*Thank-you for the reviews on the last chapter. They were greatly appreciated. Thank-you all so much*
DEAN's POINT OF VIEW:
It's been a couple weeks since my neck surgery. It's been a rough two weeks as I am starting my healing process. I just want to get back into the ring and wrestle. I feel like a part of me is missing not being on TV. I have gotten tons of love and support from my fans sending me well wishes and wishing me a speedy recovery. I am usually one to tolerate a lot of pain but this pain is different. I find myself having trouble getting comfortable at night while I am sleeping and Ana has been doing her best to make sure I am comfortable and doing her best taking care of me but she's been busy with work as well and dealing with Natalia. I almost feel bad for her because she's being torn in different directions. I try to do as much as I can for myself but there's some stuff that I still can't do like tie my own shoes or dressing myself. I can get my pants on but it's getting my shirt on that I need assistance with. She's spreading herself thin and it makes me worry about her pregnancy and the baby. She's doing a good job holding things down though.
We're back in Phoenix, Arizona this week so that my surgeon can look at my neck and look at my incision. Ana was unable to come with me because of work and Natalia starting school this past week. I flew out here by myself. I have plans after my doctor's appointment to talk to my dad. It's been a long time coming. I'm not planning on being best friends with him but I am open to at least giving him another chance to be in my life. Natalia deserves to know her other grandfather. I'm doing my best to do what's right for my little girl and my son. I think it will be good for them to have a relationship with my dad if I approve of him after our talk today. I want to hear him out but Ana isn't talking to her mom so that complicates things. One day we will all get along, I hope so anyway but I am just fine with Ana, Natalia and Oliver being my family. They're the only ones I've ever really needed anyway there is NOTHING that I wouldn't do for them. I would give my life for them. "Dean Ambrose," calls the nurse as I am sitting in the waiting room of the clinic. I stand up and make my way to the back. "How are you today?"
"Good," I say with a smile. "How are you?"
"I'm doing pretty well," she says with a smile as she directs me to a room. "Dr. Rodgers should be right with you."
"Thanks," I say with a smile before she walks out of the room.
I wait a few minutes before Dr. Rodgers comes into the room with his chart. "How are we doing today, Dean?" he asks.
"Good," I say, "I'm already bored sitting at home."
"Well, you have a few more months to go," he says, "I thought you had some wedding planning and baby planning to do."
"I can't go pick out dresses besides Ana has been too busy to do any of that. She's been working over 60 hours a week trying to get something going since they had to replace me."
"Ana should be taking it easy," he says, "I may not be an obstetrician and only a surgeon but I know that all that is not good for a pregnant woman. When is she due?"
"January 2nd," I say.
"Not too much longer," he says, "you could have a New Year's baby."
"Maybe," I say with a smile. "As long as he is healthy that's all that matters to me. I don't care when he comes as long as he's cooked enough and healthy."
"Right," he says, "so how is your neck feeling?"
"It's starting to feel better. I still have a little bit of pain but it's getting there. I have trouble sleeping at night because I can't get comfortable."
"I am sure," he says. "Just be careful how you lay your head down. I don't want to see you get hurt."
"I know," I say.
"Let me take a look at the incision," he says as he gets ready to remove the bandage on my neck. That's another thing Ana has been great at doing. She's been changing my bandages and dressing the last couple weeks. I know she doesn't like that kind of stuff but she's been great at it. I wince as he removes the tape from my neck and the bandages. "It's looking nice," he says. "It's nice and clean. It looks like it's healing well," he says. "We're going to keep the bandages off and give it some time to breathe but it's looking good. Continue putting the ointment on it and cleaning it out daily. We don't want infection to get in there. That wouldn't be good."
"No it wouldn't," I say.
"I'm just going to move your neck," he says. "I want to see how you do. I'm just going to move it right," he says moving my head right and I wince from the pain. "And left," he says moving it. Once again I wince as he moves my neck. "And now up," he says lifting my neck up carefully. "Ah, not too bad. How did that feel?"
"It hurt," I say.
"On a scale from 1-10?" he asks.
"Probably a 3," I say.
"That's not too bad."
"I have a high tolerance for pain. I have had a chainsaw taken to my head and I have had my nipple ripped off and didn't even know it. I think it's safe to say that I have a high tolerance for pain."
"You had your nipple ripped off?" he asks.
"Yeah and I sewed it back on myself."
"You are one crazy man aren't you?"
I chuckle and say, "you don't even know."
"I can't say that I have ever heard of someone ripping their nipple off and sewing it back on themselves. That's interesting."
"Impressive?" I ask. "And it looks perfect," I say with a smile. "Ana thought it was funny."
