you guys." Weiss scoffed. "At least she knows getting into stupid shenanigans is bad for mental health."
Yang put her hand to her mouth, giggling madly. "Ohohohohoh, Professor Faust found out about them knowing all about it...
Wait, wait. Crap. Guys, you realise by reading this, we know all about Faust's obsession with Slenderman, right?"
Weiss stepped back, blinking. "Oh, good Dust, you're right.
Blake, is the door locked?"
"Well, if Faust knew about us knowing about her dark secret, then we wouldn't be reading about this." The catgirl pointed out. "We'd probably be unconscious and being sacrificed to some dark god or something."
Just as she said that, she looked behind her, as if to check if Faust had broken into their dorm. Yang, meanwhile, checked the vent underneath their table. Even Weiss looked nervous- after all, Professor Faust had her way of doing things that were thought to be impossible, including breaking into locked rooms and summoning untold abominations from beyond the void.
Blake sighed in relief, as the moment passed, and no sign of the professor was to be had. "Alright, alright. We can all go off alert now, she doesn't know."
"The one time I am scared of the same thing you morons are..." The heiress shuddered. "...ggh...and Glynda, good god, you PERVERT!"
"A slipped bra strap? Oh, Glynda!" Yang giggled. "I never realised how desperate she used to be...I mean, she's desperate now, but to sink to that level..."
"Never mind what I said about you and Glynda being the same. Glynda's worse..." Blake shuddered. The heiress rubbed her temples. "Good Dust...even our adults are a bunch of manchildren...no wonder your antics are allowed, Xiao Long."
"And this might probably explain why-OH WOW SERIOUSLY CINDER YOU PERVERT." Weiss started seething. "Why would she just...WHY?!"
Yang snickered. "She just wants to share the love! She's an honorary Xiao Long, after all~"
"Oh, of that I'm not surprised. Dressing Miss Honda up in skimpy suits and then acting like a creepy pervert around Professor Goodwitch. The irony being, because of her creepiness, I completely believe she's a virgin.
Her innocence, though, is questionable."
Blake winced. "Ooooh, that's a burn."
"It's my experience that perverts like her never do anything to solve their own lack of action, as Yang likes to call it." The heiress remarked. "Hence why Yang is also a supposedly innocent virgin."
"You know I could use that to get people to find me more sexy~"
"OH ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" The heiress roared. "NOT ONLY DOES YANG GET ANOTHER PERVERTED IDEA BUT PROFESSOR KANOE DOES THAT?!
GRAAAAAAHHHHH-"
...
Five Nights at Freddy's
"Oh, not this game!" Weiss cried. "This game was nothing but a stupid antic! A STUPID ANTIC!"
"Just because you suck at that game doesn't make it a stupid antic. You just suck at it." Blake pointed out, a smirk on her face.
"That moron on the phone barely taught me anything!"
Ruby raised a finger helpfully. "Maybe because you didn't listen to Phone Guy?"
"He was blabbering on about nonsense that was completely irrelevant!"
Blake looked over to Yang. "Hey. You know Freddy showing up on night one?"
"Hm?"
"..." The catgirl toned her voice down to a whisper. "Did you rig it?"
The brawler merely gave her a knowing smile. "Maybe I did. Maybe I didn't~"
"AND YOU TOLD HER TO DO THAT" Weiss glared at Yang. "YOU TOLD HER TO DRESS LIKE THAT
I WILL EXECUTE YOU FOR TREASON"
Yang's maniacal laughter was the only sound that filled the room for the next couple of minutes as Weiss had to be restrained not to beat Yang silly for letting Velvet scare her half to death.
RWBY Battle Royale
"And here, I lose for no reason!" Weiss screeched. "Why can't I win in anything?!"
"Because you're doomed to fail~" Yang giggled. "And besides, Ruby's the protagonist, she always wins."
"You lost, though."
"I beat you~"
"I would actually beat you. The Cockerel Festival proved as much!"
"You CHEATED!"
Blake rolled her eyes. "Amateurs."
Yang turned to her, grinning. "Mad because you lost?"
The catgirl's expression instantaneously went stormy. "Don't remind me. The one time you won something and it cost me my tuna sandwiches!"
