(This bit is basically a dumbed down Portal based Hamlet. Want to know why? Read on!)
AN THANKS FOR THE GOOD REVIEWS (I bet it was either guests or you on other accounts.) YOU LAST TOW ONES. AS LONG AS THE REEL FANS SUPPORT ME THIS STORY WILL NEVER DYE! (PRIESTS, FETCH MY GARLIC, STAKE AND HOLY WATER, I'VE GOT A SHITFIC TO EXCORCISE! God save the Queen!)
ALSO THANKS FOR TELLIN ME ABOUT NEXT NOT NECKS ILL REMBER THAT. =D (Spoiler alert, she doesn't remember it.)
CHAPTER SEVEN: BATTLE OF THE GOTH EMO WAR (Oh god, this fic really IS turning into My Immortal…)
All of sudden Wheatly an Altas an P-Body was were I was an looked all shocked at me. (What, the good old o-mouthed bit is too good to be used here? Just go for the bottom of the barrel author, you've got little left to lose)I was a goth emo now an had died my jumpsuit black (With what? Did you just find dye hanging around?) an was cuttin myself while listenin to Avril Lavinge music. (Because that's still a staple of emo/goth culture I guess.) "Marrissa what happoned to you?" Wheatly asked but I just cryed at him (So she just looks at him and cries? Threatening.) an yell "You broke me heart (The one you wear on your sleeve.) Wheatly, so Im a goth emo now an were threw!" (For FUCKS SAKE. Only idiot girls go goth/emo after losing their boyfriend. I mean come on!) I got up like crazy an puched Wheatly in the eyeball-thing (EMO PAAAAWNCH!) so hard he fell of the rale an landed with a huge crush an he was broken. (Jeezus. Beating up your ex is always the best way to go, right fellas?)
"NOOOOOO WHEETLY!" I ranned to the robocorpse (Flip emotions much?) an picked him up in my arms. "You are died an now our baby will have no father." (He's a fucking robot, just repair him.)I cried even more an cut myself a copple more times. (This is offensive to anyone who has ever slit their wrists.) Atlas an P-Body was froze in shock at the site of Wheatly's kill. (Why do they even care?) Then a guy walked in with a tool box an lots of tooles. (…The engineer?)"Don't worry my dotter Ill fix him!" Gabe Jonson looked at me an smiled (Oh. Didn't think Gabe knew how to fix robots, considering he mostly designs.) an I was reel happy an gabe him the Wheatly body so he could make it work a gain. "Oh no" He o-mouthed. (We went a whole chapter without seeing that phrase…it was too soon to hope it was gone -.- )"Wheatly body is full of drugs an beer!" Atlas an P-Body got nervos an I glared at them reel mean (Why do Tweedlearse and Tweedlehole even care? They're asses.) like an said "What did you do TO WHEATLY YOU B*****S!" (Whatever happened to Marissa not swearing?) My powers started glowin like the sun an electric sparks went ever where. (Yup, because destroying them worked so well in the past. They're like cockroaches, they'll come back.)"Marrissa stop yur powers are too strong!" Gabe pleeded but I was soo angry that I didt listen an powere up more until electric stuff went every all an the whole room explosioned! (Explosioned? Not sure if want…)
When I woke up there was messy dirt an marks all a round me (Bet Marissa's used to this by now, having crawled out of scum holes.) an the room was destoryed. I looked a front of me an saw Atlas an P-Body was died (I give it about 1 chapter tops.) an I was happy. Then I saw a skelton that was Gabe Jonson an Wheetly an I got sad a gain (Wheatley's a robot, he doesn't HAVe a skeleton. He has a frame I guess.) an started to cut myself some more while singing a My Kemical Romace song. (That's at least somewhat MORE accurate to goth culture.) "Hahahahaha!" GLaDOS started lolling at me. (Apparently GLaDOS is explosion proof.) "Now you are a goth emo an killed all yur friends my plan worked." (So..her plan was to depress her so much, she'd kill all the people she knows and loves? Seems legit.) I punched fist into hand an got the most angry ever, (D:) this was all GLaDOES plan! (Yup, like she just said.) "Wheatly wasn't realy cheetin on you Marrissa I was controllin him (Are you fucking kidding me -.-) an I gave Chell the brane damage relaps! LOL!" (How exactly did you control Wheatley and give Chell brain damage? It's not like a disease, you can't inject someone with it!) GLaDOS had gon two far this time (One far was ok, but two far? That's just sick.) an I needed to kill her for ever now. My powers were flowin threw my vans (Marissa's van dealership, come on down now for a shitty deal!) an I blew up the wall an went to GLaDOSs room.(Good thing this test chamber is right next to GLaDOS' chamber…you know, the singular, giant circular area, with no other rooms around it? Suspended from above?)
