(This is it. The end of this crap. In this chapter, i'm going to bring out my "unoriginal final villain epic enocunter" checklist since it's only necersary. Lets not waste any time, or words. BRING IT ON!)

AN: Allrite guys here is is! The final chapter (It's about time.) with most entense action an epic stuff in the hole story (That should go without saying about most final chapters. We're not stupid.) which will make all the flamerz an trolls sad that they killed SUCH A GOD STORY! (Oh, no-one will be sad to see this story curl up and die. NO-ONE.)

ITS MY LIFE!

CHAPTER 16: SHOWDOWN THRODOWN (Cliche'd cliches.)

After lick 12 weeks Wheatly an I finished are honeymoom an left the relax place (...so...they spent 12 weeks in one room having sex? ...ew.) but as I opened door turrents was outside (How long do you think they were waiting for?) an shootin at us! "Bloody hell those sods are wankin us!" (You're STILL using that wrong.) I ran fast lick the scot in Meet the Scot (Because deflecting them with shields like you did one chapter ago isn't as useful.) so the bullets coldnt hit me an Wheatly was robot so they didant hurt him. (I dunno, I think bullets would still hurt him.) Once I was ot of there range I used my powers to make a gun like in Green Lanturn (Well at least that's somewhat consistent...) an shooted them all over. The turrents screemed lick a screemin thing that screems (A redundant thing that is redundantly redundant.) an they died. "What bloody bugger sended turrents to soddin kill us now? I thot we killed alls the bad guys Marrissa!1" Wheatly questioned. I thot hard with my detective powers but it was to tuff. (Ok so, this "detective power" was built up as meaning she can uncover anything, but now something has stumped it? How's THAT for consistency!) "We must serch for cloos." I decided an we followed the turrents trale. (Trail? What trail? They were just STANDING THERE, what possible trail could they leave?)

We didnt see no thing for a while (Nothing is one word you twit.) but then I herd a nose! (Must be a loud nose. Maybe it has a cold?) Wheatly an I creeped up slowly to the mane room (Where a lion's mane is groomed.) where GLaDOS was befour (That mispelling is becoming far too commonplace.) she died for real an I saw... ASSIRRAM! (Ekspet I didant no she was Assirram yet (No shit sherlock.) becos we hadnt met befour). (See, it's there again! I'm getting worried.) "Oh my god save the queen Marrissa she looks lick you but less hot an pretty (One last time, with feeling. SUE DOMINANCE.) an more evil!" This was bad news an she was makin more turrents (...uh, how? Does she just magic them up, or use the facility, or what?) an even worse she had the prototip portal gun! (Uh, how? Must've pulled it out her ass.)

"Hahahaha! Now with the prototip portal gun I can make a portal to Andord Hell (And here I thought the writer had forgotten about that...) an let all the zomboys insid from when Atlas an P-Body throwed taters in there come out!" (Because Assface of course knows all about what happened last time.) Assirram goated an shoot portal onto the wall. A bunch of zombies lick from Reisdent Evil (The author's so unoriginal, she demands we use a popular franchise's zombies as an example.) an zombee robots came out lookin for me to kill becos we had un finished buziness. (...what? What do zombie robots have against Marissa?) Assirram had to be stoped befour (Way too much of that now...) she cold make more bad guys or she wold take over the hole world! (And here we go with the checklist. Lame attempt to raise the stakes? Check!)

Wheatly got really scarred (He's in THIS fic, so it's no wonder.) an said "Marrissa this is serios! That bloody wanker is makin a monster army (Because zombie robots instantly follow Assface, becqause she's sooooo eviiiiil.) an if you dont stop her quick shell bloody kills us all!" Thins was lookin bad (No shit sherlock.) there was no way I cold fite all those guyz an some gurls to. (Who cares what gender the monsters are, why bother specifying their gender?!) Then a big TV happened (Which just happened to be plugged in nearby and convieniently turned onto the right channel.) an it showed Assirram's turrent an zombee armee killin all the city of Englond! (...why? Why England? How did they get there so quickly? Aperture's in England now?! SOMEONE ANSWER MEEEE!) "Bloody no! There killin the queen!" Wheatly britished (*facepalm*) but it was too lowd an Assirram herd him! "Ah so you have finally arrived my good twine." (So, is Assface made of string then?) Assirram lolled with evil.