"Impressive," he says, "so we're going to get you started in PT in the next couple weeks. In the mean time I want you to do those exercises twice a day. I want you to move your neck right, left, up and down 3 times each way two times a day to help get your neck working again. PT is to help strengthen your neck and get it to the point that you're ready to get back into the ring. The goal is to get it strong enough to prevent injury from occurring again. It's going to be a long process but you'll get there. Okay? If we're looking at 6 months I'm going to say about late February early March for a return but once again it all depends on how your neck looks and your progress with PT okay?"
"Okay," I say with a smile. "That gives me time to spend time with my baby boy and do some wedding stuff with Ana. I want to take them away probably sometime on my time off. I'm not sure though."
"Yes, get comfortable at home, enjoy your time off and get into your PT. You'll be fine. I know right now it's tough just sitting around but you'll start to enjoy yourself."
"I hope so," I say.
"Do you need any more pain killers?"
"No," I say, "I haven't even used the ones you gave me. I'm not really into taking pain pills. I'm kind of scared to take them. I had an addiction before so unless I absolutely need them I won't take them."
"I understand," he says. He finishes up the appointment by telling me that I need to come back in a couple months to have my neck checked out and he gives me the name of a physical therapist in Connecticut to go to while I recover from my neck surgery.
After my appointment I head to the restaurant I am meeting my dad at for lunch. I'm not sure how I feel as I walk into the restaurant. The last time we talked it didn't end very well, things were said and things happened. I just want to try to talk to him and try to understand why he left me when I was 3 years old and never bothered to come back for me and then went and married another woman and had two kids with her. I still don't understand it but maybe he'll be able to enlighten me. I run into some fans and sign a couple autographs before I take a couple pictures with them before I make my way to our reserved table to wait for my dad. The waiter brings me water as I wait for him. I check my watch to see that he's 15 minutes late. I'm debating on leaving or staying when I see my dad making his way to the table. "I'm sorry, Dean," he says. "I had a late appointment."
"It's okay," I say as he takes a seat. "How are you?"
"I'm good. How are you?" he asks.
"I'm okay," I say.
"It's been a long time."
"Yeah it has," I say as the waiter comes over immediately to take our orders. My nerves are bad so I order a drink with some alcohol in it to calm them down just a little bit.
"I didn't know you drank," he says after the waiter walks away as I look over my menu.
"I don't do it often," I say, "I had an addiction. I limit myself but unfortunately I need a drink right now."
"I see," he says, "so how have you been?"
"Living life," I say.
"And how are Ana and Natalia?"
"They're doing well," I say, "they're back in Connecticut."
"I see," he says, "I know I said it before, Dean," he starts to say as the waiter brings me my drink. I haven't drank for a long time but I need this alcohol in my system. I take a sip as he continues to speak. "I am sorry that I left when you were three years old. I know I can make every excuse in the book and apologize a thousand times but that still wouldn't make it right. I was a young father, Dean."
"Don't tell me that you were a young father because that pisses me off. I was a young father too. I was 17 years old when my daughter was born and you know what I did? I stepped up and became a father. I made mistakes but I fixed them, I fixed myself but I never once left Ana or my daughter. I was scared but I lived past my fear and did what I needed to do. It wasn't always easy but I did it and I'm still doing it. I look at Natalia every day and I could never picture leaving her. Why was it so easy for you to just walk out on me and never come back?"
"I don't know," he says, "I was almost 19 years old. I wanted to go to college, I wanted to make something of myself. I wanted a better life."
"But you didn't think your son, your own flesh and blood didn't deserve a better life? Do you know the hell that I went through after you left? There were days I pretty much starved because we had nothing to eat. There were things I had to see that I should have never seen. I have been beaten, burned and destroyed by the assholes my mom brought home to me. I watched my mom live through depression. The days she didn't even get out of bed left me to fend for myself the days she left to go on a binge to get her fix and I was left alone. I was always alone. I didn't know what it felt like to be loved or cared about until Ana came into my life. She showed me that I have a heart that I can be loved and that I deserve to be loved. The day you left is the day my hell began and all you could do was send me a birthday card or a Christmas card with a few bucks in it? You couldn't come back to Cincinnati to visit me to make sure I was all right? You couldn't pick up the phone to call me? You didn't even make an effort to have a relationship with your son and that's what hurts the most. How was it so easy for you to just walk away and never look back? Did you ever even think about me?" I ask. "Did I ever cross your mind or was I just a Christmas afterthought?"
"I am sorry that you went through all that if I had known," he says.
"If you had known what? You would have been the knight in shining armor? You would have known if you took the time to check in on me instead of sending a few bucks once or twice a year. I am your son, how could you just treat me like I never even mattered to you?"
"Dean, I can't answer that. I have done a lot of wrong in my life and leaving your mom and you was one of the things I have done wrong. I was wrong for leaving you the way I did. I will admit I should have gone back to get you. I should have had a relationship with you. I should have been a father. I do regret missing out on your entire childhood and not being there to help you through everything. Your life would have been different if I went back. I should have gone back."
