Godric had stopped grinning but could still feel a happy warmth fill his chest. He was currently being 'dragged' by Bella through the woods. He could not help hoping that her feelings for him were developing into something more. Godric knew Bella desired him physically and although this thrilled him, he wanted something more with her. Something deeper. He wanted her to care for him, be happy with him, love him. Part of him knew that such a innocent creature could not love a monster such as himself but he was her mate. For her to desire him physically and be with him was enough. But the fact that it was possible that she harbored even a small amount of romantic feelings for him made him absolutely giddy inside. He craved her. All of her. He knew that this was a useless and impossible thing to want but he would take all of her he could get. He would wait for her for eternity, even if she never returned his feelings.
He was led to a small clearing. It was peaceful here with a small patch of grass, surrounded by flowers. It wasn't much but she stopped here and sat down promptly on the grass, letting go of his hand. He frowned. He wanted to touch her again, so he sat down beside her and took her hand in his again.
He could see her perfectly in the dark, thanks to his vampire vision and saw that she looked relieved to be alone with him. He smiled.
"Hello Bella" He said softly, hoping to bring her attention to him. Lifting his hand, he trailed a finger down her cheek softly; enjoying the warmth and texture of her skin.
He could smell her blush, his smile widened.
"Hey Godric" She replied quietly, looking into his eyes. He stared at her honey eyes and felt lost in her gaze. He felt a connection to her in that moment. He felt complete, happy, whole. He badly wanted to confess his love and ask her to be with him eternally but knew he couldn't. She did not return his feelings. Or perhaps she did... a little maybe? Back at her grandmothers house they seemed to think she did. Knowing it was a bad idea, he still couldn't resist asking her,
"Care to explain the situation at your grandmothers home? Your family seems to be under the impression that we are involved in a romantic relationship" He said as soothingly as possible. Despite this, she still tensed up. He needed to reassure her.
Godric moved behind Bella and wrapped her in his arms; her back to his front. He reveled her proximity and warmth. She relaxed a fraction but he could still identify the signs of nervousness. A huge part of him was almost sick with hope and anticipation. It rushed through his body, centering in his chest.
Bella sighed, "Sorry about that, it's my fault. I needed a plausible explanation as to why you would be around so much and I didn't want to say about the danger or admit to my family I had a lover. I didn't think how it might sound to you" He could smell her face reddening.
"And what did you think it would sound like?" He said very softly
. "That I... you know, had feelings for you. I didn't mean to make it weird. Sorry if I did, you didn't think I did, did you?"
Godric's heart plummeted. It felt like there was a rock settling in his abdomen, or rather a black hole that sucked all feeling from his body; leaving behind a numb pain.
"No, of course not. That would be utterly foolish. Who would ever develop feelings for someone like me?" He said sadly, realizing the truth in his statement. Just because the fates deemed her his mate did not mean that she could love him. He was a killer. A monster.
He felt Bella shift to turn around and look at him. He looked back at her blankly. He had no idea what expression he bore on his face but assumed it was not good from the worried look she was giving him. She bit her lip and observed his face worriedly, her eyes filled with compassion.
"Godric, what are you talking about? You are not a monster, anyone could love you, don't be silly" She said warmly. He did not believe her words. He looked away ashamed.
"I am a monster, Bella. Most of the world knows me as 'death'. I have a feared reputation, I have slaughtered and tortured many humans for centuries with no remorse and without a second thought. It was a game to me and it mattered not the evil I spread. I am a monster Bella. No one could ever love me" He explained in a defeated voice. It was all true, he could not hide his past or nature from her. He braced himself for her screams or sounds of disgust.
She did neither.
Instead there was simply silence.
After a while, he heard her move. He kept his body completely frozen, not breathing. He felt her lean toward him and lift a finger under his chin. He allowed her to lift his face to look into her eyes. Godric did not allow himself to feel any hope at this gesture.
"Godric, do you still do those things?" She said so quietly and softly that if he were a vampire he would not of heard her.
"No, I have not for a while" He answered, waiting for her outrage.
It was silent again. He looked into her eyes but could not determine her expression, if anything she looked thoughtful.
"why did you do such a thing?" She said in a small voice again, looking wary of his reply. She should be. He could not lie or deny his mate anything. The regret and shame he felt at his past burned brighter than ever. If he had known that he had such an amazing future, a potential to be with this sweet women then he never would have done any of those atrocious things.
