Stephanie Hwang

"Where are we going?" I asked, looking out the window as we pass trees and trees and trees and more trees.

"We're going to your worst nightmare." Kris joked. Heechul punched his gut and grumbled curses at Kris as he laughed.

"Uh, we're going to a safe house type of thing." Heechul answered, still side eyeing Kris with glares.

I leaned forward in between the two guys. "What's a safe house?" I asked.

"Well, it's safe. It's also a house. So safe house." He said with chuckles.

"Do you guys live there?"

"No, but it is our second home kind of. Think of it like a cabin."

I shrugged, not really caring where I went as long as I didn't die and I got to see Tae.

Heechul placed his finger on the scanner plate thingy before taking off his shades and staring straight and close to a camera.

I thought this thing was straight out of the movies. "Stephanie, come. I need to add you to the house system." Heechul said while putting back his shades on.

A house system? What the hell is that. He took my hand and placed my thumb on the scanner, my eye also got scanned by some laser thing.

I stared at in utterly confused but didn't question it. I heard the slamming of a car trunk and the wheels of a cooler rolling over gravel and dirt.

Kris was pulling behind him a cooler full of groceries albeit with a lot f struggle.

I stood behind Heechul as he typed something on his phone, looking at my surroundings. I found the yet again secluded area a little eerie.

I couldn't really blame myself though. Being held against my will in some dumb deserted area probably got to me.

But what made it bearable was Tae. I only got through that experience because he was there.

I looked at him and I felt like it was going to be okay, i thought that he wouldn't let anything bad happen to me.

It made it alright, as long as I was with him I'll be okay.

I should be afraid, scared, paranoid and absolutely traumatized but I felt so strong and bold when I was with Tae. It was the only reason why I made such a risky move to get the phone that saved our lives.

Like I thought we were superman and superwoman.

SuperTaeng, SuperFany.

"Heechul?" I asked.

"Yeah?" He replied, pushing the door open and flicking a couple of switches.

"Are you guys going to stay here?"

"For a couple of days, or till Taeng gets back. But if he needs us we gotta go."

"Hey, stop talking and help me with the food. Who's idea was it to buy a fucking watermelon?" Kris shouts from outside.

We both laughed, loving how he was such a man child. We sat down in the lush living room that was sleek and modern. More modern that those sci-fi futuristic esque movies. It was like, black meets silver metal meets a hint of red. I really liked the black beanbag chair, I just so happened to plop on it. Sinking to the deep depths of bean bagginess, Heechul sat beside me, puffing the chair up and almost flinging me away.

"Fany? Is it okay to call you that."

"Queen Fany." I corrected. He deadpanned, nudging me in the arm. I chuckled and shook my head. "Fany is fine."

"What exactly happened? I mean, with you and Taengo."

"Oh, I don't really know. I was supposed to meet him at his office to go watch a movie, because you know. . . we were on a break and haven't seen each other for so long." He nodded, clicking his tongue and sighing. He had such gentleness in his eyes and I loved the fact that he made himself so approachable, like he'll listen to you.

"He was kind of a depressed ball of fuckery anger. It was really hard to get him out of bed when all he wanted to do was stay at home and play The Sims. It's really weird, to see someone have such a big effect on him but it's to be expected." He said, reaching over for a couch cushion before slinging at me, hitting me in the face.

"I guess." I answered loosely, not really know what to reply back.

I continued, sinking deeper in the bean bag chair, covering my eyes with my arm. "Then I guess I was drugged and kidnapped to some place. Taeng's gang thing, which I really don't want to know more about. And that is where I met Taeng after 3 weeks, we both were in a stupid chair bounded by ropes."

He hummed, laying down beside me shoulder to shoulder. "I had a feeling something happened when he didn't answer his phone. It was game night too, I even offered to buy snacks."

"They like talked about some stupid stuff and then all of a sudden the guy with the messed up jaw that made like clicky sounds? Sounded like a chicken, anyways he pulled me out of the chair right and pushed me to the floor and I thought I was going to die."

"Well here you are now, so what happened?"

"Taetae. . he ran over to me and oh my god he looked like such a superhero. SuperTaeng." I beamed, fangirling and squealing in my seat recalling the moments he was such a stud.

Heechul quirked a brow before muttering 'embarrassing' and that only spurred me further.

"He laid on top of me, he protected me from getting hit. He was such a charmer, he smiled even though they were like mutilating his back. He saved me. . ." I said with a sad smile.

