A/N – The funny thing about attending conferences is that you get inspired. Me – I got inspired to write this and even though I am supposed to be writing a new chapter for "Uncovering the past", I needed to get this out of my system. I work with cancer research and even though this is completely a work of fiction, there is a lot of truth in there.
I hated Skins Fire. So, so much. I cried so, so hard. I still do at the mere thought. This is my remedy…
Skins is not my creation..
Chapter 1. Consent
Gina's POV
I have to be strong for her, I have to be strong for her. I had been repeating that mantra to myself ever since she had left for yet another examination. This morning's news had left me completely numb and I was functioning solely on autopilot. Three months ago, Naomi had called me in the middle of the night, screaming in pain. I had to call an ambulance but since I was still living in Bristol and Naomi had moved to London after college, I wasn't at the hospital when they took her in. I had arrived four hours later, having driven like a maniac to get to her as quickly as humanly possible. By then, they had taken numerous samples and several doctors had visited her but without letting her know why she was in so much pain. A morphine drip was keeping the pain under control but even then, I knew my baby was in a lot of pain. She is very stubborn, my daughter, and even during a time of complete distress, she refused to show the doctors any weakness.
The first signs of her illness had been very diffuse; some unexpected lightheadedness, stomach pain and a state of exhaustion that was in strong contrast to her usual go-get-them attitude. However, it had started during her finals and we had decided it was due to the stress of finishing a degree. I will never forgive myself for brushing it off like that. The support groups I had visited during the last few months all mentioned the same thing – how crucial it was for the doctors to discover the disease early. In retrospect, three months probably wouldn't have made the biggest difference but then again, the possibility exists that it might have. After spending a few days in hospital, the results from the excessive testing had come back with every mother's greatest fear; my child had cancer. The doctors and nurses had already explained that there was a great risk of cancer and we were therefore not as shocked as we otherwise would have been. A few days in hospital being visited by a variety of doctors with grim-looking expressions can really make you understand that life as you know it is about to change forever.
Immediately, Naomi had been given chemo –and external radiation therapy and was spending more time in a hospital bed than at home or at work. She had never really gotten the chance to sink her teeth into her new position at the firm but her bosses had been supportive and still sent flowers to her hospital room every Friday. She had been working there as a paralegal while finishing law school and was guaranteed a position as a junior associate the minute she finished her degree. She was supposedly on sick-leave but due to the great relationship she had with the firm, they were still paying her the full salary. For all intents and purposes, she had been working "from home" during these past months. Their continued support meant a lot to Naomi, I knew that, even if she wouldn't admit to it. She had tried to prevent them from fussing about her, telling them that that was what I was for but her colleagues would have none of it. Someone from the office stopped by once a week and kept her up to speed on the current gossip as well as any big work-related news. There was no way of making sure but I believed that treating her as normally as possible was helping her cope with the situation.
In the beginning I was going back and forth between Bristol and London. Every time Naomi had a chemo-session, I took leave from work and drove down. At the height of each therapy cycle, the side effects left her so weak that she couldn't get out of bed. I eventually quit my job, sold our house and moved into her apartment. She needed her mother and nothing in the world could stop me from being by her side. During her childhood, I went through a lot of different stages and let a lot of strange people into Naomi's life. I had her at a young age and was barely out of my teens when I all of a sudden found myself a single parent. Naturally, men had come and gone in my life and therefore in Naomi's, although most of them she was glad to see disappear. I hadn't always put her interests first, although in all fairness she never was the type to be babied and protected. She had always been so independent and stubborn and I can honestly not remember a single time she asked me for help with her homework.
During her early teens, our house had turned into a communal living facility and she really had little privacy in her life. She spent most of her time doing volunteer work for the homeless or working part time. She always complained that she needed the extra money so that she could "get the fuck out of here ASAP". All of the extra work panned out when she was accepted to one of the top legal programs in the country. Unfortunately for me it was in London. Although, looking back, it was probably more of a stroke of luck, since our relationship improved greatly during her first years at Uni. She had always been so incredibly protective of her personal life and the only friend of hers that I met more than once was Cook. Going away to London had matured her and she slowly started sharing her life with me. During her second year, she surprised me by coming home for Easter and announced that she had brought someone home with her for me to meet. Sarah was her name and Naomi presented her, quite proudly I might add, as her girlfriend. I was a bit taken aback and felt daft that I hadn't realized it sooner. It was like all the little pieces that made up the puzzle that was my daughter all of a sudden fell into place. When they left the room to go and unpack their things, I actually shed a few tears. Not because I was homophobic or upset but because I finally felt that Naomi had let me into her life again, after years of holding me at arm's length. Since then, she had confided in me and I had learned that she wasn't inexperienced in terms of boys but that she had understood at age sixteen that being gay was a real possibility. It had taken her affection for Sarah to truly embrace it but had still kept it a secret from me for an entire year. She wasn't really scared to tell me about it but she didn't want to introduce me to Sarah until she knew it was going to be a long term relationship. I suppose having introduced her to so many men that never turned out to be long term-things had made her careful of repeating my mistake.
