Everything belongs to Stephanie Meyers.
24. CHOICE
Bella was lying across the sleeping bag crying. That was not a good sign. Seeing her so upset, along with seeing Jacob so joyful, leaving me no indication as to what happened? These were the very moments I desired to hear her thoughts. Not knowing was agonizing and not a feeling I'd become comfortable with, yet. The inadequate feeling was getting worse as time went on. Taking a deep breath, I crossed the tent and brushed my hand across her hair. Bella shuddered, another bad sign.
"Are you all right?" I murmured, anxiously. Her reaction was confusing and this was not the atmosphere I thought I'd being walking into.
"No. I want to die."
Angered by that statement, prompting me to wonder what really happened?
"That will never happen. I won't allow it."
She groaned and then whispered. "You might change your mind about that."
This was worse than I'd predicted, for her to be speaking this way. Although, I knew the answer to this question, it would hopefully open the discussion to what occurred.
"Where's Jacob?"
"He went to fight," she mumbled into the floor.
This was it, all I could take, I needed to know what happened, before I went out of my mind with worry. Listening to Seth outside of the tent, he was replaying the whole story, the picture was clear. "Oh," I finally said, then went quiet again as I listened to the rest of the story.
When Seth finished I couldn't help but laugh, but it was a reserved laugh.
"And I thought I fought dirty," I said with reluctant admiration. "He makes me look like the patron saint of ethics." Brushing my hand against the part of her cheek that was exposed. "I'm not mad at you, love. Jacob's more cunning than I gave him credit for. I do wish you hadn't asked him, though."
"Edward," she whispered, refusing to look at me. "I… I… I'm…"
"Shh," I hushed her, my fingers rubbing her cheek. "That's not what I meant. It's just that he would have kissed you anyway –even if you hadn't fallen for it –and now I don't have an excuse to break his face. I would have really enjoyed that, too."
The image of doing permanent damage to him brought me such pleasure. He had it coming, his games were out of control. It was one thing to attack me when he could, but to go after Bella, was a holy other thing… unacceptable.
"Fallen for it?" she mumbled.
She was so naive… so innocent… she would never dream of acting in such ways that Jacob and I had been. It was unfair of us to put her through this, and after last night's performance, I'd promised to stop behaving in such a manner. But, I couldn't control Jacob's behavior.
"Bella, did you really believe he was that noble? That he would go out in a flame of glory just to clear the way for me?"
She raised her head slowly to meet my gaze. And right there… that was the reason I loved her so much… she was so trusting, blinded to what he was doing.
"Yes, I did believe that," she muttered, and then looked away.
Laughing quietly. "You're such a bad liar, you'll believe anyone who has the least bit of skill."
It would never occur to her that he was lying, never crossing her mind that he would be that devious. Always trusting the wrong people. She trusted me even after I led her straight into a world of danger, and the worst part was she would still follow me anywhere.
"Why aren't you angry with me?" she whispered. "Why don't you hate me? Or haven't you heard the whole story yet?"
"I think I got a fairly comprehensive look," I said. "Jacob makes vivid mental pictures. I feel almost as bad for his pack as I do for myself. Poor Seth was getting nauseated. But Sam is making Jacob focus now."
She closed her eyes and shook her head against the tent floor. She was feeling dreadful, which left me knowing it were my fault, having started all of this in the first place. My childish behavior last night set everything in motion making me feel like a heel.
"You're only human," I whispered, stroking her hair again.
"That's the most miserable defense I've ever heard."
She may have thought it was a poor excuse, but it was the truth. There were more things at play here, things she knew nothing about. How could I fault her for her feelings? Jacob and I were playing with her emotions and expecting her to realize this was unfair.
"But you are human, Bella. And, as much as I might wish otherwise, so is he… There are holes in your life that I can't fill. I understand that."
"But that not true. That's what makes me so horrible. There are no holes."
Whether or not she wanted to admit it she had emotional issues that I was unable to understand. Human problems, human emotions and as much as I wanted to be everything for her, I couldn't be human. She needed human friends –and that's what he was –a human friend that she loved. He wished it were deeper, and after today's actions, perhaps his wishes were more of a reality then she knew.
"You love him," I murmured.
She thought about this for a moment.
"I love you more," she said.
