(So, I thought this author was pretty disgusting before this chapter. But, as of this chapter, I find out she is not only disgusting, she is downright... well, the title. You'll see why...)
I JUS SAW MEN IN BACK 3 LAST DAY (Thanks for sharing.) AN IT WASS SOOOOO GOD. (I actually agree with her on this bit.) I THINK ILL MAYB E PUTS THEM IN TEH STORY (NO. JUST, NO.) 2 BUT IM NOT SHORE YET. (I have a bad feeling about this...) ANYAY, HEERS
THE MARRISSA GAMES
CHAPTRE 3: (The chapter system in this fic sucks. It should be chapter 5.) OLD FRENDS AN NEW ENEMYS (AKA Old cliche's and the same cliches.)
I was a small town gurl (if Portal Labs cold evn be call a town lol) (I wouldn't. That joke makes no sense.) wit a huge town problem. (I feel that's a reference... if so, I don't get it.) Hamtash was druggin an beerin (More stupid verbs, yaaaaay.) stead of tranin me an Prem an Peeta Peeta Sandvich Eata. (Why don't YOU train them? Sprinkle them with your convienience powers or something!) iF we didant get tran soon then we wold die for shore (Well, YOU won't. You're pretty much God right now, Marissa.) in teh gameses. Ther had to sum way to stop the drug raje. (Get rid of the drugs?)
Befour I cold think the trane stoped. "Sorry guys we musta runned over a aminal or sumthin its all good." (Uh, this might be going by the film, but last I checked, the train rails are elevated above the ground, so its unlikely an animal would make it onto the tracks.) Effy said from bein the drain triver. (Drain triver... unacceptable.) Prim is not so beleef tho she say "Marrissa sumthin fishys goin down here (When did Prim turn into a sassy black woman?) I dont lick the look of this…" I powered up my powers (Ok, since when did she have to 'power up' her powers?) just incays she was rite an there was maybe danger.
Peeta Peeta Sandich Eata happied (STOP MAKING UP VERBS.) an go "Wow Prim yur ver good at situashun solvins." (Is she? She just said something weird is going on, she didn't exactly DO anything.) She bushed at nise compilament an I smied at the happy. Then the trane blow up. (...well that was sudden.)
"OOOOOOODFFFFRRRRGGGOFFF!1 !211" (There is no excuse for having the symbol in a sentance.) I sad as the grownd went fast down to me. I crushed inot a hooge crater but I made sheeld an was ok. (You didn't really need to tell us that.) The trayne was all rooned (No kidding.) an broken an sum bandids were there. (Bandits? Really? Would've thought the Capitol would have higher security on their own train...)
"We are robers weer here to kill u an take yur stuff an things! !" (Then shut up and actually do it!) The liter said. ATLAS an B-Body gotted to them an anger faced "Nu uh b*****s we gon kill you!" But the was 2 drunk an hi so they felled over asleep. (Really? They seemed fine standing up and swearing, you don't just fall asleep like that unless you're narcoleptic.) The bandids all lolled at the dum jerk robots (Hahahahah we could be robbing you right now, so we're leaving ourselves open for you, hahah...) an I lolled to becos it was prettay funny. (Get your fucking priorities straight!) But then I rembered they was gonin kill us so I had to fite. (Finally!)
Haymatch o-mouthed (GLUHK!) then he came. (Ew.) "OMG wats goin on?" He dumed (These verbs are pissing me off more than "O-mouthed" is!) but we didant have tim to talk theese bandids had to go 1st. (Oh yeah, you've got no time. These bandits are so evil, they have time to shout like they're from Cobra and laugh at random shit going on.) "Yuo cannot defeet us, I AM FRANK FIVETEEN !" It was…. FRANK FIFETEEN!33 (Wow, you tried to make something he just shouted a plot twist. You idiot.) (AN: Hes a reel jerk who draws all the most hot an pretty gurls, (Is this a real guy? Or some reviewer? I have no idea...) but not Marrissa becos hes a prejewdise gainst me for bein more cooler than him (Yes, of course, anyone who's against Marissa is just jealous of how awesome she is. More narcissism anyone?) so he wants to kill me)(And the author refers to herself as Marissa, of course. Double narcissism ftw.)
I did a doble jump into the sky an yelled "POWER OF!" (...of what? Power of what? Clue us in author!) an it made theyre guns refracted an no use. (Aaaand here come the new powers pulled out of her ass.) But they still fists for punch (Oh no, not fiiiiists...) but Peeta Peeta Snadwich Eatar armlocked them! (What, all of them at once?)
"Lol u think that we didant bring a bakup plan?" Frank lolled pornograffically. (...pornographically...no. Just... no.) His shirt untied an I saw his bellbotten was a canon wif guns!33 (That makes a whole load of sense...) BOOM WAM BAM JAMBOBOOOMBOOOM BAM!~`1`~~~~~!1! (The squiggly is also not acceptable in a sentance.) The canon (A canon cannon? There's a lot about this story that doesn't make sense in canon.) said loud an made bullets in all my plases. (All your places? How very vague.) "Wat how I not kill you?/
"I just lolled becos he didant no bout my spesal power. I immune to bullets after ATLAS N PBODY shooted me in the hed I became immune. (...ok, bullshit. Even with your bullshit powers pulled out of your ass, being ressurected from being shot does not make you immune to it. Marissa may as well be immortal by this point.)
