Hello all! I had not planned to do another chapter for this story but the response from chapter one was overwhelmingly positive with over 100 reviews requesting me to keep going. So for that reason alone I have decided to do another chapter. I will make you guys a deal, you keep reviewing and I will keep writing. I can not wait to hear what you guys think about the twist at end! Thank you for all your support of this would be one shot!

XOXO PPP

CHAPTER 2:

As we drove back to the Heathman I felt this overwhelming sense of sadness and regret unlike anything I had ever experienced before. A pain deep in my chest that made me catch my breath every time I thought of her, which was every second and every mile that I was lead further and further away from Ana, my Ana. I couldn't keep my eyes off the road behind us. When we first pulled off I half hope to see her running out after me. Stupid I know. Why would she run after the man who fucked in her a bar, taking her virginity no less.

Every red light stopped us on the way as if fate was willing me to turn and go back. Every fiber of my being was willing to that place but I ignored the feeling of longing that pulled me to Ana; I pushed it back like I do must emotions because true emotions make you weak and vulnerable. I made myself a promise long ago that I would never be weak again. I equated the chill that ran through my body to the cold night air and nothing more. I would not even allow the idea of fear to creep into my conscious; it was the night air that made me shiver. If you tell yourself a lie long enough it will become truth, one of Elena's tried and true statements.

Taylor looked at me with concern in his eyes he asked me twice if I was alright and then he asked if I left something behind at the bar. Annoyed by his interference I asked him why thought that and his answer was simple.

"Well Sir, you keep looking backwards…"

I got back to my empty room at the Heathman and poured myself a drink. I knew there would be no sleep for me tonight so stripped out of my clothes and made my way to the bathroom. I stood naked in the mirror, unable to meet my own eyes in the reflection. Instead I focused on my chest and I counted the scars that stretch across my flesh like stars in the night sky. I had a sub tell me once that they reminded her of Cassiopeia; the stars of vanity. Even the stars have Alphas and Betas; nature has a way of balance in all things. Leila was a sweet silly soul, an artist and a lover of music. She had few limits and even the ones she did have were soft, everything was negotiable. She reached out to touch me, her fingers just grazing over the deepest scar over my heart. I recoiled out of reflex and anger, she broke the most important rule in our contract and I terminated our arrangement right there and then. At first she thought I was kidding, her deep brown eyes wide with shock and fear when I demanded that she leave. The last sounds I heard from her were whimpers not unlike Ana's, I have that effect on women.

My mind is fixed on Ana, it has been almost an hour since I left her there and I can't help but wonder what has become of her in the aftermath of well - me. Was she still there at the bar barefoot, shaken and crying? My hope is that her sadness has turned to anger fueling her to get over what happened. Did she go home and race to the shower to rid her of me the way I so needed to rid myself of her? I can hear her voice in my head and it soothes and tortures me at the same time.

"You just seem sad to me… sad and bored and lonely."

"I know your soul and right now that's all that matters. Please don't stop."

I stepped into the large marble encased shower eager to eradicate my body of her sweet remnants and move on from this night, eager to purge her from my mind. How is it possible that in a few short minutes this girl has been able to get inside of my head like this? I just don't understand it. Is she beautiful? Yes she is but all of the women I have fucked over the years have been beautiful. She was sweet and kind, honest and forthright but if I am being honest I was drawn to her even before I sat down at the bar. And when I touched her for the first time over a bowl of peanuts I felt like I had been struck by the hand of god himself.

I let the hot water beat down on me, washing her down the drain and I make a silent promise that when I step out of the shower I won't allow myself to think of her again, my heart is another thing all together. Out of reflex I run my hand over my cock, still feeling Ana pulsing around me. I could smell her on my skin and taste her on my lips. I could hear her sweet moans as she came beneath me and then her whimpers as I walked away. As I come I realize that I will forever be looking backwards thinking of this moment, and that I have no control of myself when it comes to Ana.

