(This chapter serves only as build up for the next one and pointless exposition about Marissa's backronym evil twin. Nothing but FUNNNNN!)
AN WHAT IS EVER ONE SAYIN A BOUT WANKER AN WANK? I THOT THEY WERE BRITISH INSULT WORDS (It can be an insult, but using it as an adjective and a verb is NOT ALLOWED.) AN NOW PEPOLE ARE SAYIN THERE NOTTY STUFF? (This is why you need to RESEARCH.) OMG!
PS THIS CHAP IS IN TH EPAST SO ITS THIRD PERSONAL. (Just because its set in the past doesn't mean it has to be in third person. This whole FIC could be in third person and it would feel less crap.)
ITS MY LIFE!
CHAPTER FORTEEN: (I'm for teens. But not for adults.) HOW CAROLINE BECAMED GLADOS: THE FIRST EVIL OF ASSIRRAM (I will never be able to take that name seriously. Also, why does she feel the need to summarise the entire chapter so sloppily in these titles? It spoils the whole thing.)
"I am Assirram Strebor (It sounds even worse with the last name added.) an I will kill Marrissa Roberts!" The evil clone said to Teen Fortress 2 who happied. (Still not a real word.) "Wate! How can we be shure that shes evil enouf to really kill her?" The evil Solder questoned. "We will do a test to make sure shes reel evil." (So Assram took the evil exam. Which exists now.) The evil Ingineer (Still no Outgineer.) answered becos he was the boss of there plan. (Which was decided…when?) "Assirram you must do an evil thing to proove yur abilities." (No specification of course.) He ordered an Assirram nodded with a "im gonna kill some body" look (Could've used a LOT more creative expressions there, like a murderous grin or a deathly grin.) on her feces. (Author. For the last fucking time. Keep your toilet fetishes out of this fic. That is an order from the entire world.) "Okay f****** b**** ill g******** kill some b******!" Assirram said (she seys a lot of cusses becos shes really evil) (Comedians use swear words and they aren't evil, this point is invalid -.- )an did a evil LOL. (Ugh…internet scum.)
Assirram gotted out of the evil Ingineers hose (…hose…I…my mind is blown e.e) an started lookin for a victum when she seed Gabe Jonsons house. (Oh, apparently he's still in this fic.) "I herd he changed his name to CAVE JONSON affer are leader his ded brother (That STILL doesn't make sense. In fact, how does Assram even KNOW?! She was just born! Or does she share Marissa's memories?!) so Ill do evil to hiim!" She thot with evil thots. (Redundancy as usual.) Insid Gabe Jonson an his frend Ratman (Hastily slap him in for that last chapter.) was buildin a robot body for Caroline an it was almost done. (No explanation as to how it's built. Who has time for that anyway?) "Compleet! Now we jus have to turn in on." Ratman siensed (…sienced…are…you…high?!) so CAVE flipped das switch an the robot mashine started movin an look round. "Gabe is that you?" Caroline asked? (…I don't know if she asked, author. That's for you to tell us :/) "Yes Carlion (Car lion… strangely me gusta.) I have builted a rbot body for you it is called GLaDOS (Hope you don't mind living forever now :D) also I changed my name to CAVE in onor of my head brother." (STILL. MAKES. NO. SENSE.) Ratman started to leaf becos this was a privat family moment. (And best friends are not allowed in family situations of course. At least he'll be safe for now :C) As we walked to the door he seed a girl outsid that was hot an pretty (EVEN HER EVIL TWIN SUE MUST ASSERT HER DOMINANCE, GRAAAAAAHHH) but kinna mean lookin. (Only kinda? Shouldn't be too bad then.)
"Ah this must be Caves future dotter Marrissa Roberts!" Ratman said out lowd (Because he'd been told everything and was completely not surprised to see her.) an let her in but it wasnt Marrissa it was... ASSIRRAM! (Yeah, we kinda figured that out author. No need for a random reveal there.) Assirram walked thru the halls an got to the GLaDOS robot (And no-one questions why she's returned or how she is etc) an Cabe Jonson hoo were makin out. (Eugh! Is he just kissing a screen?!) "I hope Im not interruptin any thing lol" Assirram lolled ( *sigh* You know, if you're gonna use "lolled" anyway, don't put "lol" in the sentence. It just adds to the ridiculous redundancy!) so Gave an Caroloin an Cave stopped kissin an looked an saw Assirram. "Marrissa are dotter (She's dotty alright...) you returned for a visit!" They both exclamation with happy. (You came to the past and potentially endangered the future of our world and maybe even cause a paradox just to see us. Good girl!) "Yep an I see you made Caroline a new robot bod." Assirram smied becos her plan was workin an they didant notice that she wasnt Marrissa. (To be fair, she acts just as blandly.) "Ill leaf you to alone for some mother dotter bondin time ok?" (Why is everyone so intent to just leave other people to do stuff? Seems weird to me.) An Gabe went to go talk to Ratman. (And hopefully concoct a plan to escape this shitfic.)
