ANGER
Driving at top speed down the highway Bella's truck came into my view. Know that I knew she was safe and sound I could breathe again. I followed closely behind her so she would know it was me. She didn't want to face me and she wouldn't pull over. That crushed me. I wasn't certain why she wouldn't talk to me right now making me wish, even more than usual that I knew what she was thinking
I followed inches behind her, but she still refused to look in the rearview mirror. My eyes burned through her mirror as her eyes remained on the road ahead. She arrived at Angela's house, pulled up to the curb out front, but would not look as I drove pass. I stopped down the street and waited until she was safely in the house.
Stomping on the gas, I peeled away from Angela's at top speed, while relief washed threw me. I calculated that it would be a few hours before Bella returned home and waiting one more minute at my house was unfathomable. I decided that driving around town was far more alluring. The solitude of the vehicle had my mind twisting in thought.
Why would she not pull over and talk to me? After all –it was I who was upset with her –perhaps she realized how mad I was. Maybe I scared her, which was a good thing… apparently she needed some scaring after the actions she displayed today.
Keeping myself occupied was becoming exceedingly difficult, so I returned home to drop off my car. Leaving it home seemed a better approach because if she saw my car in front of her house she may leave again. It would force her to face me know as it was time for her to explain herself. Although, I'm not certain any explanation would be acceptable.
After I arrived at her house I climbed up her wall and into her room. Charlie was, were he usually was, down stairs watching TV. And here I was doing the thing I loathed the most… waiting. I sat patiently waiting her arrival as the fury inside me was building stronger with each hand of the clock. I took a seat in her rocker and noticed her copy of Wuthering Heights. Picking it up I began reading. Selfish… hateful people… I was still astonished that she would read such rubbish.
Time passed slowly bringing with it a sense of concern. Concern that my earlier assessment was right, that she belonged with Jacob. My attempt in keeping her all to myself felt morally wrong, but I could see no other way. Her friendship with Jacob would never last –for him and I would always be enemies –nothing would change that, as much as she wished she could.
The handling this situation filled my mind along with the complications that were certain to follow. What would I say to Bella when she returned? Bella would never accept my position on her friendship with Jacob, which left me to deal with this cautiously. This had become the one problem that caused tension and stress in our relationship. I wish I could allow this friendship, that there was an acceptable way, but I knew this was not only a friendship for Jacob. He wanted more. How could I go along with her under those circumstances?
Problem number two remained Alice, who couldn't see Bella when she was with Jacob. That was intolerable! Anything could happen to her and I would have no way of knowing. She had to see my point! There could be any other way. The only solution I could consider was stopping their friendship. Or, I could insist that she choose once and for all. But, what if she preferred him? Would I be able to live with that? Could I agree with her decision if Jacob were her choice? Yes, the answer is always, yes. But, if I were her choice, she would have no choice but to set him free.
After reassessing the situation and arriving at my conclusions, I finally heard Bella's truck pulling into the driveway. The thunderous roar of her truck brought with it the moment of truth; she had finally chosen to face me. I listened to the conversation down the stairs tasting the atmosphere around Bella. Fear filled the space between us. She was afraid of me.
"Bella?" Charlie called when she opened the front door.
"Hey, Dad."
"So, how was your day?"
"Good," she said, hesitating. "They didn't need me at work, so I went down to La Push."
Charlie was just a little too happy about this information.
"How's Jacob?" Charlie asked, keeping his enthusiasm hidden.
"Good," she said, causally.
"You get over to the Weber's?"
"Yep. We got all her announcements addressed."
Charlie was happy with that piece of information. "I'm glad you spent some time with your friends today."
"Me, too."
She knew what was waiting for her in her room as she continued on into to the kitchen. She was afraid to face me. Did I want her afraid of me? Yes, the answer was always, yes. She needed to know the danger she put herself in today.
"I'm going to study," she announced with no enthusiasm, as if she were facing a firing squad, which currently she was.
"See you later," Charlie called after her.
Bella slowly stumbled her way up the stairs and I could sense her fear. I stood in the shadows, next to her open window, my body tense with the fury that was blowing out of every portion of me. My eyes pierced her as she entered the room carefully. She cringed, seeing what was waiting for her and again I sensed the anxiety spread through her. She waited for me to speak, but no words would come, I was beyond angry.
"Hi," she finally broke the silence.
I stood still. I had lost all ability to move or speak. She was waiting for a response, but there still remained no words in my brain. Anger flooded me, making it difficult to maintain control.