"Because I enjoyed it... I... had a difficult start to live and to my undead life, Bella. All I knew was pain for a very long time. I was filled with a sense of rage and injustice. I felt powerless and weak. Bringing pain... taking lives, brought back some of that power and made me feel strong. I relished in causing pain, as it was unfair that I had been subjected to such and others weren't. Inflicting and feeling pain was all I knew of life, I wanted to be the one giving rather than receiving it. Doing this made my inner pain lessen, taking joy in ending the lives of others. I am a monster" He explained in a desperately wounded voice.
She was silent again for a while and it was killing him, knowing what she must think of him now.
"Why did you stop?" She asked. He was surprised by her question but answered her obediently.
"I realized it was wrong. I spent centuries feeling that a great injustice had been done to me and inflicting pain and death onto others to ease this feeling. I realized that I was as bad as those who had done this to me. Out of all the torture I have ever gone through, I never suspected the worst would be when it finally ended: to become just like them" Godric's voice broke and he could feel blood tears fall from his cheeks. He bowed my head, unable to look her in the eye any longer.
It felt like his chest was ripped open, because of his sordid past he would lose the one thing that mattered most to him: Bella. This was no more than he deserved. This is my punishment for all the wrongs I have committed. To never have which I wanted most; which I needed, Bella. Her love. When he discovered her in the fellowship, he felt a joy and a sense of peace believing that the fates had forgiven him and shown this by rewarding him with a mate. He was wrong, he knew he was wrong. Deep, deep down he still felt the guilt and burden of his past. This guilt would only be relieved by her presence, it was no longer all consuming and agonising but still there. It was like he was having an inner battle, a part of him believed that he deserved Bella and was forgiven because of his remorse but another part felt disgusted and knew this was impossible, his past was unforgivable. This much be his punishment, to spend an eternity with Bella hating him.
As he thought this, he bowed his head with blood trailing down his face, he couldn't bare to see the anger, disgust and hatred in Bella's eyes. He took a steady breath, inhaling her scent and knew he had to face this. This was his punishment.
As he looked up into her beautiful honey eyes, he saw them filled with human tears. She was crying because of him. He did not think the pain in his chest could get any worse but seeing his past cause her pain was too much.
"Bella-I- I am so sorry, please don't cry, hate me, despise me but please do not cry because of me. You do not deserve any pain" He whispered his voice filled with pain.
Bella shook her head strongly. This made the smell of her tears more potent. They were pure Bella essence, it smelled to sweet, so pure and wonderful. He wanted to taste her tears but knew he did not deserve to.
"No, Godric. NO, I do not hate you, I am not crying because of you, I am crying for you" Bella said, taking an adorable sniffle. He was confused but completely transfixed by the passionate gleam in her eye.
Bella lifted a hand and cupped his face, uncaring about the blood, "I am crying because it is so difficult to see you in so much pain. I am so sorry about your past. It sounds horrible" She whispered, her face full of compassion.
Godric was even more confused, he furrowed his brow and went to reply but was interrupted with his finger over his lips,
"-Shh, I know, I'm not saying that what you did in the past wasn't horrible, atrocious and so so wrong. But its not unforgivable Godric. You've changed, I can see that. You feel so much pain, guilt and remorse about your past. I understand that, you are not the same person you were, you do deserve love. How can someone like you not? After all the pain you've been through and you've changed, very few people change their ways but you have" Bella was now sobbing, looking at him desperately.
Godric tears fell harder as he looked at his love. The hole in his chest was still open, raw and exposed but now it was filled with adoration and love for his Bella.
Then it seemed like Bella could not contain herself, she lunged forward and grabbed him in a fierce hug. She clung to him desperately, sobbing into his neck. Godric cried just as hard, feeling like all the pain and guilt was flowing out of him. He was enveloped in her; her warm scent was a safe haven for him. They grieved together. To Godric, it was beautiful.
After a while, they both started to calm down but still held onto each other desperately, almost afraid to let go. As he calmed, the feeling of guilt started to subside, he felt almost... forgiven for his past. Accepted despite of it. He was truly in awe of the women he was holding. She. Was. Incredible. Part of him could not believe someone was so compassionate, understanding and wonderful. She truly was an angel. His angel. His arms tightened around her fractionally.
They were interrupted from their moment with Godric's phone ringing.
So... tell me what you want, what you really really want, I'll tell you what I...
Godric felt an intense anger and frustration. His progeny needed to stop changing his ringtone to this infuriating song.
Bella moved back hastily and appeared to clean her face from her delicious tears. He felt disappointed, he wanted to clean her himself, care for her.
"Hello" He answered his cell phone with a cool voice.
"Master, I told you to call me as soon as possible to fill me in on the details of Bella's vision. Has something happened? Shall I come down? Is Sookie alright? Why have-" Eric's voice came through the phone. It was as close to worried as he has ever heard his progeny.