I should have turned around and wrapped her in my arms. I should have never left her there to cry alone, lost and bereft, probably feeling worthless and empty. I know that feeling, after many a brutal session with Elena, whose goal was to make me feel worthless to everyone but her. I would often promise myself that this was the last time but I would find myself back at her door looking for more. I needed it to feel alive and to feel safe and to feel managed. It was all that I ever knew.

I didn't want that for Ana, I knew she would easily become my addiction and that I would become hers. I knew how chasing what we felt in those moments when we came would supersede her self-respect and value and she deserved better then the eventually of becoming my sub. That is all I could have offered her. The weekends in my playroom getting beaten and fucked, a new car, a new wardrobe, a few emotional scars and then I would send her on her merry way like all the others. It was the right choice leaving it was the only choice.

All these months I have stayed away from her, I thought by now that the need for her would dissipate but it has only grown stronger. I would not allow myself to find out her last name, or where she lived. Just knowing her name was Ana was torture enough. I fought the battle every day for weeks on end picking up the phone to call my top security guy Welsh only to slam the phone down in anger in frustration. With one word I could have a file with her entire life story at my fingertips but I knew that more I knew the less I would be able to resist her. I couldn't let Ana take root inside of me because it would grow and take me over. She would wrap herself around my heart, seep into my veins and maybe even my soul. It is not lost on me that she already has done all of those things from a distance but I cannot image what it would feel like if she was before me.

The nights are the hardest part of my days. I have never been a good sleeper; night terrors have always taunted me. I wander the apartment and I wonder if she there at bar. I wonder if our songs every play on the juke box and if she thinks of me. I wonder what she thinks and what she feels about that night. I wonder if she hates me. I wonder if misses me. I can smell her hair and her skin as I sit at my piano playing our song over and over again. How many times I have wanted to go back to that bar and find her there pouring beers and swaying to the music. But I don't because for all the damage Elena did she gave me one very precious gift. Control.

…I don't have to fear it

I want to rock your gypsy soul

Just like way back in the days of old

And together we will float into the mystic

Come on girl...

Too late to stop now…

As boy I was devoid of control, I acted and reacted without thought or an emotion that was not laced and tainted with anger. I went from moment to moment resting right on the edge of my sanity. I could see myself falling or jumping off the edge at any moment and I liked the feeling of not fearing the inevitable. The inarguable fact that I would one day turn out like my parents, drug addicted losers with not care for anyone or anything but themselves. At fifteen I had already found that alcohol not only hampered my feelings of self-hate but accelerated my fearless nature. I could not be touched by loving hands but willing sought out fights, looking for the release that only receiving pain and causing could offer. Elena entered my life at the precipice of my impending spiral. She saw me for what I was and knew what I needed and she gave it to me over and over and over again. And when I was done and my needs grew I gave it to her.

Ana was already becoming an obsession; she was always a faint melody in the back of my mind. I stupidly agreed to officiate the graduation at her university so I could "accidently" run into her, deluding myself that I was doing it because I am a benefactor. Fuck I even agreed to do a stupid interview for the school paper in the misguided hope that she might see it and come looking for me. I keep imagining this moment where Andrea lets me know that a girl named Ana is here to see me. The door to my office opens and she appears breathless in my doorway a small smile on her face as she walks towards me. I know that will never happen but in the night those are the thoughts that pass through my mind. I have imagined her everywhere and nowhere. I hope that she thinks about me and then again I almost hope that she doesn't. I hope I am long forgotten bad memory, a mistake that she learned from but moved on from. It's funny that I want Ana to move on even thought I can't.

"Mr. Grey, Elena Lincoln is here to see you." I sit back in my chair and take a moment before I answer.

"Send her in." She appears in my door way, looking like a shadow. Cloaked in black from herd toe, the only color her pale golden hair and deep red lips. I have mixed emotions when it comes to her place and purpose in my life. We are business partners with a dark shared history that I know she longs to rekindle. I find it easier to manager her up close than at a distance and she provides me with my subs without fear of exposure.

