AS ALWAYS EVERYTHING BELONGS TO STEPHANIE MEYERS.
14. GRADUATION
With graduation around the corner, my time was running out. Convincing her to wait appeared to be a waste of my breath, not that I needed said breath, but she was so stubborn. With my offer –of changing her myself, once we married –still lingering in the air, providing me with a little bit of hope that she would accept because I had no other plan. I had no good reason for her to wait except my own aversion to destroying her soul, but nothing else.
My family remained uncooperative because they were just as eager to have Bella join our family as she was. All they considered was my happiness, and I was happy for the first time in a century and that provided them reason enough to be on her side, unethical as it may be. The fact that they valued my happiness over her life was absurd, and there was no way on earth I could tolerate that. Nevertheless, at this point, there was no way to stop them, Carlisle had given his word to Bella, and he would never go back on his word.
As the days quickly passed, Monday turning into Tuesday, Tuesday becoming Wednesday, our impending graduation loomed less than a week away. Adding to my anguish were the events awaiting us after graduation. We were still unable to figure out who was after us and had finally decided to pay a visit to Seattle. I was hopeful we would have resolution to this situation quickly.
As quickly as my nerves were settling –with the Seattle issue –they began stretching tighter than piano wire, again. Alice chose now, to have her talk with Bella about her graduation party. I remained unwilling to have any part of this. Alice once again, picked the perfect moment to bring it up. Alice needed a lesson about timing and I would provide her with that… sooner or later.
"YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS," Bella said Wednesday afternoon. "You've completely lost your mind!"
"Say whatever you like about me," Alice answered. "They party is still on."
Bella stared at her with wide disbelieving eyes.
I ignored them because I wasn't willing to say anything, getting into the middle of this was not my desire. This was all on Alice.
"Oh, calm down, Bella! There's no reason not to go through with it. Besides, the invitations are already sent."
"But… the… you… I… insane!" she prattled.
"You've already bought my present," Alice reminded her. "You don't have to do anything but show up."
Bella attempted to calm herself. "With everything that is going on right now, a party is hardly appropriate."
"Graduation is what's going on right now, and a party is so appropriate it's almost passé."
"Alice!"
Alice sighed, attempting to be serious. "There are a few things we need to get in order now, and that's going to take a little time. As long as we're sitting here waiting, we might as well commemorate the good stuff. You're only going to graduate from high school –for the first time –once. You don't get to be human again, Bella. This is a once-in-a-lifetime shot."
I remained silent through their little argument. The tone of this conversation was taking a turn that I refused to listen to, prompting me to flash Alice a warning look. She in turn responded as only she could –by sticking her tongue out at me.
"What few things do we need to get in order?" Bella asked.
Alice answered in a low voice. "Jasper thinks we could use some help. Tanya's family isn't the only choice we have. Carlisle's trying to track down a few old friends, and Jasper is looking up Peter and Charlotte. He's considering talking to Maria… but no one really wants to involve the southerners."
Alice shuddered delicately.
"It shouldn't be too hard to convince them to help," I continued. "Nobody wants a visit from Italy."
"But these friends –they're not going to be… vegetarians, right?" Bella protested.
"No," I answered softly.
Thinking of having them near Forks… and Bella… disturbed me. She was probably horrified at the thought.
"Here? In Forks?"
"They're friends," Alice assured her. "Everything's going to be fine. Don't worry. And then, Jasper has to teach us a few courses on newborn elimination…"
This was the best part of this scenario, learning new things always appealed to me, as it was so rare that I had the opportunity. Prompting a smile to spread across my face.
"When are you going?" Bella asked in a hollow voice. Worry spread across her face.
"A week," I said casually. "That ought to give us enough time."
"You look green, Bella," Alice commented.
I put my arm around her and pulled her tightly against my side. "It's going to be fine, Bella. Trust me."
She sat silently processing all that we had revealed to her. The quieter she became, the more concerned I grew. This was the exact reason I attempted to shield her from all of this. Her having this knowledge would only cause her to worry, unnecessarily. Thanks to Jacob, keeping things from her would be impossible.
