(So, here it comes, a massive dump of exposition that only proceeds to make this story more confusing and even crappier than before. I am soooo excited.)
AN YOU GUYSARE ALL SO WEIRD! (You're the weird one here, author.) YOU WERE GIVIN ME GOOD REVIEWS THEN YOU SAY IM A TROLL (That's because you are a troll.) AN THAT YUR GONNA KILL ME (I'd like to thank all the people who threatened this person with death.) AN PUT SALT IN MY THINGS? (I'd pour salt in your eye you slug.) IF IT WERENT FOR THE PEPOLE HOO REALLY LICK MY STORY (AKA no-one.) LIKE THE BUZINESS GUY AN SEPHRAL AN CAT NOT BOUNCY ID STOP IT RITE NOW! (Damn…)
PS - I NO THAT GLADOS IS SPELLED GLADOS I CALLED HER FUSION CHELLGADOS BECOS CHELL ALREADY HAS THE LS AN IT SOUNDED MORE COOLER! (No…no it isn't. It sounds fucking stupid. Like everything else in this fic.)
ITS MY LIFE!
CHAPTER TWELF: THE FINAL BATTLE (Actually, this is technically the penultimate final battle. Of course she doesn't just end it here, no no, that's what a slightly decent author would do.)
Ratman an I were goin thru the air ducks (Yup, still don't mind that typo.) to get to CHELLGADOSs layer (So she has many layers? What, is she an onion?) were the final show down wold be. (Penultimate showdown.) Wheatly was growlin an tryin to be scarry (When is he going to learn that growl is ineffective?) becos he didant have weapons so he was lick are cheer leader. (If Wheatley was on his management rail, he could at LEAST help out somewhat, instead of being reduced to a fucking cheerleader.) We intered the layer (And began to cry from the onion's fumes.) an saw CHELLGADOS buildin turrents but these ones was speshal becos they cold walk a round an shoot an stuff! (Again, that's not a bad idea. Shame it's pulled off so crappily here.) "INTURDER!" One of the turrents called to CHELLGADOS. (Mission failed, you have been spotted.) CHELLGADOS looked at me with all the angry she ever had. (ALL OF MY ANGRY!)
"Marrissa Roberts you have interfeared with my plans for the last time becos now I will kill you." (Good luck with that. I bet it'll work out just fine.) Then she seed Ratman an got more angry. "RATMAN IS A LIFE? (No, Rattman is not a 1-up.) NOW YOU WILL BOTH DYE!" (Now I will make you redheads!) CHELLGADOS taked out her portal gun wich was modified to shoot bullets lick a reel gun but cold shoot portals to just in case. (Don't know how she could do that, without adding an extra barrel and trigger.) She fired the portal gun an it hit Ratman with a boom (Oh no, he got hit by a portal! Which…doesn't hurt anyone. Seriously.) an I thot he was dead for sure. (Shame he didn't use those, oh I dunno, fucking laser cannons?!)
But Ratman gotted up! "Silly CHELLGADOS you cannt hurt me becos..." He pulled down his pants (Oh god…) an I saw that he had replased his man thingys with... the space an rick cores! (How incredibly inconvienient that would be…I mean they're fucking massive!) "IVE GOT BALLS OF STEEL!" (….what. WHY! WHY WOULD YOU…WHY! WHY…I-I CAN'T! I CAN'T ACCEPT THIS! NO!) (Thats from a game called Duke Nukum Forever its funny) (It's about as funny as watching a window smash. Or reading this fic.) The space core was still thing he was in space but Rick was mad at been one off Ratmans tentacles. (*sigh* Don't turn this into a hentai, please.) "Well then ill just portal you into space like Wheatly an see how you like it you wont!" (That poor comma…she must have thrown it out of that sentence.) CHELLGADOS shooted a nother portal unner Ratmans feet an he was sucked into s space. "No dont you are my dotter Chell!" Ratman yelled as he got sucked in. (Oh god, are you REALLY going to include more fucking family relation plot confusion? It's getting old author!)