"Christian Darling." She smiles and saunters into the room. I stand to greet her and she air kisses both of my cheeks careful not to touch me. She smells of wine, white flowers and musk. "It is so good to see you in the flesh. Your emails have been making me crazy." I have a new sub coming to night to break in the renovated play room. I made Elena crazy with my specifications for this particular sub. Every detail had to be as close to perfect as possible. I turned at least twenty girls away, too tall, to thin, brown eyes, short hair. Finding Alyssa was miracle. She was as close to Ana as I would ever get again and that had to be enough. After months of trolling bars in the hopes of finding a girl just like Ana, night after night fucking poor man's version of Ana in backrooms, bathrooms and storage closets hoping to feel what I felt with her that night and coming up empty, I realized that I needed more control.

"I have been busy Elena, you know how it is." I gesture for her to sit down and she does it in such a way that I know something is coming. "Okay, what's going on?" Her eyes go wide for a moment and then she smiles submitting to the inevitability.

"I am worried about you, so is Grace." I cringe at the sound of my mother's name coming out of Elena's mouth. Over the years I have been able to justify my relationship with Elena, hell I even am grateful for it, as much as it damaged me it also made me who I am today. But I have always felt shitty about mother and how gutted she would be if she ever found out about Elena and me. "You have been so distant and removed from your family for months."

"This is really none of your concern."

"If it concerns you then it concerns me Christian. You have not been yourself and then all of this nonsense finding a perfect sub…"

"Speaking of my sub?"

"She is ready to go when you are…Christian please let's just talk for a moment…"

"Tonight Elena, Escala. And there is nothing to talk about, I am fine. My family is my business not yours and you would be best served sticking to what you know, subs and blow outs. Are we clear?"

"Crystal…SIR." Annoyed, she stands quickly and turns on her heel slamming the door to my office behind her. It is a relief when she is gone bit her lingering stench still fills my office.

"Andrea, Mrs. Lincoln is no longer allowed to make appointments unless you clear them with me first."

"Yes, Mr. Grey."

I stood in my playroom like a kid on Christmas morning, full of reckless anticipation of what was to come. It took longer then I wanted but it had to be perfect. I thought about it for a while before I actually made the decision. I tried to talk myself out of it more than once but if I can't have her I will have this. What I have done is crazy by normal man's standards. Fuck it's even crazy by my standards but I could not be deterred. The contractor looked at me like I was crazy asking him to take half of the playroom away and build a bar there in its place. He was known far and wide for his discretion in building playrooms for the rich and famous that was into the scene. My playroom was one of his most extensive projects and he couldn't understand why I would want to change it.

I pulled on every memory I possessed of that night, every detail on the place from the bottles of booze lined up on the shelves, the paint on the walls, the Formica of the table tops. I searched high and low for just the right juke box that only played two songs. The bar itself had to be the right height and color, the Christmas lights hung from the ceiling just so, the saw dust scattered the floor and the taps were filled with beer that would probably never be drunk. I even loosed a few screws on my barstool so it was rickety. Even after all of that it lacked authenticity. It was the smell that was missing, the smell of age and decay, the smell of fried food and broken dreams. The smell of amber, vanilla and hint of rose.

Alyssa walked into the playroom. Her head was down and her rich brown hair braided over one shoulder, her blue eyes never leaving the floor just how I like it. Our contracts were signed, she knew what I was looking for, my limits were very clear. She stripped down to her panties and knelt on the floor, I was impressed by her slow rhythmic breathing and smooth perfect lines of her toned frame. "Alyssa, I have laid out some clothing for you to put on. When I get back I expect you to be behind the bar dressed and ready to go." She nods once because I have not given her permission to speak "You have ten minutes." I turn on my heel and walk back to my bedroom. I strip and even though it is June I pull on my cable knit sweater, leather jacket and jeans that I wore that night. They have been washed over and over again and they no longer smell like Ana. I pad back to the play room and as I open the door I hear it like a siren call.