"You're looking for help," she said slowly.
"Yes," Alice's head cocked to the side, processing the change in her voice.
Bella looked only at Alice when she answered. Leaving me to believe I would not like her response. Then she shockingly whispered. "I could help."
Immediately my body tensed harder than a brick wall as my arms squeezed too tightly around her and I exhaled a hiss. How could I response to such an absurd statement?
Alice was the one who answered calmly. "That really wouldn't be helpful."
"Why not?" Bella argued. "Eight is better than seven. There's more than enough time."
"There's not enough time to make you helpful, Bella," Alice disagreed coolly. "Do you remember how Jasper described the young ones? You'd be no good in a fight. You wouldn't be able to control your instincts, and that would make you an easy target. And then Edward would get hurt trying to protect you," Alice folded her arms across her chest, pleased with her unassailable logic.
Bella slumped down in defeat… her hopefulness suddenly vanished.
I relaxed knowing this subject was closed. I peered at Bella and could tell she was distressed. I loved that she would risk life and limb to help us, but also knew it was necessary in this case. She wouldn't be ready in time to fight, which was a relief to me. I needed more time to change her mind. I wanted to lighten up the tension that had form and needed to say something.
I whispered in Bella's ear. "Not because you're afraid."
"Oh," Alice said with a blank look crossing her face. Then her expression became sourly. "I hate last-minute cancellations. So that put the party attendance list down to sixty-five…"
"Sixty-five!" Bella's eyes bulged again.
"Who canceled?" I wondered, ignoring Bella.
"Renee."
"What?" Bella gasped.
"She was going to surprise you for your graduation, but something went wrong. You'll have a message when you get home."
Well, that's disappointing as I was looking forward to seeing Renee again. Spending time in Florida was enjoyable. Bella was probably relieved being one less person at her so-called graduation party.
The message light was flashing when we got to Bella's house. Listening to the message, it appeared that Phil had had an accident on the ball field –while demonstrating a slide, he'd tangled up with the catcher and broken his thigh bone; he was entirely dependent on Renee, and there was no way she could leave him. She was still apologizing when the message cut off.
"Well, that's one," Bella sighed.
"One what?" I asked.
"One person I don't have to worry about getting killed this week."
I rolled my eyes casually, but having her speak that way was disturbing. I wish that she would more faith that we would take care of this and that there would be no human casualties. What would I have to say to make her believe me?
"Why won't you and Alice take this seriously?" she demanded. "This is serious."
I smiled. "Confidence."
"Wonderful," she grumbled.
She picked up the phone and dialed Renee's number. She mostly listened and reassured Renee ever time she could get a word in that she wasn't disappointed, that she wasn't mad, and that she wasn't hurt. Under normal circumstance's I'd know when she was lying, but at this time, I knew she wasn't. She was happy Renee wouldn't be in Forks while we were in this situation, and if she knew of any way to get Charlie out of Forks, she would use it.
I stood patiently next to Bella playing with her hair, while she was conversing with Renee. Every time she looked up at me I smiled. Whenever she looked at me, her beauty took my breath away. She ended the conversation with the normal pleasantries under the circumstances, telling Phil to 'get well soon', and promising to call with all the details of the graduation ceremony.
As soon as she hung up the phone, she stretched onto her tiptoes to kiss me. I put my hands around her waist and lifted her onto the kitchen counter so she wouldn't have to reach as far. She locked her arms around my neck and legs around my waist, crushing herself to my chest.
All too soon… I pulled away.
She pouted which made me laugh as I extricated myself from her. I leaned against the counter next to her placing one arm lightly around her shoulder.
"I know you think I have some kind of perfect, unyielding self-control, but that's not actually the case."
"I wish," she sighed.
I sighed, too.
"After school tomorrow," I said, changing the subject. "I'm going hunting with Carlisle, Esme, and Rosalie. Just for a few hours –we'll stay close. Alice, Jasper, and Emmett should be able to keep you safe."
"Ugh," she grumbled. "I hate being babysat."
"It's temporary," I promised.
"Jasper will be bored. Emmett will make fun of me."