"Err… so, I'm still alive," she began.
My chest began to rumble low, but I remained frozen in place, afraid of what may happen if I moved.
"No harm done," she insisted with a shrug.
Moving I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose between the fingers of my right hand.
"Bella," I whispered. "Do you have any idea how close I came to crossing the line today? To breaking the treaty and coming after you? Do you know what that would have meant?"
Bella gasped which caused my eyes to spring open. I was unable to rearrange my face, which revealed to her how mad I was. The fury was pouring out of me blowing from every cell in my body. She began to protest.
"You can't!" she said too loudly. Pausing a moment she lowered her voice. "Edward, they'd use any excuse for a fight. They'd love that. You can't ever break the rules!"
"Maybe they aren't the only ones who would enjoy a fight," I responded angrily. Perhaps that's what she wanted, to see Jacob and I fight over her. Why else would she do what she's done? Maybe that was the key, she wanted to see me jealous. Well, mission accomplished.
"Don't you start," she snapped. "You made the treaty –you stick to it."
"If he'd hurt you…"
"Enough!" she cut me off. "There's nothing to worry about. Jacob isn't dangerous."
What would she know about danger? She wouldn't know danger if it hit her in the head. "Bella," I said rolling my eyes. "You aren't exactly the best judge of what is or isn't dangerous."
"I know I don't have to worry about Jake. And neither do you."
Grinding my teeth together, my hands balled up into fists at my sides. Frozen against the wall, fear held me in place, restraining me. Fury blew out of me from all sides.
Bella took a deep breath, and crossed the room. I stood motionless as she wrapped her arms around me. I remained frozen solid afraid to move, being this angry I couldn't be sure of the outcome.
"I'm sorry I made you anxious," she muttered.
Sighing, my tension drained with the sound of her apology. Wrapping my arms around her waist she was making it impossible to be angry with her. Having her here with me, safe and sound, the anger was fading fast.
"Anxious is a bit of an understatement," I murmured. "It was a very long day."
"You weren't suppose to know about it," she reminded me. "I thought you'd be hunting longer."
Looking up at my face she noticed my eyes were still dark. She frowned in disapproval, realizing another hunting trip would soon be required.
"When Alice saw you disappear, I came back," I explained.
"You shouldn't have done that. Now you'll have to go away again," her frown intensified.
That wouldn't be necessary. And after a day like today, it would be a long time before I would leave Bella again. "I can wait."
"That's ridiculous. I mean, I know she couldn't see me with Jacob, but you should have known…"
I'm ridiculous... She's the one who knows we can't see her when she's with him. But, I'm being ridiculous. "But I didn't," I broke in. "And you can't expect me to let you…"
"Oh, yes, I can," she interrupted me. "That's exactly what I expect…"
Now who was being ridiculous? There was no way… "This won't happen again."
"That's right! Because you're not going to overreact next time."
Overreact… there was no overreaction on my part. Overreacting would've sent me straight to La Push to bring her home. "Because there isn't going to be a next time."
"I understand when you have to leave, even if I don't like it…"
She was being impossible and I refused to stand here and listen to this. I had interrupted her, "That's not the same. I'm not risking my life."
"Neither am I."
"Werewolves constitute a risk."
"I disagree."
There was a surprise… she disagreed with almost everything I said. How would I get through to her? "I'm not negotiating this, Bella."
"Neither am I."
My hands balled up into fists again that were pressing against her back.
"Is this really just about my safety?"
"What do you mean?" I demanded.
"You aren't…" she hesitated, not wanting to continue, but did. "I mean, you know better than to be jealous, right?"
Where did that come from? That struck a cord from my emotions from earlier in the day. Perhaps I was, shouldn't I be. Raising one eyebrow. "Do I?"
"Be serious."
Now who's being ridiculous? Her safety was the most important thing, but there were other things at play here. This was no joking matter.
"Easily –there's nothing remotely humorous about this."
She frowned suspiciously. "Or… is this something else altogether? Some vampires-and-werewolves-are-always enemies nonsense? Is this just a testosterone-fueled…"
Fury was building within me again. "This is only about you. All I care is that you're safe."
The anger on my face was undeniable. With so many emotions running threw me, jealousy could be one of them. Perhaps it was jealousy, but there was still her safety to consider, without knowing for certain what I was feeling explaining myself seemed impossible.