"Hoo are you (And then Marissa was an owl.) an why do you look lick me but less hot an pretty (I am getting REALLY sick of that phrase now.) an more evil?" I yelled with angry. (AND THAT ONE!) "I am an evil clone made to kill you Marrissa Roberts an take over the werld!" (Was taking over the world ever programmed into her?) I o-mouthed (Yep...last chapter, worth it for one more time. ASDFGHJKL!) becos it all made sense. "An sinse you was too bissy DOIN SEX (You don't DO sex, you HAVE it. Unless it's a person named Sex, then things get interesting.) with yur dum robot ball hubby (I second that.) I builted a supreem armee (Super villain has an army, check! Makes you wonder why she didn't just jump in and kill her while she was humping him though.) an now not even you can stop me from destorying ever thing!" (Cliche'd villain boast, check!) Assirram let out the most evil LOL I ever herd. (Evil laugh, check!) "Oh way well well just see a bout that!" An I used my powers to make a sheeld an a cannon like on a pirate ship but smaller so I cold use it lick a gun. (A handheld pirate ship mounted cannon...that's too cool to be n this fic.) BOOM BOOM BOOM (Never get dat.) BAM the cannon said as I fired it an dust wents every where. But wen the dust cleared... ASSIRRAM AN THE ARMEE WAS STILL THERE WITH A SHEELDS!" (Wow, and I really thought she'd kill her...way to play with my expectatioooons...)

I wold have to play it old school (Old school being?) to stop them so I ran fast an did a spinnin jump kick which nocked some zombees heads off. (Oh, ok. So they have a shield to protect from her powers and her guns, but she can apparently punch through the shield. Guess Assface got it on loan from the Gungans.) More zombees got up an put turrents on there heads (Give it time and Valve will make a hat out of it.) to shoot an run at both an charged me (Didn't GLaDOS invent walking turrets anyway?) so I jumped in the are an used my powers to make a anvil (Either more green lantern shit, or she just pulled it out of her ass. Neither of which surprise me.) the zombees got "OH SH**!" looks on there feces (Figures your shit fetish would make it through in this last chapter too.) an the anvil droped down and made them go skwish. "Verry god Marrissa (Yup, she may as well be God considering her powers and importance.) but will you fight so well when I kill... yur hubsand!" Befour I cold even o-mouth (Which implies she did something faster than Marissa could move her face. That's nuts.) Assirram went charge at Wheatly with all the hate in her eyes (ALL THE HATE!) an a big punch reddy to brake him into teeny weeny pieces. (Because Assface will punch him to death. A robot. Punched to death.)

But... WHEATLY USED HIS FLASHLITE AND BLINDED ASSIRRAM! (Ok, i'll give Wheatley props for actually doing something, but his flashlight would never be able to blind her, it's not nearly that strong.) "Little Wheatly is a powerful bad arse now becos I have THE POWAR OF LOVE!" (This moment brought to you by Disney.) An he jumped off the rale an landed on Assirrams head an gave her a huge booboo. (You REALLY destroy your integrity when you use language like that while trying to convey adult themes.) "GRRRRRR YULL PAY FOR THAT YOU B****!" Assirram meaned but some one got behind her with super speed an hit her in face with a crowbar! (Oh god no...) The guy lolled an I an Assirram both o-mouthed. "I am GORDON FREEMAN!" (NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! I DO NOT ACCEPT THIS! NO!) He said an hit Assirram a gain but this time she had a sheild. "Gordon what are you doin here?" I asked with shock an aww. (WHY DOES MARISSA EVEN KNOW ABOUT HIM, AAARRGGHHH!)

"I was fightin the bad guys from half life (sorry I never played Halflife so I dont no much a bout it) (Then fucking RESEARCH IT before you throw it in your crappy fanfic!) when a boom happened (That's some serious Full life consequences language there.) so I investigated an saw all these bad guys an I looked like you needed some help lol." (It's bad enough Gordon's in this...it's even worse that he talks...but why did she have to make him spout such cliche'd and stupid dialogue?) Gordon punched thru some zombees while I riped the turrents off there heads. (Ripped? That implies they were secured on, when you clearly stated they were just balancing them on.) Wheatly growled a bunch to make us more mad an meen. (And Wheatley's gone back to cheerleading bitch. Good.) We had killed like three hundurd (movie refrence lol) (And all her crappy cliche's are coming back in this last chapter, including her stupid references.) of the bad guys but the portal was still open an more was commin out.