"They'll be on their best behavior."
"Right," she grumbled.
She thought for a moment. "You know… I haven't been to La Push since the bonfire."
I thought about that but did not find the idea appealing. However, I had taken a new direction when it came to our relationship, so if she desired to be in La Push, then so be it.
"I'd be safe enough there," she reminded me.
As much as I wished to refuse her request and as difficult as it would be to say yes, I had to. "You're probably right," was all I could manage to produce.
She scrutinized my face for a moment, as I kept it perfectly smooth. "Are you thirsty already?" she asked, reaching up to stroke beneath my eyes.
"Not really," I answered reluctantly knowing an explanation was in order, but unhappy about giving one. "We want to be as strong as possible," I explained, still reluctant. "We'll probably hunt again on the way, looking for big game."
"That makes you stronger?"
Searching her face for any signs of stress, there were none.
"Yes," I finally said. "Human blood makes us the strongest, though only fractionally. Jasper's been thinking about cheating –adverse as he is to the idea, he's nothing if not practical –but he won't suggest it. He knows what Carlisle will say."
"Would that help?" she quietly.
Help with the present situation… yes. But, at what price? I was unwilling to pay the price –taking an innocent life –to ensure our own survival. That would make us no better than the newborns.
"It doesn't matter. We aren't going to change who we are."
She frowned. Even though I couldn't read her mind, I knew what she was thinking. If she processed this long enough, she'd come to the same conclusion we have. One life is worth no more than another, no matter whose it was.
I was uncomfortable with the turn this conversation was taking and decided to change the subject. "That's why they're so strong, of course. The newborns are full of human blood –their own blood, reacting to the change. It lingers in the tissues and strengthens them. Their bodies use it up slowly, like Jasper said, the strength starting to wane after about a year."
"How strong will I be?"
Here we go again, turning the subject to one, I was unwilling to discuss. "Stronger than I am."
"Stronger than Emmett?"
That gave me a brilliant idea. "Yes. Do me a favor and challenge him to an arm-wrestling match. It would be a good experience for him."
She laughed, but I was serious.
She sighed, hopping down from the counter, deciding it was time to cram for finals. We sat at the kitchen table… she studied while I tutored her. She was cramming for History and Calculus. After a while, she took a break to call Jacob.
I stood next to her and played with her hair, once again. She spoke to him for a short while and asked permission to visit the next afternoon. As I had previously assumed, he was delighted telling her to show up as soon as it was plausible. For her happiness, I would accept their friendship, even though it made me discontented. Revealing to her how I felt about their relationship was unacceptable because I knew that one day that friendship would no longer exist. I understood the truth and would wait patiently for that day to arrive.
The next afternoon I insisted on driving her to the boundary line. Although she thought it was childish, it was my only request in allowing her to visit Jacob. I would never allow her to drive there alone, anything could happen along the way.
"So how do you feel you did on your exams?" I asked on the way, making small talk.
"History was easy, but I don't know about the Calculus. It seemed like it was making sense, so that probably means I failed."
I laughed. "I'm sure you did fine. Or, if you're really worried, I could bribe Mr. Varner to give you an A."
"Err, thanks, but no thanks."
Laughing again, I suddenly stopped when we came around the last bend and I saw his car waiting for her. Listening to that dog was becoming very annoying. I parked the car and sighed.
"What's wrong?" she asked as her hand reached for the door.
Shaking my head. "Nothing," I said, as I stared through the windshield toward his car, listening.
"You're not listening to Jacob, are you?" she accused.
"It's not easy to ignore someone when he's shouting."
"Oh," she paused for a moment. "What's he shouting?" she whispered.
"I'm absolutely certain he'll mention it himself," I said.
Jacob impatiently honked twice.
"That's impolite," I growled.
"That's Jacob," was all she said, as she hurried out the door.
