Chapter Eight

"Her patronus was a doe! That has to mean something right? I mean aren't they some what connected to what the memory is associated with it?" James, exhaustingly exclaimed to his friend Remus.

"Did she say what her memory was?" But James just shook his head and looked away.

"You think it was about you, don't you?" Remus read his mind. He wished it was about him and was so scared to say it out loud and find out he's wrong.

"Kind of... It would make sense though, wouldn't it? "James asked, "If it was about me, wouldn't a doe, which is the same animal as a stag, be the most likely?

"Well, yes but that doesn't mean that's the only reason it could be a doe. Maybe I can try to talk to her."

"That would be awesome Remus! I would owe you my life!"

"Well I don't think that would be necessary but I will see what I can do. I probably won't be studying with her again until maybe next week, I will ask then."

That seemed like such a long time to wait, but James agreed. He just hoped that it didn't make Lily feel uncomfortable enough to avoid him again.

He headed up to his common room and found her sitting on the couch reading. He smiled, because he knew it was a good sign. If she didn't want to see him, she would have stayed in her bedroom.

"Hi..." James stammered. He suddenly felt nervous and couldn't get any other words out.

"Hi." Lily said with a small, sweet smile. But he just stood there looking at her, still unable to get any words. He felt like an idiot.

"Are you alright?" Lily asked, when she noticed his awkwardness.

"Yeah! Are you?" James asked so quickly and enthusiastic that it almost scared himself. Why was he being like that, he thought. Why was it, that just standing there looking at her, thinking about her doe, he felt like he couldn't breath?

"Yes... I'm alright" She looked confused, "What are you up to?"

"I don't really know to be honest." He said, immediately regretting admitting that. What an idiot.

"Well, I'm starting to feel too cooped up, so I think I'm going to get fresh air and go for a walk. Would you like to join?" She was smiling again and it made his heart melt. Why was it he was so in love with her, and she couldn't see it?

"I would love to. Quidditch practice is in half an hour, maybe we can slowly make our way in that direction and then you can watch us practice?" He knew it was a fat chance she would want to watch a boring practice but he tried anyway.

"Sure." She exclaimed as she stood up and reached for her sweater.

And so they walked. James could tell Lily was cold, as he noticed the breeze blow through her long, thick, red hair and tangle it. She shivered every time but didn't let it tear off the smile she wore.

After a few minutes of walking, he realized that he had been staring at her the whole time, and quickly turned his head straight and hoped she didn't notice. She looked happy, carefree, so kind. His heart was pounding and his mind clouded thinking about her that when she spoke, it almost startled him.

"Are you scared?"

"Scared? Of what?" James looked up at her and saw that, even though her face was bright and happy, that her eyes had fear in them. He stopped walking and faced her. "What are you scared about?"

"You know... Voldemort. And Death Eaters... All the killings." She said quietly, the light fading from her cheeks.

"A little, I guess. But I try not to think about it. Fear will draw the negative things towards us, right? We just have to take it day by day and not worry about it until we need to." He said, trying to sound as brave as he could. But in reality he was terrified. They were sheltered at the school, protected. But they only had a few more months left of that protection before they were on their own.

"Yeah. You're right." Lily said, as she wrapped her arms around each other, trying to keep warm.

"Maybe instead of a walk, we should go to the kitchens for a hot drink?"

Lily smiled again, and together they walked back to the school.

"Hey Lily?" James asked, as they were sitting back in the common room, with hot chocolates in hand.

"Yes, James?"'

"Somethings been bothering me for a while now, do you mind if I ask you something?"

"yeah, what is it?" Lily said, putting her drink down to face James and listen.

"Well, when you were telling me about all the memories that didn't work when you were practising the patronus, you mentioned one about the last time your father took you to the zoo... Well, what did you mean by the last time, exactly? If you don't mind me asking." He saw her look down for a second and then look back up at him, as if unsure how to answer.

"He's... Well, he's dead."

James didn't know what to say. He felt horrible for asking and bringing it up. He didn't know how to respond or if he should change the subject. But Lily noticed his concern.

"It happened when I was in 3rd year. He died from Cancer. It's okay though, I sort of got to say goodbye and he's no longer in pain." She said, as if trying to make him feel better about asking about it.

"What do you mean by 'sort of'?" James asked, watching her carefully, making sure he wouldn't say anything to upset her.

"I saw him during Christmas, when we knew he was on his deathbed. We got to talk, to spend time together, to say goodbye. He didn't die though, until 3 weeks after school started again, so I wasn't actually there to say goodbye."

"I'm sorry to hear about that, Lily. That must have been really hard." James looked down, thinking about all the times he bullied her in 3rd year, when she kept refusing to go out with him. He felt completely awful about it.

"I guess I didn't make that year any easier for you..." He said, unable to look at her.

"It was a distraction, not that it didn't make me any less angry." She said, "But that was years ago and doesn't matter anymore. You aren't pranking me anymore!" She smiled, trying to lighten the mood.

James smiled back, and laughed a little. Her eyes were starry and bright and her smile made him lose his breath. He was falling even deeper in love with her.

"Oh, aren't you supposed to be at quidditch practice in a few minutes?" Lily suddenly exclaimed. He was so distracted from Lily that he had completely forgot.

"Something more important came up, actually." Lily gave him a confused look but he just smiled, "I have got to take an amazing girl for a ride around the lake, which is a stunning view at this time of day, as a my way of making up for all the pranks I ever pulled." He winked, gabbed her hand and headed to the doorway, grabbing his broom along the way.