"This is why you don't bet against me~" Yang responded in a sing-song voice, grinning.
Ruby sighed in relief. "Finally, a fanfic that doesn't involve me getting my limbs blown off.
That's refreshing to read about..."
"But disappointing in that I still somehow lost to Yang..." The heiress sighed. "At least they corrected her assumption that her large chest is somehow worth anything in the real world..."
"It is, dear, and you're just-"
"If I must lecture you about the ease of acrobatic manoeuvres with a small chest, then you're going to look like a complete fool." The heiress retorted, shutting Yang down before she could even start speaking.
"I-I...damn it!"
...
RWBY Volume 2, Parts 1-2
Weiss sighed in exasperation. "And of course we can hardly even watch a TV show without being caught in the middle of some stupid antics..."
"In fairness, Yang did invite Nora, Velvet and Ren..." Ruby pointed out. Yang frowned.
"They're our friends. I can hardly leave them out of our RWBY marathons!" The brawler protested. "That'd be uncivilized, as Weiss would probably say."
"Having my chest violated by Velvet is not civilized!"
Blake chuckled. "Well, at least Winter was good for a laugh. The show was pretty good, too."
"The accuracy's pretty off." Yang pointed out. "Weiss' chest shouldn't exist, for one...and I'm way more awesome than they made me out~"
"And I angsted too much." Blake muttered, scowling. "Far too much."
"I personally liked the canon Blake." Weiss stated. "Aside from her being far less obnoxious than you, she actually has some nuance in her personality."
"Nuance shmuance, I'm more badass than canon Blake and you know it!"
Ruby pawed another cookie into her mouth. "At least we had a pretty cool fight with a giant mecha..."
"That one episode near the end, though. No Brakes?" Blake winced. "...there...there's some serious fridge logic there."
"Like?" The reaper looked curiously at her.
"Do you want an alphabetical or chronological list?"
...
Team Fortress 2
"GAH XIAO LONG UNHAND ME AND GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY EYES" Weiss squirmed as Yang tried to prevent her from reading the chapter.
"B-Blake! Change it! Quickly! She can't know about Chiaki!" Yang squealed. Blake obliged, hurriedly changing the chapter.
"Got it."
"XIAO LONG"
...
Paternal Messages
"What was so secret that I didn't see that you had to hide it from me?!" Weiss seethed angrily. Yang whistled innocently. "Nothing at all. It's perverted. And you'd hate to see perverted stuff, right?"
"I'm convinced this is all just part of a big antic..." The heiress muttered irritably, but conceded the point.
'If Yang thinks it's perverted enough I shouldn't see it...gah, it's probably an act.'
Blake sighed. "Oh, this comic. Good Dust, this was hilarious, especially seeing Jaune squirm..."
Yang nodded in agreement. "Everyone basically went mad over Jaune, and it was hilarious..."
"Even Winter." Ruby giggled. Weiss merely scowled.
"Winter was merely expressing concern for a friend!" The heiress snapped. "I somehow doubt that she's crushing on Jaune!"
The brawler started laughing. "Oh, Weiss, you don't have to be tsun-tsun on your sister's behalf!"
"I am NOT!"
The reaper merely bobbed her head around, chuckling. "This comic was pretty funny."
"Heh. It's basically our Jaune, but less lucky and more screwed. Seriously, what kind of a dickish dad would sell his child into marriage to get rid of debts?" Yang complained, looking irritated.
Music Standoffs: The Sequel
"You know what, I forgot about something here." Yang sighed. "I forgot to get Hokuago Tea-Time's autographs!
And DAMMIT I MISSED IKA AND EIKO!"
Weiss stared over at Ruby. "Guess we were both wrong about the likelihood of those people showing up, in hindsight."
"Yep."
"That was a couple of hilarious days, with Blakey trying to get over her moehate and all..."
"Although, this Mugi person sounds like a complete pervert..." Weiss seethed. "The blonde girl, right?
It seems to be common that every blonde person I've met is either an immense pervert or an unlucky pervert."
"That's hardly fair to blondes." Blake pointed out, frowning.
"Yang and Taiyang Xiao Long, complete perverts. Jaune Arc, moron. This Mugi woman, obsessed with taking pictures of her friends in indecent situations.
