A/N: It has been a while since I worked on this. On anything. But I'm gonna try and finish this one. It was my favourite. I can't promise the voice is the same, but it's still me.

For Kyle B.

Chapter 26.

Every moment of waiting for Jou was an agonising tick of the clock. Kaiba has arrived home late, with hesitation gripping him the entire way. For what felt like the first time in months, he had been able to throw himself into work in such a way that almost felt completely unfamiliar. The kind of clear headedness that always allowed for him to forge a path even in the darkest moments.

The same kind of determination that was developed from running away from the worst fears.

There was always something to do to keep the thoughts at bay. To keep the monsters from coming out of the closet and divulging themselves to everyone. It felt like it had all faded into the background of his life. Even under the hot lights of the cameras, the constant questioning from the press, nothing remained of those days other than the small symptoms. The things that he had learned to live with. Parameters he had learned to work himself around to try and enjoy life at its finest moments.

But had he been enjoying them? The constant lack of sleep, lingering depression, the weekly appointments with the psychiatrist.

The lack of intimacy.

Admit to yourself what you are. Admit to yourself what you. Admit to yourself what you are.

Kaiba refused break his word to Jou. It may not have been a promise, but his intentions were clear. He had sorted it out with himself in the morning, staring at the mirror as he dressed, that he would tell Jou about as much as he could. Even thinking about it made a dull ache in the back of his skull.

The CEO waited for Jou in the kitchen, uncomfortably shifting between sitting and standing, pacing from time to time. As long as his leg would let him, trying to take time to walk without the cane as much as he could. That was the whole point of these events. Of everything that had happened after the procedure. To which he hung his head in...was it shame? Or was it fear?

There were so many little holes where he still wasn't sure of his sanity. If he would suddenly revert to the husk of a person lying in a hospital bed, watching as Jou took care of him every moment. Feeling the touch of his hand without flinching even when his guts twisted inside his body.

The longer he waited and paced, the more Kaiba felt like he was going to give up on his word. The cane was taken, gripped in his hand until his knuckles turned white, and he strode into the parlor expecting to head up the stairs and to the bedroom. Jou would know to meet him there, he surmised. But he hadn't hardly touched the banister when he heard the door open behind him.

"Jou?"

"Anyone else gettin' in this late?" Jou asked. His coat was hung up, the door closed and locked behind him. "Mai was talkin' up a storm; told ya it'd be a while. You should go on and get to bed or somethin'. Ya don't sleep as it is."

Kaiba held his hand up as he pivoted towards Jou. There was something nervous in the blond's voice, and it just needed to stop, then and there. No more excuses. No going to bed and telling himself they would do this tomorrow or the next day, until that day never came. Kaiba's hand lowered to the couch, commanding Jou to sit down.

"I told you we need to talk. Sit before I change my mind."

Jou kicked his shoes away and stepped over to the couch, meeting Kaiba in the middle but stepping too close. There was a barrier of ice between them, just close enough that they could look each other in the eye, but far enough away that they wouldn't risk bumping into one another. Jou didn't want to incite another panic attack. Last night had him running his hand over his neck once in a while at work. Naomi asked him why, and he had given her the answer, to her surprise.

The cab was laid between them, closer to Jou. "I'm gonna keep this from ya," he said. He pressed the stick between his palms and moved it further away. "Jus' in case. Is Mokuba home?"

"Yes. Asleep hours ago."

"Ya sure you don't want 'im here to...?"

"No."

A pregnant pause. A breath from Kaiba, with his eyes closed tight enough to make his cheeks turn red before he opened them again. "Well, I'm here for ya."

The brunet's hand was out again, close to Jou, urging him to stop talking. It turned to a fist as it returned to Kaiba's lap, and then went up to the locket to covet it for what felt like the last time. "I can't believe we still live in this house..."he started. "I can't bring myself to take Mokuba away from it. It hadn't changed since I was a child. I don't even know where we'd go if we did move. But there are rooms here that I refuse to go in."

Jou found himself leaning back, crossing his arms and looking up at the ceiling. He remembered when he first arrived feeling how austere the place was. It was hardly lived in, save for a few places. The staff and the Kaiba's floated over it instead, refusing to make a mess of it; as though it were a museum.

"It wasn't long after Mokuba and I were adopted that I noticed how our lives weren't going to be easy. At first it was a paradise. We were out of the children's home, we had someone to call a family and roof over our heads. Mokuba was so small, he would wander around here and get himself lost. I'd go running after him, he would fall, I'd pick him up and hugged him while he cried."

Kaiba's hands pressed together, clasped like in prayer. He was forcing himself not to hold onto the locket, to not pull and make another long red mark across his neck. He'd done it too many times, and the chain was fragile, it wasn't about to hold the stress that was pushing his nails into his skin.

"I would tell him stories at night, to help him get to sleep. I'd taken care of him for a long enough time, it was just how it was. And then we began to see less and less of each other...Gozaburo began taking all of my time. Pulling me away for lessons, drilling me with tests and information. Sunup, sun down. I would sneak whatever moments I could muster to go see Mokuba. Just to tuck him into bed."