"Yes, I know that, too. But… when I left you, Bella, I left you bleeding. Jacob was the one to stitch you back up again. That was bound to leave its mark –on both of you. I'm not sure those kinds of stitches can dissolve on their own. I can't blame either of you for something I made necessary. I may gain forgiveness, but that doesn't let me escape the consequences.
"I should have known you'd find some way to blame yourself. Please stop. I can't stand it."
It was difficult not to blame myself when this was my fault… for leaving in the first place… for making her dependent on him in my absence. If I had not been so obtuse a year ago, we won't be in this position. But, I had been, leaving me to deal with whatever ramifications came from my actions.
"What would you like me to say?"
"I want you to call me every bad name you can think of, in every language you know. I want you to tell me that you're disgusted with me and that you're going to leave so that I can beg and grovel on my knees for you to stay."
"I'm sorry," I sighed. "I can't do that."
"At least stop trying to make me feel better. Let me suffer. I deserve it."
"No," I murmured.
She nodded slowly. "You're right. Keep on being too understanding. That's probably worse."
Seth's thoughts caught my attention, it was getting closer and he was growing anxious, as was I. My body automatically tensed in anticipation of what was happening in the clearing. Everyone was getting ready.
"It's getting close," she stated.
"Yes, a few more minutes now. Just enough time to say one more thing…"
Needing to clear the air, wanting to put blame back where it belonged, I could no longer allow her to take responsibility for the way Jacob and I were behaving. It wasn't fair to Bella, and she had to know she wasn't to blame.
"I can be noble, Bella. I'm not going to make you choose between us. Just be happy, and you can have whatever part of me you want, or none at all, if that's better. Don't let any debt you feel you owe me influence your decision."
All right, that's not exactly what I planned to say, but it would work too. Letting her off the hook, allowing her to decide of her own free will where she'd rather be. The decision would always be hers.
"Dammit, stop that!" she shouted at me.
Glaring at her surprise wide in my eyes. "No –you don't understand. I'm not just trying to make you feel better, Bella. I really mean it."
"I know you do," she agreed. "What happened to fighting back? Don't start with the noble self-sacrifice now! Fight!"
What was she talking about? Comprehension was not setting in leaving me mystified. What was it she wanted me to do?
"How?" I asked, pained.
She scrambled into my lap, throwing her arms around me.
"I don't care that it's cold here. I don't care that I stink like a dog right now. Make me forget how awful I am. Make me forget him. Make me forget my own name. Fight back!"
She didn't wait for me to say anything –or have the chance to stop her. She pulled herself against me and crushed her mouth to mine. This was not fighting back, this was something altogether different, and I was an unwilling participant.
"Careful, love," I murmured under her urgent kiss.
"No," she growled.
Gently I pushed her face a few inches back. "You don't have to prove anything to me."
"I'm not trying to prove something. You said I could have any part of you I wanted. I want this part. I want every part."
She wrapped her arms around my neck, straining to reach my lips. Bending my head I kissed her back, but it was gentle, not quite as urgent as hers. Being aware of what she was attempting to do, I couldn't allow this to happen under these conditions. Moving my hands I restrained her.
"Perhaps this isn't the best moment for that," I suggested.
"Why not?" she grumbled, dropping her arms.
Was she serious, she had to know this wouldn't happen this way? Had she utterly lost her mind? Or had we pushed her too far with our infantile behavior. The latter of the two seemed most plausible to me. Needing to set straight… she needed to understand my position in all of this.
"Firstly, because it's cold," I reached out to pull the sleeping bag off the floor, and wrapped it around her.
"Wrong," she said. "First, because you are bizarrely moral for a vampire."
I laughed. "All right, I'll give you that. The cold is second. And thirdly… well, you do actually stink, love."
Wrinkling my nose at the disgusting smell.
She sighed.
"Fourthly," I murmured, dropping my head to whisper in hear ear. "We will try, Bella. I'll make good on my promise. But I'd much rather it wasn't in reaction to Jacob Black."
She cringed, and buried her face against my shoulder. Coming to the realization that I was right. Doing this out of reaction to what just happened was wrong and she realized that. I was obligated to return her to reality.
"And fifthly…"
"This is a very long list," she muttered.
I laughed. "Yes, but did you want to listen to the fight or not?"
As I spoke, Seth howled outside the tent, it had begun.
