A/N – It took a few more days than I had intended but it was important to try and get it right. I hope you enjoy reading it because I sure did seeing it play out in my head before writing it.
Chapter 10. Brutal Honesty
Effy's POV
The fact that Emily didn't notice that we were on the way to King's College was proof of just how confusing and upsetting this entire situation was for her. James had realized which direction we were headed in the minute we hopped on the tube but Emily had merely followed my lead, never once stopping to make use of that astonishingly analytical mind of hers. It was like her mind was somewhere else, in a haze of apprehension and guilt, although I wasn't sure where the guilt actually was directed. Despite Katie's desire and gift of fixing situations like this, I thought it was better to let people figure out who and what they wanted in their own time. Unfortunately, time was an issue here since Naomi only had a short amount of time left in this world. Naomi had turned Emily's whole world upside-down in a matter of hours, which made it quite clear that there was something extraordinary about their connection. On the other hand, if Emily wanted to fix things with Jeremy, she had a little more time but in order to do that, she needed to get over her obsession with Naomi first. Regardless of what Emily ended up doing, there was one thing she needed to take care of first and she was too implicated and confused to see it herself.
What most people don't realize about Emily Fitch is that she is an outright genius. That she was smart was never much of a secret. She was always helpful to anyone and everyone having trouble understanding anything from Shakespeare to algebra but the extent was far greater than I had anticipated. I consider myself quite perceptive and a great judge of character but Emily was my greatest failure in that respect. It wasn't until Katie and I bonded after both of us kicked Freddie to the curb that I discovered the truth about Emily's genius.
During college, she was enrolled in evening courses at Bristol University for no particular reason other than she was bored with our curriculum and wanted to test different areas before deciding on what to dedicate her life to. Everything came easy to her and she never had to study to learn new things but sometimes, when she was juggling both the medical program and the molecular biology classes, she had been forced to actually put some effort into it. It wasn't because it was hard but completing two separate Bachelors' at the same time meant a lot of work, even if she did use some of the courses she had taken during college to supplement the molecular biology Bachelor. She did it though; two degrees and in less time than it took most people to finish just one. Like I said; the girl was a fucking genius.
The Master's was smooth sailing for her and she naturally did a double course load, finishing in almost half the time. That's when she had met Jeremy, studying for finals while applying for the PhD-position she was already guaranteed to get since Kieran had handpicked her for the job. The two of them quickly became serious and I suppose none of us were surprised when they announced their engagement about a year ago. Katie and I had discussed it only days before they announced it, thinking that if they actually got engaged, Emily would have proven us wrong, albeit unknowingly.
Looking at the miserable state Emily was in now, I realized that nothing in the world would have made me happier than if Katie and I had indeed been wrong. Emily was headed for abysmal and inevitable heartbreak regardless of the choices she would be forced to make.
James and I led Emily through the main entrance of the hospital before she realized where she was. To his credit, James had kept quiet and had played along in order to get Emily where she needed to be. I suppose he was as curious as I was to see who had corrupted his older sister so completely. Emily stopped abruptly as she, per her routine, showed her credentials as she passed the reception. She turned around to look at us, aghast and still utterly wretched.
I regarded her with what I hoped was a sympathetic and somber expression. "Emily, you were right last night. You need to take care of this situation before it gets out of hand and affects your career." I made use of my impenetrable poker face, not wanting to risk Emily discovering the real reason I had brought her here. "You need to sort this with Naomi."
She nodded slowly, understanding why we had brought her here. Luckily, the fact that James and I were practically pissing ourselves with curiosity had yet to dawn on her. I suppose we should thank Naomi for clouding poor Emily's mind so much that it made it possible for us mere mortals to manipulate her a little for once. I pulled her in for a reassuring squeeze and gently said, "Lead the way."
We walked through a couple of locked doors and into a wing of the hospital I didn't even know existed. I had visited Emily several times at the lab but this was a completely different building and there were yellow warning signs on every door marked "Radioactivity, no entry". Emily was still mute but as we neared what I assumed was Naomi's door, Emily's shoulders straightened and she ran quick hands through her hair. I marveled at the effect Naomi had on Emily after mere hours with each other and one, from the sound of it, very innocent kiss. I wasn't sure I had ever felt that way, which I suppose only confirmed that I hadn't.
Emily came to a halt in front of a white door, presumably Naomi's. It was closed and no audible sounds were escaping the room. "What time is it?, Emily whispered over her shoulder without looking back at us.
"Five past three", James answered, following his sister's lead and whispering. Emily nodded once in determination, took a deep breath and knocked softly on the door.
Naomi's POV
I lifted my head slightly from where it had been resting on Cook's shoulder. "There's something I've been meaning to ask you."
He glanced down at me. "Let's have it then."
I hesitated for a moment, fearing his answer. "When do you have to go back? To finish your contract, I mean."