I still remember the moment clearly, the time he said he's sorry for getting me into this, the part where he caressed me cheek, the time he pried my hands off his head and stuck them to my side. How he kissed me so softly still looking at me with such a tender gaze.

I remember how his arms shook that were propping himself up, I remember the grunts, the mutters and clenched fists he had from the pain.

I remember the selfless act he did and I smiled so widely, sniffling back tears of happiness.

He nudged me a little bit and I craned my neck to the guy. "Hey, I need to ask you something, But you have to be truthful in your answer."

"Okay. . ."

Heechul scratched his head before turning to me and sighing. "Do you. . love him?"

"I-I can't answer that." I uttered quickly.

"Sorry, let me rephrase that. Do you think you both of you will last, like in a relationship? Because if you guys don't then I think you should break it off with him." He says quietly. I sat on my seat with my back a bit straightened out, a little uncomfortable talking about Taetae when it comes to these things.

I just want to be happy with him, no more fighting no more talks about this, no more doubts in us.

"I want us to last." I said, truthfully, honestly.

"But you're not sure. . are you?" I nodded my head, reluctant to answer another one of his questions.

"I don't mean no harm, I'm just asking. But Fany, if you can't do this with him. Help yourself and just leave okay? When it's no longer bearable just go. I won't blame you, no one will blame you."

"W-Why are you saying that?"

"Look at him Fany. He's a train wreck on the inside. It's gotten worse when he's with you and I kind of don't really want to see him like this. I'm not saying you should break up with him and that you're bad I'm just saying he's blind. A total mess, and stupidly madly in love with you." He spoke with hesitation, like he was unsure of his best friend. I looked away, agreeing with him just a bit.

"We have to go in a couple of minutes. Taeng's room is upstairs to the right. Make yourself at home and remember the place is hooked up with 24/7 security. Call me if you need anything and if all else fails there a gun hidden under every table in the house." He say nonchalantly, pulling the cooler in the house and shutting the door close but not without waving a bye to me.

"We'll be back so don't try to escape! The house is armed with nuclear lasers that'll disintegrate you within seconds if you so happen to cross a hair over the door!" I heard Kris bellow out before the sounds of a roaring engine started and took off, disappearing as it got further away.

I sighed and dropped the hands on my hips. This cabin was a mansion and the fact that I have to find his room was even more daunting.

I skipped around the house, going from door to door opening them and closing them when the room didn't look like Tae's.

When I opened the second to last one I immediately squealed at the sight of Kaonashi tucked in the right side of his bed.

I knew that was Tae because no one does that type of thing but him.

But just for extra confirmation, k kind of slid in the bed and smothered my face in his pillows.

The scent of Taeng's sandalwood smell confirmed all my guesses.

I giggled, laughing in his pillows as I snuggled up close to the Kaonashi, bringing his blue sheets up to my face.

My eyes felt droopy but caught the glimpse of am image of blue dress, much similar to mine. I put all my energy to turning that way and honestly I don't even know what to say.

He has a photo of us neatly framed on the night desk. I grabbed it so fast, like lightning speed rocket fast.

A photo of us, the day I came home crying because I thought someone was following me. He took me out to the little carnival by the beach and bought me a pink balloon, and told me to wear this specific dress because he said 'you'll look really cute and I want everyone to know you're really cute'. The back drop was a mixture of tones blue, orange and red mushed up together to create a beautiful sunset in which I tiptoed on my feet and kissed him on the cheek as he smiled cheekily in the camera, my two fingers still holding onto the balloon he bought me.

I remember that day so freshly in my mind, because it was the day I kind of experienced something new I hadn't felt before with him.

"Do we have to? We'll remember this day so there's no need for pictures Fany-ah." He said, tugging me gently away from the crowd of people.

We were at the pier slowly taking a nice stroll at the boardwalk with our hands clasped together. We swung our hands a bit like we were star crossed lovers in a chick flick movie, but I held his hand because it was a cold, and he's warm. He's also squishy, and his hand is cute and holdable. I also kind of really liked the guy so.

"Why do you hate taking photos? You have to take them Taeyeon-ah, you're 28 and you won't remember this when you're older. In 70 years you won't be able to wipe your ass or remember my name, what makes you think you'll remember what happened on this day?"

"I will always remember your name." He mutters, still trying to pull me away from the stand. He practically dragged me away, tempting me by saying how he'll buy me french fries, chicken nuggets and even a stuffed animal but I was relentless. I wanted a damn photo of us and I will get a freaking photo of us.