"Okay," she sighed. "I believe that. But I want you to know something –when it comes to all this enemies' nonsense –I'm out. I am a neutral country. I am Switzerland. I refuse to be affected by territorial disputes between mythical creatures. Jacob is family. You are… well, not exactly the love of my life, because I expect to love you for much longer than that. The love of my existence. I don't care who's a werewolf and who's a vampire. If Angela turns out to be a witch, she can join the party, too."
Staring at her silently my eyes narrowed eyes. I wish she could understand, that she could somehow comprehend what this was doing to me.
"Switzerland," she repeated again.
Frowning at her I sighed. "Bella…," I began, but paused, wrinkling my nose in disgust.
"What now?"
"Well… don't be offended, but you smell like a dog," I told her.
Smiling at her, I had put an end to this argument, for now. Arguing was turning up no resolutions, quitting for now, we would return to this discussion at a later time. With her here with me, safe and happy, arguing seemed wasteful.
Missing out on the last hunting trip would require me to leave again. And I wasn't sure how it happened, but my family and Bella had convinced me to leave on Friday with Jasper, Emmett and Carlisle. Heading to some reserve in Northern California with a mountain lion problem. Anxiety spread as the day we were leaving drew closer.
"Edward, she will be okay here. Esme, Alice and Rosalie will keep an eye on her," Carlisle stated.
"But Carlisle, with Victoria still out there and the Volturi…"
"All right, we'll have her brought here. Would that make you feel better?" Carlisle asked.
"That would be better, if she were here, being protected, it would make it easier to leave. Would Alice and Rosalie be okay with that?" I asked.
"You know Alice would love it, Rosalie however… she'll be fine with it," Carlisle reassured.
"I would prefer that Bella be somewhere safe with everything that's going on. I'll talk to Alice. Thanks Carlisle," I said.
"Whatever will make you more comfortable, Edward. I'm sure they'll be okay with it," Carlisle smiled.
Bella had made plans to go to La Push and visit with Jacob, but without her knowledge I had already made other plans for her this weekend. I could only tolerate being away from her if I knew exactly where she would be. Without assuring her safety, there was no way I could leave.
I knew she would be angry with me, but that didn't matter, her safety was the most important thing. I had to do whatever it took –and I meant whatever it took –to make her safe. My plan would send her into a blind fury, but she would forgive me. How could she not for I was doing all of this for her? And, if she wouldn't forgive me, at the very least, I'd know she was safe, relieving some of my concern… for now.
There were a few details needing my attention if my plan were going to come together without a hitch. Number one on my list would be obtaining a bed –I couldn't expect an angel to sleep on my couch. I knew just the person to consult before purchasing one. Esme had furnished every house we had lived in.
"Esme, are you busy at the moment?" I asked.
"No. What's up Edward?" she answered.
"I needed to ask you about purchasing a bed for my room."
"Well, I order most of our furniture online. Come in and I'll show you where," she waved me over.
"Thank you. If Bella is going to spend a few nights here while I'm away, I would like her to be comfortable as possible," I said as I went to the computer at her desk.
Esme pulled up a web sight that was an entire furniture store. Having everything a household would need, she guided me through to the section that held the beds. Several beds in fact. Who knew there were so many different kinds? I flipped through the several makes and models, but I was lost and turned to Esme for help.
"There are some many, how do I know which one to chose?" I asked.
"Start with the make, you want it to be good quality. Then you'll have to decide on the size you want. Single, double, queen or king?" she asked.
"King size and very comfortable," I replied.
"I'm going to pick out a set of sheets and comforter to match your room," With a few clicks she was done. Turning to me with a smile. "That's it, Edward. All taken care of and it will be here by tomorrow."
"Thank you, I really appreciate this."
"It's my pleasure, Edward. You go and have fun with your brothers this weekend. Leave Bella to us girls, we'll take care of her," she assured me.
"Thank you, Esme. I'll try," I answered.
I walked back to my room feeling completely satisfied that Bella would be in good hands and comfortable sleeping at my house. I hoped that the bed would somehow make amends, for my actions, allowing me to leave this weekend. Leaving her alone was out of the question, if I were not here to protect her, then I would rather leave her with people who could. Accomplishing this any other way was impossible in my mind.
With my plan in place I was ready to leave. I had told Bella that we were leaving on Friday and returning on Saturday, but had changed my plans without informing her. She was preparing to go to La Push on Saturday and that was unacceptable. Convincing my brothers to leave on Thursday wasn't much of a hassle –they would go anytime –and I had made sure everything else was in place.
"Did Esme talk to Charlie?" I asked Alice.