"OMG HOW?" CHELLGADOS an me said at the same time to gether. (Because having two reactions is too haaaard.) "It all storted a long time ago..." Ratman gave us the down lo (Stupid Americanism…) as he was just barely hanging on to the portal. (As Portal 2 clearly showed us, a portal to space would suck out everything in the room, not just them.) "I used to work for Gabe Jonson affer he changed his name to Cave in onor of his dead brother. (Again, why?) Caroline was got shot as you no Marrissa an was put in a robot body that was called... GLaDOS!" (I love how this author doesn't even give a reason to why Gabe would call her GLaDOS.) CHELLGADOS o-mouthed (To spice things up, in this chapter, I will replace my rage at this overused phrase with animal noises. On that note, WOOF.)at his shockin words. (So did Gabe tell Rattman all this? And why would he?) "Gabe new he wold have to dotters named Marrissa an Chell (Uh, how? Gabe only knew about Marissa, Chell was never mentioned or seen.) but since GLaDOS was a prototip she an Cave coldnt make baby normal way an instead used the artificial enseamanation (Not even going to borther questioning that one…) an grew test toob babys. But there was a miksup an my dna got used instead of Gabes (And how did YOUR DNA get mixed in, unless you added it yourself?) for one of the toobs that toob was... CHELL!" Then Rutman coldnt hold on any longer an fell into space an died. (Well at least he's safe from the writer now… *sniff* ;-; )
Then CHELLGADOS started shackin an looked funny. (Guess the OOCness of this fic is finally breaking her.) Chell was fightin back a gainst GLaDOSs control! (Because that's a thing.) "Marrissa there is not much time left you must kill me to stopped GLaDOS once and four all!"(By the way, this is all your fault you fucking moron!) I o-mouthed (QUACK!) becos Chells brane damage was cured (Well she IS attached to GLaDOS.) so now I coldnt put her out of MISERY lol. (Hahaha killing mentally hindered people is so hilarious.) "But I cannt kill you Chell yur my sister (You had no problem killing her twice before this.) there must be a nother way! (There is. You return the world to normal and leave this canon, immediately!) Chell got sad "Hurry GLaDOS is takin control!" An she started lollin with evil. There was no way I cold kill Chell (Why didn't you act like this the last two times you killed her unmercifully?) an then I rembered that GLaDOS used to be Carlion an that made me not want to kill herr neither. (Again, didn't stop you the past two times.)
"Bloody hell Marrissa shes powerin up!" (She's reached super saiyan level 3!) Wheatly screemed from inside my jump soot (Still surprised how Marissa can stand.) an I looked up an saw CHELLGADOS was floatin in air an electric stuff was comin out off her. (She really IS going super saiyan.) "THANKS MARRISSA YUO REMINDED ME THAT I USED TO BE CARALIN SO I REMBERED THAT I HAVE POWERS TOO!" (Uh no. According to the Inginiir, the bullshit power serum was given to Caroline, just to give Marissa powers, and not Caroline herself. Stick to your own bullshit plot devices, author, it's not like you were confusing enough.) I o-mouthed, that dumb ingineer forgot to make it so only I gotted the powers! (Actually, he made it SPECIFICALLY to give you powers, moron.) I didant no what to do now an it seemed hope less when a herd a sound. "Hey b**** were heer for backup!" It was... ATLAS AN P-BODY! (What a fuck mothering surprise.)
"OMG why are you jersk helpin me?" (Don't ask, just let them get killed so you can leave this fic.) I asked while o-mouthin (MOO!) from the shock. "Becos CHELLGADOS is half yur sister an we dont lick you so we dont lick Chell neither!" (That…makes no sense.) Atlas eksplained. "An I rembered that you gave us the drugs an beer in the first place (Because it's impossible to get those outside of Marissa.) so if it wasnt for you we woldnt have drugs an beer!" (Which makes no sense considering they threatened her to get drugs and beer in a previous chapter.) P-Body added an Atlas nodded like yeah! (This makes no sense at all…) We started ti fire are portal guns (I don't know, are they?) at CHELLGADOS an the portals combined to make a big portal black hole. (Because that's apparently still a thing.)
"OH SH**!" CHELLGADOS screamed as the GLaDOS parts were all sucked out off Chell. (Because that's how a black hole works. It just sucks everything off of you.) Ones all of GLadOS was gone we closed the portal an Chell falled down on the ground. "Chell I safed you!" (Now hold still so I can kill you again.) I rant to my sister (Stop ranting, that's MY job.) an gave her hug. "Marrissa Im sorry, but the damaje from GLaDOS was to much..." An she dyed in my arms. (Well that was fairly quick…weird.) "Nooooo Chell my sister you are died!" (I'm reminded of Shakespeare characters announcing their deaths on stage, which seems as silly as this. Of course, Shakespeare is still an excellent writer, whereas this writer is...not. Just not.) I cried soooo much an Whealty cried to (Robot tears…nope, I got nothing.) becos they was frends even Atlas an P-Body looked kinna sad.
I put down Chells body an stand up when there was a clikclak nose be hind me. "LOL (What, "lolled" wasn't good enough for this moment?) we tricked you to get yur guard down Marrissa! (You could've just shot her instead of telling her you morons. Though at least this makes more sense than them actually turning good.) Now die b****!" An Atlas an P-Body lolled (SEE?! YOU USED IT THERE, WHY NOT USE IT BEFORE?!) an shot me in head. "Marrissa!" Wheatly screamed an ever thing got really black an I died. (Ding dong, the witch is dead, etc)
TO BE CONTINUED? (God I wish it weren't.)
OH NO MARRISSA IS DIED! (Considering how much emphasis you've put on it, I doubt it.) CAN WHEATLY SAFE HER? (Nope. He can't move anywhere.) FIND OUT IN THE NEXT ONE PS IM THINKIN OF MAYBE WRITIN A SPINNOFF A BOUT TEEN FORTRESS 2 (God no…) AN GABE JONSON AN CARALION LIVIN IN PORTAL HIGH SCHOOL WHAT DO YOU GUYS THIN? (I think that's the worst idea since an asbestos and bacon sandwich.)
(Well, I wish I could say things aren't as slapdash and stupid in the last chapters but…well you should know by now that this is the case with every chapter in this fic.)