I let go of his hand and he stomped on the boardwalk, almost throwing a tantrum right there and then if it wasn't for the menacing glare I gave him.

I walked away a bit just to adore the sunset, loving how I see families together laughing and smiling as they spend time with each other, or the young teenage couples absolutely in love looking at each others eyes as they run to the rides.

The breeze swept by me and enveloped me in such a warm welcoming embrace that I didn't know was Tae till he mumbled my name and kissed me on my exposed shoulder.

"What are you thinking about?" He mumbled against my neck.

"Everything. But I'm scared Tae." I answered truthfully.

"Why are you scared when I'm here? I promised you that nothing would happen to you remember?"

"But you weren't there when I walked back home. I-I thought someone was following me Tae."

"No one was following you though." He retorted.

I shook my head, the fear was still lingering there for me. "But if they did? If something happened Tae? Would you be there?"

"I wouldn't let them even touch a single strand of hair from you. Please don't worry so much and trust me? I won't let anything happen to you. I really won't because I wouldn't be able to live with myself if they did." He said with a hint of tenderness in his voice.

My ears perked when he said that. I felt like some sort of pressure in my stomach, it wasn't bad. It was good, really good. It felt weird. I wasn't used to it. I've never felt anything like it before. Those gentle words were enough to struck something like that from me. I felt myself form a small smile at the sound of that.

"We're going to be together for a long time." He whispered.

I hummed and he kissed my temple, holding my hand that was gripping the hand rail.

"I love you." He said. I nodded my head slightly, laying a kiss on his lips, letting it linger there a little bit longer than usual. But I didn't say it back.

"Baby girl, I got you a little something." He said in a hushed whisper. I pulled at his arm that was wrapped around my waist and turned around, seeing a pink balloon bobbing up and down as he kept tugging at it.

"Why?"

"It's so I can find you. there was only one left so you're like the only one who has the pinky one. So if you ever get lost, don't fret, Taeyeon will not forget." I bursted out laughing as he frowned, not impressed from my sudden laughter. He tied the string of the balloon on my finger and I smiled, remembering how he once came to my work place with ah handfuls of balloons. He was such a distracting nugget that I couldn't refuse the guy when he showed up with a bouquet of time to my entertainment.

"You won't let me get lost." I said questioning him. He nodded.

"True, I won't even let you out of my sight, but knowing you you're kind of a slippery piggy. You'll be here for a second and the next moment you bolt away looking at something else. I'm getting old Fany-ah, I can't keep up." He whined, kissing me on the cheek as he tucked some loose strands of hair behind my ear. This gesture still gets me feeling all tingly.

"Well, grow a pair and learn to keep up. Your loss if you can't Taetae." He starts grumbling and frowning, muttering nonsense as I linked arms with him walking along the boardwalk. Our shoes clicked and clacked, making the satisfying sound you hear with rattling wooden boards. Occasionally, seagulls flew by us and that annoying yapping sound came from them but I tuned them all out. Even the bright energetic carnival that emitted everything from bright lights, happy laughter and joyful screams were gone.

All I ever heard was him.

We were approaching the end of the boardwalk and I was a bit disappointed and eager to slow down. I didn't want this day to end. Because if it did, it meant that I'd have to go home and I wouldn't be able to see him till maybe a few days later.

I didn't want to be alone, at east for not today.

He made me feel safe, so protected and happy. He makes me so happy.

I reached for the phone in is pocket and he looked at me while holding in a laughter. "It tickles." He says, still trying to swat me away from his jacket pocket.

"Let's take a photo."

"Oh god, not this again."

"Taetae. . ." I warned. He shook his head and I let go of his hand, walking briskly away from him. A couple of seconds later I heard the boardwalk rattle and echo with large steps of the big bear. He hugged me from behind and muttered a 'sorry' as he told me to wait.

I turned around to see the guy speedily run towards another couple. He said something to him while pointing at me, rubbing his hands together and bowing like he's begging for something. The couple smiled and nodded their heads. From afar I saw him flash his millionaire dollar smile as he waved at me.

I waved back and stood there waiting for my little brown bear to come back to me and he did, but with two people who were willing to take a photo of us.

I slapped his arm and smiled..

"You donkey."

"Hey, I wanted to have a really nice photo I can show off to all my friends. Not some stupid dinky selfie that won't even show the rest of your pretty dress." He said, pulling me closer in the arm as I stood beside the tall guy.

I looked up at him and he was smiling towards the couple, I heard them ask if we were ready and we both nodded.

