As always everything belongs to Stephanie Meyers.

7. TOLERANCE

Anger was a complicated emotion. One I hard time understanding. One that was unexplainable. I wish I could comprehend it, perhaps it would provide me chance to stop it. If I could calculate what it was I was angry about it would provide me an indication of how to control it. I know at one time it was all about her safety, but I wasn't certain that were true anymore. My fear of losing her could more of a factor than I had first presumed. If the anticipation of losing her angered me this much, then, how would I ever leave, if that were best for her?

I had always assumed I would be able to leave, if that was best. What would I do with this new piece of information? Leaving would be excruciating, crushing even, I could admit that now as I have already had experience with that feeling. But, I had never felt dependent on anyone before and I certainly didn't want to be now, not with her, I couldn't. This was my life it has been the way I had lived for years. I had never been accountable to anyone but myself, and I preferred it that way. When had my life stopped being my own?

Undecided… that was how I feeling, unresolved. I was deciding whether I was angry over her feelings for Jacob or that she risked her safety by going to him. Both seemed likely sources, but I couldn't decide which one was more forceful. I was positive it would help deal with my anger if I could only choose which issue it was.

The monster inside knew what he wanted. He was so selfish that he would never allow her to leave, under any circumstances. Sometimes I wished I could be that certain, but being certain would make me like him, and I fought my entire existence to never be like him. I thought about the things I knew for certain, the things that would never change and my feelings for her would never change… I loved her.

The rest of the day passed slowly as I sat with my many thoughts. Thoughts about what I would do, where I would go. Thoughts about how this would all end. I wished I were a fortuneteller, but there was only one person who could possibly shed some light on my future. I had no way to get any information from Alice until I ventured home. Answers to my future would have to wait, which left me relying on my own conclusions, none of which I had.

Carlisle checked on me several times, probably afraid I would slip away. If my head weren't already swelling with my lingering thoughts, I would've read his mind. Not wanting to know what he was thinking, I already had enough to deal with. I didn't want to add to my list of concerns.

"How you doing, Edward?" Carlisle asked.

"I'm not certain," I could have said fine, but he would know I was lying.

"It'll be okay, Edward. She'll be fine," Carlisle said.

"I know," that is all I had left, there was nothing else to say.

For the remainder of the time, I sat on the ground and worried about my impending return. I decided it was time to face the music and pulled my phone from my pocket, flipping it open. I retrieved my voice mails and played Bella's message.

"You are in trouble," she said slowly, emphasizing each word. "Enormous trouble. Angry grizzly bears are going to look tame next to what is waiting for you at home."

As I assumed, she was furious. As livid as I was at her I couldn't help soften when hearing her voice. The aggravated sound of her voice reminded me of the heap of trouble waiting my return. How would this play out? With us both furious at each other the situation could be potentially disastrous. I couldn't fathom the thought of returning home and having this argument… again.

An impasse –not the first time I'd used this word in our relationship –apparently not the last. Compromise was a word I had become quite comfortable with, but with major issues plaguing our relationship I couldn't see any compromises. There were no compromises that would appease us both. Everything else in our relationship was easy. Why was this so difficult?

Jasper's phone rang out, pulling me from my reverie.

"Alice, what's happening?" Jasper asked.

Getting the mental picture from his head. Bella had returned quite upset and refused to talk to Alice about it. Other than that she appeared unharmed… just sad.

"She's home and she's fine," Jasper said as he closed his phone.

"Thanks," I returned.

"Well, that's a relief," Carlisle offered.

"Good. Now maybe we can get back to the reason we came here," Emmett offered.

"Yeah, whatever," I agreed.

We hunted for a while longer, until it was time to head home. Running through the forest, my mind was completely full of the events that had transpired today. As time lapsed, along with the knowledge that she was home, safe in my bed, my anger began to vanish. Remaining angry for what she done was difficult now. I realized she was sad and upset. I was unable to remain angry with her under those circumstances.

When we returned to the house, Alice was sitting on her Porsche in the garage.

"Edward, I'm sorry. It's all my fault, I should've…"

"Alice, don't worry about it. It's fine."

Alice ran through the story in her head, giving me a clear picture of Bella jumping on Jacob's motorcycle and taking off. She continued with Bella returning to the house on her motorcycle, soaking wet. I was aggravated not knowing why she was so upset. What had happened in La Push? For a split second, I envisioned going straight down there, to confront Jacob, to find out exactly what had went on. But I snapped out of the vision quite quickly realizing that would be a big mistake. I would leave any explanations for Bella to tell.