"Enough. Nothing has happened, I have not been able to find out details about Bella's vision as of yet. Do not come down, it is unnecessary, I will give Bella the phone in a moment and we can find out now, Sookie Stackhouse is safe to my knowledge. Is that acceptable?" Godric finished.
Bella had finished cleaning her face and looked at him curiously, 'Eric?' She mouthed to him. He nodded in return.
"I see. Yes, put Bella on the phone" His son stated.
Godric handed the phone over to her, "He wishes to speak to you about your vision Bella" he explained. Bella looked hesitant but took the phone and held it to her ear.
"Hey, sasquach" She greeted.
"Hello tiny, I need you to tell me everything about your vision. Every tiny detail and miss nothing out, am I clear?" Eric commanded her. She bit her lip and blushed for some reason. He wondered why.
Bella looked at his face as Eric spoke and an adorable crease line formed between her eyebrows as they furrowed looking at him. As he was pondering they way she was looking at him, she lifted her other hand and started wiping the blood off of his face. He was frozen, she was cleaning him? He closed his eyes in bliss. Yes, She was taking care of him just like a mate would. He began purring loudly, enjoying the moment. She licked her thumb and continued trying to wipe his face, it took a lot of effort to remain still and not nuzzle into her.
"-Bella, what on earth are you doing to my maker to make him purr like that? You are not pleasuring him whilst on the phone to me, are you?" Eric's amused voice came through the phone.
Bella gasped and removed her hand. He opened her eyes to see her face red and looking shocked and embarrassed. He growled in frustration. He heard laughter through the phone.
"It appears you were" He sounded beyond amused.
Thankfully Bella spoke then, "Enough Eric, you want to hear about my vision well let me think..." She began, changing the subject. His son was extremely irritating sometimes.
"Well as I said, it began with Sookie... she was beaten and bloody, she looked really weak. She was also naked and covered in lots of fang marks..." Bella paused as he could hear his son growling in contained fury, "She was glaring murderously at Bill... he was there, looking at her on his knee's. It looked like he was pleading with her, his face was full of remorse" Eric snarled here. Bella shot me a worried look. I held her other hand in order to help sooth her.
"What else. You mentioned... bodily fluids? What kind?" Eric said through clenched teeth, Bella shot me another worried look. I nodded to her in encouragement.
"Eric... I think you know what kind..." Bella said in a pained whisper. He heard Eric snarl in fury and could hear crashing in the background. Bella was looking at Godric desperately, He leaned forward and kissed her cheek gently. He could understand his son's rage. Godric did not care much for Bella's cousin, especially with the way she had been acting but it still angered him to hear that she would be used in such a way, if not for the fact it was disgusting, it would still anger him as it caused his mate and son distress.
"Continue" Eric returned, speaking in a cool, collected voice. Godric sent him a burst of approval and pride through the bond. He knew it must have been hard for Eric to control and contain his rage like that. He was proud of him.
"Next I saw me and Godric at some fancy ball. We were dressed ridiculously high class and I was a vampire" Bella explained.
"How did you know you were vampire. Explain in more detail. What exactly were you doing in your vision. I need everything you can remember, it is important. Did you recognize where you were?" Eric asked in his Sheriff mode.
Bella sighed and a faint blush colored her cheeks. Godric was curious about this.
"I didn't recognize where we were. Some ball room? I was standing next to Godric, we seemed to be having a pleasant time. I knew I was vampire as he handed me a glass of blood and..."
Godric was staring at Bella curiously. She seemed nervous to reveal this about him. Part of Godric had calmed at hearing that she was with him whilst she was vampire. It seemed likely then that in this future he was her maker. Good. He would not mind if Bella was vampire but would prevent it if it is not what she desired, although he would like a maker/child bond with her. A bond... that was something to think about...
"...and what tiny?" Eric said, a little impatient. Godric was brought back from his inner musings.
"...and my fangs clicked out, then Godric kissed me" She explained, shooting him a nervous, shy look. He was pleased. He was now certain that he was her maker, no maker would allow a their newborn to kiss another vampire.
"I see, what did you see next in your vision?" Eric asked.
Bella heart rate increased and she looked away from me, blushing deeply. He was burning with curiosity, what did she see?
"I just saw another glimpse of me and Godric, me as a vampire" She said quickly, sending him a quick nervous glance.
Eric sighed heavily through the phone, "Tiny, I need to know everything. I can practically feel your embarrassment from here. This is important. I promise not to tease you about it, okay?" Eric said reasonably. Bella still looked nervous and refused to look him in the eye.
"Me and Godric were in a fancy room, flashing around it in vampire speed, crashing things... throwing one another..."
