Hello readers! I know that it has been a while since I have updates most of my stories and for that I apologize. I have had a tremendous amount going on personally and it has impeded my will and ability to write. I promise that I will bring ALL of my stories to their planned end. If you followed me on Tumblr or Facebook you would already know this, some times I forget that all my readers don't follow me on social media. For fans of this story I am planning on a tumblr fan page for Edge of the Night. A place for inspirations, character motivations, spoilers, all that good stuff. Soooo keep an eye out for that and follow me for now at perhapsperhapsperhaps50 dot tumblr dot com.
Also I am going to try and update a story every Sunday between 8-10 PM eastern standard time. That is the goal.
Thank you to all that have stuck with me during my lull I hope to make it wort you wait.
Reviews are always appreciated! Thank you. Xoxo PPP
She looks at me from across the table, her blue eyes at half mast but full of an emotion I cannot place. She remembers our song and hearing the lyrics fall from her lips gives me the first feeling of hope, a hope that I never really felt was possible. Her cold hands dance over mine and I know that her hand will never hold another. I entangle my fingers with hers, like we are collectively bonded in prayer. I want to speak but there is a comfort in this silence. There is as comfort in this cozy kitchen, my sons art work proudly displayed on the golden yellow fridge. Scribbles and circles in bright bold colors of green and blue and red. Large smiling faces with orange hair and green eyes. His name in what I hope in Ana's dainty hand writing. His hand prints in blue paint. There are two aprons, hanging from hooks by the stove. One smaller than the other and a wooden step stool. I can imagine Ana and Leo cooking together laughing, covered in flour. My son has the childhood that I never knew was possible. His early memories will be full of the smell of fresh cookies baking, the sounds of laughter and the warm tender arms of his mother.
I feel myself drift off into the dark and troubled thoughts that often consume me. It is a weight that holds me down by the ankles and pulls me under. I rage against it, the memories, the pain, the hunger, and the sadness but it is always lingering around me. I fear that I will never be free from the stains of my past and the subsequent choices I have made. Like the scars on my chest, it never fades.
"Christian look at me." Her voice pulls me back and I do what she asks. "Are you okay?"
"Ana, you are giving me a chance to know you, to know my son. You are going me a chance to make you happy. And build a life together. I am more than okay."
Her brow furrows a bit and her lips purse into a hard line. When she withdraws her hands from mine a pit forms in my stomach.
"Please don't misunderstand, you will be welcome to get to know your son and in turn me but there is no us... "
"Ana please."
"No Christian, too much has happened. I am not the girl you met that night."
"And I am not the man you met that night either. I know what it is like to live without you and I refuse to do it again."
"You have no choice in the matter." She stands abruptly and without a moments thought I do the same. She jumps back at the swiftness if my movements, a flash of fear in her eye.
"Look, I know you are use to getting what you want but understand this, you broke me the night you left. And I know I asked you to leave. I have been regretting those words more than you will ever know. But you broke me a little more every day you never came back."
"I can fix you and I can fix this."
"You can't."
" I can and I will. You can hide all you want. But you are mine Ana. You told me there has been no one else."
Anger flashes in her eyes now and she takes a step closer to me. There is a fire burning in this woman, her docile nature mask the smoke and flames but it is there, the embers just beneath the surface of her pale flesh. I can feel it now at the heat radiates at me. With eye sharp and nostrils flared she lashes out.
"Can you say the same? How many women have there been... Ten... Twenty... A hundred?" I don't even know how many nameless faceless women there have been. Certainly not a hundred but more than fifty. Each and everyone a regret. I need to make her understand that none of that mattered that only she was on my mind but the eloquence of words leave me and I say the dumbest possible thing.
"They were all you Ana." That was it, the embers were now a flame as horror spreads across her face.
"And that's supposed to make me feel better! That you fucked gaggles of women but thought about me while you were doing it!"
"Gaggles?" She laughs sardonically, not amused at my attempt to break the tension.
"You are crazy you know that."
"I am fucking insane Ana." I take two large steps towards her and she does not move a muscle. My hands grabs at her hips and pull them towards mine. We make contact and everything stops. The world as we know it has halted on its axis and we are suspended eating for the spinning to start once more. Her mouth opens in a gasp and I stifle it with my own.
The want and need I feel as my mouth finds hers is overwhelming. It is better than my memory could even imagine. She tastes like bergamot and orange and a hint of something new. She wants to fight me, to push me away I can feel her trepidation and inner battle. I can also feel the divine moment when she gives into me. She gives in to the years of dreaming and wanting and hoping. She gives in to the exquisite and soul crushing pain of wanting what you cannot have and then in an act of fate and destiny you get what you want. She gives in to the hope and love that is just beyond our grasp and I know we will reach it together. We will crawl and scratch and claw until it is firmly in our grasp.