Alice's last thought was that she hadn't even driven the Porsche yet. Making me feel less than honorable for having threatened her in the first place.

"Alice, you can keep the car. I wasn't serious… it was a gift… I'd never take it back," I said smiling at her.

"Thank you, Edward," she said rejoicing.

It was silly of her to think I would really take it back. Turning I walked to the house. As I reached the porch, Rosalie was there thinking about a conversation she had with Bella. She had told Bella how she came to be one of us. Rosalie's story was difficult to hear. What had happened to her when she was human was pure evil.

It was no secret that when Carlisle first brought Rosalie home I was not pleased. I knew her when she was human and I hadn't thought her worthy of saving. She seemed such a selfish human and being made one of us would only intensify that. But as time passed and I got to know her it turned out she wasn't that bad. After finding Emmett she became far more tolerable. Rosalie and I have had our moments, but I wouldn't trade her for anything now. A true sister in every sense of the word, we fight most of the time, but there's nothing we wouldn't do for one another. Isn't that how siblings are supposed to act?

When Rosalie was finished showing me everything she had shared with Bella, I was speechless. When I heard her story the first time, it sat on my mind for a long time. To know there were people capable of such blasphemy was hard to comprehend. Fully understanding the actions she took after the fact, I never blamed her. That was the same way I felt when Bella was almost attacked by that man in Port Angeles.

It was always difficult to see first hand Rose's attack and she hadn't thought of it much over the years. But when she did, the anger remained as it had in that moment and it was horrendous. Condoning revenge was no longer acceptable to me, but when I ventured out on my own so many years ago, that was how I justified what I had done. These people hadn't matter and the world was better off without them. I convinced myself of that in order to do the things I had done. It was wrong and many years later I am still riddled with guilt over what I had done. Taking a life –no matters whose it is –was wrong no matter the reason.

It wasn't exactly the same situation for Rosalie and her record was far better than mine. But she was still haunted by her actions after that dreadful night. It hurt to know the pain she still felt, the pain of what had happened to her, and the remorse for the actions it forced upon her. I was left feeling the pain for things I have done, and having no good reason for it. My only solace was that I had changed my behavior in an attempt to exist in a better way.

After Rose told Bella her story, she also shared with Bella her desire to have children. That was a desire that would never come to fruition. Having a child was all that Rosalie wanted as a human, and she wasn't convinced Bella knew the chance she was missing out on. Rosalie thought Bella was making this decision too lightly.

Rosalie's story came to an end leaving me the desire to say something to her.

"Thank you, Rosalie. Thank you for sharing your story with her. I'm sure you gave her quite a bit to thing about. Bella needed to hear your story, so again, thank you," I said sincerely.

"You're welcome, Edward. Let's hope it does some good."

With that I went up to my bedroom. Standing at the door I was afraid to enter, uncertain what was waiting on the other side. I wasn't certain if I wanted to know, either. All of the fury blowing threw me earlier had disappeared. Leaving the only question I had left, what would happen now? Taking a deep breath I opened the door.

Dumbfounded I stood in the doorway for a moment. The bed in the middle of the room sat empty. No Bella, no blankets… for a split moment I panicked. Looking to the left I spotted her, curled up on my couch, blankets on the floor. She was the silliest person I had ever known… stubborn too.

Crossing the room I went to the couch. Lifting her softly I was attempting not to wake her, she required sleep. All right, I was a coward and didn't want to face her wrath. Placing her slowly on the bed, I retrieved the blanket from the floor and wrapped it around her. I lay beside her to watch her sleep. She remained the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. How could I think about leaving such an angel? There was no way I could leave her now, I would never have the strength.

Bella suddenly rolled over and opened her eyes.

"Sorry," I murmured softly. "I didn't mean to wake you."

I tensed waiting for the fury, both hers and mine. But I had none, all fury washed away the minute she was in my arms. She was mine and I knew she would remain mine forever. All others thoughts seemed silly now, including any jealousy I might have had. It was much easier being rational when she was here with me safe and sound.

There was no tension in the air. It was as if the night had cleared away anything between us. She reached for me in the darkness finding my hands… she pulled herself closer to me. I encircled her with my arms and cradled her to my chest. My breathing came much easier once again. Her anger had disappeared too. She searched with her lips along my throat, to my chin, until finally she found my lips.