I wasn't going to settle for such a generic pose, so I quickly tip toed on my feet, kissing him on the cheek right before the couple counted from from 3, 2 and 1.

Taeng immediately turned towards me as shocked but as happy as can be. He lifted me up, and spun us around for a few seconds before placing me back down and patting my head. I frowned, scolding him for treating me like a pet. He chuckled in such a rich tone, making me burst out in laughter too.

I heard my giggle, I heard his chuckle. I saw his smile, and in his eyes I saw mine too. I felt his hand caress mine, and I felt mine holding it tightly. I squeezed it, and he squeezed back.

"Miyoungie." He teased. I pushed him on the shoulder and I turned my head totally forgetting about the couple who were looking at us in amusement. I apologized to them a billion times and it only stopped when they said it was okay and walked away, still giggling at the both of us.

"Miyoungie" I heard again. I was going to hit this man to the moon but I saw him squat down with his back faced towards me.

"Your express piggy back ride, hop on lets go home." He said cheekily. I looked at him, matching his charming smile.

My favourite dimpled smile.

My heart thumped and beat so quickly, blood rushed to that area and I couldn't help but smile thinking about that day.

I didn't think he's the type to keep such things, let alone in a place where he doesn't really go.

I wonder why he doesn't have this in his house. Or his office.

Nonetheless I laid there in bed with the picture hugged tight to my chest.

He's so cute for doing this and he doesn't even know.

I looked at it one more time, staring at the both of us so happy and so much in love.

Love. Love. I think I love him.

I got up an hour later, tucking that photo of us in the bed. I went to his closet and opened it, expecting there to be a secret compartment full of like guns and knives.

But it was just close, I think I need to stop watching movies before I start thinking everything is a secret compartment full of guns and stuff.

Then again there were guns taped underneath all the tables like Heechul said. I even checked.

I picked out the biggest t-shirt I could find and slipped it on, letting my dress pool on the floor, far too lazy to pick it up and put it away.

I lifted the shirt up to my nose and went to heaven, it smelt like him too.

My phone's screen lit up as I heard the bell sound. I skipped over to it, hoping it was Tae. I wanted him to come home now. I wanted to go to the beach beside the cabin, I wanted to not be in this creepy house alone.

Still want to be with him? The message read from another number.

My breathing felt like it stopped for awhile. Everything slowed down. My hands were shaky, holding the stupid phone in my hand.

I kept looking at the screen even though I tell myself not to.

Great. Many high resolution photos of Tae feeling it up and kissing another girl. And that another girl happens to be one of the most recognized faces in the music industry who happens to be Taeng's biggest fucking fan. Juniel.

He told me he wouldn't do this. He promised me he wouldn't do that to me, to never be like Nick.

But he did, he lied to me. He did the same exact thing that broke me to bits and I couldn't be more heartbroken at the fact that he lied.

There was a part of me at a certain time that doubted him, but I came around and told myself that yes, I could trust Tae. I made myself believe that he's different from any other person because I felt like I needed to defend him.

I was wrong, I was so fucking wrong.

And just like that right on cue I heard the front door open and I went outside of Tae's room. Gripping the hem of my shirt as I felt like the phone in my hand was going to burst from how hard I was gripping it. "Where were you?" I asked.

I was supposed to be happy, to dart towards him like a speedy cat. To hug him, welcome home and to pepper him with kisses all over his face because of how much I missed him. The day Eunhyuk kept us in that shed I haven't seen him or been so cose to him for awhile. I needed to thank him properly for what my Taetae did for me. But I didn't. I was supposed to do that, we were supposed to be happy right now. But it's not.

"Out." He said, taking off his shoes and jacket before walking past me, bumping shoulders.

"I haven't seen you in 3 days and all you could tell me is out?" I asked with my voice peaking. I followed him into the kitchen.

He shrugs. "I was out."

"I've been holed up in this stupid house for 3 days, waiting for you."

"I was out Fany." He grumbled while pulling at his collar. He popped open the beer bottle's top and walked past me yet again.

"Out fucking girls?" I gritted through my teeth.

He snapped his head to me. "What did you say?" His low tone made me want to slap it out of him.

"You heard me."

"I didn't." He said through gritted teeth. He stopped unbuttoning his shirt and turned to face me.

"Why are there photos of your hands up Juniel's skirt then?" I dared to ask, never thinking of the day I'd ask about her ever again after seeing her once.

"I didn't." He said nonchalantly and returned to his bottle of beer.