Cook smiled warmly but he didn't fool me. He wasn't the slightest bit happy that I had brought it up. I knew that he had a ten-month tour and that meant he had one month left before he was officially a civilian again. It was his third tour, all of them in Afghanistan, but the first two had only been six months each and he had been in touch at least once a week during them both. The latest tour had been different and I knew he had new responsibilities and he had had a hard time keeping our Skype-dates. By the time I got my diagnosis, he was flying completely under the radar only to return to London one month ahead of schedule. Something was off and despite his attempts at acting like it was nothing out of the ordinary, I had gotten my diploma in reading the body language of James Cook at the tender age of sixteen and he wasn't fooling me for a second.
"Don't worry about it, Blondie", was all I got from him. I gave him a stern look and he crumbled immediately. "Fine. I might have lied and told them that you were my wife in order to get shipped back ASAP once I heard you were sick."
"You lied? To the military? To government, basically?" This couldn't possibly be a good thing.
He shrugged and smiled, pulling my head close for another of the now standard forehead-kisses. I snuggled up to him, once again resting my head on his wide shoulder. "It was either lie or desert and I don't really give a fuck as long as I get to be with you until…" He stopped midsentence, realizing there was no good way to end it. A rare moment of awkward, awful silence was thankfully interrupted by a soft knock on my door.
Expecting an orderly or nurse, I barely registered the people at the door when it opened. Cook however, tensed and I lifted my head from his shoulder to give whoever it was an evil stare for disturbing us. Shocked, I realized Emily and two strangers were standing in the doorway. After I had opened up to Cook about Emily, he had gotten angry, very, very angry. He had never taken kindly to people who hurt me and the whole thing had made his blood boil, despite the instant liking he had taken to Emily. I felt his pulse start to race in anger at Emily's audacity. I placed a calming hand on his chest but it did little to appease him.
"What are you doing here?", he sneered and got out of bed, making it suddenly feel cold and empty. I hadn't realized how nice it had felt having him there. Emily took a step back, a frightful expression on her beautiful face. I briefly questioned my sanity when I realized that to me, she was just as exquisite and wonderful as the first time I had laid eyes on her, despite the hurt she had caused me.
Instantaneously, the young man and woman behind Emily stepped forward, placing themselves between her and Cook. Before the army put Cook straight, he would have taken that behavior as a challenge and lost his temper. This time, however, he kept his cool and began a staring contest with the young man, who was clearly terrified of Cook yet remained determined to hold his ground. The young woman took control of the situation before I could, my reaction speed not being at its best anymore.
"Calm down, Cook", the woman said, taking another small step towards him. I noticed the surprise on Cook's face at the familiarity with which she used his name His surprise quickly turned into a frown but at least he wasn't about to jump Emily anymore and I relaxed a little. Despite everything, I really didn't want to see her exquisite face and body bloodied by my overprotective friend. The young man standing in front of Emily also seemed to relax and I noticed how young he was. The woman, on the other hand was our age and conveyed power and confidence, challenging Cook and holding his gaze without faltering. For the first time in my life I saw Cook divert his gaze at the sheer power radiating from the young woman's eyes.
"Effy, please, you can't blame him. I hate me too at the moment", Emily said and turned her head to look at me, seeming lost and completely miserable. It was hard to believe that anyone looking that desolate and contrite could have caused my heart to break less than a day ago. Regardless, I was still hurting, even if telling Cook had made me feel a little better about the whole thing.
Emily's guilt-ridden eyes locked with mine and I regretfully had to acknowledge the fact that they still made my stomach flutter. Emily seemed to gather some courage and walked to my bedside. Cook was about to step in her way when I softly shook my head at him.
"It's alright, Cook." He turned to look at me, a concerned and disbelieving frown on his face. I smiled at him, "Really."
"Can we talk?", she asked quietly, her eyes mirroring my own heartache. I hesitated and saw Cook angrily shake his head behind Emily's back. I gave him a reassuring smile before focusing on the seemingly devastated woman in front of me. Emily's entire being was pleading with me, emanating despair and heartbreak and yet somehow, making my heart pound in my chest. Cook crossed his arms, obviously not intending on letting Emily come near me again. Effy noticed and stepped in.
"Cook, why don't you show us where we can get some coffee?", Effy said and gently touched his arm. "Naomi will be fine for a few minutes", she said and smiled genuinely at him. I expected him to complain and argue with her, pull his arm away but he simply turned his head, looked into her eyes and nodded. I stared at him as Effy led him and the young man I still didn't know the name of out of the room, closing the door behind her. I regained some self-respect and strength, crossed my arms in a defensive stance and looked expectantly at Emily.
Emily's POV
Effy had been right, I needed to talk to Naomi and I desperately needed to make sure my life wasn't going to spiral into oblivion due to my inexplicable obsession with her. I had fully intended on simply apologizing and hopefully convince Naomi to not tell Kieran or anyone else about my little indiscretion and frenetic, inappropriate behavior. I just needed to get through this and get my life back to normal. Naturally, the minute I entered her room and locked eyes with her, all of my honorable and intelligible intentions flew out the window along with my sanity.
