Disclaimer: I don't own them, I wish I did, but I don't. Go watch the show and thank the powers that be for a loveable series. Please don't sue me. I'm poor and have nothing better to do with my life.

Authors notes: Anything in italics is the previous nights events, apologies for the confusion of jumping between the time shifts and also for my horrendous writing ability. Avoid eating or drinking towards the end of this chapter, slight choking hazard ahead.

Not All Webs Blow Away

The Present

I'm wincing.

My face is burning with how bright my embarrassment is.

Tom is staring at the wall with a fierce concentration.

"Is this jigging your memory at all?" Torres smiles smugly.

Tom and I nod in unison and surrender to the rest of the memories waiting to be unlocked. I'm filling in as much as I can but Tom is remaining suspiciously silent. I'm still unsure as to how B'Elanna ended up in the morgue and I still can't entirely remember where Kathryn is, but as Tom starts to slowly and quietly explain in between my own titbits of memory, the day continues to get progressively worse.

The Previous Night

"Come on Harry, not much further." Harry is almost completely asleep, I'm dragging him down the corridor with his legs trailing behind.

How do I keep ending up in these situations?

Why can I not just let this go?

If I did, it would minimise these uncomfortable moments.

I can't believe I said what I said, Kathryn will kill me. Why can't I just shut my big mouth? Why do they have to be so bloody perceptive…? Then again maybe I'm just not that conspicuous. Maybe I do gaze at her too much, maybe I do make it too obvious…

But if I do it's because this is all slowly killing me. These games of cat and mouse are exhausting and we're both keeping it going at this point. For someone who doesn't want me, she does seem to want me quite a bit… And I want her. And this is far more complicated than I ever wanted.

But I know it's for the best, that I must make do with what I have and be grateful.

But I can't.

And I can't because I know the truth.

The really unspeakable truth.

The unspeakable truth that goes to the grave with me.

Harry groans loudly as my brain reaches a decision I didn't realising I was making. Pressing a code into Harry's door, I slowly realise he's changed it and I don't know it and he's not anywhere near coherent enough to tell me. Unable to override it, I gently slide him to the floor propped up against his door.

"Goodnight Harry." He snores in reply.

To be that unaware right now…

Before I can change my mind, I hit my Comm-badge.

"Chakotay to Janeway."

"Go ahead."

"Meet me." I start walking before my brain catches up with my heart and into to futures unknown.

The present

"After you left me alone with this idiot..." B'Elanna gestures to Tom with a stab of her finger in the air "…He only got more idiotic." Tom nods in agreement, say what you want about the guy but at least he knows he's an idiot, there aren't many who would agree they were an idiot, but he's at such a level he's transcended idiocy into his own brand of fuck-up. Quite remarkable really.

"Tom felt guilty about upsetting you and what he said but…" She trails off looking at Tom like she needs permission to continue but decides he's an idiot and she'll say what she wants. "…when he's drunk once he gets something into his head, there's usually no stopping him short of a nerve pinch." Tom again nods in agreement.

"He went on this long rant about how Janeway cares more about protocol than her crew and how she shouldn't have put him in the Brig for doing the right thing and that if he was in charge, things would be more different."

Oh no.

"And that if Kathryn wasn't the Captain, that maybe that would leave the door open for the two of you."

Oh Lord.

Tom shakes his head in shame and picks a spot on the floor to look at again.

"So he decided he should prove he was more than capable of running the ship without protocols and Starfleet rule."

Oh Gods….

This is really bringing it all back now and I don't want the next bit to have happened, but I know it did.

"So, he starts by replicating himself a crown and sceptre from the rations he's been gambling with to prove that without Starfleet's regulations on gambling as he put it 'the rewards would be bountiful'… such a tool." B'Elanna shakes her head and sighs into her hand.

"I had the right idea, but wrong application." Tom insists.

"Now if I had a ration for every time I heard that…" She scowls at him and Tom goes back to looking at the carpet. "He then crowned himself 'The King of Voyager' and vowed to reign as a reasonable being, he also declared Friday pancake day and ate a shit ton of pancakes in celebration and then he announced was promoting Neelix to First officer."