"Why are you lying!" I yelled, throwing the phone at him.

He stared at the photo on the screen on the floor and didn't look up.

"Why are you lying Taeyeon-ah! There's photos of you clearly doing just that! Why can't you just tell me the truth!"

He slammed the bottle of beer on the table, turning his body to face me with a heaving chest. "God shut the fuck up for once! Do you have to question me every single time?!"

"I have every right to question you! What makes you think it's okay to do that to her? Are we not together Tae!" My head started to throb from all this shouting. I hated the fact ow he didn't seem to be bothered by what he did.

"Did you have sex with her?" I asked quietly, still boring my eyes into the stupid man.

"Why does it matter? This happened when we were on a break. Plus, we still are on a break are we not?"

"So after we both got kidnapped you saved me and protected me and you still thought we were on a break! A break Taeyeon?! We agreed to see and hang with each other less! It didn't mean we broke up so you could go fuck other girls! Last time I checked you told me it was you who wanted a break! Not breaking up but time apart!"

He stayed quiet and I felt myself wanting to just die. "I thought our break was over the moment you crawled on top of me and protected me Taeyeon-ah."

I was practically about to burst into tears. But another part of me was just so mad at him, upset and angry. I didn't think he'd do this to me. I did at one point, but that was so long ago. It was when I didn't know him when I didn't feel much for him.

But I needed to know if he did. I wanted to know if he did do anything with her."

"Taeyeon-ah, did you?" I asked quietly.

"Does it matter?"

I scoffed, tears in my eyes as I couldn't believe this guy.

"It matters to the point where I'll leave you if you did."

"Then go." He muttered and I couldn't believe my ears.

Did he or did he not?

I wanted to fight more, I wanted him to tell me it was all a lie. That what I saw was fake. I wanted to scream, shout, cry and do so much more with him.

I wanted us to fight for each other, but he just dismisses me like that and I look like a fool.

I grabbed my jacket and phone, putting it on quickly wanting to leave this torturous place. I wanted to run away again. I wanted him to look for me, to call me back and to hold me and tell me not to go once I did run away.

He grabbed my arm, pulling me back and I fumbled to the ground. It was at this time I was a wreck.

"No, don't go. I love you, I love you so much. Just tell me what I want to hear." He said with a shaky voice.

"I trusted you Taeyeon-ah! I gave you all of me and y-you cheated on me!" I shoved him on the chest as I pushed him away. He let me do that while saying nothing and I hated him for it.

"Why are you so obsessed with me telling you that I love you? Why does it matter if I do right now or in the future? Why are you so eager Tae. We went over this."

"I just want to hear you say it."

"You couldn't wait any longer so you decided to go find another girl?"

"It was nothing. We didn't do anything."

I let out a frustrated sigh, still sobbing as I held the end of my shirt tightly.

"If you just told me earlier. ." He suddenly said.

"So you're saying if I told you that I loved you earlier you wouldn't have cheated on me!? Tried to find someone else to replace me, telling you what you need to hear?!"

"I told you it was nothing! I can't find love through sex you-"

"So you did have sex with her!"

He got up and grabbed the base on the table, throwing it against a wall letting it become obliterated.

"Fuck Stephanie! Why are we like this!"

"You tell me Taeyeon! It looks like you're extending our fucking break till I say 'I love you' to you!"

"I am not doing that!"

"Yes you are! You're doing exactly that! Tae, you cheated on me. You cheated on me." I said with a quivering voice.

"It's not cheating! It was nothing! I didn't do anything with her!"

"It's something Tae! If I were to kiss another man would you have brushed it off and said it was okay?! If I were to lay hands on another man's crouch what would you say! I can't even be close to another guy without you getting mad at me, being paranoid that I'd cheat on you!"

"I don't talk to guys because I knew you'd be upset. So I don't, to spare us whatever fight we had to go through. I did it for you. It may not be a big deal to you but it is to me." I said with tears streaming down my cheeks so fast, so freely.

"Because every time I trust someone they show me that I shouldn't later on." I sobbed, grabbing onto the chair of the sofa trying to get up. I didn't dare look at his face.

He was embarrassing to me because he's made me look like a fool. What was Sooyoung going to say? What about Michelle? Leo?

"Why do you love me? What made you say that so quickly? Was it out of pity. . ." I said trailing off. His eyes shot up at me and he pushed me back.

"Why would you fucking say that? I don't love you because I felt bad for you."

"We didn't just happen to be together Tae."