She's got a smile that it seems to me
Reminds me of childhood memories
Where everything
Was as fresh as the bright blue sky

I see Alyssa standing behind the bar in tight jeans and a white ribbed tank top, her hair is piled on the top of her head secured with a black Bic pen and she wiping down the brand new bar with a rag. She smiles when she sees me in the door way, her chest rising and falling more rapidly with anticipation. There is bucket in the middle of the floor full of hot soapy water, and the air fills with a slightly antiseptic smell.

Now and then when I see her face
She takes me away to that
special place
And if I stared too long
I'd probably break down and cry

This pain starts in my chest and I feel lost. Hopelessly lost and I only have myself to blame. For the first time I can remember I actually want to cry. I close the door disgusted with myself and make my way to the elevator. In search of something I will never find.

I drive for hours, mostly in circles. I fight the urge to go to her. It consumes me like the night takes over the day and I rage against it with everything that I am and everything that I will ever be. Ana was an innocent and all I brought to her was shame and sadness and we only spent a few moments together. What would I subject her to if I did find her? The levels of pain and debasement were as endless the sky is wide. I never wanted to be a regular man before now, but I wanted to be regular for Ana. I have always embraced my past and my pain; I embraced what made me different and dark because it gave me power. And power is what I crave more love or sex, even more then money. Although money is a conduit to power. There is only one thing I know for sure - that if Ana was in my life and mine I would be rendered powerless.

I turn back towards Escala and am pleased to find that Alyssa is right where I left her. The water in the bucket is cold as is Alyssa's mood but she thinks this was all part of the scene and it doesn't take to long for me to warm her up.

"Mr. Grey. There is a Miss Katherine Kavanagh here to see you." I am regretting this interview already. I agreed for the wrong reason and now I have to sit here for the next twenty minutes being peppered with asinine questions by some over privileged debutant. She has been at me for months like a dog with a bone and had she not been from the university I would have never agreed. I simply don't give interviews. I see no value in the public knowing more about me then absolutely necessary. Mystery breeds fear and fear keep people at their distance.

Miss. Kavanagh walks into my office ready to do battle. She is dressed sharply in a well fitted back suit, the skirt is shorter then it should be but her legs are long and lovely. She is wearing a silk shirt the color of fresh peaches; it brings out the color of her long strawberry blond hair and makes her green eyes shimmer. She is very pretty and she knows it, she has the air of a girl who has always gotten her way and agreeing to this interview just reinforced her belief.

"Hello Mr. Grey, it is a pleasure to meet you." She leans in and shakes my hand and something about her smells familiar as my cock hardens. She is not usually my type, not even in the slightest. For starters this girl is a Domme in the making, she oozes sex and power, control and a desire for submission. I will take pleasure in unnerving her today.

"The pleasure is all mine Miss. Kavanagh. Please have a seat." I motion to the couches instead of the my desk like I had originally planned and I can see she is taken aback when I rest my hand at the small of her back and lead her where I want her to go. She sits and crosses her legs, reaching in her bag and pulls out a recorder. She looks up at me with coquettish eyes and a sly smile.

"I hope you don't mind if I record the interview." It's a statement not a question, not only is she an alpha but she is also a manipulator and I respect her for both traits. I sit in the chair beside her and unbutton my jacket, I allow my legs to ease open and I catch her checking out my cock. Yeah baby, it's a nice cock take your fill.

"Of course not. I am a lot to take all at once so I understand completely." She blushes just a bit and I know she got the double meaning of my words. She takes out a leather bound note book and a gold pen and eases back into the sofa, her skirts raises up her thigh and she makes no move to correct it. Her skin is taught and tanned and perfect and she knows it. Bearing her flesh to me is her attempt to regain some power. It's a nice try if I was just a college boy looking to get laid but it means nothing to me. I look at my watch with annoyance.