Bella stiffened listening to the sound. Clenching her hand into a fist, reaching over I smoothed her hand out so she wouldn't hurt herself again. Needing to reassure her, with everything I'd seen from Alice along with watching the practices that had taken place, I was confident that everything would go well
"It's going to be fine, Bella," I promised. "We've got skill, training, and surprise on our side. It will be over very soon. If I didn't really believe that, I would be down there now –and you'd be here, chained to a tree or something along those lines."
"Alice is so small," she moaned.
I laughed. "That might be a problem… if it were possible for someone to catch her."
Seth started to whimper. Upset he jumped to his feet.
"What's wrong?" she demanded.
"He's just angry that he's stuck here with us. He knows the pack kept him out of the action to protect him. He's salivating to join them."
We listened more intently now. It was an odd having the views I had. My family provided me with a clear picture of everything. The wolves were also afforded me with every other angle. All angles were covered, leaving nothing unseen, generating excitement in me. Sharing Seth's desire to be there with them.
"The newborns have reached the end of the trail –it worked like a charm, Jasper's a genius –and they've caught the scent of the ones in the meadow, so they're splitting into two groups now, as Alice said," I murmured, my eyes focused on their arrival. "Sam's taking us around to head off the ambush party."
Looking down at Bella. "Breathe, Bella."
Seth was panting heavily outside of the tent. Salivating to run down the mountain and join the fight, I couldn't blame him; I was tempted to do just that. It was extremely difficult to hold our selves here. He was having an easier time because he had been ordered, but I wanted to be there just as bad and was having a hard time remaining here.
"The first group is in the clearing. We can hear the fighting."
Bella's teeth locked together.
Laughing once, I continued. "We can hear Emmett –he's enjoying himself."
She and Seth were breathing together now.
"The second group is getting ready –they aren't paying attention, they haven't heard us yet."
I growled as their attention was focused on someone I'd rather it not be.
"What?" she gasped.
"They're talking about you." Clenching my teeth. "They're supposed to make sure you don't escape… Nice, move, Leah! Mmm, she's quite fast," I murmured. "One of the newborns caught our scent, and Leah took him down before he could even turn. Sam's helping her finish him off. Paul and Jacob got another one, but the others are on the defensive now. They have no idea what to make of us. Both sides are feinting… No, let Sam lead. Stay out of the way," I muttered. "Separate them –don't let them protect each other's back."
Seth whined. We could see as if we were there, but we weren't, making this situation challenging. Watching without being able to help was agonizing. Without the ability to warn them when something was happening felt wrong. Envying Bella at this moment, her inability to see had to be better than how I was feeling.
"That's better, drive them toward the clearing," I approved. Shifting my weight as if I was there, and by all the views I had, it almost felt as if I was there.
Almost.
Seth was on his feet in a minute, hearing exactly what I'd heard. Frozen in place, we listened more intently. Danger was approaching requiring us to take action quickly. Standing up I ripped the tent apart bringing us out doors. Bella remained were she was stunned, unaware of what had just suddenly happened.
Seth immediately came to stand in front of me, his face not six inches from mine. We glared at each other while listening to the approaching danger.
Should I go and hide… surprise them? Seth asked.
"Go, Seth!" I whispered, urgently.
The wolf wheeled and disappeared into the forest.
Reaction flowed through my mind, leaving no time to explain to Bella what was happening. Picking her up I swiftly placed her against the cliff face. Standing in front of her I held my fighting stance. Being reminiscence of our time in Italy, I was certain she would figure out quickly that we were the ones in trouble here.
The danger was getting closer… there were two of them… Victoria and Riley. Reading every bit of their minds, I had to find an edge, something that would help me defeat them. His mind was focused only on Bella, his mission, find her and kill her. Pleasing Victoria was his goal and he would do anything for her.
Bella became stiff behind me as comprehension was setting in.
"Who?" she whispered.
Words ripped through my teeth in a snarl, louder than I planned. Too loud.
"Victoria," I said. "She's not alone. She crossed my scent, following the newborns in to watch –she never meant to fight with them. She made a spur-of-the-moment decision to find me, guessing that you would be wherever I was. She was right. You were right. It was always Victoria."
Too late to hide… we were trapped. With no way to escape this would take place in front of Bella. Wishing I could get her out of here, keeping the violence that was about to partake from her was impossible leaving me with no other choice.