"We came from stupid beginnings. You helped me when I almost got raped in the alley, you were there when I cried my eyes out thinking Nick was going to kill me. You feel bad for me, it's not love Tae."

"I do love you!"

"Do you? Do you love me that much to say it so quickly?" I questioned.

"Me saying quickly shouldn't be compared to your incapability of not saying it to me!" He said, shaking his head looking so lost.

"I'm not incapable." I reasoned, looking at the mess of a man beside me. He's jus blurting out words now not knowing how to respond to me. I couldn't blame him because I'm also having trouble forming rational sentences in my head before choking them out.

"Tae, the 90 Day proposal, was that purely because you pity me? That you feel obligated to protect me? And is it because you don't want to be lonely?"

"Stop, stop!"

"Tae, please answer me."

"No, no please it hurts." He said, blinking back the tears.

"That's not love Tae, putting so much pressure on me to tell you those three words. Do you even have any idea how those precious words mean? It's not love when you force me to think about marriage with you for 3 months, and at the end we're going to never see each other again if I don't make up my mind?"

"Am I wrong Tae?"

"You're wrong, it's like you don't know anything about me."

"You cheated on me, that's all I will ever know."

"Fany-ah, please don't say that."

"Taetae, my Taeyeon." I said in a hushed whisper, touching his hand and pulling on his forefinger.

He held my two fingers that were hanging on loosely to his. "Do you know how much it hurts? When we were held in that fucking place just me and you I was so sure to risk my life for you. I was so sure that you were going to walk out of there alive because I would've done anything for you to be able to do that." He mumbled, still playing with my fingers.

"I wanted to show you that you'll be okay. At least with me, and that maybe in the future when we're together you'll be able to see just that. But I couldn't even hear you tell me. I just wanted to hear it come from you because I care about you. You're someone I absolutely adore, cherish and think is so precious." He says sincerely and I looked up at him. Both of us were such a mess, so much tears in our eyes and I hated this fight.

"I look at you and I just love you. It terrifies me. It terrifies me what I would do for you." I hear him whisper as he pulled me close to him.

With my lips pressed close to his ear and my hand gently resting on his shoulder my lips curved into a sad smile. "I love you, Taeyeon-ah."

He hugged me so tightly. I felt his back drop a bit and he was relaxed, like a big weight on his shoulders was gone. "You do? You really do Fany-ah?" I nodded. He cupped my face and looked at me with such gentleness. "Why didn't you tell me earlier? Why couldn't you have said that to me."

"Because it's not easy to say something like this." I said, running my hand through his hair.

"W-When did you start to know? When were you going to tell me?"

"I had a feeling when your brought me to the pier, when you told me that you'll be with me for a long time. Then when Eunhyuk had us and he was going to hit me you crawled on top of me and didn't let him. You kept your promise that I'd be okay. But I knew for sure when I found a picture of us on that day beside your night table." I trailed off, my heart skipping beats thinking of the reason why I do love him. My mind started to wonder off of the things he's told me, the things he's said to me. To the things he said about us.

"It hurts Fany, when you couldn't say it before." He mumbled, back still turned from me.

"I know. I've seen you."

"Seen me?"

"You think I didn't see your red eyes when you came to my house asking for a break? You were crying Taeyeon-ah." I sniffed, wiping my nose with a tissue.

"How do you know."

"I just do." I palmed his cheek, kissing him there tenderly. "Have you waited too long? Do you love me the same?" I asked when I pulled away from him.

He nodded his head. I softened at his little nod. "Taeyeon-ah, make me love you." He breathed in and breathed out, holding my close.

There was an eerie silence between us and I felt my face heat up. I didn't like how it was so quiet all of a sudden. My eyes were stained with tears, pain and uncertainty but I was so close to him. His arms wrapped around me and I felt safe again, but it was almost like a dream.

"Have you not believed for a second that I've loved you and never stopped? I've done nothing but put you first and only you. I'm not good with words, you know it. I may not express it enough but you know that with every ounce of whatever I have in me, is to love you and care for you. All of me is for you. Do you not believe that? What have I not done that can't solidify that to you?" His voice changed and from a millisecond he went from angry to the gentle coo that just melts me.

"Yes, I did kiss her, yes I did touch her in places where I should. But I was drunk, like incredibly drunk. I pulled myself off her and went straight to my hotel room and called you. The photos didn't show that, it only showed the moment I kissed her and touched her. But I promise you, we didn't do anything else. I didn't take her to bed. That's why when you picked up the phone you asked me why was I practically unconscious and slurring. I didn't tell you because it's so wrong. I did you so wrong."

