Chapter Eleven

Lily sat in her room, sitting in front of her mirror, admiring her new necklace. It made her heart happy, it made her lighten up after all of the dark things that had been happening lately. This was the single most thoughtful, meaningful gift she had ever gotten. It represented how James felt about her perfectly, and she knew it.

She knew right then, that no matter what, James really would always be there for her. That he would always watch over her and protect her in this new world. That, with him around, she didn't need to be afraid. But she still was.

Maybe she could be protected. But what about her family? Who would protect them? Lately, this was all she could think about. If there was such a need to kill off all muggle borns, why wouldn't they get to them through their families? Especially if they were putting up a fight to not be found? Every night when she closed her eyes, all Lily could see was her sister, Petunia, being killed by Death Eaters. This image continuously haunted her. It kept her up at night, it distracted her during lessons. How could she ever forgive herself if Petunia was murdered because of her?

She grew so hateful of herself for letting things get bad between them. She let their relationship, their bond, deteriorate and there was no way of getting it back. She regretted not fighting harder to keep her sisters trust, her love. And now she was afraid of losing her all together.

Lily thought back to the day she got her letter. When she finally understood that the tiny little boy that was severus, was right about her. She opened it up and screamed with joy. Petunia took one look at the letter before she looked up a Lily with such betrayal and hatred, and then ran away with tears in her eyes. But she didn't run after her. She stood their unable to understand why her own sister wasn't being happy for her, supportive of her.

But now she understood. What Petunia saw, was that Lily was different than her. She was getting recognition for being different, as if she was being rewarded. That she was unique. Petunia saw her getting all the attention after the letter. Being treated like the favourite child because their parents were about to send her off to some school far away, where she could perfect her uniqueness. Petunia's best friend that she ever had, was about to leave her behind, to live this different life.

Lily sat still, trembling from these thoughts, when there was a small knock at her door.

When she opened the door, the bright smile of James greeted her, but she could not bring herself to smile back.

"I just wanted to see if you were still coming to my quidditch game this afternoon?"

The quidditch game. She forgotten all about it with everything going on in her head. She looked down at her watch and realized that the game started in 20 minutes.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, I totally forgot about it! I will get ready right now. I will be there, I promise."

After Lily finally made it down to the game, she managed to find that Remus had saved a spot with him, Sirius, and Peter in the front row of the stands. She sat down and looked out towards the players. She saw James right away, his long, straggly hair standing out. He smiled up at her and waved, and she gave a small wave back.

It went on for a few hours, James taking any chance he could, to show off his skills with the quaffle. It made Lily laugh, it made her forget for a few moments, everything else.

With no surprise, Gryffindore won, against Slytherin. The team threw a congratulatory party in the Gryffindore common room. There was laughter, singing, butterbeer, and really excited people. Lily sat in the corner of the room, and while there was a choir of singing, she had a repetition of the image of her sisters dead body.

People danced around, yelling, and laughing around her, she sat still, cold, intoxicated from the empty butterbeer bottle in her hand, and still trembling. She almost jumped out of the chair, startled, when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Come dance with me!" A somewhat drunk James, pulled her out of the chair, guided her to the centre of the room, grabbed her hand and waste and started swinging her around. He was laughing, gleaming at her. And pretty soon, the unfamiliar sound of a laugh escaped her mouth as well. She, for a few moments, forgot everything. She was in the complete present, being twirled around by James, hearing the music for the first time that night, letting her self feel happy and enjoyment. Her numbness turned to the warm feeling of enlightenment and she felt truly carefree as she danced and danced and drank and watched the many excited and happy facial expressions of James as he danced, and laughed and smiled and yelled.

When the clock struck 11:00 things slowed down a bit. People were either going to bed or sitting down talking amongst each other. James was talking to Sirius about something that seemed rather exhilarating and Lily was once again alone. She chose that as her opportunity to escape to her room. That could have easily been the first night that she slept in weeks.

When she woke up, she headed straight down to the lake to breath. She had to stop letting these feelings control her. The previous night, she had fun, she let go, she lived.

Later that day, she realized why. Sitting at The Three Broomsticks, sitting in the corner with some school work, she was watching the other side of the room. James sat there, with little Peter. He was tutoring him, helping Peter with something that wouldn't benefit himself.

She couldn't help but smile. Lately, every little thing James did, distracted her, made her forget everything else. Seeing Peter beam at his essay, proud of himself, James patting him on the back. James was putting someone else before him, he was using his spare time to help someone and he looked happy. This new attitude looked good on him and Lily couldn't help herself but stare at him, entranced by what she was seeing.

She had witnessed the growth of this person. She saw this small, conceded, bully turn into a man who put himself last, who helped others, who was able to look deep down into a person and truly be their friend.

She didn't realize how long she was sitting there smiling in James direction until he looked up and noticed her watching. She quickly sunk her head down and tried to finish working on the essay that she had brought with her. But she kept glancing back up, admiring him, admiring the man he had become.

Lily knew she would never get any work done if she stayed in there, so she put her notebooks and textbooks back in her bag, and headed out the door.