Caroline was soooo happy that Marrissa was back she thot when Assirram started smilin all evil like a bad clown or the Joker (NO. NO author, NO. You do NOT compare your backronym generic clone villain to the clown prince of crime. NO.) an then... SHE PUT A COMPUTER VIRUS IN CARALINE! (And Caroline didn't even try to stop her? Doesn't she have virus protection software? Why does Assram just suddenly have a VIRUS handy?!) "No!" GLaDOS (Keep the name of one person consistent, godammit.) screemed as the virus started to turns her evil. (I can only imagine the virus is called " " ) "Why wold you do this Marrissa?/!" Gabe Jonson yelled from the windo. (So...wait, he was watching them?) She lolled meanly (Starting to get sick of "meanly" already.) an said "I am not Marrissa I AM ASSRAM!" An then Caraline turned full evil into GLaDOS. "NOW I AM EVIL AN I WILL KILL YOU WITH THE NEROTOKSIN!" (Because i'm sure Gabe felt it necersary to include neurotoxin control on this robot. Which requires neurotoxin emitters to be installed in the building. Kinda asking for trouble there Gabe.) Befour the cold do any thing Assirram went gone back to the evil Ingineers house. (Because its so close she can just step outside and appear there, of course.) Gabe screemed "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" (That's borderline Vader there.) An he screemed it really lowd. (Redundant because of capitalisation and the excalamtory.)
The evil Teen Fortes 2 was watchin the hole thing on there tv camra (but it was black an wite (Uh, why? Pretty sure colour TV exists in...whatever time this is. Guess they must run a cheap outfit.) becos its the past so they coldnt see the nerotoksin becos it was green an not black or white so it didant show up). (Wait...so the author assumes black and white TV only allows you to film black and white things? That's...fucking...NUTS!) Assirram came in from the door an all were cheerin at her. "You are reelly evil Assirram (Yes, she truly is blandly and cliche'd evil.) the plan will work!" The evil Ingineer congradulationed. (Okay, congradulationed is not fucking acceptable.) "Indeed im so evil that Im gonna betray you!" An she pulled out a mashine gun an started to shoot up the evil Teen Fortress 2 (Because its not like any of them would've thought ahead about something like this, or shoot back with their own weapons.) becos she was just THAT MEEN! (Give it up author. Your cramming it down our throats isn't going to make us accept it.)
Then Assirram seed the nettle that gived you powers lick Marrisssas (Because of course the Inginiir just kept that lying around where anyone could take it.) so she injekted it into arm an alls went glowy an electric. "Now I have POWERS (NOW I HAVE THE POWER TO BE HAMMY!) so I can kill Marrissa an her dumb robot ball boyfrend (Um...why? Do you have any real motivation?)to an maybe take over the hole world!" (To quote M. Bison, OF COURSE!) She lolled with the most evil ever. (Not even close.) But then she realized... how wold she get to the future with the evil Teen Fortress 2 died? (Gee, I fuckin' wonder.)
"Ill just make the good Teen Fortress force me to make a time mashine (Wait...did she just say she's going to make them force her to build one? That makes no fucking sense...then again, does anything in this fic make sense?) an maybe kill them after words." (After some stern words with them of course.) She thot smartly but it was a evil smartly (Was there really a need to specify that author?) like a mad sientist. Assirram used the fly power to fly to school were Gave Jonson an Ratman were givin Teen Tortes 2 the down lo. (Wow, could this be an actual intelligent move on their part? Also, how did they survive the neurotoxin?) "An then the evil clone putted a comuter virus in GLaDOS an she turnsed evil!" (And we made no attempt to clear her software or eradicate the virus.) Gabe was cryin wile Ratman gaved him tishyous. (Rattman's a bro...that's kinda nice.) Assirram flewed out to them at Portal High School an used her powers to makea glowy gun like in Green Latern (Because she can do that now too.) (that movie was dum but he had cool powers I think Marrissa will have them to). (SHE-SHE-SHE JUST ADMITTED THAT SHE JUST ADDS THESE POWERS WHEN SHE FEELS LIKE IT! SHAMELESS!) "Built me a time mashine or Ill kill you all!" Assirram ponted the gun at Cave Jonsons head an coked the trigger. (Pouring Cola over a gun is never advised.) "OK OK WELL DO IT DONT SHOT!" The Ingineer screemed an they worked fast to build the time mashine. (Because they all have no way to defend themselves from Assram, of course.)
Assirram got itn an prepared to go to the future. "Marrissa will stop you you cant win!" (CLICHE! IT BUUUURNS!) Cave Jonson said but Assirram just lolled (I prefer lolling to o-mouthing...) an turned on the time mashine an flash bang boom (As opposed to Crash Boom Bang?) she was gone to the future. "Marrissa has to powerful enouf to stop her shes the worlds only hope!" (Goood the cliche just flies off the wall in this fic.) Ratman said with brave an they all nodded. (...so, they didn't even try to go into the future and stop her? Or get a message to Marissa?)
TO BE CONTINUED!
I GOT A REVIEW SAYIN I WAS JUMPIN THE SHARK (Oh you did that looooong ago.) (ITS A TV WORD) (You mean a TV trope?) AN I AM KINNA RUNNIN OUT OF IDEAS (Thank god for that.) SO I THINK ONSE MARRISSA FIGHTS ASSIRRAM ILL END THE STORY (God truly does exist. He had granted mercy to me.) BUT IT WILL BE THE MOST EPIC AN ENTENSE END YET )lolnope.) SO MAYBE THE LAST ONE WILL BE CHAPTER 20? (Spoiler alert: It won't.) FIND OUT!
(Well this one really does just seem rather pointless. For something as major as GLaDOS becoming corrupted and Assram going to the future to kill her clone would be handled with a little more care and suspense. But, I guess the author has her head so far up her own ass that she can't understand that. At least this fic is almost done...)