"I know it's still considered cheating because I kissed her. It's my fault, I could've done so much to prevent that. I am in the wrong completely, this is my fault. I'm not going to use that 'I was drunk' excuse and try to make myself look like I'm innocent because I'm not."

"I'm your girlfriend Taeyeon-ah. You've told me you loved me and I'm the only one for you. How am I supposed to know that you won't ch-cheat on me?" He pushes me gently off his lap and ran his fingers through is hair in frustration. He paced around the living room breathing a bit more heavily than usual.

He kicked the chair in front of him before sitting on the floor with his head hung low. He shook his head repeatedly before gripping the sofa leg tightly. "You've had thoughts about me leaving you haven't you. I've never thought about that act ever since I got with you. You think I'm that low? To do that to you after what happened to you? Did you really think that after everything that has happened between you, Nick and us, that I'd go and leave you? I don't think about that ever because you're everything to me and you're my pride and joy. I've told you countless fucking times. Why can't you see that. Where is the trust? What happened to everything we fucking built and with these few photos it all vanishes away like nothing and all our effort has diminished. Where is it Steph? Tell me because I can't seem to fucking find it anymore."

I hesitate to even speak, I hate you but I don't mean it. "Taeyeon I love you." My voice cracks as I said the last sentence. I'm a sobbing crying mess as a heaving man in front of me looks like he's about to burst with his fists clutched like that. I fell to my knees and sat on the floor holding myself to keep my life from falling apart even more.

You've broken that trust Taeyeon-ah, of course it's going to disintegrate as soon as I saw the photos. There's no more chances Taetae.

I hear him sigh.

Taeyeon say something, fight with me more. Please hold me, I'm hurting.

"Maybe I love you too much." He bitterly chuckles. I still can't fathom the change of his tone in the seconds we were fighting. From angry to sad, harsh to soft, rough to gentle, hoarse to mellow. "If I knew you felt I think I wouldn't have done what I did. because when I kissed her I thought it was you. When I touched her I thought of you. When she said in my ear 'I love you Taeyeon-ah' I imagined it was you. It was so wrong and I'm sorry. What I did is not forgivable, excusable but I can't help but think what if you did tell me earlier?"

I raise my head from my knees and looked over at him. He caught my glance and he looked disconnected. I felt myself just tighten at his expression. "You can't just blame me for not telling you. This has no effect on you and your decision to cheat on me Taeyeon. This is different."

"I know. I'm so messed up. I'm sorry." He said, wiping the tears away quickly when they fell.

This was really our first fight and they say the first one is always the hardest.

I couldn't help but think that maybe our relationship isn't going to work. I felt so insecure about it. There's not a moment that passes by that I wonder if he's out with someone else. It's wrong to think that, I know. But I can't help it. You can't just turn yourself from a playboy who loves to have sex and then settle down just like that. It doesn't work that way.

I've always been a little intimate and I guess needy, but it hurts.

"Maybe we aren't right, for each other I mean." His head shot up at me and I could hear his heavy breathing.

"Wh-what are you implying Stephanie." He asks shakily and I see him shift in his seat.

"I don't think it's going to work out." I whisper to him, not sparing a single look at him because I knew if I did I'd just be a mess.

My heart was breaking and it hurt so bad. I've only ever wanted love and someone that I could lean on. Was it too much to ask? I've been neglected, thrown around and beaten. Every time I was with Taeyeon I knew I wouldn't have been any of those, but when he started to do any of those I can't help but second guess our relationship.

I've let me insecurities, worries and anxieties get in the way. I'm always paranoid, what if this happens, what if that happens. I'm always pondering if I'm enough for him, if he's cheating on me, if I want to be with him truly till the end. It's not fair to him at all. I have to be strong but I can't. I've tried but I can't.

I'm like this because of my past. Taeyeon's worked so hard to help me forget and move on. But I just can't forget that. It was traumatizing and I've lost my sense of reality. It's not fair to him, life is not fair.

He pulled me in his lap and cupped my cheek in his hand. He looked like he was panicking and I've never seen him so distraught before. I know he's hurting too and I wonder why we had to put ourselves through this.

He slowly inched towards me and kisses my tears away while running the sides of my cheek with his thumb that got my spine to shiver.

My mind is a mess and it always had a mind of its own. My hand reached out for his hand and I held it close to my cheek, asking him to never leave it.