Cook was a troubled child and had gotten into trouble both at school and with the law at a young age. It was the only way to generate any type of response or reaction from his estranged mother and most of the time, her response was to send him more money. So he became a regular fixture at our house and at times, it felt like he spent as much time there as she did. For the longest time, I thought they were a couple and kept dropping hints so she would finally admit to it. As it turns out, they never were, although I always suspected that Cook was in love with her. He wasn't really the type to neither fall nor stay in love but Naomi was the only constant thing in his life and I knew he loved her dearly. A couple of weeks ago, during one of her chemo-sessions, Naomi admitted to me that they had in fact once tried to see if there was more to them than friendship, but she had thought the whole thing wasn't right and couldn't go through with it.
He got himself expelled from college during the second year and went a little crazy, almost getting himself thrown in jail. His lawyer struck a deal and he ended up in a military school where discipline was first on the agenda, all day - every day. Turns out that was what he needed to stay on the straight and narrow and he found the entire thing inspiring and eventually joined the army the day after his eighteenth birthday. He was currently stationed in Afghanistan and I hadn't been able to reach him. I kept leaving messages for him but he had yet to respond to any of them. Naomi had tried to get in touch as well and was really worried and of course, hurt, that he wasn't getting back to her. She was worried that he had gotten hurt over there but every time a British soldier was injured or killed there was a news announcement. Cook had stated Naomi as his emergency contact and we felt reassured every time such an announcement was made and Naomi's phone didn't ring. There was simply some other explanation as to why our messages weren't getting through. It was however, crucial for the both of them that he get in touch, not only because it was important to Naomi but because I knew Cook would never get over her dying if he didn't get a chance to say goodbye. Honestly, I wasn't even sure he would survive it either way, that's how much he loved her.
This morning was supposed to be the start of a new chemo-cycle but after meeting with her oncologist, plans had changed. The chemo wasn't working and new metastases had shown up on her scans. There was nothing more they could do for her except do their very best to improve her quality of life, however short that life was going to be. They had taken her away to get some fluids drained from her abdomen, leaving me with a bit of peace to gather my wits. I wiped the tears from my cheeks and checked my reflection in the bathroom mirror. I removed some smudged mascara and gave myself a smile, repeating my mantra; I have to be strong for her.
Emily's POV
I had been up half the night fighting with Jeremy and was late to our regular Monday group meeting. Jeremy had once again brought up the fact that I was spending more time at the lab or the hospital during the weekends than I was with him. Technically, he was right as I really was spending more hours at the lab than at home, but in my defense, we had some pretty important stuff coming up and we weren't quite ready. Clocking in some extra hours during weekends was helping and I had tried to explain to him that once we got started with the trial, everything was going to go back to normal. I would only be working a normal week, nine-to-five, and I wouldn't have to bring work home either. It's just that getting ready for a clinical trial is always overwhelming and we had only gotten the approval a few weeks ago. Kieran had of course, being the eternal optimist he is, already been scanning the hospitals of London for potential participants. We had ten patients on the short list, all of whom were terminal.
I ran up the spiral stairs and finally joined my colleagues, panting and visibly sweating. "Sorry guys", I managed to huff out between gasps of air, holding up one hand in apology whilst finding a seat.
"We were actually waiting for you, Emily." Kieran smiled, the excitement of today's importance showing all over his bearded face. I couldn't help but return the smile and was happy that he thought I was important enough to wait for before starting the meeting. "We need the purification data you compiled this weekend", he continued and my smile disappeared. They weren't actually waiting for me because I was a crucial member of the team but because they needed my results. I'm such a schmuck.
"Right, sorry", I mumbled as I got out a file from my bag and handed it to him. He studied it thoroughly and kept nodding to himself. When he finished, he looked up and smiled at the lot of us.
"Let's get this thing rolling!", he exclaimed as he slammed the file shut, his Australian accent slightly more evident than usual. That tended to happen when he got either really excited or devastatingly upset. I had never heard him sound like the full-blooded Australian that I knew he was until the day we finally received approval for the trial. He had actually picked me up and twirled me around while laughing and speaking some Australian gibberish. It had been the best day in months and we had all gone out to celebrate, a huge weight having been lifted off our shoulders.
Kieran dimmed the lights and started his power point presentation describing each patient down to the slightest detail; full body scans showing the approximate size and location of metastases, the primary tumor and a detailed medical history, including biopsy results and responses to previous treatments. All patients were different ages and had different stories but had two things in common; they were terminal and suffering from neuroendocrine cancer. About half had pancreatic cancer and these represented the more severe cases, all rippled with metastases, both local and distant. Kieran distributed copies of the patient files and we went through them one by one. The morning meeting ran through lunch as the discussion carried on and after a quick, emphasis on quick, bite to eat, Kieran, JJ and I caught a cab and went to visit the first patient on the list.
