I own no one but my own people
Tucker sat on Olivia's couch with a now cold still full cup of coffee in front of him. He had changed from his starchy uncomfortable suit into a pair of jeans and T-shirt he had left over here one night. Olivia sat beside him in a pair of sweats and a tank top with her hands around her own cold coffee but it was more to have something for her hands to do rather than actually drink and enjoy it.
She had sat with hundreds of families after informing their loved ones had passed, getting answers about the crime. She'd sit there respectfully, patiently waiting for the tears and sobs to subside before she began her interview, her head tilted slightly to the side with sympathetic eyes.
But this was a different story. She actually knew the victims family, she was sleeping with the victim's son… For the first time in a very long time she didn't know how to play this.
Olivia glanced over at the Lieutenant and she felt her heart breaking. Tucker looked so defeated, so downtrodden. His blazing blue eyes that usually held an arrogant smirk or were hardened to intimidate a cop on the other side of the interrogation table were just empty, puffed up from the tears he kept desperately wiping away so they wouldn't fall in front of her. She had known him for fourteen years and tonight was the first night she realized just how old he really was.
"I want you there," Tucker said, breaking the pair out of their silence. "At my mother's funeral. You never met her, I know, but I eventually would have wanted to introduce you to her."
Olivia swallowed hard, staring down at the swirling black liquid inside her cup. He wasn't thinking straight. Grief was too fresh for him too but she could, and she knew that would lead to nothing but trouble for both of them.
"They'll be other IAB agents there," she told him as gently as she could. "They'd wondered what I was doing there… There would be inquiries; we could both get in trouble."
Tucker still didn't look at her. "I don't care about any of that crap. That cop from Chicago, he's going to tell everyone anyway."
"I don't think he will," she told him honestly. "Voight hates Internal Affairs, but he would never do that to me. It'd ruin my career, he knows this." She looked down at the carpet, swallowing hard. "He'll never… ever trust me again but he wouldn't tell."
He was silent for a moment before he looked over at her. "You're sleeping him with him too aren't you? The Sergeant from Chicago?"
His voice wasn't angry or even accusatory, but it still made Olivia feel a total of here inches tall. She didn't answer for a long time before she finally took a deep breath and nodded.
"Yes," she told him, her voice shaking a bit.
"Are you and Voight dating?"
She shook her head. "No. It's… pretty much the same thing I have with you. It's only when one of us is in the other ones town, we don't fly back and forth to see each other unless there's a case involved."
Olivia watched Tucker who still wasn't looking at her. His poker face was alive and well once again and she couldn't get a read on him even if she tried. After a few seconds he talked again, his voice hitching slightly like he was afraid of the answer. "Do… do you care about him? More than you'd care about a friend?"
She opened her mouth to speak but closed it again, unable to tell him yes or no because she wasn't sure of the answer herself. Tucker finally looked up from the floor to look her in the eye, pleading silently for her to give him some kind of answer.
"I…" she began slowly. "Care about Voight… as much as I care about you." It was the truth. Right now, if you asked her to choose between the two she wouldn't be able to come up with an answer. Olivia cared about them both; she loved them both in their own different ways. He looked back down at the floor at her response. "I'm sorry, Ed, I know that's not the answer you're looking for-."
"I asked, you told me the truth," he muttered. "There's nothing to be sorry for."
She had shrunk from three inches down to two. She bit her lip, trying to control tears she had no idea why they were falling. Olivia quickly wiped them away and cleared her throat. "It doesn't matter anyway. Voight's never gonna to speak to me again much less sleep with me or want anything more then what we had. And… to be honest I wouldn't blame you if you didn't want to either."
Tucker glanced over at her and, for all the horror that had happened to him that night, he managed a smirking grin. "Like you could stand a week away from me… You'd really start murdering bikers just to get in a room alone with me."
Olivia looked up and met his eyes and without even thinking about it laughed and after a moment Tucker began laughing out loud as well. "Oh God what are we doing?" she asked, wiping away her tears that, for the first time tonight, cake form laughter instead of grief. "We're gonna wake Noah up and the little guys teething so he'll be up all night."