They were close enough to hear their thoughts.
Bella stood terrified… trembling behind me. Comforting her, impossible. Unable to run her out of here fast enough –we would have to stay and fight our way out of here. Loathing this, the feeling of being trapped, not wanting her to see me this way. Witnessing this would terrify her even more… Victoria was not leaving here… not today.
Shifting my body slightly toward the way they would enter. My eyes focused on the shadows of the forest, they were only seconds away. No time to tell Bella anything… only time to plan my strategy.
The two edged slowly into the small opening of our camp, eyes intent, missing nothing. Victoria's thoughts swirled seeing just the two of us. Underestimating me… she assumed they couldn't lose. Her plan was to have Riley distract me while she attacked Bella. Knowing this plan… it wouldn't work.
Coming from both sides, he on one and she on the other. My focus was on the both of them, while I listened to their thoughts, they thought they had the element of surprise. There would be no element of surprise with me listening to all of their thoughts.
Victoria stared at only Bella, her eyes black with thirst. Tension rolled off her, nearly visible in the air. Feeling her desire, the all-consuming passion flowing through her. Her focus was placed on one thought and that remained on killing Bella.
Turning my attention to the boy, his thoughts had shifted, his eyes deep crimson, he was not as thirsty. He held one thought in his mind…me. His role here was to attack me, keeping me distracted as Victoria finished off Bella.
He was young, brand new to this world and easily influenced. Victoria was his world and he would do anything she asked of him. It was unfortunate, but there was no alternative to his thoughts, the hold she had on him unbreakable.
Standing, silent for a moment, no one willing to make the first move. All of my focus on their plans, making certain they were unable to get to Bella.
Bella's heart was pounding so loud I thought I would jump right out of her chest. With no way to warn her, assure her, she would be all right, I couldn't take my attention off these two, at this moment.
An immense distance away, from far across the black forest, a wolf's howl echoed in the still air. Seth sending a warning to the other wolves. There was so much going on in the clearing there would be no help coming.
Riley looked at Victoria from the corner of his eye, waiting on her command.
Victoria jerked her chin toward me, wordlessly ordering him forward.
"Riley," I said in a soft, pleading voice.
The boy froze, his red eyes widening. Picking from his mind my angle, if I could distract him long enough, we would have a chance here. I saw a small gap, my one chance to tip the scales in my favor.
"She's lying to you, Riley," I told him. "Listen to me. She's lying to you just like she lied to the others who are dying now in the clearing. You know that she's lied to them, that she had you lie to them, that neither of you were ever going to help them. Is it so hard to believe that she's lied to you, too?"
Confusion swept across Riley's face. My plan was working. Victoria's fury was building.
Shifting a few inches to the side, Riley automatically compensated with an adjustment of his own.
"She doesn't love you, Riley," I told him. "She never has. She loved someone named James, and you're no more than a tool to her."
When I said James name, Victoria pulled her lips back baring her teeth in a grimace. Her eyes stayed locked on Bella. Undistracted she was intent on her mission here.
Giving me the advantage, Riley was becoming more confused, casting a frantic glance in her direction. Distracting him was working so I continued.
"Riley?" I said.
Riley automatically refocused on me. Keeping up the conversation, I needed a little more time.
"She knows that I will kill you, Riley. She wants you to die so that she doesn't have to keep up the pretense anymore. Yes –you've seen that, haven't you? You've read the reluctance in her eyes, suspected a false note in her promises. You were right. She's never wanted you. Every kiss, every touch was a lie."
Moving again, a few inches toward the boy, a few inches away from Bella.
Victoria's gaze zeroed in on the gap between Bella and I. It would take her less than a second to kill Bella –she only needed the tiniest margin of opportunity.
Slower this time, Riley repositioned himself, anxious and confused.
"You don't have to die," I promised, my eyes holding the boy's. "There are other ways to live than the way she's shown you. It's not all lies and blood, Riley. You can walk away right now. You don't have to die for her lies."
Sliding my feet forward, to the side, leaving a foot of space between Bella and myself now. Riley circled too far, overcompensating this time. Victoria leaned forward onto the balls of her feet in anticipation. This distracted the both of them, which was my strategy, needing one more minute. The timing had to be perfect.
"Last chance, Riley," I whispered.
