Everything belongs to Stephanie Meyers.

CHAPTER 27 - DESIRES

Arriving at Bella's truck, creaking the door opened, I slipped in taking her in my arms. She sobbed against my shoulder. Attempting to comfort her I began rubbing her back, but that made things worse. There was nothing said, what could I say? She was so distraught I was afraid to offend her more. Instead, I held her as tight as I possibly could and wished that she would find some comfort in that.

Things seemed to get worse for a moment, she was crying harder and louder, but then she began saying Charlie's name, which seemed to quiet the sobbing a little. Uncertain of what to do, I took a risk.

"Are you really ready to go home?" I asked, doubtfully.

In a very inaudible voice she told me that the crying was not going to get any better and that she needed to get home before Charlie called over to Billy's.

Driving her home, slower than normal, I kept my arm tightly wrapped around her. She fought the whole way home for control and it seemed she wasn't able to gain it. Her sobbing began to quiet the closer we got to the house. Arriving at the house only tears were flowing and she had the rest of her emotions under control.

"What for me upstairs," she mumbled, when we were in front of the house.

Hugging her closer for a minute, I let her go and disappeared around the side of the house. Scaling the wall, I went into her room to wait for her. Worry overwhelmed me because I still hadn't known the outcome of her trip to La Push. It was my guess that she told Jacob good-bye, but when had I ever guessed right.

She came into the room and started to fumble with the bracelet on her wrist. Attempting to undo it with shaking fingers. Quickly, I went to her.

"No, Bella," I whispered, capturing her hands. "It's part of who you are."

I pulled her into the cradle of my arms as the sobs broke free again. Moving us to her bed, I pulled her down beside me. She curled up into a ball and the hysterical crying started all over again. Holding her tightly I was afraid to let her go, there was no telling what may happen if I did.

Pain… this was excruciating. The anguish she was feeling was horrendous. I wanted to let her go, wanted to take her to him and make her happy. Obviously, she'd made the wrong choice, it was apparent now. I had to rectify the situation. I had to somehow make it right. This was obviously not the way, she was in too much pain for this to be right.

As the night dragged on and on, she was no closer to controlling the sobbing. My job here was simple –hold her as tight as I could, but would that be enough? Could I be enough? Doubt began to linger my mind and my actions were floating around my mind. How could I demand this of her? How could I have acted so childishly with Jacob? Because of my actions she was in tremendous pain.

How would I repair this? How would this ever be acceptable? It couldn't possibly be okay again, not this way. Bella began sobbing harder, even harder than when I picked her up. Pulling her tighter, I was afraid. What did this mean? Without hearing her thoughts there was no way to be positive. She buried her head deeper into my chest. Rubbing her back gently, I was scared of making her more upset with no way of calming her down, I could only remain here with her.

Finally, after several restless hours, she fell asleep. She was exhausted, which was probably adding to the hysterics. Seeing her finally resting was gratifying, even though she was restless, she was sleeping.

My mind filled with the excruciating pain she was experiencing. I began making plans to restore her life? Making everything good again became my new priority. Giving her up seemed the only way to accomplish that. She needed to be with him. She loved him more than she comprehended and I knew that after today. Everything that happened provided me with a different view of this whole situation.

Morning brought with it clarity, something that needed to be done, and only I was capable of doing it. With my mind made up, I waited for Bella to wake. I stared at her, taking in everything about her, she truly was beautiful. My emotions were running high as I watched her sleep. Leaving her would be impossible, but I would do whatever it took to make her happy. I couldn't tolerating seeing her this way again.

She finally opened her eyes and met my anxious gaze.

"Hey," she said, clearing her throat.

Watching her intently, waiting for the water works to start again.

"No, I'm fine," she promised. "That won't happen again."

My eyes tightened attempting to understand what she was saying.

"I'm sorry that you had to see that," she said. "That wasn't fair to you."

Putting my hands on either side of her face.

"Bella… are you sure? Did you make the right choice? I've never seen you in so much pain…" my voice broke.

She touched my lips. "Yes."

"I don't know…" my brows creasing with doubt. "If it hurts you so much, how can it possibly be the right thing for you?"

There was no understanding how this decision could be right. Seeing her in this amount of pain was agonizing. I was terrified. What if she were meant to be with him? What if I were standing in the way of fate?

