ITS MY LIFE! (What does the title even MEAN? Marissa's not exactly fighting for freedom or the right to exist, so it doesn't even make sense!)
CHAPTER 5: CHELLS BOOTY QUAKE REMIX! (Oh god…)
GLaDOS was makin me do tests a gain (As opposed to killing you, like she threatened last chapter. Also, why not just go and kill her again?) with lots of traps an turrents. Becos she was a emo goth (Really? We're still on that?) now all the walls were black an red an there was Avril Lavinge an My Kemical Romance (Ok that's a tad more gothic.) music playin which made it hard for me to do the tests (Just ignore it. Or is it on full blast?) an GlaDOS was cryin an cuttin herself (Fuck's sake…) on the big screen comptuer. (She'll probably upload it to myspace too…) WHEATLY whos name was right this time (PRAISE THE HEAVENS AND WAIT FOR THE MISSPELLING!) was back on his rale (So GLaDOS just allowed him to continue working, and live?) an had to clean up all the robot blood from GLadOS cuttin herself an it was all messy an sticky like the repulsive gel. (…ugh…I don't even want to think about that.)
I pressed a botton that made the test done (Wheatley must've designed this test.) an got ready for the next one when a rumbling happened all of sudden. A thing fell out of the seeling an it was… MY COMPANON COOB! (What? How? Does it have magical sue powers to?) I ran so fast to the coob an gave it a big hug an cryed some becos I was so happy at least GLados had gived me one thing to be happy with. (Yes, I'm sure she broke the ceiling just to give you back the cube.) Then the prototip portal gun came out from a wall-hole an made a new portal to Andord hell. (She had that on her last chapter, so HOW?!)
"You must drop the coob in Adroid Hell now Marrissa or ill put NEROTOKSIN in the room!" (Oh good, its only Nerotoksin. That's not nearly as bad as neurotoxin.) GlADOS said. I culdnt kill my companion coob, he was my best frend besides Wheatly an Chell, (Way to downgrade him. And WHY NOT JUST KILL HER LIKE THE OTHER TEN FUCKING TIMES?!) then I rembered Gabe Jonson was supposed to be here (Good point, where is Gabe?) an he was my dad (Actually, I have my doubts about that. Gabe's last name is different from Marissa's. So either Marissa was married at some point, changed her name for no reason, or Gabe isn't really her dad!) so maybe he was workin to stop GlaDOS which gave me renued strength to do more tests but I had to find away to not hurt my coob.
If onyl I had a powers to solve the test (You DO have powers to solve it. That detective skill must surely help with tests. Or, I dunno, SHOOTING LIGHTNING AT THE FUCKING DOOR.) without hurting my companion boob (I swear that typo is intentional.) I thout. "HURRY UP MARRISSA THE NEROTOKSIN IS ALMOST REDDY!" (Why is GLaDOS helping?) GLaDOS angered (:C)when I realized one of my powers is NEROTOKSIN immunity! (OH FOR FUCKS SAKE!)"Go head an toksin me Glads." I boated to the dumb emo goth computer women. (There's more than one of her?) "DOT SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU!" GLaDOS started pumpin all the room with icky green farts (No wonder neurotoxin kills.) that smelled reel bad but didt hurt becos I was immune. I piced up the companon coob an went threw door an saw something bad…. (The author? O-face)
Chell was shakin' her butt all jiggly a gain an dance crazy (Again? Really?) an Wheatly was watchin. "SHAKE IT BACK IT BOOTY QUAKE IT ROLL IT A ROUND!" She sung an I realized that Chell had a relaps of brane damage. (Well she seemed fine when they left android hell…)"YEAH Chell BOOTY CUAKE IT!" Wheeatly cheered becos he didt no I was watchin. "WHATLY HOW COLD YOU?" (HOW DARE YOU LOOK AT ANY WOMAN BESIDE ME! I AM YOUR GODESS!) I screemed an Wheatly said "OH BLOODY WANKER!" (GRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAA) An ran off on his rale. Chell was still retorded but I GlaDOS taked my magum pistol so I couldn't fix her. (If by "fix" you mean kill her, you ass.) I sat down an started cryin. (Look out, it's the waaaambulance.)
How cold Wheatly bretrayed me when I was preganent with his robot ball/human baby (If you really think looking at another woman is betrayal, you need to fix your priorities.) an we loved eechother? Also I needed to fix Chell so she would stop doing dance crazy with shake butt but not even my powers could fix brane damage. (No! Surely the plot couldn't just hand you that power, could you?) "THERE IS ONLY ONE CURE FOR BRANE DAMAGE!" GLaDON yelled out loud with no indoor voice. (Ok that's kinda funny.) "IT IS THE ZOMBEE TATERS!" (Again, why is she helping?) Now it all made sense! When Chell was zomboy she was act normal (And when she wasn't a zombie in android hell ) so to safe Chell I needed to make her zombee a gain! (This can't go wrong at all!) This was bad news. I had to pick between retorded normal Chell or smart zombee Chell an even sores Wheatly was cheetin on me! (GET OVER YOURSELF WOMAN!)
I walked off leavin Chell to dance crazy an found the zombee taters. (John Freeman syndrome again.) I picked one up an started to CRY. "WHY IS EVER THING GOIN BAD AN WRONG AN WHEETLY ABDONED ME FOR MY TARDED SISTER?" (Get. Over. Yourself.) Cry came out of all my eyes (All six of them!) an all every where. I didn't no it at the time, but it was part of GLaDOS plan, she was turnin me into a goth emo! (Um…why? And why does the author reveal this plan to us when it could be made for a somewhat better twist?)
MEENWHILE (BRIAN BLESSED) Wheatly was rollin on his rale with tears in eye (So we have robot BLOOD and TEARS. Beautiful.) becos he was sad for betrayin me. "Why did I bloody have to betray Marrissa my one true love? I am a sodding wonker!" (She was possessive really, get over it.) He didn't mean to betrayed me but he secretly had a love trangle between me an Chell but he thot it ended but guess not. (I do love it when the author breaks up the story for these meaningless little segments.) "I have to a polozie to Marrissa an make things better a gain!" Wheetly speeded on his rale back to me when some thing grabbed him it was… ATLAS AN P-BODY! (Oh so Tweedlearse and Tweedlehole ARE still in this story. I was starting to not miss them.)
"He b***** wanna smoke some drugs/?" P-Body said an gave Wheatly a drugs. "No." Wheatly answered becos drugs are bad he new from me. (Marissa's a perfect anti-drug figure for the kids. The chick who also had freaky robot sex and shot her sister for being retarded.)"How about drink some beer then?" Asked Atlas. Wheatly didt want to but the peer pressure (Peer pressure? I wouldn't call either of the tweedle's his peers.) was strong an he was reel sad after all…
TO BE CONTINUED!
WILL MARRISSA AN WHEATLY GET BACK TO GETHER? (Of course they fucking will. Its as clear as ice.) WILL GLADOSS EVIL PLAN BE STOPED? WHERE IS GABE JONSON? FIND OUT NECKS TIME ON ITS MY LIFE!
So yeah, this whole chapter is essentially wangsty and pointless. And the next chapter is even more pointless! Cmon kids, lets go read =D