Chapter Seven

After weeks of secret meetings and lessons in the room of requirement, or currently known as the Order of the Phoenix headquarters, Lily and the other 8 students were being taught all sorts of different hexes and curses that could be used against death eaters.

She was doing well, she thought. James was helping her more than the others but she didn't mind. Remus was a great teacher, along with Sirius giving examples of all the spells on the dummies, while James gave her special pointers and tips.

She was really proud of how much she was learning. That was, until, the latest lesson happened. James was teaching them about the patronus, possibly the hardest spell they would ever learn.

"In order to succeed at the patronus charm, you have to begin with a happy memory. Not just any happy memory, but one that means so much to you, that the quality of the memory can bring you out of any sadness or fear. It has to be a powerful memory, that is crucial. After that, the spell is easy. Let me show you."

"Expecto Patronum" He barely whispered, and the bright white light emerged from his wand, creating the image of a stag. It was beautiful, Lily thought. She could see how it would repel the darkness.

And so, like the other students, Lily practised and practised their whole lesson but it just wouldn't work for her. She tried to find that perfect happy memory. The time she and her sister made a pact to always look out for one another. The last time her father ever took her to the zoo. When she first got her Hogwarts letter. But none of them were good enough.

After the lesson was over and everyone was leaving, Lily stayed. She just stood still, wanting to cry at her failure. She backed up against the wall, and slid down it until she was sitting on the floor.

"Lily?" James asked, noticing she was still there as he was about to leave. He walked over and sat down next to her.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't understand why I couldn't do it. I have never failed at a spell before." She said, looking down at her knees, sniffling.

"You didn't fail. To fail means you didn't try. You have no idea how many tries it took me to get it to work. How about this, if you go get some dinner with me, and relax tonight, I will help you with the spell tomorrow after classes. I will stay up all night with you, if I have to, until you can do it, because I know you will get it."

Lily agreed, and headed down to the dining hall with James. After dinner, James asked her to read him her favourite book. He must have been trying to distract her from thinking about the lesson, because the last time she was reading that book, he was making fun of it. But she read it to him anyway, until they both fell asleep.

The next day, after lessons, Lily waited in the corridor outside of the room of requirement where they agreed to meet. She was beginning to worry that she would fail again and that James would see she's not the smart witch he thought she was.

"So, take a minute to think over what happy memory your going to use." James said, once they were inside and ready to begin.

"I've tried... But I can't think of any other memory." She said, sulking, sitting down on the step by the door.

"You can't give up, yet. Just try thinking. It doesn't matter how small the memory is, just as long as the thought of it, is enough to make you feel warm inside, to make you feel giddy, makes you forget everything else for a split second."

So she tried. She thought of the first time she used a spell, and the excitement that filled her. "Expecto Patronum"... nothing.

"Try again!" James said, nodding in support.

The first time she met Severus, how excited she was to know she was sane and normal, and not alone. "Expecto Patronum!" But again nothing happened.

"I can't do it, James. I can't."

James stood in front of her, took both of her hands in his, and looked her in the eye.

"I believe in you. Lily. You can do this. Don't even think about it, that is how it will come to you."

The feeling of her hands in his, made her heart skip a beat. She got goosebumps from the touch and as she looked up at him, it came flooding to her. The memory of the first time James Potter told Lily he loved her.

It was the end of 3rd year, they were getting ready to head up to the train, when Lily found herself alone with James for a second. He apologized, for the millionth time over something he had done. But he grabbed her hands, just as he had a moment ago, and confessed his love for her.

"Lily, I have been in love with you since the day I met you on the train. Not a day goes by that I don't feel it. I know I am a jerk, and don't deserve someone as amazing as you, but I have never felt like this, nor do I think I will ever feel like this about anyone."

Lily had gotten the same goose bump feeling, and went home that summer, unable to think of anything except about James. Of course, when 4th year had started, the first thing James did was threaten Severus, which made her forget about her feelings out of anger.

"I think I have my memory." Lily said after a few moments. Taking her hands out of James's, she grabbed her wand.

"Expecto Patronum!" And a huge flash of white shot out and formed the image of a doe. Both Lily and James just stared at it for several seconds. She couldn't believe that she had finally done it, but it almost frightened her, what memory it took to do it. What did it mean?

"That's a doe..." James said, amazed.

"Yes... so?" Lily asked quickly and quietly.

"Your patronus is a doe and mine is a stag. Curious don't you think? What was the memory you chose?" James asked, looking from where the doe stood, to her.

Lily was scared to answer. She didn't want James to know the memory was about him. She didn't want to change the friendship they had now.

"A memory for only my mind, Potter. We better go get dinner." She turned around and went for the door before he replied.