Below Rock Bottom: Chapter Two "I've changed"
AN: stardreamer2608 pointed out that Dimitri and Queen Tatiana are family, and yes it is pretty gross that she's his great aunt on his Father's side… but it does play a role in the plot that I have planned out, so bear with me. Given that this is my first story, I am very excited about the number of people reading this. A huge thanks to those who have followed, favorited, and/or reviewed (You all kind of made my day). If there is anything I can do to improve, I would be glad to hear it, or anything that would make the story more enjoyable.
Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Academy, it is the property of Richelle Mead. While I wish I could have come up with this brilliance, I was simply inspired by it.
RPOV
I smoothed my hands down my perfectly crisp white blouse and slowly breathed out, releasing bottled up nervous energy. Fitted black slacks, black jacket, and hair tied up to display my marks. The uniform of a guardian.
I generally tried to avoid wearing my hair down as much as possible, but it is unavoidable as a Guardian. My long, dark hair serves as a protective barrier between me and the nosy people who ask me why I received two Molnija marks and a Zvezda battle star before I became a promised guardian.
Painful questions. The black marks on the back of my neck serve as a reminder of the friends I was unable to protect, and the one person I can never let anything happen to. Ever.
Loosing Mason and Eddie, two Dhampir novices and close friends, had a significant impact on my personality. I once was a carefree party girl who drank too much and mouthed off to superiors, but it appears the gaping hole left by the deaths of my friends pulled my bad attitude inside it. Even more than that. Everything that I used to be, is gone. Interests, hobbies, anything remotely to do with having a personal life withered away after Mason died, and Eddie was turned.
My whole life became dedicated to serving my Moroi, Vasilisa Dragomir, to the utmost of my ability. The years I spent training hours every day, covered in sweat, practically breaking my body to ensure her protection. My commitment to her is all I have left.
Grasping the stake holstered at my waist, I flipped the weapon into the air, and watched as the fading sunlight glints off the polished metal.
Before I could catch the stake, my chest felt like it was run over by a steamroller, constricting and tightening to the point where I was gasping for air. My prized weapon clattered on the ground as I collapsed on the bed behind me, and my vision faded in and out. Sprawled out over the covers, I became increasingly aware of the darkness seeping into my mind from Lissa's.
It has become second nature to take the spirit darkness from her. It's just part of how I protect her. I can fight to defend her body from physical harm, but this is how I save her mind from spiraling into insanity.
I was aware that Lissa would be demonstrating her powers this morning, and I had braced myself for the incoming darkness. But this time seemed worse than usual. Each time I take it from her seems worse than the last.
It lingers inside my head, with no release. The darkness seeps into every crevice, every secluded part of my mind. It tries to control me, always trying to take over my mind. Ever since the incident before the Strigoi attack where the members of the Mână assaulted Lissa and I almost killed Jesse Zeklos, I have never let the darkness come out again.
Little things I do give me momentary relief but can come perilously close to releasing the stored darkness. Sparring can help, but my mentor Alberta is the only one who can handle fighting with me anymore. Running seems to keep my mind off the darkness for a period and makes me less jittery.
As hard as I try, it never goes away. Every time Lissa uses her powers, I get that much more darkness to handle, increasing the built-up pressure inside my skull. At this point, it feels like my head might just explode, leaving the cleaning crew to mop up the mess.
As my breathing returned, I became aware of my surroundings again, and the knocking on my door.
Rising, I slowly and deliberately put one foot in front of the other towards the incessant rapping. My mind is consumed with thoughts of my weakness in this moment, how I am unfit to protect myself, let alone Lissa. I just need to train harder.
Opening the door revealed the bright, yet hesitant smile of my "best friend".
"Hey Rose," she said, her gaze quickly shifting around my face, never meeting my eyes, "are you ready to head out? The jet is ready."
"Yes Princess, I'll be right down." Her smile faltered at my use of her title. It is something I insisted on doing ever since the Academy was attacked.
"Oh, okay. I'll see you down there I guess," she said softly, and turned around to make a quick exit.
Sighing, I closed the door and shut my eyes for a moment. I could see that she was disappointed with my formality, but it is the way things must be. I cannot be her friend and guard her properly.
I grabbed my things and closed the door to my dorm room one last time, forever sealing off the memories of this place. Sealing off the people I've lost and girl I used to be. Making my way to the jet, I seated myself in the rear, with sightlines to every potential access point as well as my charge.
Lissa is seated with her boyfriend Christian a few rows ahead of me. They whispered together, and periodically she glanced back at me, a pained look in her eyes.
