Chapter Five

Lily had a hard time focusing on her classes that day. She kept looking over at James, feeling scared, and nervous, and just all around confused. She had never felt the way she felt the other night, around him before but she was terrified of him, of his old self, of getting closer to him.

She decided she would avoid him until she could make up her mind. She didn't want to lead him on or hurt him, and she didn't know how else to handle how she felt. So she kept to herself. She stayed extra late in the library in the evenings and wouldn't leave her room if she was in their common room. She stayed this way for another good month, until Christmas was approaching.

Lily decided she couldn't handle going home for the holidays, so she was, instead, going to spend the holidays at the school. Something that hardly any students did. She honestly couldn't wait for the quiet, calmness of the school.

Everyone was starting to pack up, getting ready for the departure back home, including James. But he and his friends noticed that she was not joining in the packing.

"Are you not going home?" Remus asked, the evening before they would all leave.

"No. Not this year." Lily said, with a cold, sad gleam in her eyes.

"How come?" James asked before Remus could respond. He looked worried and it made Lily feel small.

"I just don't want to." She said looking away, scared to look into his troubled eyes.

The next morning Lily woke just in time to see James hauling his bag out of his bedroom. He stopped to smile at her, say good morning, and then continued to take his bag out to the main common room.

"You going to be okay by yourself?" James asked after putting his bag down. He still had his worried look. She didn't like feeling weak and pathetic so she put on her bravest face.

"Of course Potter. I'm a big girl. It's just some dumb holiday, I'm not missing out on anything anyway." She said as straight faced as possible so he couldn't see her emotions through her words.

He accepted her response, wished her a good Christmas and left.

She felt alone.

No, she thought. I'm not allowed to feel alone, I wanted this!

When Christmas came, Lily looked at her few presents waiting for her in the common room. There was one from her mum, one from Remus, and one from her sister. She opened the one from her mum, and it was a beautiful leather notebook for her to write in it. Then she opened the gift from Remus. It was a copy of The Tales of Beetle the Bard, a book of short stories for children. He always told her about the book, and how no person should go through their whole life without the pleasure of reading it. It made Lily smile.

Then she just stared at her sisters present. Lily had a bad feeling about it and was too scared to open it. She put it on her desk, beside the couch and left the room. It sat there, untouched for the rest of the holidays and was still sitting there when James got back.

"Have a good Christmas, Evans?" James asked as he tugged his bag through the doorway.

"It was fine. How was yours?" Lily asked, trying to get the topic off of her. James put his bag down and looked up, surprised she had asked him.

"It was good, thanks..." he trailed off as he looked around and noticed the present sitting on her desk.

"You missed one, Evans!" He walked over and picked it up. But as he looked down and saw that it was from Petunia, Lily's sister, he frowned.

"I know..."

"Aren't you going to open it? Maybe it's an apology or that she misses you." He looked up at her but she couldn't look back at him. She didn't want him to see the fear in her eyes at the idea of what could be inside the present.

James clearly noticed because he sat down beside her on the couch.

"I'm right here, if it ends up being something that upsets you. Whether it makes you cry, laugh, or simply need a hug, I'm right here." He handed her the present and reluctantly, Lily took it.

She slowly opened one end of the wrapping and a little beaded bracelet fell out. Lily's heart immediately felt like it got stomped on.

"That's pretty, did she make it for you?" James asked but then noticed the look on Lily's face. She shoved the bracelet to the side, as if she was scared to touch it, and pulled out the letter that came with it.

Lily,

I am giving back the bracelet you once made for me when we were kids. I can't look at it any longer because it reminds me of how you abandoned me 6 years ago. Of how you left me behind like I was nothing. I hope you like your monstrosity of a school and your freaky friends because their your family now. I officially declare that you are not my sister anymore. I hate you and your life. You just couldn't be any happier to find out your were so different from me, when I thought you were better than that. I am about to move on and have my own life and I suggest you do the same thing. No point in pretending we are family anymore.

And it just ended. No signature, no nothing. It struck Lily hard, and her hand was shaking almost too much to put the letter down. She was too shocked to even cry.

"Lily?" James said, worried. She couldn't speak, she just handed him the letter to read for himself. She stood up, grabbed the bracelet and started walking towards the door.

"Lily, where are you going?" Jame asked, standing up, still holding onto the letter.

"There's something I need to do. Are you coming?" She asked, looking up at him, and seeing him for what felt like the first time. His shaggy hair, nearly covering his glasses, the look of betrayal and sadness behind those glasses. The softness of his features, the kindest lips, the most gentle face. How had she not noticed him mature so much? He wasn't the little brat he used to be, but a man who feels and is there for the people who matter to him.

He threw down the letter and started following her down the hallway.

"Where are we going, you know its after dark and we aren't supposed to be out of bed."

"You'll see. I need to do this tonight while I still have it in me to do it." She kept walking and headed out the side door leading outside. This door only leads to Hagrids Hut, so it is always left unlocked.

She walked straight past the hut, and right towards the lake. When they got to the dock, she just stood there for a minute, looking at the fragile little bracelet in her hands. She glanced up at James, who nodded at her, and looked back down and ripped the bracelet in half.

"This is for you Petunia. For all the nasty things you've ever said about me. For doubting me instead of supporting me." And she chucked the bracelet pieces as hard as she could into the lake. She watched them sink, and then started to sink down to the dock herself. Once sitting on her bents legs, she started crying and laughing.

Confused, James sat down beside her and looked at her questionably.

"I have the worst throw in the whole world!" She managed to get out, which made her laugh even harder. James looked taken back at first, for Lily couldn't recall a time he had ever seen her laugh, but soon enough, he joined her. He laughed with her until her laughs turned into sobs and he, at once, put his arm around her for support.

After a few minutes of silence and tears, Lily calmed down a bit. She didn't know how she would have handled that night, if James wasn't there to comfort her.

"Thank you. Not just for coming down here with me in the middle of the night, but just for being there for me, especially when I don't deserve it." She said, looking him in the eyes. He smiled, his arm still around her tightening.

"You deserve to have someone looking out for you. And if you let me, I will always be that someone." He said. Lily could feel her heart beat faster, she could feel her cheeks turn hot. She would normally hate him for saying things like that, because he was always the last type of person she wanted in her life. But this time felt different. She didn't know what to think of it.

She was scared to confront these feelings, so she quickly changed the topic to calm her heart down.

"You know, I never thought that you could be so comforting. I regret never giving us the chance to be friends. Maybe we can change that?" James smiled again, touching her cheek with his other hand, and said, "I would love that."