Two zombees shot gunz at me but I grabbed bullets (How? New powers, of course.) an throwed them back to headshot those! (Wow, what an accomplishment...) Next the big zombee with rocket launchers from Reisdent Evil (Originality is dead in this fic.) came out an it was the boss fight! (You don't call it boss fighrs if you're writing in the world of your fic...unless its Scott Pilgrim.) "Now you will dye (Redheads! I shall make you redheads!) for sure Marrissa an Gordon Freeman an Wheatly no one can stop the biggest zomboy ever!" (Give her three minutes and she'll polish it off easy.( Assirram crackled. (BZZZZZZT.) Ultimate Zombee used his portal gun (Which he no doubt pulled out of his ass.) to open ano portal to Androod Hell an Gordon Fellman in! The other zombees down there tore him into to halfs an he died. (Oh you...its bad enough you use him in this fic, worse that you make him talk, but to kill him off so fucking easily, as another cliche for your fucking ultimate battle?! Come the fuck on!) "No! Gorden!" His wife Alex What Ever (Wife? Research? WUZ DAT, DERP DE DOO.) cried. She coldnt live with out her solmate so she did sewised with her sord lick the Japanese. (...ok, why did you make Alyx japanese? And why did you just randomly throw her comitting suicide in? Are you just trying to offend everyone?!)

"Bloody hell they wont stop comin!" Wheatly yelled as more zombees entere the place. (Even the author doesn't give a fuck about where they are.) The boss zombee taked out his rocket launcher an shotted at me it was sooooooo strong that it brake my sheild (For some reason. Consistency, WUZ DAAAYT.) an blew me up but the sheed took most off the blast so I was only hurt a little. (God forbid the Sue come out of this smelling of anything other than roses...) He tried shoot another bom (Eww, he's shooting butts? No? Well according to the author he is.) but I was reddy this time an started runnin really fast until I WAS BEHIND HIM! (And the dumbass zombie didn't bother to turn around.) Then I climed up is back an made a nife (I'm gonna assume more Green Lantern shit.) an braned him. The ultimate zombee died an Assirram o-mouthed (FUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOU AUUUUUTHOOOOOR!) witha "OMFG" look on her dum feces. (STOP...you know, i'm done trying. Splatter your shit fetish all over us, you waste of skin.) "No one never killed him befour (Except everyone who played Resident evil.) you are a worthy opponete." (No, you're just a bad villain.)

This was it, are final showdown. (It took too long to get here.) All the zombees an turrents stoped fightin to watch the big battle. (Because they dare not help any further.) Assirram stepped towars me with a portal gun so made one withh my powers. (Oh god...) This woldnt be a nomral battle it wold be... a portal battle! (A concept that will be screwed over here...)Assirram made the first portal it was the land of dinosaurs (Ok, so this isn't a portal battle, just a time travel battle...good. So many other shitty fics do this it's no longer any fun...) so we fot over a big volcano but a trex eated Assirram (She's not dead.) so I was happy but Assirram explodd out of the trexs tummy (I'm surprised the T-rex swallowed her whole instead of tearing her up with it's teeth.) gettin blood an branes every where. (Brains? Did the T-rex eat another dino brain then? Odd...) Then she roundhose kicked me lick Chuck Norris (Figures there'd be a reference to him here...) but I made a new portal and we fell into space. (I'm not too mad about their physics in space, seeing as Portal 2 certainly didn't mind that either.) We was on the Death Star an Dark Vader was there. (...and now I DO care -.-) "OMG!" Dark Vader OMGed (Wow, even the author's own stupid internet lingo are getting redundant.) so I punched his face off an turned out he was really... ASSIRRAM! (What?! That makes no sense...well it's this fic, so lets just move past it.) "Did you really thot Id fall for that trick?" I said lolling.

Then both made another portal an this one taked us to Portal High School (Guess the author ran out of ideas already.) where Gabe/Cave Jonson Rat Man (Another Megaman reject.) an Teen Fortress 2 had lots of weapons an cannons (So that confirms all my earlier assumptions about the Teen Fortress 2 being able to fight. Thanks for making your own plot holes worse, author.) an Rat Man still had the space core an rick core for balls so he coldint be crotch-punched. (Why did you feel the need to bring that up? Why not just have him with the laser?) "Dont worry Marrissa were heer for backup!" They all said really lowd. "No guys this is my fight go thru that portal an kill all the zombees an turrents instead!" (Yes, god forbid the Sue has any form of help, except for fucking Wheatley.) So they did. The battle was epic butt (This fic is an epic butt.) I was to bissy fighting Assirram to watch an see. (Good. Swap out the potentially cool mercenaries vs robot zombies battle for a few more lines of Marissa vs Assface. Good.) Assirram looked realy mad an assirammed (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA NOT FUNNY.) me in stomach where my robot ball/humon baby was! (Well, I guess Assface isn't "pro life" either. Yes, i'm still mad about that.)