Her arms wrap around my neck, and her mouth becomes bold and unteathered to her mind and I allow myself to do the same. She grabs my shirt in one hand and wraps my tie around the other, she is subconsciously tying us together, ensuring that I will not run again. I could not run even if I wanted to, this woman owns me in every way.
We stumble backwards until she is pressed between the wall and my body and only then do I allow my hands to wander from their perch on her hips down to the round lushness of her ass. With my hands full and pull her body up and she wraps her legs around my waist. She rocks against me, her soft spot against my hard one and I know it's a matter of moments until I am inside. A few wefts and warps, a zipper, maybe a sheath of lace and I will be where I belong. I will be in the place I have been searching for. My mouth sucks and nuzzles her neck, collarbone, the swell of her breasts. She moans my name into my hair.
"ANA! We're home!" A mans voice bellows through the house and I feel Ana freeze as she pushes me away with both hands. Her feet hit the ground and I step away confused and frustrated, my cock throbbing and my ears ringing.
"Ana where are you honey."
"The kitchen Dad." She fumbles with her clothes trying to look presentable and wipes her mouth with the back of her hand. Her lips a red and plump, her cheeks flushed, her father will be able to put two and two together. I can see and feel her panic as she realizes this looking at me and more specifically the bulge in my pants.
"There you are." The man's eyes lock on me and a look of wary disgust etches in the lines of his face. He is shorter than me by a few inches but I can tell by his stance that I would not want to fight him. His salt and pepper hair is mostly hidden by his Army cap and his frame hidden by his puffy fishing vest.
"Mommy!" Leo runs across the kitchen and lunges into Ana's open arms, she lifts him up, his head finding the crook of her neck. My lips still burning from its memory.
"What are you doing back so early?"
"Leo got sick on the boat, wanted to come home."
"Baby boy, you got sick?" He nods once. She peels off his water proof jacket and tosses it to me. Smart girl, I fold it over my arm and cover my cock.
"I puked in the lake." She kisses his head and rubs his back gently swinging back and forth.
"Boy did he... It was like a faucet." He is speaking to Ana but glaring at me, he is weighing and measuring me as a man and the timing couldn't be worse.
"Dad this is Christian Grey, the man I was telling you about. Christian this is my father Raymond Steele." His small sun closed eye glare at me as I extended my hand to shake his. We stand there awkwardly, he snarls refusing to shake my hand in kind.
"Dad..." Ana implores her eyes speaking what words cannot. Raymond gives in and finally shakes my hand near crushing my bones with a fear inducing smile on his face. I fight the urge to squeeze back as hard but I keep my face neutral. I know that if I was in his place I would do the exact same thing. He is simply protecting his child from what he perceives to be harm.
"Sir, it is nice to meet you."
"Ana told me who you are and the truth about what happened." I nod, not knowing what to say. "I should take you out back and kick your a..."
"Dad!" Ray looks at Ana then back at me then to Ana again.
"You would be well within your rights sir."
"You're damn right it is!"
"Dad language."
"Grandpa said a no-no word."
"Yes, grandpa did."
"Sorry buddy."
"Dad thanks for bringing him home but I got it under control here."
"You want me to go and leave you here with him?"
"Yes. Leo needs to get into bed and Christain and I have a lot to work out."
"Ana."
"Dad." There is a silent battle of wills going on and it is all happening with the eyes. It would be fun to watch if I wasn't the cause of the drama.
"Fine, fine, fine. I'll go. But know this Grey I live not two miles down the road and I have a cabinet full of shot guns."
He walks over to Ana and Leo, giving them both a kiss and whispering something to Ana that makes her chuckle. He walks to the kitchen doorway an turns on his heel pointing at me.
"A cabinet full of shot guns sir. I understand."
I am ashamed of myself. I just subbed for the man that would one day be my father-in-law. It would take years until Raymond Steele and I would be on equal footing.
"I am going to go give him a bath and put him down for a nap. Why don't you pour another cup of tea and sit in the living room." She turns her attention back to Leo and sit him on the edge of the counter. "Crackers, baby boy?"
"Yes mommy." He looks at me and it is like I am looking in a mirror. "Hi."
"Hello Leo." Ana hands him a cracker and he takes small bites, the crumbs collecting in the folds of his Superman sweatshirt. Next she hands him a juice box and urges him to drink. His eyes look heavy like he has not slept for days and he lets out a small yawn that warms my entire being.