"YOU MADE ME KILLED WHEATLY (Actually, you still chose to do that. You could've ignored him and moved on, like an actual person would.) AN A GOTH EMO AN ROONED EVER THING NOW YOULL PAY GLADOS YOU B****!"(Again, that whole swearing thing.) I used my powers to make my jumpsuit not black (More convienient powers, yaaaaaay.) no more becos I had stopped being a goth emo for good. (Thank god.) "No stop Marrissa you cannt kill me im yur mother!" (Yes because that will really stop someone who killed her own father already. Also, why does GLaDOS care about being killed when she's tried to commit suicide multiple times?!) I stopped an thot she was lyin but then I used my detective power an new it was true. (…I repeat, are you fucking kidding me -.-) I couldn't kill my on mother but she was a evil mother so maybe I cold. (You've killed everyone else in this story, so why not?) "I killed you ones befour I can do it a gain!" I powered up my powers like a fireball of the glowy electric powers an shot them at GLaDOS an blew up the hole room. (And thus she fell to her death, END OF FIC.)
GLaDOS was finally ded (Yes, I'm sure this time she's REALLY dead.) but I wasn't happy none. (Oh don't worry, I'm sure you'll mood swing soon enough.) Wheatly was still gone an I had killed him. (Yep, already knew that, please move on.) Then Chell came into to the room cryin (Huh, now how did she survive the blast?) an I saw that the exploshun had made a peace of metal slice her butt off so she couldn't booty quake none more. (I think her biggest problem would be the massive amounts of blood she's losing!) Ever thing was rooned an not even my powers cold fix it now. (Noooo, surely you can invent some undo button power for Marissa! Come on writer, don't let us down now!) I sat down on knees an cried some more (but not emo cry becos im not a goth emo any more). (Good thing you said that, you hadn't specified it enough as is.) It was teh end (Oh is it? Then why is there more to this chapter then?) but not happy which meens Im not perfect so Im not a Mary Sue AREEL WRITER or what ever yur name is! (Hah. Fourth wall breaking so the character can slam a writer for DARING to call her a sue. Always a classic.) Chell tried booty quake but with no bom all that happened was blood got in places from the shakin' (And I can't even argue with that one.) an some blood hit a werd machine. It was…. A time machine! (Oh, how fucking convienient!)
"OMG I can go back in time (How did she recognise it to be a time machine? Is it labelled with a neon sign or something?) an stop me from killin Wheatly an make every thing happy a gain!" (And create a time paradox, because if this never happened, you'd have no reason to go back in time to change it.) I ran tinto the time machine an pressed some bottons and there was a huge flash… (Random button pressing: The ONLY way to use a time machine.)
UH OH MARRISSA IS GON BACK IN TIME BUT DID SHE GO TO THE RIGHT TIME OR MAYBE TO PORTAL 1 TIME WINK WINK FIND OUT NEXT TIME! (Well, of fucking course. Because as we all know, Marissa existed back in Portal 1.)
(Mhm, everyone dies. That was the relation to Hamlet. And now to add to the confusion, time travel. You see this quite a lot in shitfics, so prepare for some real crap next chapter folks.)