Chapter Nine

Lily couldn't believe how beautiful the lake looked from up high in the sky. It was one of her favourite experiences, even if she was terrified of heights and clutched onto James as hard as she could. It was well worth it.

Each day from then, she felt more calm and peaceful. She lifted a huge weight off her shoulder, finally telling someone about her father, having someone to really talk to about things. She's had friends in the past, but not once did she ever feel comfortable enough to share half things she was comfortable enough to share with James. It was a feeling that started coming so naturally around him.

A few days later though, she was forced to confront her feelings. Remus and her, were studying outside, they were reading their potions books and brainstorming for their papers. Lily was so focused on what she was reading that she almost didn't hear Remus's question.

"So, I heard your patronus was a doe. Weird, huh?" She knew instantly that James had told him.

"how is that weird? So, its a doe..." She said, trying to hide the shaking in her voice. Why did he care?

"Just, it's interesting that yours and Jame's patronuses are so similar. I mean, your memory wasn't about him, was it?" Should she tell him? Lily knew someone was bound to figure it out, so maybe she should tell Remus. He was a loyal friend after all.

"If I were to tell you what memory I chose, you wouldn't tell anyone, right? Especially James?" She asked, watching his eyes, watching for the trusting look he always gives her. "I won't tell anyone anything if you don't want me to." He said, smiling at her.

"Well, it honestly kind of scares me, that this was the only memory that was happy enough to work. I didn't think the memory made me feel the way it does. But... It was from the first time he ever told me he loved me." She admitted, scared to look up.

"Really? Why do you think that was the memory that worked?"

"I don't know. He just sort of touched my hand and the memory came rushing into my head. It freaked me out, Remus."

"Do you like him? I mean, I know you always so you don't and I know that he's hurt you in the past, but maybe you've just been to scared to admit to yourself that you like him back because of everything in the past." Lily didn't like how much sense that made. She didn't say anything for a few moments, and just thought about what he had said. Did she like him? Was that why she was getting butterflies around him? Why her heart fluttered every time he touched her or stood closely? She slowly looked back up at Remus.

"Maybe."

"It's okay if you do. You owe it to yourself to follow your heart and to truly be happy. "

"No, it's not okay! He destroyed my relationship with my best friend, he has only shown me his immoral, mean side!" But before she could say anything more, Remus cut in.

"While that is accurate, it's not all entirely true. Yes, he made mistakes, effecting you in the process, and trust me, he is terribly sorry for it all, I know cause I have to hear about it all the time. But look at the last few weeks with him. He's changed, you've changed. You're both noticeably brighter and happier when your with each other. But even if you decide you're not ready to act on your feelings, I think he deserves to know the memory." He patted her shoulder, and then went back to his book. But Lily couldn't concentrate any longer. She just stared at the ground, thinking about everything that Remus just said to her.

That night, Lily couldn't sleep. She sat at her window and stared out at the stars for what felt like half the night. Did she like James Potter? Is that why she hid from him for so many years, because she was scared of the feelings she had for him? By the time she fell asleep, she was woken only a while later by the yell of Sirius.

"James? James! Wake up! Seriously James! You have to read this!" He had a worried, slightly fearful sound to his voice, that Lily had never heard before, so she got out of bed to see what was going on.

She emerged from her room at the same time as James was coming out of his. They both turned and looked at each other, James squeezing in a quick "good morning" smile, before they both turned to Sirius.

"You won't believe what's going on!" He flipped open the newspaper he was holding as both Lily and James sat down beside him on the couch.

"Voldemort is really rising to power. His Death Eaters are taking over the ministry. They are stealing all documents on muggle borns and killing any and all they can find. Death tolls have increased dramatically just over the past couple of days because of it. They aren't going to stop until all muggle borns are dead, maybe not even then." Sirius said, staring at the newspaper.

"I'm muggle born." Lily muttered so quietly, she wasn't sure if she actually said it out loud.

Both James and Sirius looked up at her simultaneously.

"You're not going to die. I will do everything in my power to make sure that doesn't happen, Lily."

"James is right. We won't let anyone try to harm you. We have to find a way to fight back."

Sirius stood up, still studying the paper. James sat very still next to her, his face dead white.

"I'm not going to let anything happen to you, Lily. I promise." He said again, looking over at her. There was no laughter in his eyes, no brightness in his face that day.

It was a quiet day. Most of the students in the school also read the paper. Classes were slow and not all students showed up for meal times, including Lily. She sat in the common room, in front of the window, frozen with fear.

"You should eat." She heard Remus say from behind her. She turned around to see him and Peter heading to the door. James however stopped to see if she was coming.

"I'm not hungry." She said flatly. So Remus and Peter left.

"He's right. You haven't eaten all day." James said quietly behind her.

"Neither have you."

Silence.

James walked over and sat beside Lily, who was back to staring outside.

"I'm scared to." He said softly.

And that was all that was spoken for the rest of the day.