Hey guys I have not been here in a long while, but my computer broke, went to Kansas, got sick, had schools projects, and musical related things. I am very sorry for the long absence.

Dean's POV

Pulling up to the small house that held all my childhood memories, I shiver at the coldness it seemed to bare. So much has happened in the few months we have been gone and it as if this place holds little happiness anymore.

"Dean?" I snap out of my thoughts turning to look at the understanding blue eyes. "Do you want me…"

"No, I can handle it. Just promise me you will be there for me."

"I will. I always have." Cas smiles softly before getting out of the car. Reaching for my hand, he pulls me out of the car. "I love you."

"I know. I just… it hurts."

"I loved them too." He squeezes my hand as we walk up to the house. "Sam!" Cas opens the door, stepping inside with me right behind.

"Sam!" I look around, until something mutters to my left. Heading for the kitchen, I spot Sam slumped in a chair, a bottle of whisky in hand. "Oh Sammy." Letting go of Cas's hand, I run to my brother's side.

"Hey, you know I guess it was my fault." Sam mumbles.

"Shh. No Sammy, it is not your fault."

"It has to be. I wasn't there, I got her killed. You know what is funny? I thought we were finally gonna be happy, I thought we got what we wanted. I guess I got what I deserved."

"Ok, you did not deserve this and if God even does exist he is an asshole for doing this. Now despite that it is in no way your fault, blame me, I moved away. I had a responsibility and I ran from it, for what? I promise you that this is not your fault."

"Dean? Why?" Tears fill Sam's eyes as he looks at me.

"I don't know, but I will find out who did this, even if it kills me. I deserve that much."

"Dean…" Sam starts to cry.

"Hey, let's get you to bed." Picking him up, I take him into the bedroom and lay him down. "I promise that I will everything I can to help you, no matter what." I whisper for Sam has already fallen asleep.

Walking out of the room, I head back to the kitchen.

"Hey Cas…" I get to the kitchen, noticing he is not there. "Cas?" I continue to search the house, but to no avail. Storming out of the house, I find Cas sitting on the hood of the Impala. "Hey, Cas?"

"Dean, could you just leave me alone?"

"What…what is up?"

"I am just not good enough for you, am I?" Cas turns, glaring daggers.

"I don't understand."

"Of course you wouldn't, I mean you ran from your responsibilities for what. I mean what was the purpose for that!"

"Oh Cas! I didn't mean…"

"What that you feel responsible for Jess death because you were thousands of miles away and couldn't stop it? You feel as if you still need to be here for Sam and you left because of your own simple needs. Oh and another fun one you are going to do anything to find Jess's killer even if it kills you, because there is no one here who loves you and would do anything to make sure you lived. I mean I'm sure you deserved it."

"Cas…"

"No! Damn it Dean; quit throwing yourself into the fire. It may not feel this way for you, but I loved the last few months. They were in fact the greatest months of my life. Also I lost family and now you think it is ok that I can lose another one. I mean the one person that matters the most to me, the one person who saved me, wants to throw their life away. You know, but that is fine because the whole world revolves around the Winchesters and no one else matters."

"Cas, shut up!"

"What, are you going to kill yourself if I don't, because why would that matter, you would do it anyway." Tears flood Cas's face, as he continues to yell in hysterics. "Why can't you see something that is good, even when it is standing right in front of you or holding your hand?"

Before he can get another word out, I pull him in to a deep kiss. Feeling Cas relax, I pull away.

"Cas, I am so sorry. I didn't mean it, I wasn't thinking. I love you more than anything."

"I know I just wish you wouldn't try to get yourself killed. I mean I love you so much and if you die I can't do anything. Also Dean I know we haven't really talked about this, but those few months I was hoping would lead to us settling down with a kid. Want to adopt and live with you and that was what those months were about for me."

"I… honestly I have thought about it too. I would love that but first we have to deal with this and if we make it out, then maybe we can discuss this again." Cas nods and I kiss his forehead. "I love you so much."

"Love you, too."

Done! I hope you liked this chapter. I realize the argument on Dean dying has been done before in this story, but hey Dean has a nasty habit of dying or trying to die.