(So now we're really delving into Christian Weston Chandler territory. Don't get what I mean? Yhw dna ees gnidaer peek.)
AN OMG I GOT 102 REVIEWS (Congrats. You want a fucking biscuit?) EVEN IF THERE MOSTLY DUM FLAMERZ (Well at least she's aware most of her feedback is crap.) THATS STILL PRETTY GOOOD FOR A FIRS STORY! (No…no. It is not.) ALSO THANK RAI AN APE SOME THING BECOS THEY GAVED ME SOME REALY COOL IDEAS FOR THE NEW CHAPTERS! (They will never be credited for these ideas specifically.)
PS MARRISSA DIED THAT PROOVES SHES NOT A MARRY SUE OK! (Nope. If anything it proves the point even further. Mary Sue's dying untimely deaths is quite common, usually in sacrifice for someone else. See Ebony's multiple deaths in My Immortal.)
PPS THIS HCAPTER IS FROM WHEATLY POV (Oh fuck no…)
ITS MY LIFE!
CHAPTER THIRTEN: MARRISSAS RESSUREKSHUN (Eeyup, another sue trait. Death defying.)
This was the most bloody terribel thing ever. (I dunno, there are things worse than this fic, as bad as it is.) Marrisser was died with a gun shoot to her soddin head an blood an branes were all over ever were. (Oh that's some lovely imagery. I love that sentence. Dead sues…does well for my motivation. =3= ) I gared at Atlas an P-Body hoo killed the one thing I loafed (You're repeating what just happend, PLEASE MOVE FORWARD.) an shouted "YOU BLOODY BUGGERS IM GONNA WANK YOU!" (Ewww! Disgusting!) But I didnt have arms so i cold not (Just in case you forgot, readers.) hurt them but I sooooooo mad they ranned off any way. Bloody sods. "Marrissa why didnt I was able to safe you! IM SOOOOO SORRY!"(I'm so sorry I physically couldn't do anything!) An I cried bloody bukets of robottears. (Gonna say that's oil again.) It was the end an I thot a bout commitin sewiside (How? By rolling into an incinerator?) like GLaDOS did when a turrent came up to me. (Because we all know they can walk. I know the author specified there are turrets that can move now, but she should really have Wheatley specify here.)
"GO HEAD AN BLOW ME SODDING BLOODY BRANES OUT SO I CAN BE AT PIECE!" (*Facepalm*) I yelled loud at the turrent. "No im diffrent! I am Oracle Turrent (Oh come on! Is NOTHING sacred?!) an I no how to make Marrissa alife!" (Gee, you do? I didn't see that coming, the chapter of this title just threw me off so much.) No bloody way I o-mouthed (QWERTYUIOP) in all the shock. "How can she life wen her hed sodding exploded?" (Just go pick her up from hell.) I britished (…are…are you fucking serious?! Britished?! WHAT THE FUCK AUTHOR!? WHAT. THE. FUCK. IS. WRONG. WITH. YOU!) at him for tryin a get my hopes up. "Rember that she has the speshal powers, one of them is that wen she eats the zombee taters instead of become a zombee wen she dies she just becomes alife a gain!" (I'd complain how ridiculous the plot convenience powers are as of now…. But I can't be bothered anymore.) It all made sense, (It does in the oocness of this fic anyway.) the turrent was a bloody geinus! "Common lets wankin go!"
The Oracle Turrent ranned fast (Because it can do that now.) an I rolled on my rale right to the zombee taters (Oh, so they have a predetermined location now? And here I thought Marissa just pulled them out of her ass.) quikly we grabbed up all of them an got back to Marrissa body. I coldnt help but cry at the site of my troo love with head all open an messy. (I'd be more disgusted really.) "Its ok Wheatly soon she will life!" The turrent made me more happy an we started stuffin the buggerin taters in Marrissas mouth. (NOM NOM NOM, OMF NOMPH. Seriously, wouldn't they have to mash them up just to fit them in her mouth?) Then she started coffin an all the blood was got healed. (That still makes no sense.) "W Wheetly?" She asked in the most butiful voice in the hole portal worled.
"Oh Marrissa I thot you were bloody gone for wankin ever!" (I did too…) We hugged an kissed an things was gettin hot an heavy (Because the first thing you do after you come back to life is bone your robot ball thing.) so the Oracle Turrent left becos he didant want to see that kinna stuff. (The Oracle turret knows when to get out of this shit fic, thank god.)
MEANWHILE IN THE PAST (I had hoped we were done with time travel…no such luck.)
Teen Fortress 2 was MAD an PEEVED (You can't refer to a group of people by two words.) at Gabe Jonson an his dotter Marrissa Roberts for killin there leader Cave Jonson. (…wait are these the clones? Why are they being referred to like they're the real ones?) They wanted ervange speshally on Marrissa sinse with out her Gabe wold not have been a hard fight. "We shold right a mean things on her facebook page!" (Oh yeah. I'm sure that'll work.) The evil Heavy dummed. (…wow…I honestly didn't think she could top "britished" but that came pretty damn close.) "No you idot this is the past facebook isnt invented yet!" (How do you even KNOW about it, if it hasn't been invented yet?!) The evil Medik extricated. (Extricated means to free someone you dumbass. But will someone please extricate me from this fic?!) All of em was angry but coldnt thing of a way to revenge Marrissa (Kill GLaDOS/Caroline to make sure Marissa is never born?) when the evil Ingineer got a idea. "I no! We will create an evil clone of Marrissa an send it to the futur an kill her!" (Why not just go the future yourselves, instead of leaving it to a clone?) It was a good plan. (No it wasn't.)
After school the teen fortress all gotted together at evil Ingineers hose an builded the clone mashine. (Just put any word in front of "machine" and its legit.) "But we dont have dna evidance?" Evil Sniper said in sexay british aksent. (Australian. The Sniper is very clearly Australian.) But the evil spy lolled an pulled out some thing. "I stolled some of her hare just in case we needed it for some thing." (Well, I guess it would figure the spy would be the pervert.) He frenched (…nope. Still doesn't top "Britished" ) an gave evil Ingine the hare an they started to clone Marrissa. (Ugh…so ridiculous.) A few mins later the clonin was done (I'd laugh if the clone machine popped open with a dinging noise.) an a gurl stepped out hoo looked kinna like Marrissa (But not as sexy and pretty, right?) but more evil an mean with angry face. (Oh. Play with my expectations, eh author?)
"I am Assiram Strebor (!Bmud era seman mynorcakcab.) an I will kill Marrissa Roberts!"
TO BE CONTINUED!
OH NO! (Oh yes.) CAN MARRISSA STOPS HER EVIL CLOWN? (God no, not evil clowns…) FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON ITS MY LIFE|! (Next episode is next week at 7.)
(So yeah. Backcronym names of villains are so damn original. And these last two chapters are particularly crappy.)