In return he kisses me hungrily and I yelped at his lips. I felt him pull at my shirt and take it off me as his hand crept up on my back that left tingly sensations all over it. I shoved at his shoulder but he laid me down and never broke our kiss.

His hand traveled the length of my leg and he caressed my arm aggressively. His kiss never stopped growing more needy and desperate. I felt dangerously worried when his hand traveled up the wrong side. I felt myself crack, and when he touched me in that spot, I kicked at him and slapped him across the face.

He sits up and breathes heavily. He looked so blank and I saw his fists clench together. I can't believe I just did that but I can't believe he just did that either. He held his own face and looks down immediately in shame when I glanced at him.

"I didn't mean to Taetae. I'm sorry, let me see." I reach out for him but he leans back, away from my grasp. Why am I like this? For him to touch me inappropriately and I retaliate but only for myself to crawl back to him in concern and worry when he deserves every part of that slap.

"I deserve that." He says through a clenched jaw. "I'm sorry, I-I don't know why I did that." I hear his faint voice and my heart softens.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered. I wiped my tears harshly away from my cheeks and sat up against the sofa. I curled myself into a ball and I cried.

It's like he's a shadow of my ex but in a way a closeted one, a passive man waiting to strike and break all hearts in its path. He's not a carbon copy of Nick, he will never be. But right now, he's slowly filling in my past lovers shoes and becoming the one I feared. Am I afraid? Yes. Do I think he'll hurt me? No. But when I see that face my opinion on him changes.

He open his mouth but I cut him off.

"No, I don't want to hear it." I say in between my sobs. I put my hands over my ears shaking my head from side to side. I can't take it I don't want fed excuses. I'm a hypocrite and I don't know what I want now.

He pulls me by the arm and shoves me back harshly, I trip and fall back hitting my arm and leg on the corner of a table.

Instantly the memories flood again and I see Nick's face on Taeng's body and now I'm even scared. I can't tell the difference between Nick and Tae at this point, it's so numbing. I felt like I just saw as silhouette standing in front of me. My vision is blurred and I don't know who I was loving.

"Why are we fighting like this Taetae. Please don't. Don't do this." I say as I inch away from his, letting my back hit a sofa as I couldn't run away anymore.

He pulls me back up gently, but I pull away. I pound on his chest letting my anger out physically on him. I may have inflicted scratches and bruises on him but I'm too angry to care.

"I h-hate you T-Tae, I h-hate y-you. I don't even know you anymore. It hurts so much to love someone like you." I take the promise ring off my finger and throw it at the ground not caring where it landed.

"Fine! Then stop! You don't have to!" Just like that, he goes from angry to sad, then back to angry. His mood swings so frequently, so quickly to the point where I had no idea who I was dealing with.

"I can't stop! Not when I just told you I did! I can't!" I wailed, looking at the guy whose angrily looking for the ring.

"Make up your mind Taeyeon." I pleaded.

He shook his head, slamming in things all over the house and I stood there holding into a table watching.

My eyes were tired of crying, I wanted to take a deep breathe and relax.

"I'll make up my mind then. We can't do this anymore because I don't know what you want and I don't know what I want either. Let's break up Tae. End this."

He looked at me again but this time didn't fight, didn't say anything. I glanced at him quickly to see if he'd react but he didn't show anything except the twinkling in his eyes I saw as he tried to blink back the tears.

He picked up a box from the ground and threw it towards me, it fell to the ground with the lid coming off it as it slid towards me.

My eyes widened at the blue squares.

I kneeled down and touched the pile of blue papers, not believing my eyes.

The coins! The stupid coins! The 90 Day thing!

I thought he forgot about the stupid ultimatum thing but it seemed like he was still on top of it day after day.

I gathered them all up and counted them, one by one. I was amazed how he didn't miss a day. They were all there, all of the days he didn't give them to me; 28.

I've always kept them in a nice little glass jar. I used to put them in one by one as I got them each day but if I wasn't mistaken, he hasn't given me one at all for 28 days.

There was 53 days left in our little contract if I wasn't mistaken.

But I couldn't help wonder if we would even make it to the end.

"We'll stop that too. We're done here." I heard him say. I guess it ends here then.

I sink down to my knees crying into them because I had nothing else to do but that in this situation. I hear him walk away with the jingling of a pair of keys and the door being slammed shut. Moments later I hear a cars engine screech out and getting quieter as it gets further away from the house.

It wasn't me that walked out the door, it was him.