Disclaimer: I don't own them, I wish I did, but I don't. Go watch the show and thank the powers that be for a loveable series. Please don't sue me. I'm poor and have nothing better to do with my life.

Authors notes: If you've made it this far, you deserve a medal. I apologise entirely for the mess I make of these nonsensical writings but I hope at least a raised a smile and a mild tittering of laughter. I know I have an insane mind but if anyone gets any enjoyment out of it, then it's all worthwhile.

The Weaving Conclusion

The next hour was filled with some of the most creative use of cursing I've heard in a long time, some of the most descriptive language I've ever heard to describe myself and Tom, one of the long running profanity strewn sentence's I've ever experienced and the most awkward dressing-down either of us would ever receive.

"There will be not a word of this to the crew, understand me, that goes for B'Elanna as well, and if I see even a sniff of any of this in report, I will personally flush you out the sewage system myself, understood?"

Tom looks at me with deep regret, I know his hangover has probably returned to full mast as has my own, we had both been stoically staring at the floor the entire time Kathryn raged, but I can't help but feel Tom's getting off easy here, I'm going to get a whole new asshole ripped for me when he leaves, she will torture me with this for a decade. If not longer.

And more than anything I fear this will be the end of us and any hope I would have for a relationship with her.

"Understood." We speak in unison, not for the first time today.

"Get out of my sight, your holo-privileges are revoked for the next three months, and I expect you to melt down that ridiculous crown for resources by the end of the day Mr Paris." She spits out the words with a fiery intent and sits down with a fresh cup of coffee, the fourth she's had since we entered this room of misery and doom. "If not, I will find you and I will destroy you." She glares at him with a red menace and turns her attention to a Padd and her coffee as she dismisses us with a wave of her hand.

Just as we reach the door and thoughts that I might get to recover slightly before my next Janeway annihilation, her voice knifes through the air.

"Stay where you are Mr Chakotay." The voice is filled with dark fury.

Shit.

I'm fucked.

I want to say, "It was nice knowing you" to Tom, but I'd be lying, he's been nothing but an interfering pain in the ass. He transmits me a look of sympathy and disappears behind the door.

The worst silence of my life then ensues for an agonising five full minutes until she speaks.

"Perhaps next time you transport me, you check they're working fully."

"Understood." My reply is quick and precise, she's not messing around and I don't want to piss her off anymore than she already is, but I doubt that's even possible.

"Also, if you wouldn't mind doing it only when I'm fully clothed, that would also be a bonus." I'd laugh at her but the scowl currently residing on her face lets me know it would only lead to more doom. "What does Paris know?" Her face looks more worried now, anxious.

"Not much at the best of times, but it's taken us all day to find you, I'd say its safe to say he doesn't remember much and what he does he thinks is unreliable."

"Good, otherwise I would have to air lock considering." I wish she was joking but I don't think she is.

"Kathryn…"

"Don't even begin Chakotay, she interrupts my intended apology and waves a finger to emphasis. "There isn't much you could say right now that won't make me want to demote you to Cargo Bay rat." I believe her, but I need to apologise, not that I'm sure I know how to put it into words.

"We said this wouldn't get messy." She locks eyes with me.

"I know." I admit, sadly.

"This is messy." Kathryn takes a sip of coffee and eyes me with her own sadness.

"It could be worse." I offer, and I immediately regret saying it.

"It could be worse!? A crewman found us in bed together and you panicked and transported me and held me in a pattern buffer all-night!" She waves her hands emphatically and buries her face behind her hand.

"Firstly, technically that is not my fault, the automatic release is malfunctioning, and the patterns have to be manually released and secondly, he remembers nothing…" I lie, hoping to the spirits that he mentally blocks out not only the sight of us fucking when he entered the room in his crown, but the sight of Kathryn naked. That should be a sight for me and me only. "They think that we're just friends because you don't want anything to happen while you're the Captain."

"Even after his interruption last night, that was slightly more than friends Chakotay."

"He was too drunk to remember." I feel bad lying but she would never believe me if I said Paris was actually being entirely discreet about it and would deny any knowledge as far as I knew, he is completely trustworthy of this secret.

"You better hope so Chakotay." There's a sad desperation behind her words that hits me in the stomach. She really is scared our little secret is about to get… well… not so little… more of a giant whopper….

"Kathryn, I'm sorry, I really am, I know you don't want to hear it right now, or don't believe me but I do mean it, I really do. I don't regret it however." She rolls her eyes at my words and sighs deeply. "Being with you is more than anything I could ever regret, and I never will regret it. We had one slip up, one! That's not bad in the nearly three years this has been happening, I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner."

"Which is exactly why I was worried about this Chakotay, it's bad enough I'm breaking every rule her, we promised this wouldn't get in the way of command or the day to day running of this ship, this is the kind of distraction I didn't want, I knew it would interfere with being the Captain and that as long as I am, this wouldn't work."

