Hey guys so this will be the only update of this story until next weekend. I am going to Kansas and won't be back until Monday night, than I have school. I will try to update on Friday off next week, but if I don't it will surely be next weekend. I do love you guys so much.

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural

Cas's POV

"Cas, why?" The question takes me by surprise as I try as quickly as possible to get everything together.

"What do you mean?" I squint at him tilting my head, confused.

"I mean why did Jess have to die and the kids. Sam didn't deserve this. If either of us deserved this, it would be me."

"Dean, why would you believe that this should happen to you not your brother?"

"Because I have done so much evil, while Sam is so innocent, sweet, and caring. I have done nothing good with my life." He looks down. Rushing over, I put his face in my hands.

"Dean you have done so much good. Every time I look at you I see something that is pure. It doesn't matter if you have done evil, everyone has, what matters is if you believe in yourself and that you can be saved."

"I don't. I don't deserve to be saved. I don't deserve a brother like Sammy and I definitely don't deserve you."

"You know what Dean! You have me, you have your brother, and you are saved and your life is precious. I would give anything to have a life like yours. You have a family who loves you. Sam and I love you. I am sorry for what happened to Sam. I loved Jess, but some things can't be stopped or reversed, if so I would have done so years ago. Now I want you to straighten up, because this is not your fault and I don't want to see you hate yourself for something you did not do." I look at him in the eyes making sure he knew that I wasn't messing around.

"You're right." Dean sighs and gets up. Finishing up our packing, we set out for our long drive.

The ride there was mostly silent, only the sound of Deans music playing faintly in the background. I stare out the window, looking at the passing trees.

Dear God, Why did you do that to Jess and Sam? Why would you kill unborn children? I thought you cared about your people. Why would you do this, goddamn it. I am one of your servants and I am supposed to help you, but how can I be of service when I have no idea what you are doing. I would never have killed them and I wonder why you would. What am I supposed to do?

"Cas?"

"Hmm?"

"Penny for your thoughts?"

"It's not of importance."

"Don't give me that. Cas, I know when you are thinking of something important."

"And how do you know that?"

"Because I know you."

"I was just wondering why God would do this to you and Sam."

"It's because he's not there. Even if he was he doesn't care about me."

"He is there. I am an angel after all."

"Yes, but have you actually seen him or met him?"

"No."

"See now you have no proof."

"My proof is my faith."

"That is not proof."

"I put my faith in you and you came through."

"Yeah, but that is different, you know me and I am real."

"I believe God is real and he will come through, whatever plan he has."

Sorry it is such a short chapter but I had to get this done for I have to get ready to go to Kansas. Pease leave a review. I promise next chapter will have Sam.