"Edward, I know who I can't live without."

"But…"

She shook her head. "You don't understand. You may be brave enough or strong enough to live without me, if that's what's best. But I could never be that self-sacrificing. I have to be with you. It's the only way I can live."

Gazing at her, I was having a difficult time believing her. Her reaction was proof that this had to be wrong. How could I accept this was the right choice for her?

"Hand me that book, will you?" she asked, pointing over my shoulder.

Confusion spread through me, but I handed her the book quickly.

"This again?" I asked.

"I just wanted to find this one part I remembered… to see how she said it…" she flipped through the book, finding the page she wanted. "Cathy's a monster, but there were a few things she got right," she muttered. "If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger," she nodded. "I know exactly what she means. And I know who I can't live without."

Taking the book from her hands, I flipped it across the room –it landed with a thud on her desk. Wrapping my arms around her waist, I pulled her close.

Attempting to smile, I remained unconvinced of her choice. "Heathcliff had his moments, too," I said, quoting from the book, I pulled her closer and whispered in her ear. "I cannot live without my life! I cannot live without my soul!"

"Yes!" she said quietly. "That's my point."

"Bella, I can't stand for you to be miserable. Maybe…"

"No, Edward. I've made a real mess of things, and I'm going to have to live with that. But I know what I want and what I need… and what I'm going to do now."

"What are we going to do now?" I corrected her statement, from now on it would be 'we', and we would do everything together.

She smiled at my correction, and then sighed. "We are going to see Alice."

Alice was on the bottom porch step, too hyper to wait for us inside. She looked about to ready break into a celebration dance, so excited was she about the news Bella was there to deliver.

"Thank you, Bella!" she sang, as we got out of the truck.

"Hold it, Alice," she warned her. "I've got a few limitations for you."

"I know, I know, I know. I only have until August thirteenth at the latest, you have veto power on the guest list, and if I go overboard on anything, you'll never speak to me again."

"Oh, okay. Well, yeah. You know the rules, then."

"Don't worry, Bella, it will be perfect. Do you want to see your dress?"

Bella took a few deep breaths.

"Sure."

Alice was smug, she'd always knew she'd get her way. My hope was she wouldn't go too overboard. But knowing Alice –as I had –she was going to go way overboard for this.

"Um, Alice," Bella said, keeping a casual tone. "When did you get me a dress?"

Squeezing Bella's hand, I knew Alice was not about to answer that question. If she shared that information, Bella would flip out.

Alice led the way inside, heading for the stairs. "These things take time, Bella," Alice explained. "I mean, I wasn't sure things were going to turn out this way, but there was a distinct possibility…"

That was enough and I glare at her intensely.

"When?" Bella asked again.

Don't answer that, don't answer that. My mind screamed over and over.

"Perrine Bruyere has a waiting list, you know," she said, covering up. "Fabric masterpieces don't happen overnight. If I hadn't thought ahead, you'd be wearing something off the rack!"

"Per –who?"

"He's not a major designer, Bella, so there's no need to throw a hissy fit. He's got promise, though, and he specializes in what I needed."

"I'm not throwing a fit."

"No, you're not," Alice eyes her suspiciously.

She was a stunned as I was. Where was all this patience coming from? For Bella to accept everything Alice was about to do was strange. She'd fought this marriage from the moment I'd proposed, what was with her sudden change of heart?

Walking into Alice's room, she turned on me.

"You –out."

"Why?" Bella demanded.

"Bella," she groaned. "You know the rules. He's not supposed to see the dress till the day of."

Bella took a deep breath. "It doesn't matter to me. And you know he's already seen it in your head. But if that's how you want it…"

Alice shoved me back out the door. Glaring at Bella, impatient and confused, I was afraid to leave her alone with Alice. Not wanting my engagement to be over before I could get her down the aisle, if anyone could scare her off, it was Alice.

Bella nodded at me assuring me that it was all right to leave her alone.

Alice shut the door in my face. Leaning against the wall, I settled in to wait patiently. My only hope was that Alice would not terrify Bella, too much. She had a way of over doing things and making Bella feel uncomfortable with her grandiose ways.