"Well I think we did pretty well considering, this has been some of my best creative thinking… Look ever since that first night, back when Seven joined the ship and you were technically still not Captain after your head injury..."

Kathryn interrupts "I still blame the head injury for all of this, I must have sustained brain damage to ever think this was a good idea!"

"Kathryn, ever since that first night, you have technically not been in command every single time, I have." Technically this is true, when Seven first came aboard, Kathryn was in a coma followed by a few weeks of recuperation and I was the commanding officer during that time, I didn't officially pass back command until after Kathryn had shown up at my quarters one night and nearly blew my socks off into the vacuum of space. Ever since we've being playing secret ping-pong with official command.

"So, we just continue resigning the Captaincy to one another whenever I get horny and just hope for the best?" She scoffs.

"It's worked well so far and to be honest, it was a stupid, stupid thing that's derailed us, that will never happen again, ever, not as long as I live." I'm never drinking again and I will seriously be limiting my time with Tom in the future.

"But is it worth the consequences?"

"Absolutely." I reply without missing a beat, I stand up and make my way around her desk. "Completely worth it." I take her hands and bring them to my lips.

For a few seconds I lose myself to every memory of being with Kathryn, to the knowledge that the only reason we can't be together more is the Captaincy. How every encounter becomes farther and farther apart as she allows her self-imposed sentence of loneliness to win over her own happiness.

"Every second with you is worth every book they can throw at me, and it will be me, just as we decided, I was technically the commanding officer and as such, I will take the consequences and would over and over and over again, if it meant being with you." I kiss her hands gently and her eyes soften. "I've told you before and I'll tell you again, I will happily give up my rank to be with you but I know you don't want that, I know it's the Captaincy that is making you hold back, I'll do whatever you want, whatever it is that will make you really happy, but I think that's me, I think I make you happy and I don't want to lose this Kathryn, I don't."

Kathryn thinks for a beat before smiling and reaching up to smooth my hair, she lays a palm on my face and kisses me gently.

"Nor do I. You do make me happy, but this really can't interfere again, I can't let the crew down or be unworthy of their trust."

"You're not, they just want you to be happy, I'm sure of that. And after today I am more sure than ever that I want you, I want more of you. I want to be with you more as well, I don't want to just be a side note, I want to be an entire book and lately we just feel like an empty page."

She drops her hand from my face, smiles again before settling into her seat with her coffee.

"I don't know how much I can give, I still need to put this crew and the ship as my priority above my own selfish needs Chakotay, we've discussed this so many times, I didn't enter into this lightly… But I know I've been keeping my distancing, I don't want you to think I was just…using you… I was getting worried about…" She trails off, unable to finish and takes a sip of coffee. "…I was worried…"

"I was getting too close." I guess, and apparently, I was right as she nods and sighs.

"The fact is, doesn't seem to matter what I do you're always on my mind and it was becoming as distracting as I feared, I feared it was becoming too obvious, that we were being less than discreet." She admits, her face falling in sorrow and hopelessness.

"Kathryn, this is happening for a reason, you and me, we're meant to be. And I already told you I won't hold any decision you have to make for the good of ship is the priority and if that means sacrificing me, that's what you have to do, doesn't mean I won't love you."

Her eyes flare on my last words, I just said the one thing we've been holding back from saying, until now it's been a casual hook-up, well, as casual as it can be with that wildcat. Tom was right, she does go off like a firecracker in bed. We've ninja-ed into different quarters across the ship whenever the moment had allowed, whenever she had felt the walls around her weak enough to cross, but the last few months have been almost unbearable with the distance she's kept and it's only served to make me more miserable and lonely that I thought possible. To think she might let us continue to grow is something that fills me with a hope. Even if we are still sneaking around all the way back to the Alpha quadrant.

"Well Commander, I would say you can go and think about what troubles come with drinking and that if you were stage a minor mutiny in the guest quarters in about a week, I would be open to negotiations, but make sure it is a week, I want to make sure you're being punished enough but not enough to make us lonely."

I smile. My heart fills. My head hurts.

"I'll be there with bells on." She smiles at my words. "And I mean that if you lend me your Arachnia dress." I can't help it, it's who I am, the oaf with a dopey sense of humour.

With a smile and a nod she speaks "Dismissed Commander." She waves me out the room and I got to the Bridge to ruminate on the logistics of my affair with the Captain.

Tom smirks at me from the Helm and I can't help but smile back.

For an absolute shitshow, I wouldn't change a thing about the last day.

Authors Notes: I hope you enjoyed this and thank you to any who made it this far. Pat yourself on the back, have a cookie and think about what kind of story you'd like to see next. I hope you enjoy it and if not let me know what to improve on. Thank you and have an awesome day.
Peace My Lovelies. xox