She was clearly angry with me, those wonderful, expressive eyes were full of hurt and accusation and I couldn't blame her. I would give anything in the world to have her regard me with the same affection and genuine pleasure as last night. I closed the distance between myself and her bed but couldn't decide on where to start. I desperately wanted to explain myself to her while apologizing for my behavior at the same time but I couldn't really do any of it. Despite having Katie, Effy and even Jeremy assist me in analyzing and trying to understand my feelings, I had yet to make any real sense of them. All I was sure of was that if I could do anything for the rest of my life, it would be to stare into Naomi's eyes. Telling her that, however, would neither be apologetic nor appropriate.
Naomi spoke, losing patience with me. "So? What do you want?"
I couldn't help it. Hearing her speak to me with obvious resent caused tears to fill my eyes and I was powerless to stop them from streaming down my face. All I came here to do was apologize but when I opened my mouth, words did not escape me. Whether it was my voice failing me due to last night's adventure down a vodka bottle or that I was simply an emotional mess, remains unclear. She uncrossed her arms, a concerned frown forming on her face as she noticed my tears.
"Emily?", she said as her resolve faltered, hostility and apprehension however still resonating in her voice.
"I… I can't!" I buried my hands in my hair and turned away, taking a few steps toward the door. I needed to get out, get away and forget about all of the things she had made me feel without ever meaning to. But I couldn't leave. I couldn't physically get myself to take the last few steps toward the door. Abruptly, I turned and almost ran back to the bed, determinedly cupping Naomi's stunning albeit stunned face in my hands and captured her lips in a sweet but firm kiss. I pulled away but only a little and stared into her perplexed eyes, my hands caressing her cheeks.
"I think you are the most astonishingly beautiful creature I have ever laid eyes on." My eyes wandered across her face, taking everything in in case this was to be the very last time I could. She swallowed hard but didn't pull away. "I can't stand being in the same room with you unless I am close enough to touch you and it is both inappropriate and completely immoral. But I don't care, even if I lose my job, my fiancée and your boyfriend beats me to a bloody pulp." I didn't know where I was going with this, having surprised myself greatly by acting this way in the first place. So I simply said what came to mind. It was the first time I was being honest with myself about what I was feeling.
"The first time our eyes locked, the air was sucked out of my lungs and the room started to spin. I couldn't get you out of my head after that and I tried finding an excuse, any excuse to visit you. When I finally did, one simple touch sent ripples of electricity coursing through me. I have never experienced anything like this before and it is scary and ferocious and I can't make sense of it. It's not fair of me to use you in order to get my head straight about what you have stirred in me and I can't guarantee that I will figure this out or that I won't hurt you enormously in the process. All I do know is that I can't stand the idea of hurting you again. So I came to apologize and to beg you to not mention my horrible behavior to anyone, in the hopes that I can keep my job, a job I love."
Despite myself, I smiled warmly at her. "But the minute I saw you, I realized that nothing in the world could get me to stay away from you except one thing; you asking me to. So I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry, for hurting you, upsetting you, for forcing myself on you, for being ashamed of being caught with you and if it is what you want, I will keep my distance."
I stopped, my head spinning with emotion. The brutal honesty I had subjected myself to for the first time sank in and my hands dropped from her cheeks. I took a step backwards in horror realizing that somehow, while meaning to apologize, I had once again managed to force myself on her. Surrendering to my mistakes and accepting that I had made a complete and utter fool of myself yet again, I slowly turned around to leave without as much as a final look in her direction.
"Emily, wait." I stopped at the sound of her voice but hesitated for a minute, closing my eyes and gathering the strength to turn and face her. My eyes widened in surprise when I turned and realized Naomi had gotten out of bed and was standing in front of me, the tube from the morphine pump stretched out behind her. I should be telling her to get back in bed but all I could think of was how close we were and how surprisingly tall she was. I looked up into her captivating eyes, my body responding on instinct as I inched closer, hardly moving my feet but somehow still managing to eliminate the already limited space between us. Any fears I might have had of having forced myself on her or the simple fear of rejection, vanished as I lost myself in her passionate blue gaze.
I barely had time to register what was happening, my mind clouded by desperation, despair and desire. I felt Naomi pull me close with one arm while taking a step back towards the bed in order to secure her other arm around my waist, once the tube from the pump slacked enough to allow her to. I instinctively reached up and put my arms around her neck, noticing how her eyes flickered to my lips and back to my eyes before she bent down and pressed her soft lips against mine. The kiss was as innocent as ever but the passion behind it was immense. She started to pull away but I wouldn't let her and I responded by digging my fingers into the short hair at the back of her neck and parting my lips slightly, capturing hers between mine again and again. I was clinging to her, clinging to the fire that was building inside me, a fire I never knew existed before I had lost myself in her eyes for the first time. This time, she had instigated it, she had wanted it and nothing would ever beat this feeling. Then I felt my knees almost give in as the soft tip of Naomi's tongue brushed against mine.
Thank God for Effy Stonem! And thank you for reading, reviewing, following and fav'ing! It is the fuel for my writing fire!
I will be leaving for Sydney soon for a two-month adventure in Australia and, as you can imagine, I might not have a whole lot of time to write and update. I will however, do my very best and spend my 30 hour-flight with my head in my computer.