"So why didn't you?"
"Because I was scared," he says honestly. "I was scared to be a father. I wasn't ready to be a father. I know before you even say it you weren't ready to be a father either and you were scared to be a dad. I'm sorry that I wasn't a man like you were. I'm sorry that I was a coward and took the easy way out. I did think of you often but I was scared to go back. I was scared you would hate me for leaving you."
"Well, that is a fair feeling of emotion. I did hate you."
"I know," he says, "look I can't change the past. I can't erase the mistakes that I have done. I know I was wrong and I am sorry. I know saying sorry isn't going to change everything that you went through or anything that you felt. I can't take those emotions away or erase the nightmares you had. I wish I could go back and change it all but I can't. We can't change the past Dean but we can change the now and the future. I am sorry for what I did but like I said I can't go back and erase it. It happened and I'm ashamed of it. I should have been a father to you. I should have gone back. I can say that over and over again but it isn't going to change what happened. I do however want to make things right with you now. I want to have a relationship with you. I want to be a part of your life now."
"Why now?" I ask taking a drink.
"Because you're still my son and I love you," he says.
"You love me?" I ask. "How do you love me and you don't even know me?"
"I know more about you than you think I do," he says.
"Oh yeah? Tell me what do you know about me?" I ask. "Entertain me," I say before throwing back some more of my drink finishing it. I ask the waiter for another one as he takes our food order.
"I know that you have this rough exterior but deep down inside you have a good, caring heart and you truly care about people even though you act like you don't."
"That's ridiculous."
"Is it?" he asks. "I know you love Ana more than anything on this earth and you will do anything to make her happy and give her everything her heart desires. I know that you're supportive of her and you accept her every imperfection. I also know that you have loved no one else but her in your life. I know that you're an amazing father to Natalia and you're going to be an amazing father to your baby that's on the way. You make sacrifices for your family and you give them everything they need. You take care of them. I know you're a good man despite your upbringing. You're a good father despite the fact you didn't have a father of your own and you're a good fiancée to Ana even though you didn't grow up seeing a loving relationship," he says making my eyes fill with tears. "I know that you love kids and that you want to give back to those that have a similar life to yours when you grew up. I know you like to grant wishes for sick children. I know you love your job but you love Ana much more. I know that you love Natalia more than anything. I know that you take every chance that you can to be a father to her. I know you have made sacrifices so that your family could be taken care of and you did it because you're a good man. You're a great man despite how you grew up. I'm proud of you, Dean. I may not have always been there but I'm proud of you."
"Da-Jon," I say. "I." Tears are in my eyes by hearing him tell me how much he knows about me. He knows what matters most to me. He knows me, better than I ever thought he could. He is proud of me. No one but Ana has ever been proud of me. "I, I don't know what to say," I say as I wipe the tears in my eyes.
"You don't have to say anything, Dean. I look at you and I wish I could have been half the man you are. I just want to bury our past behind us. I want to start over. I want to be a part of your life. I want to be a part of my grandchildren's lives. I just want to be there for you. Will you let me be there?"
"Yes," I say, "I'll let you be there. Just prove to me that you are going to be a good father and grandfather. I know you're a good dad to my sisters but show it to me. I never had a dad in my life. I am only the dad I am because that's what I always dreamed to have. I wish I could have had a dad like myself. That's what I always wanted. It's never too late to start over."
"I know," he says with a smile. "Dean, I love you and I am very proud of you."
"Thank-you," I say. "That means a lot to me."
"I'm sure it does," he says. "You're welcome. So when do you go back to Connecticut?"
"I leave tomorrow," I say. "I am ready to get back to Ana and Natalia."
"I bet," he says, "Is Natalia back in school?"
"Yes, she just started the other day," I say. "I was glad I could be there to watch her start 5th grade. It's all new for her so I am hoping she is adjusting well."
"Me too," he says as the waiter brings us our food. We sit and talk about life and talk about his career as we eat. I am kind of happy that things are going to be okay between us. It's going to take a while to actually accept him as a father but one day I will. He seems like an okay guy so far and I decided to just forget about the past and focus on the now and the future. What happened yesterday is over with. What happens tomorrow is up to us and how we choose to live our lives.
*A/N: What did you think of Dean's appointment? Do you think he's making good progress so far? Do you think he will get used to sitting at home during his recovery? Do you think a family vacation is necessary during his time off? What did you think of Dean talking to his father? Did it go better than you thought? What did you think of his dad telling him he was proud of him? Do you think he knows him well? Do you think this will be a long lasting relationship or no? Do you agree with Dean that tomorrow is up to us and how we choose to live our lives? Please review and thank-you for reading.