"Yes, Edward. Everything is set. Charlie thinks Bella is coming for a slumber party while you and the other boys are camping. I'll pick her up from work on Thursday and bring her straight here. She won't be out of my sight the entire time your gone. I promise," Alice explained.
"Alice, make sure that she's…"
"Edward, don't worry, I've got the whole two days planned. She won't have time for anything else. Trust me," Alice pleaded.
"Fine, but if anything goes wrong… I'm taking back the Porsche," I snapped, regretting it the moment I said it, but left it hanging anyway.
"Geez… Edward, a little touchy aren't we. Just go, everything will be fine," Alice promised.
I turned and I went to find the others. Emmett and Jasper were already assembled in the living room anxiously waiting our departure time. Rosalie was on the couch pretending to watch the T.V, but thoughts were swirling around her head. She wasn't as hostile as she once was about Bella and I, but she had some strong opinions about our relationship. On most occasions ignoring her was easy, but today she seemed more earnest than usual.
She doesn't know what it means, Edward. What she would be giving up? Trust me I know what I'm talking about. This isn't jealousy, I promise. You're a man, you can't understand what I mean, but if she does this, she'll regret. Maybe not now, but some day, she'll want children. It's too late for us, but not her, she can still… I'm sorry, that's just the way I feel. I don't mean to hurt you, I'm glad she makes you happy, but I still wonder if it's the right thing for her… maybe I'm wrong… I hope I am.
I stared at Rosalie with no response, but she wasn't expecting one. She gave me plenty to think about, not that I hadn't thought about everything she was saying, because I had. I knew she wasn't jealous –of Bella and I –she was only regretting all the things she couldn't have. With Bella around reminding Rosalie of the life she could've had, I fully understood her intent.
In my many years on this planet I had never given much thought to children. It was not something in my power to have, so I never gave it much consideration. When something is beyond your control –with no chance of achieving it –you attempt not to dwell on it for too long. Until now… Bella had a chance… a shot at a happy existence. Bella had a choice at the future, the ability to have children, the one thing none of us could have and I sided with Rosalie on this subject. Taking that chose from Bella was too enormous, too much for me to ask. Not that I was asking, but it still felt morally wrong.
There were many more aspects to consider, but children remained the greatest. Once she transformed, there was no going back, and I couldn't expect her to realize what that really meant. Damned to a life on this planet forever. If forever was shortened by unknown circumstances, there was no way of knowing what happened to us afterwards. Could I allow that for her? Could I be that selfish? I was hoping not.
At this moment it was out of my hands, with Carlisle agreeing to take her life, my hands were tied. Convincing her to accept one of my offers, buying me some more time, was my only hope. With more time there had to be an alternative, some other plan.
Carlisle returned from the hospital bringing with him our departure time. With everything set here –the bed set up and Alice picking up Bella from work –my nerves were a little calmer.
"Alice, you know what to do, right?" I asked.
"Yes, everything is under control. Just go and try to have some fun," she answered.
"But, I'm just…"
"Edward, stop it. She'll be fine here with us. I promise. Now go!" she scowled me.
"Fine. See you later. And again, thanks."
All the men were out the door and running through the forest at full tilt. There was eagerness amongst the others, but I remained restless. Running helped. While running there always seemed to be clarity, I could put my worries aside and enjoy it.
We hit the border of California and slowed to a walk. Anxiety was crashing over me the further away from Forks I was, although I tried to control it, it was impossible. Carlisle noticed and his expression was one of concern. He wanted to have a discussion but wasn't certain how to begin. The thoughts running through his mind were not ones I cared to hear.
"Carlisle, it's okay. I understand why you said yes to her, not that I like it, but I understand," I explained.
"I feel bad, Edward. I'm still trying to find another way, but I don't see one," he said sympathetically.
"I know. I haven't come up with another plan either. But I will," I warned him.
"It doesn't seem right, to leave Bella human in our world. Look at you, worried to death every time you leave her. If she were one of us, you wouldn't be so worried," Carlisle said.
"But that's no reason…"
"I'm not saying that it is, but there are many other circumstances in our world that are. If we leave her human, she would be open to many things that exist in our world. Many things that could happen to her, Edward. You know that… you must see that… you can't be there all of the time," Carlisle interrupted me.
"I could try…"
"You could try, but even you, have to see the things beyond your power. And what about when she's meant to go. What then? What will you do?" Carlisle interrupted me again.
"That's the way it's suppose to be," I argued.