Watching her walk away from me as she headed toward him, I saw the images in his head, which were making me anxious. By the time she arrived at his car, I was angry… too angry… down right staring as she climbed in his car. It was time to leave, for if I remained one more second I would certainly…
Pressing on the gas, I spun the car around and headed home. His thoughts played in my mind over and over like a broken record. I had prior knowledge of his attempt and the day had arrived that he would try to convince her that she belonged with him, which made allowing her to leave excruciating. This was the day… the day I'd been dreading… since she began conversing with him again. For this was the day he would declare his love for her. Another long day would plague me.
How could I do it? How could I just let her walk away from me, without even attempting to stop her? How foolish was I? Would this be the last time I saw her? No, the answer was always, no. She loved me! She'd made it clear on more than one occasion, and I'd have to trust that her love would bring her back? She couldn't fall for him; he had nothing to offer her. Certainly she could do better than some… Dog!
Arriving home I was not surprised that Alice was waiting for me. I pulled into the garage and glared at her making it apparent that I didn't want to discuss anything. As usual, she didn't pay me any mind.
Edward, forget him. She will, when she comes home. she said as I stepped out of the car.
"Do you know that for certain, Alice? Or are you making a guess?" I snapped at her.
"For certain," she replied.
"Really, so you've seen this?" I accused.
"No. But, I know women, are you forgetting, I am one. Trust me when I tell you, she'll be back," she offered.
"I'll trust you when she's home safe with me!" I said, turning to go into the house. Alice followed along with more thoughts in her head that I didn't want to hear, but couldn't tune out.
Edward, he's a dog. She'd never chose him over you. She loves you way too much for that. She's going to marry you, and she's going to be…
"Alice… please… that's enough. No more. I will listen to no more," I snapped.
"Fine, but it's the truth," she said as she flew passed me into the house.
I proceeded into the house everyone was waiting patiently for me.
"Are we ready to go?" Carlisle asked.
"Sure," I answered.
"Yeah, he'll be a lot of fun today," Alice answered sourly.
"Alice, give me a break," I retorted.
"Alice, leave Edward alone," Carlisle demanded.
"Fine. I'm sorry, Edward," she said.
Nodding at her was all I was able to manage.
With Bella safely away, and Charlie safe at work, we all had the opportunity to hunt today. We left the house for the woods, running away from Forks and deeper into the forest. We were extremely careful when hunting, not to upset the balance of nature. We usually attempted to find areas that were over populated. Those were Carlisle's rules that we followed quite easily.
Arriving at our chosen destination, everyone was all business, with the exception of myself. Not being able to put Jacob's words out of my head, my imagination was running wild. Growing angrier by the minute, my mind ran through several scenarios, all ending troublesome for me. With him about to declare his love for her, where would that leave me? What would happen if she chose him? What would I do?
With several questions swirling my mind, there were no answers in sight. Waiting for this day to end, for answers to the questions I had, seemed unbearable. Waiting was not my strongest quality, and yet, that's how I appeared to spend most of my time. When would all these questions come to an end? When would I know for certain that I was meant for her and she for me?
"Edward, we came here for a purpose!" Carlisle pulled me from my thoughts.
"I know, but I have a lot on my mind," I answered.
"What's troubling you?" he asked.
"It's nothing," I lied.
"Tell me, perhaps I can help," Carlisle suggested.
"I'm just worried about Bella right now," I said quietly.
"She'll be safe with them, Edward," Carlisle said.
"It's not where she is, that's the problem. It's who she's with," I answered.
"Oh… well, she's been with him before. I don't see the problem?" He questioned.
"Carlisle, there were things he was planning to tell her today. Things I'm not certain how she'll react to. By my estimations it could go either way, I can't be sure," I confessed.
"Well, Edward, she's going to have to make a decision. Whatever she decides, we'll have to deal with it. But if I know her, as well as I think I do, you have nothing to worry about. She's very much in love with you and that's rare. You don't give that up easily, as you already know," Carlisle offered.
"Thank you, Carlisle. I appreciate your confidence," I answered quietly, not certain I could believe what he was telling me.
"Now, we have things to prepare for, and sitting around here is not getting the job so let's go!" he said.
"Fine, let's get to it, then," I said rising from the ground.
We spent the rest of the afternoon hunting. When everyone had enough, we started for home. Half way I stopped prompting Esme to do the same. She stood staring at me for a moment. Cocking her head to the side she spoke.