Tucker shrugged and nodded towards the kitchen.
"Just rub a little bit of whisky on his gums, he'll be fine."
"Why does everyone want to get my baby drunk? No whisky, no brandy… He's spending his first two years of life completely sober."
Tucker chuckled softly and looked at his watch. "I gotta go," he told her as he set the coffee cup on the small coffee table in front of him. "It's almost three AM."
"You can stay if you want," said Olivia as the pair of them stood up. "I'll sleep on the couch, you can have the bed, we can both have the bed…"
"I know and thank you for everything, Olivia. I just… tomorrow is gonna be one of the longest in my life and I'd prefer to do it at home."
Olivia offered him a soft smile. "Sure. Whatever you wanna do."
Tucker returned the smile before he leaned over and gave her a soft kiss on the cheek. "Bye, Olivia," he told her before he headed out of her apartment, shutting the door behind him leaving her staring after him with her hand on the cheek he had just pressed his lips against.
The next morning after Olivia spent half the morning trying to sooth a cranky teething Noah, she stood outside her precinct for a long moment, simply looking up at the brick building. Voight wouldn't tell the squad she was sleeping with Tucker. No way he would. He may be mad at her, but he would not ruin her reputation and possibly get her fired because he was angry.
Even still when she finally did work up the courage to walk inside she couldn't help her heart slamming against her chest, expecting angry dirty looks with angry mutters to accompany them from every cop and detective in the building. But instead she got her usual friendly 'good morning' from their desk Sergeant, the occasional hello from the occasional patrolman and an unexciting trip up to the bullpen in the elevator.
Amaro and Rollins glanced over at her when she walked over to the group. They looked liked dogs who had been scolded for eating out of the trashcan when she met their eyes, not angry betrayed Detectives who just found out their Commanding officer was sleeping with Internal Affairs. Voight was sitting on Carisi empty desk reading something from a manila file.
"Where's Fin and Carisi?" she asked her two detectives.
Amaro opened his mouth to answer but a calm, cool collected familiar voice came behind her. "They're at Angela Tuckers house going over the crime scene."
Olivia turned towards the man who had spoken, her eyes narrowing in confusion when she saw Detective Alvin Olinsky standing behind her, his hands in the pockets of his thrift store tattered looking jacket.
"Detective Olinsky, what are you doing here? When did you get in?"
"I called him last night," Voights voice rang out as he put down the file and walked over to her. He smiled at her but not the normal puppy dog smile she loved, the one that he gave his witnesses before he was about to ambush them.
"I took the red eye got here about two hours ago," Olinsky told her. "Voight said he needed someone he could actually trust working the case with him."
Olivia's face fell and her heart sank at those words while Amaro and Rollins just looked confused as to what was going on. Since when did Voight not trust her? Weren't they actually sleeping together, or so the rumor mill was reporting.
Voight didn't take his eyes off her as her obvious guilt began playing on her features. "Don't do this here," she begged softly. "Let's go in my office, we can talk there."
"Nah, if you wanna talk we can do it right here out in the open. Or maybe you want me to talk instead, in front of your entire squad."
She swallowed hard and tried again. "I am asking you as a fellow Sergeant and as a fellow commander, let' go speak in my office so we can talk about this in private."
"You don't even deserve that badge much less your Sergeant stripes and you damn sure don't deserve to lead an entire precinct.
"Then I'm asking as the woman you have slept with for the past two days who asked me out last night," she told him with heat in voice.
At that the entire precinct stopped what they were doing to turn to the two of them. Amanda's eyes grew wide with shock while Amaro hid a 'knew it' grin from appearing.
He shrugged carelessly. "We all make mistakes."
"Goddamn it Voight, either come into my office now, or I will call up my commander and have him get your ass back on a plane to Chicago and make sure you never step foot in Manhattan again." When he didn't respond she leaned in closer to him, her voice a low hiss. "Try me, Voight. I promise you, you will not like how this ends."
