(Thiiiiis is where things get bad folks. I mean, it was bad already, but now it just gets to the levels of insipid. This chapter's only purpose is to introduce/ressurect a character who is absoloutley useless. Have fun kids!)
AN: BEFOUR (GETTIT BECUZ ITZ CHAPTER 4!1!111ONE) THE CHAPTER HERES A SHOUT OUT TO SOME OF MY REVIEWS! (All of which probably just contain the word "shit" used five times in each sentence. And that's when they're NOT quoting it.)
XHEADFONECHICKX – THANKS FOR THE IDEA, I REMBER GLADOS SAID THAT ANDROD HELL WAS A PLACE IN PORTAL 1 (GLaDOS lies! Chell is even a robot so it didn't make sense!) SO THAT GAVE ME THE IDEA FOR THIS CHAPTER! (Oh gooooodeeeeeeee ewe)
THE PIE3 (I see what you did there.)– OF COURSE ITS BAD (Yup, this is indeed bad. This fic in general.) CHELL BOOTY QUAKED AN NOW THERE ARE ZOMBOYS, IF IT DOESN'T GET BAT THE STORY WULD BE BORON (So if this fic didn't get bad, it'd be a massive source of chemicals?)! ITS CALLED CONFILCT MY TEACHER TOLD ME SO! (You might want to switch classes then if your teacher is approving this train wreck.)
ITS MY LIFE!
CHAPTER 3: (Oh good, she's even getting numbers wrong now.) HELLO HELL, THE RETURN OF GABE JONSON! (You mean Cave Johnson?)
I o-mouthed (ASDFGHJKL) in shock at zombee Chell an Atlas an Wheetly just screamed real loud. (Fucking pansy.) There was no weapons to fight them (What about your FUCKING POWERS?!) with but I thot hard an used the portal gun (Oh so there was a weapon. I'm betting she beats them over the head with it.) to portal below me an far away so I escaped with Wheetly. (That doesn't even make sense.) "That was a close one Wheetly" said to me an we started lookin for clues on why zomboys happened. (Well, when a zommy and a zaddy love each other very much…what the fuck is wrong with me.) Then was wen I realized one of my powers was super detective (WHAT A CONVIENIENCE!) an I new where zombees came from. THE TATERS! (I always knew the potato people were our enemy.)
"Those were zombee taters if you eat them an dead you will be zombee." (Seriously? Well its slightly more original I guess…) I esplained to Wheetly who o-mouthed (GUWAAAH). Then a portal happened an Chell an Atlas came out with nifes ready to eat us! (Don't they need forks as well as knives?) My powers were still all wonky (Yet your detective-o-vision worked fine a second ago.)so I culdnt fight them instead we ran fast but triped. (Fail.)I looked to what I triped on an saw it was…. A prototip portal gun! (What, that massive backpack with the tubes from the old labs? What's that doing there?) I piced it up an test fired it at Chell an Altas (Ah, this is John Freeman syndrome. Finding weapons lying around everywhere. Or should I say WEPON) who falled down it an flames came up.
"Bloody hell it's a buggering portal to andord hell!" (Are you fucking kidding me -.-) Wheetly realized an I new he was right. (Well its where Marissa was spawned so no wonder.) Even tho they were zombees now I had to safe my sister an Altas from androod hell (Why Tweedlearse? He's an…arse.) so I grabed the prototip portal gun an jumped in. "Marrissa no its toooo dangerous!" Wheetly cried but I had to do it. (It is a good to do what has to be done by me and help my sister to defeat the enemys.)
Insid androd hell was a bunch of metal an fire with robots gettin bet up (Fantastic description. Now where's the robot devil from Futurama?) I saw Glados an Chell an Atlas all there being hurted by robodemons from the game DOOM. (You mean CYBER demons. And good, we're including Doom in this too, maybe Doom guy will show up and use the unmaker on her.) I wents up to Cshell an saw her was not zombee any more (Wait WHAT?!) an o-mouthed (UGEGEGEGEGEGEGE) at me.