"Go, Edward, we'll see you at home," She said quietly.
"Thanks, Esme. I'll be back soon." I said turning and running in the opposite direction. Picking up speed, my desire to be there was overwhelming and I couldn't get there quick enough. Coming upon my destination, I slowed to a walk. With all the beauty this place holds, I always felt safe here. Walking to the center of my meadow, I collapsed to the ground and fell on my back. Coming here always eased my mind.
Being here reminded me of everything we shared, and Carlisle was correct, she did love me. Looking around this magical place alleviated me from my thoughts for the first time since leaving her with him today. I was grateful for the memories that came rushing back every time I entered this wondrous place. When I returned here I remember all my happy memories with Bella. Every moment spent with her was wonderful and I had not had enough yet. More time was something I had come to desire in the past year. My existence had simply become about having more time. When did that happen?
I had spent the last century with all the time in the world and suddenly, it felt like time was running out. I wanted more time with Bella… wanted more time for her to be human… but all that seemed doubtful, at the present time. Time was a request I had asked for quite often, but appeared to be very improbable I would be granted. It felt as if the world was against me and that all of my attempts to rectify the situation were failing.
With my existence spiraling out of control and my world falling apart, I wasn't sure how to proceed. It seemed to me that everything had suddenly spun out of my control, and this was not the way I had existed before. Control was a key role in my existence and I didn't know how to exist without it. Gaining back control would be my newest priority and I would begin with finding our visitor and extinguishing him… once and for all.
If I were required to do that, then I would need to be as strong as I could possibly be, which would require me to hunt a little more. Rising from the ground, I immediately went to work. Filling myself beyond full, gluttonous really, but it worked to the extent animal blood could. Jasper was right –human blood would be more efficient- and for the slightest moment I envisioned this. I needed an edge, one that would make us stronger, would there really be any harm in… Yes, the answer was always, yes.
Why was I even entertaining these thoughts? I would never allow that to occur… to even imagine it, for one second, was immoral. Killing an innocent victim, for my personal gain, was utterly evil, producing these images made me depraved. Shaking those images from my head I caught a glimpse of Alice, who was standing a little off to my right. The expression on her face was all I needed to see to know she saw my snap decision.
Edward, it's not that bad. I promise, she said quietly.
"I know… I know, Alice. I was just thinking. I would never…" unable to finish.
"We're going to be fine. No matter what Jasper thinks, we'll all be okay," she offered.
"You don't know that for certain," I answered.
"I have to believe it'll be fine. We will be victorious. If I didn't think that, I wouldn't let anyone of us go. Losing one of us is out of the question. We're strong enough and we have more advantages then they do. You and I alone make up for anything they could bring forth. So, don't worry so much. We'll go take care of this with no problem."
"Yeah, right. No problem. Sure," I answered glumly.
"Edward, we're stronger than you think. We're ready," she snapped.
"Fine… if you say so," I said coldly.
"You aren't still worried about what's going on with Bella, are you?" she asked.
"What?" I asked not really wanting to hear the question.
"Are you concerned about what's happening with Bella?" she asked.
"Of course I am!" was all I could muster.
She laughed. "Edward, stop it. She's in love with you."
"She loves him too. Alice, you don't know. You don't know how much it hurt her when they weren't speaking," I argued.
"No, I don't. But I did see when you left her… that was the worse thing I've ever witnessed," I cringed when she said this. I had seen what Bella was like through Jacob's thoughts. "That was the worst period in her life, Edward. Nothing compared to that, her and Jacob aren't even close," she finished.
"Alice, she could change her mind, humans do that all the time," I reminded her.
"No, Edward. Women don't just change their minds. Geez… you're so silly," she was smiling.
"Alice, it's possible," I snapped angrily.
"Trust me, Edward, it's not possible. Once you've found that kind of love, you never let it go. You don't find someone else. This is a once in a lifetime thing. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about," she ended with.
Everyone had gone back to the house, and it was time to follow. Alice and I said no more words and ran through the forest in the direction of the house.
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