"You were fighting? What was it you were fighting about? Who was on the offensive Bella. This is important" Eric's voice rang authority and Bella blushed deeper.
Godric was worried like Eric also, he would never hurt his mate. Not ever, so he must have done something to warrant her attacking him. This saddened him deeply.
"Oh uh no. We... we weren't fighting Eric. We were you know..." She trailed off suggestively. His fangs clicked out. Oh... they were... good. His chest rumbled in appreciation and eyes darkened. Bella eyed him nervously and noticing his look, bit her lip shyly and squeezed her legs together. Hmm, he could take her right now.
The phone was silent but to Godric it was obvious that Eric was trying to contain himself, he had said no teasing after all.
"How are you certain that you were not fighting?" Eric said seriously. Godric sent a brief burst of appreciation through the bond to his son. This must be hard on him.
"Oh, I don't really. I just... there was a bed and Godric moaned when I bit into him..." Bella said, unable to look him in the eye.
Godric began purring, she bit him? Drinking his blood, his life force. His cock was throbbing and very hard. He would enjoy being bitten by Bella, her taking of him what she wanted. He was hers.
"... I see. What else what is your vision?" Eric asked, a tiny note of strain on his voice. Godric barely noticed this as his eyes were running hungrily over Bella's form, desperate for some contact.
"You were in a big hall room, your were covered in blood and so was the room. Blood and guts. There was a few vampires littered about. Me, Pam and Godric was there. I was... licking blood of off Godric face"
His purring increased and he could not help himself. He settled behind her, nuzzling into the back of her neck, taking in her aroma. He was beyond pleased of her behavior in the future. It showed progress in their relationship. No signs of romance but licking blood off of ones face was an intimate experience between vampires. He nuzzled into her, purring contentedly. His need strained against him but he ignored it for the moment.
"Eric?" Bella said hesitantly. His chest rumbled in displeasure. He disliked her saying any others name but his.
He heard Eric chuckle, "Yes, tiny?"
"Is it alright If I live back here again? I want to find out what Bill's up to and it will be easier if I'm here. I might not be able to see you much because Sookie is still mad at you" Bella said nervously. Godric burried into her, trying to comfort her. It worked, she relaxed a little. His purring increased, he was happy that he could help his mate in some way.
Eric sighed, "I do not like the idea but it may be necessary for now. You have Godric and Alcide whilst Sookie can have no direct bodyguard. I am concerned with Sookie's safety, stay there and try find out as much as you can. Try to keep Bill away from her" Eric ended with a note of pleading in his voice.
"I will, I am doing everything I can for her. Believe me Eric, we will figure this out and Sookie will be fine. I won't let anything happen to her" She spoke with determination in her voice. Godric's interest in the conversation was waning. He wanted to care, he truly did but aside from Eric and Bella's attachment to the telepath her future held no concern for him. Not that he wanted her to suffer per say, but he did not feel any emotional pain from it. Not like Eric and Bella. He sighed. He would need to keep her irritating cousin safe so as to not hurt her.
"I know, tiny, I know. I must go now, I have vermin to enthrall and vampires to punish" He hung up on her.
Godric smiled, pleased to have Bella to himself for now.
She turned around and smiled at them. Then a small breeze hit them and Bella shivered. She was cold, this would not do.
"Come, let us return to your grandmothers home. It is getting late" He said gently, helping her to stand. Bella nodded wearily and began walking towards to farmhouse. He followed behind her silently.
Bella was filled with worry. Her cousin was in serious trouble and she couldn't even warn her. All thanks to Bill. Stupid Bill, controlling her. A hundred million thoughts plagued her mind. Like, how did she become a vampire? What happened in that hall? It looked like some battle. Why was Sookie so... broken like that? Who would do that? Did Bill? Is that why he looked to be so remorseful in the vision? How on earth did they manage to get into that position. It made no sense. How could Bill cause all of this?
She made her way back, barely paying attention to her surroundings. She reached her farmhouse and walked inside blankly. Bella was drained. She made her way to her bedroom, barely able to tell where she was going in the darkness. She could feel Godric following beside her silently.
When Bella made it to her bedroom she located some pajama and went to change in the bathroom.
She changed quickly, brushed her teeth and hair, preparing for bed. Godric was out there but she had no idea what to say to him. This was such a mess. She felt immeasurably sad.
Bella exited the bathroom and walked over to her bed. The room was dark, only the moonlight illuminating it slightly. She could see Godric was pushed the covers back and beckoned her to lie down. She obeyed and slipped under the covers, getting comfortable. The bed was soft and inviting. Feeling the bed dip with Godric entering it, she turned so she could face him.