Kissing her softly for a moment, I chuckled.

"I was all braced for the wrath that was going to put grizzles to shame, and this is what I get? I should infuriate you more often."

"Give me a minute to work up to it," she teased, kissing me again. There were no signs of anger anywhere around her.

"I'll wait as long as you want," I whispered against her lips, my fingers knotting in her hair.

Her breathing became uneven, along with my own. "Maybe in the morning."

"Whatever you prefer."

"Welcome home," she said while my lips moved pressing under her jaw. "I'm glad you came back."

"That's a very good thing." I said as all anxiety about confronting her, after the actions I took, washed away.

"Mmm," she agreed, tightening her arms around my neck.

My hand curved around her elbow, moving slowly down her arm, across her ribs and over her waist, tracing along her hip and down her leg, around her knee. Pausing there, my hand curled around her calf. Pulling her leg up suddenly I hitched it around my hip.

She stopped breathing. I wouldn't allow this normally, but I was overcome with a sudden urge to have her closer to me. The feeling of her in my arms, being this close was exhilarating. Pressing myself against her had me wanting more, she was never close enough. I moved my lips to the hollow at the base of her throat.

It abruptly struck me that she was sleeping on the couch. "Not to bring on the ire prematurely," I whispered, "but do you mind telling me what it is about this bed that you object to?"

Rolling to the side, I pulled her on top of me. Holding her face in my hands, angling it up so that my mouth could reach her throat. Her breathing came very heavy as did mine. She was driving me mad.

"The bed?" I asked again. "I think it's nice."

"It's unnecessary," she gasped.

Pulling her face back to mine, her lips shaped themselves around mine. Slowly, I rolled till I hovered over her. Holding myself carefully as not to press any of my weight on her, still pressing slightly against her. Her heart was pounding out of her chest and I was sure if I had one, it would be too. Heat coursed threw my body, sending a jolt of electricity pulsing threw my veins, making me feel alive. The softness of her touch made my mind delirious and any attempt to remember why we shouldn't be doing this was useless. She was like fire, burning me with every touch, pushing me to the edge.

"That's debatable," I disagreed. "This would be difficult on a couch."

My tongue traced the shape of her lips.

"Did you change your mind?" she asked breathlessly.

Wishing I could say yes. Hoping beyond all hope it was possible. I came to my senses as I realized this could easily go beyond my control. The fire inside raged on and her words melted in my mind giving me the strength to pull back.

Sighing, I rolled back so that we were on our sides again.

"Don't be ridiculous, Bella," I said, disapproval strong in my voice, knowing exactly where she was headed with this conversation.

"I was just trying to illustrate the benefits of the bed you don't seem to like. Don't get carried away."

It was true she was getting carried away, but my greatest fear was that I was getting more carried away. The closer we got the harder it was becoming to stop.

"Too late," she muttered. "And I like the bed," she added.

"Good," smiling as I kissed her forehead. "I do, too."

"But I still think it's unnecessary," she continued. "If we're not going to get carried away, what's the point?"

I sighed again. "For the hundredth time, Bella –it's too dangerous."

"I like danger," she insisted.

"I know," images flashed threw my mind of her taking off with Jacob on his motorcycle, and of her riding her bike home in the rain.

"I'll tell you what's dangerous," she said quickly attempting to distract me. "I'm going to spontaneously combust one of these days –and you'll have no one but yourself to blame."

Immediately I pushed her away.

"What are you doing?" she objected, clinging to me.

"Protecting you from combustion. If this is too much for you…"

"I can handle it."

She wiggled her way back into the circle of my arms. It was too easy to allow her too. She tested my control again and again, and it was getting harder to resist each time.

"I'm sorry I gave you the wrong impression," I said. "I didn't mean to make you unhappy. That wasn't nice."

"Actually, it was very, very nice."

It was wonderful having this type of relationship and something I had never consider. The ability to be this close to her, without hurting her, was more than I thought to ask for. But she had a way of pushing it further than it should go, further than I believed I could control. Everything was about control, without it she could be harmed.

Taking a deep breath. "Aren't you tired? I should let you sleep."

"No, I'm not. I don't mind if you want to give me the wrong impression again."