Bella's a simple girl, like myself, she wasn't into large displays, and wouldn't want that for our wedding. To me it hadn't mattered –Vegas was still on the table, my car was waiting anytime –all I wanted to do was say yes. It didn't matter where we got married, just that we did.

The wedding filled my mind, imaging Bella in a white dress walking down the aisle, where I would be waiting her arrival, me filled with warmth. This was an image I was willing to continue having until the day of. When it happens for real, I knew exactly how I would feel, and I couldn't wait.

Finally the door to Alice's room opened and they walked out. Bella hadn't appeared too traumatized. Alice was smiling wide. Her thoughts were out of control.

Much needs to be done. Need to talk to Esme. Lot's to do. She repeated over and over making me fairly nervous.

"That was very, very nice of you," I told Bella.

"She seems happy," Bella agreed.

Touching Bella's face –I was searching for any form of stress, there appeared none.

"Let's get out of here," I suddenly suggested. "Let's go to our meadow."

A smile spread across Bella's face. "I guess I don't have to hide out anymore, do I?"

"No. The danger is behind us."

It was rather quiet as I ran us through the forest on our way to the meadow. My thoughts filled my mind. I wondered why Bella had changed her mind so quickly, why now? Her sudden change of heart to this marriage had me questioning everything. It didn't make sense that she was willing to give up everything all of a sudden. Getting to the bottom of this mystery was going to take some time.

The meadow was peaceful, a happy place today. The wind blew around us, but was warmer now that the storm had completely passed. The clouds covered the sky, the way they usually did. Patches of summer daises covered the grass with splashes of white and yellow. Bella laid back and I joined her, staring up at the sky holding her hand.

"August thirteenth?" I asked casually, after a few minutes of comfortable silence.

"That gives me a month till my birthday. I didn't want to cut it too close."

I sighed. "Esme is three years older than Carlisle –technically. Did you know that?"

She shook her head. More time… that's what I was after, along with the mystery of why she changed her mind so suddenly. My fear was that she was attempting to forget Jacob by marrying me. I didn't want this to be about him, I needed this to be about us. I was hoping she was doing this for the same reason I was, but I was filled with uncertainty.

"It hasn't made any difference to them."

"My age is not really that important. Edward, I'm ready. I've chosen my life –now I want to start living it."

I stroked her hair. "The guest list veto?"

"I don't care really, but I…" she hesitated, unwilling to explain herself. "I'm not sure if Alice would feel the need to invite… a few werewolves. I don't know if… Jake would feel like… like he should come. Like that's the right thing to do, or that I'd get my feelings hurt if he didn't. He shouldn't have to go through that."

I remained quiet, still no closer to solving my mystery. It was taking up most of my thoughts, I needed answers, and once more, I wished I knew what her thoughts were. Grabbing her around the waist I pulled her onto my chest. Gazing into her eyes, she couldn't hide anything from me if I were looking at her.

"Tell me why you're doing this, Bella. Why did you decide, now, to give Alice free reign?"

"It wouldn't be fair to keep Charlie out of this," she concluded. "And that means Renee and Phil. I might as well let Alice have her fun, too. Maybe it will make the whole thing easier for Charlie if he gets his proper goodbye. Even if he thinks it's much too early, I wouldn't want to cheat him out of the chance to walk me down the aisle," she grimaced at the words, then took a deep breath. "At least my mom and dad and my friends will know the best part of my choice, the most I'm allowed to tell them. They'll know I chose you, and they'll know we're together. They'll know I'm happy, wherever I am. I think that's the best I can do for them."

I held her face, searching for a brief moment. This wasn't about her happiness… it was about everyone else's, always trying to please everyone else. But I only needed her to be happy, if she wasn't happy this would never work.

"Deal's off," I said abruptly.

"What?" she gasped. "You're backing out? No!"

"I'm not backing out, Bella. I'll still keep my side of the bargain. But you're off the hook. Whatever you want, no strings attached."

"Why?"

"Bella, I see what you're doing. You're trying to make everyone else happy. And I don't care about anyone else's feelings. I only need you to be happy. Don't worry about breaking the news to Alice. I'll take care of it. I promise she won't make you feel guilty."