Riley's face was desperate as he looked to Victoria for answers. With the confusion he felt he needed her reassurance.
"He's the liar, Riley," Victoria said. "I told you about their mind tricks. You know I love only you."
Riley's jaw tightened, and he squared his shoulders. His eyes emptied –there was no more confusion, no more suspicion. His thoughts seized as he tensed himself to attack.
Victoria's body seemed to be trembling… she was so tightly wound. Her fingers were already claw's, waiting for me to move just one more inch away from Bella.
A snarl flew across the camp, as a tan shape flew through the center of the opening, throwing Riley to the ground.
"No!" Victoria cried in disbelief.
Seth ripped and tore at the blond vampire beneath him. Biting his hand off, he flung it, smacking into the rocks by Bella's feet. She cringed away from it.
Victoria, not sparing one glance, for the boy she'd just pledged her love to, remained focused on Bella. Filled with disappointment so ferocious that she looked deranged.
"No," she said again, through her teeth, as I started to move toward her, blocking her path to Bella.
Riley was on his feet again, looking disoriented and haggard, but he was able to fling a vicious kick into Seth's shoulder. Hearing the bone crunch, Seth backed off and started to circle, limping. Knowing he would heal, he just needed a minute. Riley had his arms out, ready, though he was missing part of one hand…
Victoria and I were dancing. Not quite circling, because I would not allow her to position herself closer to Bella. She sashayed back, moving from side to side, attempting to find a hole in my defense. Shadowing her footwork lithely, stalking her with perfect concentration. Moving a fraction of a second before she moved, reading the intentions in her thoughts. My mind was also keeping an eye on Seth.
He lunged at Riley from the side tearing the rest of Riley's arm with a grating screech. Seth threw the arm into the forest with a thud. Riley roared in fury as Seth skipped back –amazingly light on his feet for his size –as Riley took a swipe at him with one mangled hand.
Victoria was weaving through the tree trunks at the far end of the little opening now. She was torn, her feet pulling her toward safety, while her eyes yearned toward Bella as if she were a magnet, reeling her in. Her eyes had a burning desire to kill Bella clearly visible in them, weighting against her instinct survival.
"Don't go, Victoria," I murmured. "You'll never get another chance like this."
She showed her teeth and hissed at me, but appeared unable to move farther away from Bella. She knew it was now or never, confusion was swirling her mind.
"You can always run later," I purred. "Plenty of time for that. It's what you do, isn't it? It's why James kept you around. Useful, if you like to play deadly games. A partner with an uncanny instinct for escaping. He shouldn't have left you –he could have used your skills when we caught up to him in Phoenix."
A snarl ripped from between her lips. She was growing angrier which was my plan.
"That's all you ever were to him, though. Silly to waste so much energy avenging someone who had less affection for you than a hunter for his mount. You were never more than a convenience to him. I would know."
My lips pulled up on one side as I tapped my temple.
With a strangled screech, Victoria darted out of the trees again, feinting to the side. I responded, and the dance began again.
Just then, Riley's fist caught Seth's flank, and a low yelp coughed out of Seth's throat. Seth backed away, his shoulders twitching as he attempted to shake off the pain. Riley was closing the distance between them again, driving Seth toward the cliff face beside Bella. My attention was shifting from my fight to Seth's, determined to watch out for him.
Victoria was suddenly interested in her partner's fate. She was judging the distance between Riley and Bella. Seth snapped at Riley, forcing him back again, and Victoria hissed at the lost opportunity.
Seth wasn't limping anymore. His circling brought him within inches of me, his tail brushing against my back, and Victoria's eyes bulged.
"No, he won't turn on me," I said, answering her thoughts, using the distraction to slide closer. "You provided us with a common enemy. You allied us."
She clenched her teeth, trying to keep her focus on me alone. She was not happy with this information, she'd had hoped Seth would attack me. Flashes of an encounter she and James had once with a wolf entered her mind. She thought she knew all about wolves.
"Look more closely, Victoria," I murmured, pulling at the threads of her concentration. "Is he really so much like the monster James tracked across Siberia?"
Her eyes popped wide open, and then began flickering wildly from me to Seth to Bella, around and around. "Not the same?" she snarled. "Impossible!"
"Nothing is impossible," I murmured, moving another inch closer to her. "Except what you want. You'll never touch her."