Even Goodwitch is a pervert. Do you see my point yet?"
"What about Sun?" Ruby offered. "He's alright."
"The rumours say he's with that Gunther girl. Or with Neptune. Or has a perverted interest in tanks." The heiress answered. "A-and he's the exception that proves the rule!"
Yang giggled. "Well, it was a good show-off, at least. We held our own against professionals, right?"
"True." Weiss sighed, conceding another point to Yang. "True, we did.
AND YOU DUNCES RECRUITED MUGI TO THE ORDER. ARE YOU SERIOUS."
"She wanted to join!" Yang pointed out. "After Nora explained everything to her, she was completely enthusiastic about it!"
"I somehow doubt that."
...
Remnant's Reclaimer
"Oh, oh! This is the fic where I get to be a future badass!" Ruby pumped her fist joyfully. "Yesssss!"
Blake frowned. "And the one where I get paired with Ruby.
I mean...I wouldn't mind. Ruby's a nice girl. But...she's taken, and I have another g-person in mind."
"Oooooh?" Yang looked interested, smiling. "I wonder who it is?"
"N-not you, Yang. G-get yourself out of my face."
"Just asking, kitten. Sheesh, no need to get mad~"
Weiss only looked even more exasperated than she already was. "It seems like every member of the Xiao Long-Rose family are a bunch of perverts."
"Runs in the blood~" Yang cheekily responded.
"Even future Ruby, who came from a future where everyone we know is dead is still enough of a pervert to seduce Glynda!" Weiss hissed. "SERIOUSLY?!"
Yang clapped her younger sister on the back. "NOW that's the way we do it!"
Ruby cringed, shaking her head. "N-no...I don't think so."
"What, you've never had the Goodwitch fantasy?"
"N-no!" The reaper blushed profusely, shaking her head. Yang looked disappointed.
"Aw."
"WAIT THIS IS THE FIC WHERE I GET PAIRED WITH YANG" Weiss realised, her eyes widening in horror. Yang's also widened in horror, staring at the screen.
"WHAT?!"
"CHANGE IT NOW CHANGE IT NOW"
Blake broke into a fit of laughter as Weiss and Yang scrambled to move the chapter along.
"Oh, the fact that you guys ignored just about every other plot point because the author paired you two together's hilarious..."
...
Tankery
Now, it was Blake's turn to scowl. "I still can't believe Neptune suckered me into this..."
"Well, you won, didn't you?" Weiss pointed out, but the catgirl merely shrugged.
"And? It wasn't satisfying. Those guys were newbies who clearly didn't know what they were doing and we were incapacitated by a stinking gremlin.
That's boring."
Ruby frowned. "Why do you hate Tankery so much?"
"I just do. It's like you hate lessons and Weiss hates perverts." The catgirl shrugged. "I just don't like it."
"Still, you did a bang-up job there, owning their team. Miho thought they stood a chance..."
Weiss closed her eyes, irritated. "I still can't believe Faust loaned them a possessed tank..."
...
The Recappening
"...wait. Wait." Weiss held up a finger.
"I'm bored...I...wait, this was what we were doing half an hour ago!" The heiress complained. "What?!"
Yang hurried to move the chapter to the previous page, causing Weiss to snap at her.
"XIAO LONG! I WAS READING THAT!"
"This is for the good of the universe!" The brawler declared.
Blake sighed in relief. "Alright, alright. Fourth wall mind screw averted...so, who wants to leave a review?"
From: NightshadeNinjacatOfGiha
...exquisite. Needs more manliness.
AND I HATE YOU FOR MAKING ME LOSE SO MUCH
-Blake B.
Weiss sighed, resting her head back on her chair. Ruby looked over at her.
"Huh? What's wrong?
"I'm still bored." The heiress complained. Yang and Blake facepalmed.
Needless to say, it was an uneventful day in Beacon.
END
A/N: That was incredibly long, but it's over now. Next chapter, Cards Against Remnant, courtesy of RexHeller!
So, I hope you enjoyed that, leave your ideas, comments, thoughts, reviews, criticisms and suggestions, and I hope you have a GREAT day! Until next time!