I prepared myself for takeoff, fully aware of what awaited me as soon as we left the protection of the wards. I swallowed a few sleeping pills in preparation, hoping to avoid enduring the skull-splitting headache.
My eyes fluttered closed as the airplane began to taxi onto the runway, and I was lost to the world before the wheels ever left the ground.
—O—o—O—o—O—
I jolted awake as the airplane roughly landed on the tarmac, and quickly decreased speed. Alert as ever, I prepared to disembark and load the princess into the awaiting vans.
We made the transition as efficiently as possible and drove towards the entrance to court.
Lissa could barely contain her excitement, bouncing in her seat restlessly. Christian sat to her left looking bored and defiant as ever, but every so often he would sneak adoring glances at his animated girlfriend, and a genuine smile crossed his face.
I was no longer able to be there for Lissa the way she needed me to be, but at least she had Christian. He could support her in ways that I was incapable of anymore.
When we finally pulled up to the gate, the driver to my left had a brief conversation with the Guardian clearing us for entry. I remained seated in the front passenger's seat, emotionlessly staring through the windshield at the expansive campus that lay beyond.
We continued the last leg of our journey once our arrival had been properly processed and we were deemed to be harmless to the inhabitants of the compound.
The guardian finally pulled to a stop outside what appeared to be the Moroi apartments, and I internally groaned at the sight of our apparent welcoming party.
Slowly disembarking from the van, I prayed to anyone listening that this particular stuck up royal had changed since the last time I had the pleasure of his company.
"Little Dhampir! How lovely it is to see you again. You're certainly dressed like a promised Guardian, although I can't say that the uniform suits you. I'd be happy to help you into something a little more comfortable back in my room," Adrian said, arms spread wide as if he expected me to embrace him. His womanizing smirk and mischievous green eyes lured me in once, but now my duty came first.
"Good to see you again, Lord Ivashkov." If Adrian was surprised by the formality, it did not show on his face as he turned to greet the others.
"Cousin! It's always a pleasure to see you. I trust you've been well. I see you're still with the fire-user there, hello Christian. Well, now that you're all here, I can show you to your rooms." Adrian linked arms with Lissa and lead her to the elevator, a grumbling Christian following closely behind the pair.
When we reached the door, Adrian unceremoniously threw it open and walked over to a long leather couch, reclining his tall frame across the length.
"It's not as large as mine, but I guess it will suit you three for now, until you can find better accommodations," Adrian said, as he folded his arms behind his head.
"I'm sure that this is more than we need," Christian nodded along with his girlfriend, "but what do you think Rose?"
An uneasy feeling settled in my stomach as I anticipated her reaction to my decision.
"I am sure that you and Lord Ozera will be comfortable here Princess, and I will get settled in my own accommodations at the Guardian dorms later this evening once you are settled here." Christian snorted at my use of his title, while Lissa looked perplexed by my statement. I could feel her confusion through the bond.
"What do you mean Rose?" she took a step towards me. "Of course you will be staying here with us, I have a room for you and everything."
"Princess, I would feel more comfortable in my own quarters where I would not disturb either of you," I felt uncomfortable the whole time I was speaking, trying to ignore my awareness of Lissa's incredulity.
"But that's ridiculous Rose, I'm sure you would be more comfortable here," Lissa said, her exasperation with my resistance becoming obvious to everyone in the room. Christian stepped forward and started rubbing her back in a calming manner.
I could feel the darkness boil up inside of me as I spat out, "I think I know best where I would be comfortable, Your Highness."
Lissa was taken aback by my harsh tone, and Christian scowled at me from his place behind his girlfriend. As my gaze shifted to Adrian, he seemed to be scrutinizing my aura.
"Oh dear Little Dhampir, what have you been doing to yourself?" He said it to no one in particular, and his eyes grew distant.
Lissa and Christian began to converse in hushed tones, glancing at me just as they had done on the journey here.
"If you would excuse me, my shift is over, and I need to take my belongings to my room. Good evening Princess, Lord Ozera, Lord Ivashkov," I said coldly. I was fed up with their behavior and still consumed by spirit darkness. I needed to get out of there before I did something I would regret.
As the door shut behind me and I carried my bags to my new home, I could feel Lissa's remorse, and her longing for her old best friend.
I sink into the mattress, my bags abandoned on the floor near the door of my tiny room. I think about the girl that Lissa remembers. Her lively, spunky attitude and troublesome reputation. I long for her too.
I grieve for the girl that I was, and what happened to make her disappear.
I lay there with my eyes open, stray tears falling down my face, knowing full well sleep is futile.
The darkness infested nightmares will never let me sleep.
-lethalwhispers