"Yes, but what about you? What will you do?" Carlisle asked.
"I don't know." I answered honestly.
"That's not true. You've always had a plan for that day. We saw it when you went to Italy. Do you think we would allow you to do that again? Do you think I could stand by and watch that happen again?" Carlisle pleaded.
"Carlisle."
"No, Edward. This is why I chose what I did. I'm sorry that hurts you, but you have to realize what Esme and I would do for you. There's nothing we wouldn't do for you. You're a son to us and we would protect our son anyway we could," Carlisle pleaded.
Emmett and Jasper had caught whiff of a pack of lions, essentially ending our conversation.
My phone began to vibrate and I pulled it out I checked to see who it was, already having a good idea. I shut my phone again placing it back in my pocket. I would deal with that later, there would be plenty of time to hear her bellow at me. Turning to the others who were all staring at me, Emmett dared to speak first.
"Who was that? Or do I have to ask?" Emmett said smirking.
"You know exactly who that was, it's right on schedule," I snapped back.
"She's going to be furious!" Emmett chuckled.
"I know," that was the reason I couldn't hear her message right now. "Let's go do what we came here for," attempting to distract him.
We began to hunt, for that was the reason for our trip.
After a while, I sat on the ground pulling my knees up to my chin and began going over my conversation with Carlisle. He had touched on some major points that needed my consideration. Calling me son was the biggest element of our conversation. That thought had filled my mind since he had expressed it. I had resembled a son in many ways, but the way he expressed it today, established it for me. That was one of my major issue's in my case to leave Bella human, wanting her to experience motherhood. That would not possible with me. Indisputably, Carlisle –a father to us all –would have to realize the significance parenthood.
My thoughts were very confusing. The inability to keep them straight left me feeling lost. When I thought of Bella, soft and warm, her heart beating sporadically whenever I was with her, imagining her with anyone, but myself seemed unbearable. A selfish creature I've always been… a selfish creature I still was.
There was… one person… who I knew would make her happy. That person would also ensure her safety. He had the ability to give her the one thing I never could, a chance at a normal existence, to remain human and have babies. The thought of Bella being with him –my mortal enemy –was deplorable. Denying she loved him was useless… I also couldn't deny his love for her. Was he the right one for her?
With some many questions swirling my mind, Emmett suddenly pulled me from my reflection.
"Edward, what are you doing?" he asked.
"Just thinking," I answered.
"All you do is think. Let's go, there's lots of loins here, they're your favorite. Come on," Emmett pleaded.
"All right, let's go," I said as I rose from the ground.
We all hunted for a while longer. When everyone seemed to have had enough they sat down on the ground. Looking around, we picked a spot on a hill with a vast view of the countryside. It was quite the sight, but I couldn't enjoy it with so many thoughts running threw my mind. They quickly turned to worry, taking out my phone I began dialing.
"Edward, Alice would call you if something were wrong. Would you relax, your making us crazy," Jasper said.
Suddenly all my worries were streaming out of me. It wasn't often Jasper used his gift on me. Using it only in extreme circumstances… this being one of those times. If there were any hope of me remaining for the whole trip, he would have to keep doing that.
Hunting all night and into the wee hours of morning, aside from my anxiety attacks, the trip was going pleasantly. We sat for a break watching the sunrise higher in the sky, it was approaching noon, when Jasper's phone rang. Immediately turning my head to him, he answered it. Suddenly any gift he had used on me washed away. The intensity was building to the point of explosion. I was unable to concentrate enough to get the gist of the conversation. He suddenly shut the phone and stared at me.
"What is it Jasper?" Carlisle asked anxiously.
"Edward," Jasper whispered.
Everything flashed threw my mind. Bella had jumped on Jacob's motorcycle at school and had taken off with him. Alice had witnessed the entire episode. I jumped to my feet as dread washed over me.
"Damn it." I snapped.
"Edward, she's okay," Jasper said anxiously.
"What's happened? What's going on?" Carlisle pleaded.
"Bella decided to have a little field trip of her own. She took off from school … with him," I snapped.
The three of them continued to stare at me. The silence was excruciating. There was no point in saying anything as I had already heard everything they were thinking.
Not this again. Geez, what's this girl thinking? Emmett wondered.
Well, I guess that puts an end to our trip, Jasper was thinking.
Stay calm, Edward. He's her friend. She's okay with him, Carlisle said softly.