Wanting to, and I really wanted to, I couldn't. My self-control was being tested beyond anything that had come before this. I never expected there would be something I would want more than human blood. Learning to control my thirst was the hardest thing I had ever done, but this made that seem like child's play. The urge I felt around her was far more powerful than my thirst. How would I contain myself?

"That's probably a bad idea. You're not the only one who gets carried away."

"Yes, I am," she grumbled.

I chuckled. "You have no idea, Bella. It doesn't help that you are so eager to undermine my self-control, either."

"I'm not going to apologize for that."

"Can I apologize?" I needed to change the subject. We were quickly reaching the point of no return. That was something I could never allow to happen.

"For what?"

"You were angry with me, remember?"

"Oh, that."

"I'm sorry. I was wrong. It's much easier to have the proper perspective when I have you safely here," I tightened my arms around her. "I go a little berserk when I try to leave you. I don't think I'll go so far again. It's not worth it."

That was the answer I had been searching for all day. Leaving her was the source of all my problems, and now I knew going away again was not in our best interests.

She smiled. "Didn't you find any mountain lions?"

"Yes, I did, actually. Still not worth the anxiety. I'm sorry I had Alice hold you hostage, though. That was a bad idea."

"Yes," she agreed.

"I won't do it again."

"Okay," she said easily. "But slumber parties do have their advantages…" she curled herself closer to me, pressing her lips into the indentation over my collarbone. "You can hold me hostage any time you want."

"Mmm," I sighed. "I may take you up on that."

"So is it my turn now?"

"Your turn?" I was confused.

"To apologize."

"What do you have to apologize for?"

"Aren't you mad at me?" she asked blankly.

"No."

Her eyebrows pulled together. "Didn't you see Alice when you got home?"

"Yes –why?"

"Are you going to take her Porsche back?"

"Of course not. It was a gift," I answered, insulted at the thought.

"Don't you know what I did?" she asked.

I shrugged. "I'm always interested in everything you do –but you don't have to tell me unless you want to."

"But I went to La Push."

And there it was, the subject I had no answers to. Until now, pushing her away from Jacob had not worked. Jasper and Emmett were right, it was wrong for me to make her chose and I wouldn't do it. Instead, I would trust her judgment when it came to him, allowing her to visit, after all, he would keep her safe. Forcing her to make a choice may not turn out as I planned, and I wasn't willing to risk our relationship.

"I know."

"And I ditched school."

"So did I."

She traced my face with her fingertips, silent for a moment. "Where did all this tolerance come from?" she demanded.

I sighed. "I decided that you were right. My problem before was more about my… prejudice against werewolves than anything else. I'm going to try to be more reasonable and trust your judgment. If you say it's safe, then I'll believe you."

"Wow."

"And… most importantly… I'm not willing to let this drive a wedge between us."

Putting her head on my chest, she closed her eyes.

"So," I murmured. "Did you make plans to go back to La Push again soon?"

She refused to answer and I was certain she thought I was testing her, that I really didn't accept her relationship with Jacob. She needed to know that I meant everything word I said.

"Just so that I can make my own plans," I explained quickly. "I don't want you to feel like you have to hurry back because I'm sitting around waiting for you."

"No," she said in a strange voice. "I don't have plans to go back."

"Oh. You don't have to do that for me."

"I don't think I'm welcome anymore," she whispered.

"Did you run over someone's cat?" I asked lightly. Not wanting her to tell me anything she didn't want to, but I was curious as to why she wouldn't go back now. What had change so dramatically in one day?

"No," she took a deep breath and began mumbling quickly. "I thought Jacob would have realized… I didn't think it would surprise him."

I didn't know how to respond to this knowing that Jacob and I would be on the same page about Bella's human status. I understood his thoughts, but it still annoyed me that he would be angry with Bella and make her feel unhappy.

"He wasn't expecting… that it was so soon."

"Ah," I said quietly.

"He said he'd rather see me dead," her voice broke on the last word.

It was difficult controlling my temper as anger flooded threw me. For the slightest moment I imagined going to Jacob and killing him for saying that to her. It wouldn't require much to end his life. I snapped out of my reverie needing to calm myself before I spoke again, she couldn't see this reaction from me.

Pulling her closer to my chest. "I'm so sorry."

"I thought you'd be glad," she whispered.

"Glad over something that's hurt you?" I murmured into her hair. "I don't think so, Bella."