"Oh well now that's just a bad choice." Tom admits "That was absolutely the drink speaking."

"And the rest wasn't?" Torres is met with silence. "So, he decided the first thing he needed to attend to was demoting the Captain so that you could have your happy ever after. I spent probably an hour trying to reason with him, only to realise you can't reason with stupid, especially if stupid is drunk." True. Very true.

"I had my heart in the right place." Tom mumbles before getting himself a drink from the replicator.

"The problem wasn't your heart Tom, it's that your brain and your balls reside in the same place." Torres points out. "He was so drunk by that point, he passed out on the couch and I went to bed looking forward to a good night's sleep without him snoring in my ears." Tom scoffs and drinks his water. "What I didn't count on, was this moron waking up in the middle of the night, carrying me to sickbay and locking me in a morgue draw, I woke up to him shutting the door and that is all I know about the adventures of Frick and Frack." Torres finishes speaking and rubs her eyes.

I look at Tom and wonder if he's going to fill in the next bit or whether I have to show the hand of cards I've been holding very close to myself.

"I kinda remember, but it's still a bit hazy." Tom begins. "I remember thinking I didn't want B'Elanna to get in the way of the most genius plan I've ever hatched." Torres shoots him daggers and sighs deeply once more.

Tom sits down at the table and puts his head into his hands before continuing the story of the worst night on Voyager thus experienced. Including that time that giant space thing ate us.

"Janeway wasn't in her quarters so I went looking for her, until I asked the computer which said she was in the guest quarters, so off I went to demote her." He tries to laugh but even he knows this is beyond a laughing matter. "I found…."

Please don't Tom.

Please.

If you owe me anything it's to not say what you're going to say.

He looks at me nervously.

"… I saw… I found her badge in the Quarter's… I took it, pinned it on myself, declared myself Captain and then drank the rest of the cider I found."

B'Elanna eyes him suspiciously "So what happened to the Captain, where is she?"

Oh God.

Oh God.

I need to go right now.

"Umm…" I start, unsure of how to finish. "...I think I remember…. Tom can you come give me a hand?" Tom nods insistently and we both start to the door at an alarming pace.

"Wait, you're not going to tell me! After all you put me through, you're not telling me?"

"I'll tell you later B, we have to go get the Captain." Tom shouts across his shoulder, not stopping in his speed to the door and before she can reply, the door is closed and we're sprinting down the corridor.

"I'm so screwed." I puff with the effort of running and speaking. It's my turn to reside myself to the fact that I've majorly screwed up.

"Finally, it's not just me." Tom laughs and we get into the Turbo-lift towards what is possibly going to be the worst tongue lashing of my life. I usually love a good tongue lashing, Kathryn is her sexiest when she's raging like a tornado in a china shop but this is going to be much different, much less sexy than I would hope. Tom leans against the lift wall and pants, he needs to start working out again.

"Thank you, Tom." I whisper.

"Don't mention it… Like really, don't, B will kill me for not saying anything." He waves a hand across his throat for effect and I realise I have seriously underestimated Tom for a long time.

"…What did you see?"

"Let's put it this way it was enough to make me drop my Crown Jewels." I can't help but laugh at this, I'm sure I would have reacted in the same way. "Even if you hadn't attempted the worst cover-up attempt known the mankind, just the badge being there… would… have been enough…" He trails off and I'm thankful he's not getting in specifics. We've got far bigger fish to fry, like a freaking whale of fish.

The lift stops and we both sprint out and down the corridor. As we enter the door leading to doom, I'm grateful for one small thing, I forgot to tell Seven the transporters we're malfunctioning.

The few moments it takes for Tom to start tapping on the console and manually release the pattern buffer, I think of my life and whether I had truly lived it to the fullest because in a few seconds I'm about to be annihilated. I think of my regrets, of the highs and the lowest lows, I think of good times, the sad times, the hard times and whether it was all worth it.

As the transporter begins to whirl, I decide it was.

By the time Kathryn rematerializes, naked as the day she was born, hands on her hips and the sternest of death glares in effect, I decide it was absolutely worth it.

She mutters three words.

"Ready Room, now."