"NOOOOOOOOO!" I screemed with mad at the abortion of my babby. (Well this certainly isn't a fake out, is it?) "This is the final straw Assirram no more fighting only KILL!" (Weren't you trying to do that anyway?) My hole body glowed brite gold an there was a huge boom an Assirram becomed a skelton. (...what.) Then the skelton died. (WHAT?! So, you're telling me, this whole time, Marissa could have KILLED Assface THAT easily?! WELL DONE AUTHOR, YOU ANTICLIMAXED YOUR OWN PATHETIC VILLAIN.) I was soo tired from the fight an power up that I felled down an past ot. (And hopefully never wakes up.)

Wen I waked up (Sunuva...) I was in the Mediks doktor room (What's wrong with just saying medical lab? Why do you have to be so unspecific?) with lots of toobs an IVs an stuff in me. (Why? Aside from the punch in the gut, Marissa wasn't even SLIGHTLY injured!) "Oh Marrissa thank bloody god save the queen yur allrite!" Wheatly cried an hugged me which was hard for him to do becos he was a robot ball an didant have arms. (We kind of gathered that author, we're not idiots.) "Also theres something wankin important you need to no!" I smied sadly an sad "I no Wheatly, Assirram aborted are baby with punch." (And she's smiling about that? I'd be mortified personally...but oh well, she probably doesn't care anyway considering all the stuff she did while it was inside.) An I cried some more. "No lol shes alife!" (Ok, why would anyone say lol in such a serious sentence? That's sick.) An the Medik came in with a little robot ball/human baby gurl (...eugh...EEEUURRRGH!) smilin he said "It was a MIRAKLE!" (KILL IT WITH FIRE!)

The Medik gaved me my baby an I looked into her feces (Disgusting...I have nothing left to say about the author's running poop fetish.) an felt happiest ever. "What shold me name her?" Wheatly asked. "Her named will be Chell in onor of my dead sister!" (No no, you should name her after Assface. Makes as much sense as renaming yourself after your evil brother.) I said an every one thot it was a good idea. (Because by this point, everyone had pretty much been assimalated.) A few moths later I was all heeled up (A few months to heal up from a pregnancy that had no effect on her, and a battle she didn't even get scratched in? Fucking hell that' stupid.) an ready for me Wheatly an Chell to go back home to Portal Labs. (Where a time paradox promptly ate them for screwing with time and creating so many continuity holes.)

Befour we did the President was there an congradulated me for savin the world ( *facepalm* Of fucking course, the true peak of the Sue's achievements.) an gave me, Wheatly, Gabe Jonson, Rat Man an all of Teen Fortress 2 metals. (They all promptly crafted them into hats.) He also taked Atlass dead robot body an put Wheatly in it (Because the President knows how to do that now. Who is the president anyway, John Henry Eden?) so he cold walk an change Chells dippers. (Nice to see Wheatley gets all of the work to do for his new robot body.) "Goodbye my Dotter an Grandotter an son in law Wheatly." Cave Jonson said an hugged me. (My god this is corny...) "Marrissa if yur mom cold see you now an wasnt a evil robot computer she wold be sooooo proud." (She'd be so happy her little sue spawn had taken over everything.) I smiled with tears in eyes an me an Wheatly an baby Chell went thru the portal back to Portal Labs for the last time. It was crazy, but ITS MY LIFE! (Oh so THAT's why its called that... still makes no fuckmothering sense.)

EPILOG

Meenwhile in space a black hole opened an shooted GLaDOSs peaces out. (That makes no sense. I'm not exactly Steven Hawking, but I know that everything that enters a black hole gets compacted and crushed, and is never seen again.) "Haha I am still alife now I can get my true revenge on Marrissa Roberts!" (Ugh... yeah i'm so sure.) Then the zombies from Dead Space was there (Couldn't even look up the name "Necromorphs" huh?) an GLaDOS got a "OH F***!" look on her feces (Had to leave us with one last image of shit, huh? Fuck you author.) an the zombees ate her an she died. (Making this entire bit, pointless.)

THE END

(THANK FUCKING GOD! We did it folks, we made it all the way through this shitstorm of a fanfic. So, what are my final thoughts on it? It goes without saying, it's AWFUL. Spelling is atrocious, story is confused and random, it borrows too many elements from other games instead of just sticking to the one franchise, the characters are horrible, there are some terrible moral issues in it, and it's just a downright pain to sit through. Also, this fic is a confirmed trollfic, hence just why its so bad. But, we got through it... but, there is an even bigger terror looming over the horizon...the sequel. Am I going to do it? Yes. I think i'll take a break for a while though, so keep watching me til then.

So, thank you all for reading, I hope I entertained you all, and I hope to see you soon!)