"Marrissa you saved me becos there are no zombees in adroid hell thank you!" (More run on sentences. So Chell's not a zombie because they can't exist in android hell…on that note, why is Chell even being kept there. Its ANDROID hell, not human hell. They're supposedly separate places, if they do even exist.) Chell hugged me an I was happy that my sister was safed (Not really…I mean, you are in hell and all.) but now we had to fined Altas an get out of here. (Leave Tweedlearse to melt damnit!) So we went lookin for Atlas when I saw a hotub made off lava (Get it? HOT TUB AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, SOMEONE SHOOT ME.) with a muscely guy in it an lots of hot babes. (GET IT? HOT, HOT TUB, HOT BABES, GOD WILL THE PUNS EVER EEEEEEND.) Chell was reel suprised at him an I thot telepathic "Whats goin on Chell whos that guy?" (Oh. She has telepathy now. Ok. No problems. I don't even care anymore.)
"That guy is…. GABE JONSON!" (Oh, that wasn't a typo…so, is it a combo of the two? That's actually kinda badass.) The man looked up at us when Chell sayd it an he was all shocked. "Marrissa is that you?" He was all scarred lookin (Don't know if that was intentional or misspelling of scared…) an made fart bubbles in the hotub (Charming details are what makes this fic worthwhile.) which made all the hot babes angry so they left. "OMG How do you no my name?" I asked in shock an o-mouthed. (FFFFFFUUUUUUU-)"I no it becos your… MY DOTTER!" (Ok, that's not even close.) We all even the robots o-mouthed (…i…I think I'm dying…)an Chell fainted becus wewere sisters so she was Gabe Jonsons dotter too. (Holy shit. Maybe the protagonist does have a brain in there aside from the sueish powers.) Gabe got out of the hotub but he was NAKED (Well that kinda goes without saying.) so it was all gross an I ran away. (OMG MAN PARTS. SOOOO GROSS. I only prefer robotic extensions.) "OMG OOPS!" Gabe said lolling an got some pants on but I was already goin far away.
After some far runnin I got back to the portal an saw something bad! (That reality was crumbling due to mass oocness?) Wheetly was all tied up (Even though he's just a ball…no limbs.) an P-Body an now alife Atlas (How did he come back? THE AUTHOR FORGOT, DERP DEE DOOOO.) were throwin the taters into androod hell an robots were eatin em an turning to zomboys! (If someone throws potatoes at you, you better fuckin' eat em.) A robodemon ate one an becomed the big zombie boss monster from Reisdent Evil (Saddler?) only he had a portal gun an rocket launchers. (A deadly combo, well and truly) Gabe Jonson ran up carryin Chell but zombees were chasin them! (Gabe running? I don't see that happening…sorry Gabe.) Atlas an P-Body lolled an said "Bye B****!" an closed the portal leavin us rapped! (Wait, how? Didn't you take the prototype/tip portal gun with you?) We had been Left 4 Dead! (Still not getting old.)
"Marrissa you most use yur powers its the only hope." (Oh yeah, they stopped working. Guess you're fucked.) Gabe Jonson said an I new it was true. I bended down on the metal floor an thot hard an sparks came out of my everwhere an I glowed brite gold. (She was quickly sent to Dale Winton off Cash my gold for money.) Gabe Jonson o-mouthed (I'm done making hilarious scream noises, so here's a pig. OINK) at me an Chell was still uncosios so she didnt do nothin. (Delightfully pointless.) There was a huge flash of the britest lite ever an we were in Portal Labs! (Give me an A! Give me a P! Give me an E! Give me a, FUCKING APERTURE YOU MORON.)
"Yay we did it!" I sad huggin Gabe an Chell. (Ah, another plot convienience power, able to escape from hell. Who cares.) Then some one started to lol at us it was… GLADOS! "You let me escape from Ardod Hell now (Even though we never SAW you or the writer completely forgot to show us.) I will have my revenge on you Marrissa Roberts!"
TO BE CONTINUED!
OH NO! CAN MARRISSA ESKAPE FROM GLADOS ONCE AN FOR ALL (Nope. I'm guessing she's just gonna keep coming back in this shitfic.) AN IS GABE JONSON REELY A GOOD GUY AN DAD? (Nope. He keeps postponing dinner for a few years, until its "worth the wait.") FIND OUT SOON!
AN THANKS FOR THE SPELLIN CORRECSHUN ON WHEETLY WHO IS NOW WHAATLY (What kind of sadists are giving her this advice?) AN GLADOS IS NOW GLaDOS!
Well this chapter had a lot of point. And yes, we will never get an explanation as to how her powers randomly turned off last chapter, so get used to that folks.