"I have another meeting so…" The shock spreads across her face and I can see that I have flustered her as she hits the record button. She tugs on her skirt bringing it back down to a more respectable place on her thigh takes a deep breath and begins.

"You are very young, not yet thirty and yet you have amassed quite an empire in an unstable economy. What do you attribute that to?" Hmmm, it was a better question then I was expecting. I crack my neck slightly and for a moment I picture her bent over my desk naked from the waist down, a ball gag in her mouth.

"Well, business at its core is about people Miss. Kavanagh. I am a very good judge of people, their character, their abilities and most importantly their ineptitudes. I push people to their limits and beyond. I figure out what drives them, what inspires them and use that to my advantage." She writes furiously in her notebook, not what I am saying she has the recorder, she is writing down her impression of me and for a moment I feel like I am sitting in Flynn's office in a therapy session. "You for example…" Her head shoots up and her eyes meet mine as she presses her thighs together. "I normally don't give interviews, you knew this but you still relentlessly pursued the interview. For six months my PR team complained about this annoying Katherine Kavanagh and I had to see for myself what the fuss was about and here you are. If you were my employee I would make sure your position utilized your unique skill set to its fullest. Though I can't understand why you are perusing journalism when you are much better suited for corporate law."

"Well, I have always loved journalism; finding a seed of a story and putting in the leg work and research to make it grow. I had thought about law but this felt like a better fit."

"You're making a mistake." She furrows her brow in question and I can't help myself but to answer. "To achieve extreme success you must become a master of not only yourself but the scheme in which to work. You must know every detail inside and out, every cog in every wheel. You must be willing to work 24/7 without thought to anything else. You will never be a master in your field Miss. Kavanagh, not because you aren't good enough but because you are capable of more and will always be left wanting and searching for fulfillment. It will become a hunger you can't satiate and in that you will become lost and complacent. I knew within ten seconds of meeting you that you liked power and control, that is something you will never obtain in your current vocation."

"You knew all of that in ten seconds?"

"Yes. I have a natural gut instinct and I can spot one of my own from a mile away."

"You sound arrogant Mr. Grey, you don't find that trait gets in the way?"

"Look around you Miss. Kavanagh does it look like my arrogance gets in the way? Her eyes wander around my office and settle on my Trouton paintings. She points at them and my eye line follows hers."

"I see a beautifully appointed man in a beautifully appointed office, from your choice of art work you like double meanings. The subjects are mundane at best but they have a greater meaning to you, do they not? A lighter, a chair, a cup of coffee, an ashtray, two empty bottles…" She is more clever then I even imagined and lean back and cross my legs to give the appearance of indifference but I am shocked that she as surmised as much from my paintings. "Even now you are saying one thing to but meaning another. Are you testing me and my limits right now or are you simply trying to distract me Mr. Grey?"

"Both Miss Kavanagh." She smiles and quickly scribbles something in her book. "Next question." She uncrosses her leg and sets her book down on the coffee table and leans into the corner of the sofa arm, leaning closer towards me.

"Are you gay?" Well she has balls, that is for damn sure and her question makes mine tighten. In general I like my women submissive and this woman is anything but, I will even say she reminds me of Elena. I always took great pleasure when Elena would submit to me completely. Katherine is someone I could teach and train, someone who could learn, she would also be a challenge which is something I have lacked for quite some time. Everything comes so easily now. I sit there silently for a moment running my finger over my bottom lip deciding which direction to take this. I know I could fuck her right here, right now if I wanted to, she is giving me all the signals of desire. Our gaze is locked and she raises as eyebrow challenging me and in that one small move my decision is made.

She jumps at the sound of her cell phone ringing in her bag and the moment is broken. "Sorry I have to take this." I nod slightly annoyed and she digs in her bag and pulls out her phone.