"But I…"

"No. We're doing this your way. Because my way doesn't work. I call you stubborn, but look at what I've done. I've clung with such idiotic obstinacy to my idea of what's best for you, though it's only hurt you. Hurt you so deeply, time and time again. I don't trust myself anymore. You can have happiness your way. My way is always wrong. So," I shifted under her, squaring my shoulders. "We're doing it your way, Bella. Tonight. Today. The sooner the better. I'll speak to Carlisle. I was thinking that maybe if we gave you enough morphine, it wouldn't be so bad. It's worth a try," I said, threw my teeth.

"Edward, no…"

Putting my fingers to her lips. "Don't worry, Bella, love. I haven't forgotten the rest of your demands."

Moving my hands to her hair, my lips moved softly but seriously –against hers. Breathing was coming harder and faster. Her heart was beating out of her chest. Her hands were gripping my arms, pulling herself tighter to me. Everything felt right in this moment. Doing things her way was the only way she would be happy, and if she were happy, I would be too.

Rolling gently, I pressed her into the cool grass.

"Stop, Edward. Wait," she protested, in a weak voice.

"Why?" I whispered into the hollow of her throat.

She struggled with a reason. "I don't want to do this now."

"Don't you?" I asked, smiling.

Moving my lips back to hers making speaking impossible. Heat flooded my body, burning with every touch. Electricity coursed throughout me sending jolts over and over.

Bella moved her hands to my chest and shoved against me. Pulling back a few inches to look at her eyes.

"Why?" I asked again. "I love you. I want you. Right now."

She hesitated with her answer and I took advantage of her sudden hesitation. Moving my lips to hers again, I held her tighter and the kissing was progressing harder and deeper than it ever had. Excitement filled me and I was ready. Ready to move forward, ready to accept things her way. I was finally ready to make her mine forever. My hands moved swiftly discovering every part of her. My mind clouded with her scent swirling and no reason to stop, I didn't wanted to stop, I wanted her, completely. My mind was decided as I moved my hands to her shirt, attempting to unbutton it.

"Wait, wait," she attempted to say around my lips.

"Not for me," I murmured in disagreement. Exhilaration was high while my control… slowly slipping away. Wanting to resume, I wanted to take our relationship to the next level. I was finally ready, and I believed I was capable. But, for the second time in our relationship it was Bella who put a stop to us.

"Please?" she gasped.

That did it… she knew the power of that word. Gasping, I pushed myself away from her, rolling onto my back again.

We both lay there for a minute, attempting to slow our breathing.

"Tell me why not, Bella," I demanded. "This had better not be about me."

She paused a moment, thinking about her answer, choosing the right words.

"Edward, this is very important to me. I am going to do this right."

"Who's definition of right?"

"Mine."

Rolling onto my elbow I stared at her, my expression surely disappointed.

"How are you going to do this right?"

She took a deep breath. "Responsibly. Everything in the right order. I will not leave Charlie and Renee without the best resolution I can give them. I won't deny Alice her fun, if I'm having a wedding anyway. And I will tie myself to you in every way, before I ask you to make me immortal. I'm following all the rules, Edward. Your soul is far, far too important to me to take chances with. You're not going to budge me on this."

"I'll bet I could," I murmured, my insides burning again.

"But you wouldn't," she said, trying to keep her voice level. "Not knowing that this is what I really need."

"You don't fight fair," I accused.

She grinned. "Never said I did."

I smiled back. "If you change your mind…"

"You'll be the first to know," she promised.

The rain started to drip through the clouds.

"I'll get you home," brushing the tiny beads of water from her cheeks.

"Rain's not the problem," she grumbled. "It just means that it's time to go do something that will be very unpleasant and possibly even highly dangerous."

My eyes widened in alarm.

"It's a good thing you're bulletproof," she sighed. "I'm going to need that ring. It's time to tell Charlie."

Laughing at the expression on her face. "Highly dangerous," I agreed. Laughing again I reached into the pocket of my jeans. "But at least there's no need for a side trip."

Finally, I slid her ring into place on the third finger of her left hand where it would stay for the rest of eternity. A wedding would happen after all, she would marry me, which made me the happiest man on the planet. There was only one thing that would make my world complete –for her to remain human. That was something I planned to work on… I would not give up that easy. As for the future, it would be enough for now that she would be my wife… Finally, she would be mine forever.

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