She shook her head, fast and jerky, fighting my diversions, and attempted to duck around me, but I was in place to block her as soon as the plan entered her mind. Her face contorted in frustration, and then she shifted lower into her crouch, and stalked deliberately forward.
Victoria was no inexperienced, instinct-driven newborn. She was lethal.
Sifting, we were closing in on each other. The dance increased in tempo.
Riley was distracted by the violent ballet, his eyes anxious for his partner. Seth struck, crunching off another small piece of the vampire. Riley bellowed and launched a massive backhanded blow that caught Seth full in his broad chest. Seth's huge body soared ten feet and crashed into the rocky wall over Bella's head. Bella ducked out of the way as Seth rebounded off the stone and collapsed on the ground a few feet in front of her.
A low whimper escaped through Seth's teeth.
My own fight was turning deadly as I prepared to stop this woman vampire from tainting good air. Escaping was impossible… I would not allow it. Tears and gasps, along with shocked hissings were increasing, and our dance became more aggressive. She moved, but I moved faster, always keeping one step ahead of her.
Riley lurched toward Bella. He glared at the limp mountain of sand-colored fur between him and Bella. His mouth opened, widened, his teeth glistening, as he prepared to rip out Seth's throat.
My mind was working overtime, watching everything that was happening at once. Timing was everything in this moment, and my timing would have to be perfect. Watching both situations intently, deciding what my best move would be.
Shock and confusion suddenly ripped threw me. Attempting to gain perspective, my mind clouded for a brief moment. The scent washed over the little camp quickly and if I had a heart it would've have stopped dead at that moment. This was a scent clear in my mind, and it took an entire second to understand what had happened.
A gasp was all it took to distract me.
A gasp was all it took to distract everyone in that moment.
In the next moment, I could clearly hear the beating of Bella's heart, and knew she was fine.
Taking action quickly, my chance had come and the timing was perfect. With Victoria's attention on Bella, I grabbed a hold of her throwing her into a tall spruce about halfway up the tree. She dropped back to the earth already crouched to spring.
Simultaneously, I twisted backward and caught the unsuspecting Riley by the arm. Planting my foot against his back, I heaved.
The little campsite filled with Riley's piercing shriek of agony.
At the same time, Seth leaped to his feet.
Victoria coiled and sprang.
Throwing Riley's arm that I had torn from him, it collided with Victoria mid-flight. The impact sounded like an explosion, throwing her against another tree –the tree snapped in half. She landed on her feet again, crouched and ready, only to find me in place.
Victoria kicked the arm aside with a flick of her bare foot.
Seth began circling Riley again, and now Riley was retreating. He backed away from the advancing werewolf, his face rigid with pain. He raised his one arm defensively.
Seth rushed Riley, and the vampire was clearly off-balance. Seth sunk his teeth into Riley's shoulder and tore, jumping back again.
With an ear-splitting metallic screech, Riley lost his other arm.
Seth shook his head, flinging the arm into the woods. The broken hissing noise that came through Seth's teeth sounded like snickering. He was disgusted with the smell and taste, but remained focused.
Riley screamed out a tortured plea. "Victoria!"
Victoria did not even flinch to the sound of her name. Her eyes did not flicker once toward her partner. She didn't care what happened to her partner, her only concern was with herself.
Seth launched himself forward with the force of a wrecking ball. The thrust carried both Seth and Riley into the trees, where the metallic screeching was matched by Riley's screams. Screams that abruptly cut off, while the sounds of rock being ripped to shreds continued. Seth had full control over his fight and would win.
Though she spared Riley no farewell glance, Victoria seemed to realize that she was on her own. She began to back away from me, frenzied disappointment blazing in her eyes. She threw one last shot at Bella, knowing she would not get what she came for, she began to retreat faster.
"No," I crooned. "Stay just a little longer."
She wheeled and flew toward the refuge of the forest like an arrow from a bow.
But I was faster –not allowing her to escape.
Catching her unprotected back at the edge of the trees, with one last simple step, the dance was over. Brushing my mouth once across her neck, my teeth closed on her throat. Squealing clamor came from Seth's efforts covering every other noise, so there was no discernible sound to make what I was doing an image of violence.
Victoria's head disconnected from the rest of her body. A clump of orange wavy hair fell to the ground, and bounced before rolling toward the trees.
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