"Is everything alright, my l-little one" Godric asked worriedly. She sighed and nodded, barely able to make out his perfect features in the dark.
"I am fine Godric, just tired I suppose" She said with little emotion in her voice. She saw his facial expression change but could not make it out.
"No, you are not. What is the issue Bella? Tell me. Trust me, please, I am here for you to talk to. I will always be here for you and never betray your trust" He said softly and moved towards her.
It felt like a little part of her cracked when he said always. Did he really mean that?
She felt him slowly take her into his arms, giving her time to protest. She couldn't, she felt strangely frozen and raw. What he said opened an old wound and it was not helping she was in a vulnerable state already.
"...Do you mean that?" She squeaked in a tiny voice, burring her head into his chest, gripping him tightly, hoping he would not let go.
He was silent for a few moments and her heart picked up. She felt foolish for hoping, it was stupid to-
"Of course, my petite. You can trust me with anything, I will never betray you, I swear" He said in a comforting but strong voice. She bit her lip for her position on his chest and tightened her arms around him.
"Not that... did you mean that... you were here for me? Always here for me?" She said very nervously. Him saying this to her made her hopeful, scared, worried, exited, nervous and a hundred other emotions. She felt a little of her inner walls protecting her heart crumble.
She felt Godric began to move and panicked. She held onto him tighter and started panting.
"No, No, Don't go Godric, I-" She got out, tears flowing freely from her eyes. Bella was terrified of abandonment, after Edward. She could not bare it if Godric left her also.
"Shhh, min kära. I am here, I am not going anywhere I swear. Let me look at you, let me show you what I mean" he spoke such a... caring voice that it warmed her heart. She nodded stiffly and allowed him to move but was ready to grab him in any moment, not that I would work. There was no way she could keep him here, she was weak and slow.
Godric moved down and looked her in the eyes. She gasped at the intensity there. It was dark but even she could she the emotions burning behind her eyes. This seemed to draw her in, like a moth. She felt a tingling warmth in her chest.
"Bella. Listen to me. I do not know where this has come from but believe me when I say that I will always be here for you. This is swear. For as long as you wish, I will be by your side, protecting you, helping you, lo-... I will do everything in my power to keep you happy and safe, believe me. You mean so much to my bloodline in such a short time. Even if the future where you are not a vampire does not exist, you are already a part of my family, my line. There is nothing that can change this, for eternity you can rely on me and I will always be there. Ask Eric, for a thousand years I have been his companion and looked out for him. The only reason I parted from him was to allow Eric to go his own way, live his own life. I will do the same for you if you let me. I will never leave your side if you do not wish so. I swear this to you"
Godric's eyes bored onto hers intensely and she could feel the sincerity pouring off him in waves... it made her feel... well better. It was odd but it felt like her insides had been stitched up, there was a feeling of where an old wound is but it is no longer bleeding, open. She continued staring into Godric's eyes, waiting and feeling. He stared back, remaining still, in only the way a vampire can.
A deep part of her still felt unworthy, useless and that no one would ever stick by her but a small part... a tiny slither started to believe that Godric would. Godric always would. He would be there.
She hadn't noticed that she was crying when he raised his hand and swiped the tears away gently.
"No matter what, I will be here" He said quietly and she sighed, feeling a great weight lifted off her shoulders.
Bella wanted to be close to him again, to feel a connection and for once, did exactly what she wanted. Bella embraced Godric, tucking herself into him. She breathed in his fresh scent and nuzzled him. He began purring and she smiled. She loved it when he purred. His body was comfort, safety, acceptance, friendship, caring and affection. It was everything she wanted. It was blissful. He was blissful.
Afraid her thoughts were taking a dangerous turn she pulled back to look at Godric. He looked at her warmly, his eyes showing their affection for her.
Things were getting a bit too... deep for Bella to handle right now. She didn't want to stop and reflect upon how close she is getting to Godric, she refused to think about it.
"Well, I'd better get some sleep" She said shyly.
Godric nodded and began to pull away from her. No.
"Um, do you mind if we just... cuddle like this? You can leave once I'm asleep" She said quietly and hopefully. She was feeling more comfortable asking for things she wanted and expressing herself to Godric.
"Of course, Bella. Sleep Well, little one" He whispered. Bella fell asleep, feeling safe, comfortable and accepted.
A/N: I hope you are all liking the progression in the relationship, emotionally and physically. I want to make this realistic and both Bella and Godric have deep emotional scares. I am hoping to show that they are helping each other to heal. I don't want to give too much way about how I am going to progress the relationship because I love hearing your interpretations and idea's about my story. It's great seeing my work from a different perspective. So as always, i would love if you left a review!