Hamish was watchin the hole fite (Isn't it funny how the train exploded, yet everyone survived despite not having Marissa's shield?) an gettin reel impressed. Woah they relay do got the chops! He head thot with hed. (Good god this mangled English is hard to read sometimes.) Bu the biggest show was Priim. (Prim? Seriously?) She climed up a tall metal from the broketrain an striped her clothes (...I don't like where this is going...)of till she was in underiewear (No...no, please...)then swanged from it hittin bad guys with feet.
"MY MILKSHAK BRINGS ALL THE BOYZ TO TEH YARD AN THERE LICK ITS BETTAR THEN YURS D***** RITE ITS BETTAR THAN YURS I COLD TEECH U BUT I HAF TO CHARJE!1" Pimp sunged. (...what...WHAT...WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?! WHY DID THIS HAPPEN?! HOW COULD YOU TAKE THIS CHARACTER AND DO...THIS TO HER?! WHY?! WHHHHHYYYYYYYYY?!) (AN: I DONNT OWN TEH SONG ITS FROM SUM GUYS OR GURLS I DONT NO BUT I DIDANT MAKE IT.) (Then RESEARCH IT!) Peepta Peeta Sandich Eata stared at her with all the lovey an gotted bushed. (That's disgusting! Prim is 12! 12! You're so quick to call GALE a pedophile, yet you're trying to change Peeta into one?! AND TRYING TO SEXUALISE PRIM WHEN SHE'S ONLY 12?! YOU ARE SICK, AUTHOR! YOU ARE SICK, SICK, SICK, SICK, SICK!)
"UNF!" (And the disgustingness of this fic continues!) He runned off to do his man tenshun releef bisiness (...did she just imply he's ...SICK! YOU ARE FUCKING SICK!) (not wif bisness man becos that wold be grosse!) (OH YEAH, HOMOSEXUALITY IS GROSS, BUT A MAN MASTURBATING OVER A 12 YEAR OLD GIRL?! YEAH, THAT'S FUCKING FINE. PLEASE, CONTINUE!) I ifinished off Frunk Fivetons by garrotin his lower puncreas (Garotting implies you wrapped a massive piece of rope around his midsection and twisted a stick in it to make it tighter.) to make the blood an branes an guts go to the other plase so he got a rectal prolaps an died. (Ok, brains are not found in the torso, and garotting someone would not have that effect, if it was as strong as that, it'd just leave some bad rope burns.)
"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Died Frak13. (No... I won't accept "died".) Haymin an sum reds (Some reds? What the hell does that mean?) oned up. I goat reddy to chew Haymich out for thinkin we was week (Just happily swear at someone after showing the fuck off and slaughtering another human being.) bu then he started shakin my hand an the red kised my feets lick I wasa queen or sumthin. (Ugh... Marissa's narcissism is nauseating...)
"So much powerful form u three. (Three? Peeta didn't do anything... aside from that which is disgustingly sick.) Ok, no more druggin an beerin (At the very least you could use the G key for your stupid verbs.) I will trane you to be the Hunger Games EVAR!121" (Be the Hunger Games? Marissa can't be a whole event, even SHE isn't that god modded yet.) Haymatich yelled wile yellin becos it was THAT LOWD. (Everyone shouts in this bloody fic.) I huged him an Prim did affer she got clothes on becos Haymithc is a old dude an she shudant be pedofilin with him (She shouldn't have taken them off in the first place... ugh, I still feel ill from reading that... where's that medicine?) or any thins like that. Peeta Peeata Sandwich Eata came bathroom out an hug too. (...gonna need the whole bottle for this.)
Mayeb now we wud win with Maymitch tranin us… (Unless Haymitch is bloody Superman in this fic, which wouldn't surprise me anymore, he's not gonna be much use.)
MEANWILE IN THE PAST (That makes no sense. The past can't be happening at the same time as the future.)
Teh reds fromb efour came onto the rownd room. (We still have no idea who these people are... unless they're in another of this author's fics. And the "Its my life" series is all i'm willing to subject myself to.) "Ah Ajunts K an J I see yur back frum yur misshun?" (...oh fuck me, she added the Men in Black...) J an L (So, even though K and J were asked, Agent L felt the need to nod in reply too.) nooded with heads an taked off there reds (Their reds? What is that, clothing?) becos it was only diguise.
"Yes Mr. Prisedent Lincan (Oh fuck me, you're bringing Abraham Lincoln into this too?! Why do the Men in Black work for Abe Lincoln, they weren't even alive when he was!) we haf disvocered that Marrissa Robers is in Hunger Games troble!" Deadpanned (Another stupid verb...) K wile J did a funny joke. (What joke? He didn't say anything!)
"Oh wems this is badder than thot. We most help Marrissa but how." Abraman Liknan (AN ITS THE PAST REMBER SO HE CAN PRESDENT) (Yet he is fully aware of a person in the future and feels the need to help them... that makes no sense.) scrutched beerd an thot. "Thers only one people who can help Marrisser. J an K I need u to get me… TEEN FORTRESS 2! 2~~~!" (Ok, you just referred to a whole group of people as one person, that makes no sense. Additionally, why get their teen selves? Why not get their grown up forms with experience and greater intelligence?)
TO BE CONTINUED!
GESS THATS NOT TEH LAST WE SEED OF TEEN FORTRESS 2 (Oh goodie...) AN HWS IS J AN K GONNA AFFLECT THE STORY PLOTS? (Not a whole lot, i'm betting...) WATS GOIN DOWN WIT WHEETLY? (You didn't adress him at all in this chapter, what does it matter?) FIND OUT SOOOONS IN THE NEXT 1!
(Fuck this chapter. Seriously... this author is now advertising some truly disgusting themes. Prim, Gale, Peeta, they're all getting fucking over sideways... and it'll probably only get worse, won't it?)