As the fury blew threw me it was exceedingly difficult to remain in control. I wasn't able to listen to there words any longer, hearing them was not helping. Balling my hands into fist, I placed them tightly at either side of my temples; pressing hard I closed my eyes. Thoughts swirled my mind, so many I couldn't keep them straight.
My first thought was to run home, wanting to leave, desiring to go back, I couldn't. Frozen in place my body wouldn't move. The anger was so loud in my head I was in danger of losing all control. What was I to think of this? What was I to do? This couldn't be happening… not again. Had we not resolved this situation? Had I not been perfectly clear the last time, apparently not? What would it take for her to realize my side of this?
Returning home now didn't appear the best plan and given the thoughts resonating from the others, it wasn't going to happen. They were considering ways to restrain me. If I returned now –there was no waiting this time –I would go straight down to La Push and drag her home. Starting a war with the wolves was something Carlisle would avoid, anyway he could. I attempted to calm myself by taking a couple of deep breaths. It was Carlisle who dared to speak first.
"Edward, you can't…" he began, but I interrupted him.
"Carlisle, I listened to you last time. I waited patiently, but I don't think I can…" as I was explaining Emmett jumped in.
"Edward! That's enough. I'm sick of this. You have to stop…" Emmett yelled.
"Emmett, you don't underst…" I snapped.
"I do understand. I understand there's nothing you can do. You either accept what she's doing or leave her. It's obvious she's not going to give him up," Emmett rationalized.
"But he's a werewolf…" I began to say when Emmett interrupted me again.
"Listen to me. If you keep this up, if you keep acting this way, you'll push her away. Edward, you'll send her right into his arms. This I can promise you," He came right up to my face. "If you insist on doing this… you'll drive her away. Please reconsider, Edward," Emmett pleaded.
What could I say? No words came.
"Emmett's right, if you keep this up, you'll drive a wedge between the two of you. One you can't overcome. You have to decide. If you make her choose, you risk losing her. Are you ready for that?" Carlisle asked.
Still with no words, what could I say? I was uncertain about everything as I crossed my legs and sank to the ground. That put a new spin on my thoughts. Could they be right? Insisting that she not see him again, would she refuse? If she refused, what was I prepared to do? Was I prepared to lay down an ultimatum?
I refused to answer any of these questions… I couldn't, because I had no answers. Losing her would be excruciating, giving her up intolerable, and I couldn't see a way of allowing their relationship to continue. Where would that leave me? What was I to do? Putting my head in my hands I closed my eyes.
Images came rushing threw my mind very fast… many of them. All were of my time spent with Bella. All of them were happy times. The happiness she brought to me was undeniable. Never having anyone like her before, the chance of losing her now… well that was unacceptable. I refuse to lose her now. There was so much more we were meant to do, much more to experience, together.
How could I accept that her best friend was my enemy? How could we exist side by side? I couldn't see how that would work. If I was unable to accept Bella's friendship with Jacob then I stood the chance of losing her. And, loosing her to such an insignificant thing was excruciating. Perhaps Emmett was correct, but I wasn't prepared to surrender, not yet. Searching for a way to change our circumstances, the answer remained unresolved. If there was an answer, it was escaping me.
I decided not to return home until later because sitting around my house for another day waiting was not appealing. If I was required to wait, here was better than home. Returning home would mean ending up at the reservation, which was a risk I was reluctant to take. She would be safe with him… he could take care of her.
"Edward, what's it going to be?" Carlisle asked.
"What?" I snapped.
"Are we returning home now?" he questioned.
"No, we'll stay as long as we planned," I answered softly.
"Are you sure? Can you wait?" he asked concerned.
"Yes, I'll be fine. I just need to be alone with my thoughts."
"All right, Edward. We'll leave you, but we won't be far," Carlisle answered skeptically. He wondered about my sudden calmness believing I would run off.
"Carlisle, I'm staying. I promise. Don't worry, you guys can continue to hunt, I just want to think for awhile."
Carlisle hadn't moved, he continued to stare at me with thoughts running through his mind.
"Carlisle, if I go back and have to sit in that house again… I'll go mad. I'd rather stay here, not so close to the situation. There is much to consider before I return to her and I would rather do that here, where I can be more objective. So please… continue doing what we came for… please," I pleaded.
"Okay, Edward. We'll let you have your privacy," Carlisle said softly.
As he walked away, I could hear in his thoughts and he believed me. They would leave me alone for a while and I was pleased. Having them hover over me was doing nothing for my anger. Once again I placed my head in my hands and closed my eyes.