"Okay time for a quick bath." He extends his arms and wraps his legs around her like a little monkey. She walks away and I can hear her hum softly.
So much has happened in the last hour my mind races replaying it all. It is almost too much so I focus on small manageable tasks. I hang his coat on the hook that holds his apron and I take off my jacket and tie rearing them over the kitchen chair, rolling up the sleeves on my white linen shirt. I put the kettle on the fire and rinse our teacups from earlier. There are a few dishes in the sink so I wash and dry them, finding their rightful place in the cabinets. I can't remember the last time I washed a dish. Maybe never and it feels so normal. This was a life I could live I I chose it.
I hear the sloshing of water and the collective laughter of my everything that is just up the stairs. The rain is pounding against the single pane windows and while I am still hot as hell I remember that I passed a fire place in the living room, I think Ana will be cold. I light a small fire and make out cups of tea, remembering that Ana takes her weak and unsweetened.
The time passes and she finally standing on the stairs watching me. Her shirt is wet in the hem and sleeves and her hair is in a messy bun atop her head. She looks breathtakingly imperfect and my heart aches to touch her.
She plops down on the shabby sofa and reaches for her tea. She takes a sip and I can see her body relax and sink into the down pillows. She look up at me, brushing a wayward strand of hair off her forehead and for a brief second she looks like she did that night in the bar. Young and fresh and untouched.
"Come and sit, let talk." I sit beside her and she rests her hand just above my knee, it is a familiarity that I have not yet earned and somehow it puts me at ease.
"What almost happened... It can't..."
"I know."
"It's not that I don't want it to. I have thought about it for years..." She blushes and her confession and I smile.
"It's too soon. I understand Ana. I don't want to mess this up again, trust me. I have waited this long." She exhales loudly and takes another sip of her tea.
"Tell me about our boy."
"God where do I start. He was a few days early. I was in labor forever though, at least it felt like forever. When he finally came out it was with a roar. I mean he wailed and cried. I already knew I was going to name him Leo. But he earned that name."
"After me in a way?"
"Yes. After you Christian. I toyed with the idea of Christian but I couldn't do that to myself. He didn't sleep through the night until he was six months old. I think I aged five years in that time. But he was a good baby all and all. He's smart, really smart. Always asking questions. Always wanting to know why. That was his first word."
"Really?" She chuckles and shakes her head no.
"No, not really it's just a family joke."
"Ah I see. What was his first word?" I realize how much I have missed, not only his birth and first roar but his first smile and laugh, his first word, his first steps.
"More. His first word was more."
We both laugh together as only two parents can while sharing in the joy of their child.
"He really is my son isn't he."
"Yes, yes he is."
"Tell me more, please Ana."
"Well he loves to be outside and find things. Rocks, bugs, leaves and then come in a draw them. He loves music, he sings all the time. He has an imaginary friend named Lala. He spends hours sitting and talking her. They have tea parties and sing songs. He draws her little notes. He has an amazing imagination. He is very sensitive and does not like it when anyone is sad. He's a wonderful boy."
"Yes, I dare say he is. I want him to know who I am. I never knew my father and it's important for a boy to know where he comes from."
"I agree. He is already asking about you and your hair."
"My hair?"
"It's the same color as his." I run my fingers through the unruly mop of my hair and nod in agreement. "I want to tell him sooner than later, I don't want to confuse him. I told my father and Jose the truth last night. And Kate and I are meeting tomorrow. She has been badgering me since I left the party."
"You told them the truth about the night in the bar." My brave girl. I can't imagine the fear that came with her confession. Having to look everyone in the eye and out yourself as a liar and then tell then the awful truth. I also know for a fact that when the secrets and lies are revealed and brought into the light a weight lifts off your shoulders. When my family learned the truth about my past with Elena I felt the oppression of years of secrets vanish.
"I did yes. I didn't go into great detail obviously but yes, the jist of my wayward sluttish past."
"Ana you do not have a wayward sluttish past. You've had sex once in your life. I would hardly call that slutty and quite frankly I don't like to hear you talk about yourself like that. What's past is past, mistakes have been made, time has been wasted. The only thing that matters is that we are together now." I take her hand and mine and gently press my lips to her palm. She leans forward and find her finger through my hair and down the nape of my neck pulling my forehead to hers. We stay like that for I don't know how long and breath mixing, until we inhale and exhale as one. Eyes closed, bodies relaxed and hearts open.
"I love you. You need to know that Ana. I have loved you in all forms since we have been parted and I plan to love you for the rest of my life."
"You're so dramatic Christian. I love you would have been enough."
"More Ana, I like more."