Somewhere near the end of the statement, Kaiba's voice broke. The cool demeanour and tone he'd been using to keep himself from fluctuating had failed for a brief moment. It gave Jou the chance to see him recalculate, as he always did before, to bring the barrier back up and allow himself to press forward. Kaiba cleared his throat and took another look into Jou's eyes. His lips curled first before they flattened into a thin line. His teeth clenched tight behind the skin. All he wanted was to eschew anything but the facts.

"Then he started to take the nights away from us, too. He would take me from the bedroom, or the study, or the library, grab me by the wrist and pull me along. The first time I went complacent. The second time I fought him, and he smacked me across the face with Mokuba watching. I told myself the third time...Mokuba wouldn't even know what was going on."

From leaning back to falling forward, Jou gave Kaiba his full attention, and he reached out to touch the man and pull his hands away from each other. They were turning white, Kaiba pressed them together so hard, though as Jou reached he pulled the fingers out and steepled them.

"And he didn't. For the longest time he didn't know what sorts of things his adopted father was capable of. Some nights Gozaburo was a little more rough than others. He'd ask me about bruises and I'd tell him that I fell. He was so small; I kept imagining what would happen if Gozaburo ever became tired of me. I tried everything I could to keep that spotlight on me, and by the time I was fifteen it stopped. I have reasons why I think it happened. I've read into as much as I could without making anyone suspicious. My guess is that he got tired of me, or i was just too old for him anymore."

Every question that hung on Jou's tongue was a difficult one. His face contorted like he's eaten a lemon, and his eyes burned just the same. The words came out robotically. It was as much as Jou thought Kaiba could muster. It reminded him of a news anchor, or an announcer, neutralising themselves to what they were saying. That, and it was so rehearsed that Jou asked:

"How many times have ya thought 'bout sayin' that to...to anyone?"

Kaiba looked away, his ear turned towards the stairs as if he'd heard something coming from above them. Without knowing, his heart was still beating in his ears. "More than I care to admit," he said.

Jou could picture him walking away from this conversation right at that moment. The blond wouldn't have blamed him; it was the kind of rumours that had circulated in the tabloids for years, but no one every followed up on. "Is there more ya wanna tell me?"

A subtle, small jerk of a nod. Kaiba played with his fingers, bunching them in and out as they touched one another. Watching the colors of the nail beds change with the pressure. "He liked to hold me down, pin me like an animal, pull the locket around my neck like a reign and tug. He told me when I became boring, he would move on. I promised myself he would never touch Mokuba; whenever I would say that, he would pull so hard I would almost lose consciousness. Enough nights and my body reacted like it was normal. The automatic response would make it go faster, or maybe I would pass out and wake up in bed without remembering it."

Kaiba pulled his fingers away from each other and set his hands on his knees. For the first time, he looked Jou in the eye, trying to read what it was the Jou was thinking. Being scrupulously watching how Jou's eyes would swing side to side, connecting all the dots on the invisible board. "Seto I'm sorry that..."

The hand was put again, waving, quieting the blond. "The day he jumped out the window was one of the happiest I had in a long time. I had been aggressive to get what I wanted, to please him. I fought against him day in and day out, without falter, and on that day I realised I became exactly the kind of person he wanted. And I wasn't angry about it.

"He broke me; I am a broken person, Katsuya."

Jou nodded. "Yeah. I've seen the pieces all...hangin' out there. Here and there. Makes a whole lot more sense now, I guess."

Kaiba waited for some resentment, though for what reason he wasn't really sure. It just felt like telling Jou, telling anyone, wouldn't change anything. And if it did, they had ammunition against him. He didn't trust the psychiatrist not to run to the papers. And he wasn't even sure how Mokuba would look at him. Not after his first time questioning Kaiba's choices in partners.

"What do you want to do now?" Jou asked.

"Go to bed."

A nod from the blond. "A'right. Let's go to bed. Been a long day. C'mon, I'll help you upstairs."

"No. Go on, I have something to finish up."

Jou wasn't going to press him. The dullness in Kaiba's voice and mannerisms had enough cause for fear that he would revert back to the shell that the nurse visited for days and took care of like a doll. He wasn't eager to push Kaiba into anything, not with that threat looming over their heads.

As he ascended the stairs, he saw Mokuba peaking around the corner. The same five year old that was curled up in his car before, hiding in the mask of a fifteen year old boy. He bit his lip and forced back tears, forcing his face into Jou's shirt and muffling all of the whines and screams he wanted to let out. All of his greatest fears were answered in such a short amount of time. The question of whether had had believed them or not suddenly didn't hinge either way depending on his brother's mood. There were facts given by the elder Kaiba. What reason was there to lie?

Jou per Mokuba's hair, and ushered him back to the bedroom.

A/N: There is aftermath to come, I promise . More for the next chapter so I don't make these so long.

Welcome back, if you've read this before, and thank you for reading it again or for your first time.

Til next time, KenSan out!