Voight pursed his lips slightly, both trying to stare down the other before, for the first time in living memory, Voight turned away first and without a word stormed into her office. Olivia let out a breath and followed him in there. Olinsky began following and Olivia turned on him like a whip. "Your services will not be required, Detective."
The old detective leaned in slightly, his voice low enough so no one else could hear. "Sergeant, not only did you hurt my best friend by ling to him, but you're also sleeping with a rat. There is no way I'm leaving him alone with you."
Olivia rolled her eyes as Olinsky walked past her into her office and she had no choice but to follow the two of them in her office, slamming the door behind her. "You do not threaten me in front of my squad again," she warned as she stormed over to Voight. "Is that understood?"
"Afraid they're gonna find out the truth?" he bit back. "That their commander is fucking an Internal Affairs Lieutenant? How the hell can you stand yourself?"
"Oh what you think I go home and tell him about all my cases? That he sits there with a note pad while I dish about everything my squad does? My relationship with him is the same exact thing as it is yours!"
"I'm a cop!"
"So is he!"
"He's a rat who hides behind his badge to go after other cops!" he shouted as he got off the desk and began storming towards her but Olinsky got in front of him to stop him.
"Take it easy, Man," Olinsky muttered to his Sergeant.
"No… no let him go," Olivia told the Detective not taking her eyes from Voights. "What are you gonna do, hit me? Hmm? Or maybe break my arm? How about you beat me with a baseball bat, or tie a chain with cinder blocks around my neck and throw me into the river?" At the last one both Voight and Olinsky's face fell. "Cops talk, Voight," she spat. "Even to out of state ones."
"Did you tell that IA agent about what you've heard?" asked Olinsky, his voice still cool.
"No, actually, I didn't," she barked at him before turning back to Voight. "And I would NEVER rat on a fellow cop."
"No you just sleep with the ones that do."
"We don't talk about that kind of stuff when we're together, and we sure as hell don't talk about you. I have never told ANYONE about what you do to win cases."
Voight argued his mouth to yell back when his phone rang. He jerked away from Olinsky and grabbed his phone. "What?" he barked to the unfortunate person on the other line. There was a pause. "Text me the address."
Without so much as a goodbye, Voight threw the phone back in his pocket and turned towards Olinsky. "Ruzek found James Holmes address."
Olinsky nodded and they both began to head out of the office but Olivia stepped in front of them. "You found James Holmes? Where is he?"
"That is classified information for cops, which in my eyes you aren't. Let's go, Al."
He tried to side step her but she was right in front of him, a fire in her eyes. "Voight, I swear to God, tell me or-."
"Yeah see, Benson, I'm done listening to you," he told her. "I'm done doing anything you ask. You don't mean a damn thing to me anymore. Move."
They stared one another down again for a moment only this time Olivia backed down first and stepped back from him. Voight walked past her and out of her office without sparing a second glance. Olivia looked down at the floor, fighting like hell to fight back her tears when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked up and saw Olinsky looking at her.
"It had to be IAB?" he asked softly.
Olivia glared at the Detective. "You and him are acting like I started sleeping with him JUST to piss off Voight."
"They killed his father," he told her softly.
Olivia's eyes widened and she took a step back. "They did what?"
"Voights father had a similar idea about justice as his son does. Internal Affairs sent tried forever to pin something on him but they never could never make anything stick. They stuck a tail on him and one day he drags a witness who's hiding a man who raped and murdered a six year old in cold blood out to the middle of nowhere.
He points a gun to his head to scare him, just to scare him. IAB comes running out, guns drawn, tells him to lower his gun. He turned to tell them there were no bullets in the gun, but all they saw was someone they thought was a cold blooded dirty cop turning on them with a weapon in hand so they shot him dead, and, as it turns out, there were no bullets in the gun. Voight was twelve years old."
"I didn't… I didn't know."
"Hardly anyone does. So you screwing around with some guy from IAB when he has feelings with you? Stabbing him in the heart would have hurt less to be honest."
Olivia swallowed hard and looked down at the floor, unable to come up with anything to say for the longest moment before he clapped her on the shoulder again and walked out to follow Voight.
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