By late afternoon, we had gotten consent from eight out of nine patients and even though Kieran was disappointed it wasn't nine out of nine, it had been a rewarding day. The last patient I needed no help remembering. Her name alone had made an impression and Kieran had had to explain that it wasn't actually Naomi Campbell, 42, supermodel but Naomi Campbell, 23, lawyer and currently dying from an aggressive pancreatic cancer. We arrived at St. Mary's and went straight to their oncology department where Naomi's oncologist was waiting for us with the results of her latest PET/CT-scan. After a brief discussion about the mental state of the patient, he took us to her room.
The oncologist knocked softly on the door as he opened it. "Gina?", he whispered. A forty-something woman with sandy hair sitting in the lounger by the bed looked up at him with a questioning expression. The room was dark, with the blinds down and lights off. Naomi herself was lying on her side facing away from us. "Is she asleep?", the doctor whispered.
"No", Naomi answered, "I'm not." We followed the doctor into the room as Naomi slowly turned in the bed to face us. "What's all this then?", she asked, her voice slightly strained from the pain of moving into a sitting position.
"Miss Campbell, Mrs. Campbell," Kieran nodded to the both of them, "My name is Kieran and I am a doctor and a scientist. This fine young man is JJ, he's a brilliant doctor and next to him is Emily who is a brilliant scientist.", he explained while gesturing towards us. Gina smiled warmly at the both of us but Naomi was clearly unimpressed. Kieran continued his speech, "Our research focuses on neuroendocrine tumors and we are currently starting a clinical trial to further understand and hopefully improve treatment options for patients like you, Naomi." Kieran shot her his most earnest of smiles but still, the young woman was unimpressed. That didn't deter Kieran though as he rounded up his proposal, "I would like to offer you the unique opportunity to help future victims of your devastating disease by joining our clinical trial."
Despite light flowing in through the open door, the room was still quite dark and I hadn't actually seen Naomi's or Gina's faces clearly. As Kieran finished his speech, Gina turned on the lamp next to the bed and took her daughter's hand in a supportive gesture before answering, "but Naomi has pancreatic cancer, not this neuro-whatever-it-was."
Kieran opened his mouth to reply but Naomi beat him to it, sounding slightly exasperated. "Mum, pancreatic cancer is neuroendocrine cancer."
"You are indeed correct, Miss Campbell, and quite clever, I might add.", JJ offered and smiled. Coming from anyone other than JJ, that would have been the cheesiest line ever to be spoken but his honest, good-natured guise somehow transformed it into a compliment. Naomi turned her face towards where JJ and I were standing by the door and when her blue eyes found us, I swallowed a gasp as I felt the air being sucked from the room. She awarded JJ a small smile at his compliment and I felt a desperate need to grab hold of something to keep me steady. Her eyes were extraordinary; a light-azure color and seemed to sparkle as her small smile reached them. JJ must have been just as taken aback by their beautiful power as I noticed his cheeks turning slightly red under her gaze.
"Would it make her worse?", Gina asked, "the chemo was horrible and she has been so much better since they stopped it." Kieran regarded her with a sad look.
"Yes, chemotherapy can be truly horrible to the body", he answered, taking a step towards Naomi's bed. "Which is why we want to improve our treatment options. We are not here to torment you further and we are not here to give you false hope. This trial involves testing a new way of delivering radiation to the tumors, killing the cancer without damaging any normal organs or tissues." Kieran had closed the remaining distance between himself and Naomi and his exaltation was clearly visible. "If our hypothesis proves true, it will be an unprecedented breakthrough in radioimmuno-targeting." He lost them there, I could see it in their faces. I stepped in.
"It's a way of using the cancer cells against themselves", I explained, stepping forward in the process. Naomi turned her eyes to regard me and I had to steady myself on the railing at the foot of her bed. What is wrong with me today? I pulled myself together and offered her a warm smile. "By utilizing how they differ from normal cells and using radiation, to stop them from growing or, in the best case scenario, kill them."
Naomi was watching, no studying me, and I started faltering under her scrutinizing gaze. She let her eyes wander from my hair to my lips before once again connecting with my eyes. She shot me a sly smile and I felt myself blush but couldn't help but return her smile.
"Alright", Naomi finally said, releasing me from her hold, "what exactly would I have to do?"
Kieran absolutely lit up and the Australian accent reappeared as he started to explain the layout of the clinical trial. Gina smiled at him and seemed to focus all of her attention on him, whereas Naomi was listening intently but every now and again, her eyes drifted to mine, effectively taking my breath away.
So! As I said, I had to get this started and hopefully I will continue once I have a little more time.. If you liked it and would like to motivate me to continue or help me become a better writer, send a review or PM my way or follow the story!