"Hi Jose… Oh my god… right now…Five minutes apart… I don't know if I can make it in time I am in Seattle…Yes…okay… yes… I am leaving right now… you tell our girl to hold on until I get there…yes… I said I am leaving right now… okay… bye…" She looks at me with a broad smile and begins to collect her things.

"I am so sorry Mr. Grey but I have to go, my best friend is having a baby like right now. I am her coach so I have got to get out of here. Um, I really didn't get much of an interview but…I have to go… maybe another time."

"Yes, perhaps. I will be at your graduation next week."

"That will be too late for the paper." Her cell phone rings again and she answers it quickly. "Steele… yes I told Jose I am leaving right now. I know… don't cry… I know it hurts…I know you're scared but you can do this. Just breathe like we did in class, in and out." She puts her hand over the phone and mouths that she has to go; I nod and stand walking her out the door. It was for the best, fucking her would have only complicated things. She would have been a fly caught in my web. It's a shame I had to dismiss Alyssa so soon because my cock is hard as stone from this little tete-a-tete and I could use a release. I think about calling Elena and see if she is up for a night out in the club but I think better of it and call Claude my trainer instead.

The university is packed with young faces eager to begin their lives, I find myself lost and out of place in the sea of them and I am grateful that I have asked my brother Elliott to tag along. Elena was right I had been pushing my family further and further away and it really served no purpose. Again, people are easier to manager when you keep them close. Elliott is man without worries, he loves his life and enjoys it without control and he seems to be happy. I brought him today because he has a way of putting people at ease and maybe it would work with Ana. He could crack some stupid joke and break the ice if I were to see here today. I try to tell myself that I am not looking for Ana but every brunette I see makes my stomach lurch. I see Katherine Kavanagh off in the distance, she smiles and waves.

"Who is that Bro?" Elliott asks while knocking me in the shoulder. He fucking knows I hate to be touched but he does it anyway.

"Katherine Kavanagh, she interviewed me last week."

"She is hot and she is coming this way. You fuck her?" I give him my impassive glare and he seems to get the message. "Ah that's right, you are like Morrissey. I keep forgetting.

"Hello Mr. Grey nice to see you again."

"Miss. Kavanagh. Congratulations, I understand you are the valedictorian."

"Yes, the master of my class." It's a dig but it is also well deserved and I take it in stride. Elliott clears his throat from behind me a not so subtle gesture that he wants to me introduced.

"This is my younger brother Elliott, Elliott this is Katherine."

"Katie, you can call me Katie." The shake hands and I can see something transpire between the two of them, an exchange of power and energy. And for a brief moment I envied them both because I could tell they were at the beginning of something.

"How is your friend?"

"Um…What?" She can't bring self to pull her eyes away from Elliott and he is holding on to her hand for dear life. "Oh, the baby you mean? She is really good. It was eighteen hours of pushing but she had a healthy baby boy and I am a very proud god-mother."

"Lucky kid." She blushes under Elliott's praise and I actually see her swoon.

"I am sorry that your interview didn't make the paper, I just didn't have enough to write about, all those months of pursuing you for nothing."

"Maybe another time, I am sure you will find a job at a paper soon enough. Call my office when you do." What the fuck am I saying? Jesus Christ. Katherine and Elliott gaze at each other with big happy eyes and I actually feel hate for them. I excuse myself from their presence with a fake graduation duty but really I am off to search for Ana. I looked in the program for her name but there was nothing concrete. There were two possibilities an Anna-Leigh Baker and Anna Cheng, neither felt right and I began to wonder what became of Ana and her hope of being the first person in her family to graduate. I wonder around for a bit and deep down in my soul I know that she is not here. I don't feel the pull of Ana in my presence. I sat through the four hour ceremony, handed out over two hundred diplomas and at the end of it all Ana was nowhere to be seen proving my gut instinct correct.

I had to let this go. I had to forget and move on. I had to terminate the idea of her in my mind.