She sighed and then relaxed pressing herself to the shape of my body. I found it challenging to contain the anger aimed at Jacob for his reaction to Bella. What I really wanted to do was go down there and…

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"It's nothing."

"You can tell me."

Telling her this would only make her more upset. She didn't need to know what I was thinking, it would not make her happy, and it may undermine my tolerance of him.

Pausing for a moment. "It might make you angry."

"I still want to know."

I sighed. "I could quite literally kill him for saying that to you. I want to."

She laughed halfheartedly. "I guess it's a good thing you've got so much self-control."

"I could slip," I offered, thoughtfully.

"If you're going to have a lapse in control, I can think of a better place for it," she reached for my face attempting to kiss me. My arms held her tighter to restrain her. She was tempting my self-control in every aspect tonight. My emotions were already spiraling out of control.

I sighed. "Must I always be the responsible one?"

She grinned in the darkness. "No. Let me be in charge of responsibility for a few minutes… or hours."

"Goodnight, Bella."

"Wait –there was something else I wanted to ask you about."

"What's that?"

"I was talking to Rosalie last night…"

Growing tense again, that was something I rather wished she hadn't bring up. I was always unhappy discussing her transformation. "Yes. She was thinking about that when I got in. She gave you quite a lot to consider, didn't she?"

I hoped this would be a short conversation. She paused for a moment before answering.

"She told me a little bit… about the time your family lived in Denali."

Not exactly the response I was expecting, where she was going with this. "Yes?" I answered hesitantly.

"She mentioned something about a bunch of female vampires… and you."

What was this? What had Rosalie told her? She couldn't have told her anything, as there was nothing to tell. She was expecting some kind of response, but I didn't have one.

"Don't worry," she said, after the silence had grown uncomfortable. "She told me you didn't… show any preference. But I was just wondering, you know, if any of them had. Shown a preference for you, I mean."

Don't answer that, my brain snapped immediately. I had known enough about love to not answer that question.

"Which one?" she asked, attempting to control her voice but not managing well. "Or was there more than one?"

Don't answer… don't answer… don't answer. That was the mantra my brain said to me over and over. Besides there was nothing to answer, there was nothing to say.

"Alice will tell me," she said. "I'll go ask her right now."

I tightened my arms around her so she couldn't get away.

"It's late," I said nervously. "Besides, I think Alice stepped out…"

""It's bad," she guessed. "It's really bad, isn't it?" she began panicking, her heart accelerated, as I'm sure her imagination was running wild.

"Calm down, Bella," I said, kissing the tip of her nose. "You're being absurd."

Nothing had gone on with anyone else, ever in my existence. She was the only one.

"Am I? Then why won't you tell me?"

"Because there's nothing to tell. You're blowing this wildly out of proportion."

"Which one?" she insisted.

Sighing, I suppose I wasn't getting out of this without some sort of answer. "Tanya expressed a little interest. I let her know, in a very courteous, gentlemanly fashion, that I did not return that interest. End of story."

I hoped that would put an end to this line of questioning, but somehow I knew it wouldn't.

"Tell me something –what does Tanya look like?"

Don't answer that, my brain snapped again, but foolishly I didn't listen.

"Just like the rest of us –white skin, gold eyes," I answered quickly.

"And, of course, extraordinarily beautiful."

Don't answer that… do not answer. I shrugged, having to give some sort of response. "I suppose, to human eyes," I said, needing to recover control over this conversation. Say more, say something about Bella, my brain demanded. "You know what, though?"

"What?" she asked anxiously.

I put my lips to her ear. "I prefer brunettes."

"She's a blonde. That figures."

Recover… recover, my mind was screaming.

"Strawberry blonde –not at all my type."

My lips moved slowly along her cheek, down her throat, and back up again. I was attempting to distract her and made that circuit three times before she spoke.

"I guess that's okay, then," she decided.

"Hmm," I whispered against her skin. "You're quite adorable when you're jealous. It's surprisingly enjoyable."

She scowled at me in the darkness.

"It's late," I said again, glad this discussion had come to an end. "Sleep, my Bella. Dream happy dreams. You are the only one who has ever touched my heart. It will always be yours. Sleep, my only love."

I began humming her lullaby as she closed her eyes and snuggled closer to me. That was an extraordinary day with emotions and thoughts running to extremes. What started out as a normal day, quickly turned into a nightmare, ending with something I wouldn't have believed was possible… loving her even more.

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