(So, in this chapter, essentially nothing gets done. This is officially a filler chapter while we wait for some "old friends" to show up.)
Sorret guys mah kebaord broke (I'm not surprised considering how much you must roll your head back and forth on it.) but I gotted a new 1. It's got a kinda diffrant layowt so I might have sum troble spellin. (Not an excuse. You can go back and reread, not to mentiont he spelling in this chapter is actually somewhat BETTER than the other ones.) bUT now onto the next akshun packed advenshure of
THE MARRISSA GAMES
CHAPTER FORE: GETTIN DOWN TO BISINESS (LOL LICK BISINESS MAN) (Oh author, your comedic moments will never cease... to be as unfunny as possible.)
Wifout the train for goin on we didant havbe a way to reech the Capital and Hunger Games so I was happy. (Aww you mean Marissa won't die this time around? Boo hoo :C )"Gess we dogged a bullet there guys!~" I lolled to Prim an Peeta Peeta Sandwich Eater. (On a side note, we're in the middle of nowhere with no food, how do we get out of this?_ Effer was cryin lick a dum baby (*facepalm*) becos she wasa huge Hnger Games fan an was sad that seh wood miss the games this yeer. (And that's not Effie's character at all. Why am I surprised?)
"Enuff of yur lollin an gaggin we have to trane!1" Haymatch coached, (Coached is an actual verb... shame it's used the wrong context.) we was confused at this becos the trane was ded. (Are you all thick?) "Effi is already call the trane pepole to give us a new one u guys relay think this isbs the first time sumthin lick this happoned?" (I don't know, maybe? I don't think anyone expected these opressed nations to suddenly attack a random train, and expect the passengers to survive. People don't tend to survive train crashes... in fact, where' Bissness Man and the other stylists? If the main characters survived, why didn't they? Also, since the train is down, why not just run for it? You don't HAVE to compete if you can escape!) He was bissiness now, kind like Bisness Man, an no more drugs. (Cue another pointless Tweedle tangent.)
ATlas an P-Body (Called it.) was all angary at this new Hamatich. (Its amazing, we keep discovering survivors whenever the plot, or lack thereof, demands their presence.) "I cant beleeve that dum b**** Marrissa broked are new frend (Grow up, isn't the real thrill from the drugs and beer?) an we got no none to drug an beer with!" P-Body compained. Then a hooge asterood came from the sky an hit the grownd (Wait, what?) a far place a way an made a explosion an brite lites so we cudant see but then we got okay. (Well... that was pointless.) Onse the crash was done happenin an we cold see gain Maymitch got owt weapins for us. (Ok, how does Haymitch have weapons on him?)
"Prim u are fleksible wif curves in alll the rite places (NO! AUTHOR, STOP WRITING PRIM THIS WAY!) so u will use marshal's arts." He made a kung foo posse (Uh, Haymitch can't exactly teach them moves, he teaches them how to survive the games and what they should specialise in, not fighting styles or weapon use. That's for when the get to the capitol.) to show Prim the way. "Marrissa yur powers are veray strong so u shudant need a weapons but incase heers a portal gun. (I was storing it in my hammerspace.) I one it from ATLAS an P-body wen we was playin strip poker." (...how? Atlas and P-body don't have clothes. Or anything embarrasing to be seen.) I was soooo grossed out thinkin a tyhose JERK ROBOTS stripin with cards. (Oh god, the very thought that they'd look exactly like they always do is soooo gross.) I taked the portal gun an thot that this wold be a good key for viktory. (You're not allowed to take weapons into the arena with you Marissa. And I doubt they'll provide you with one. Most people get is melee weapons, bows if you're very lucky.)
"Now Peeta Peeta Sandiwch Eata I haf a spesal weapon for u." Haymish pulled ot a relay huge chanesaw sord. (Ok, WHERE IS HAYMITCH GETTING THIS STUFF?! Oh, and good luck finding one of those in the cornucopia.) "Ony the most stronger can use it becos its sooooo hevy." (I'm so glad Haymitch is here to teach them how to use weapons they can't get in the arena. At least he's teaching Prim something more practical...) Peeta Peeta Sandwich Eata piked up the sowrd an praktised it with a tree.
We spent lick 3 ours prakisticin are attacks (Ok, using a chainsaw sword is pretty self explanatory, as is using a portal gun. You don't really need to train in that. Also, considering Marissa was also a test subject in Aperture, she should KNOW how to use one already.) an fite moves wile we waited for the new trane to get heer. I was the best fiter (MARISSA IS SUPERIOR. ALL WILL BOW BEFORE HER.) but Prim an Peeta Peeta Peeta Eata were alls workin hard to an showin there stuff. Haymich was very impress (Man Peeta, you can really swing that sword! Impressive!) but ATLAS an P-Bodody were not happy. (Oh goodie.)
"I got un plan to kill Marrissa (Because that's worked so well in the past.) so we can make Hayman do drugs an beer wit us again!" ATALS agitated (Wow, another legit word used in the wrong context.) to P-Body. "But how shes too powearful?" (The first intelligent thing i've heard from the Tweedles.) P-Bodied (...P-bodied...P-BODIED?!) back. "Wen teh trane comes we will get it to run over her!" (...that's it? I'm sure Marissa is immune to trains.) It was a relay cunnin plan (No it wasn't.) this was bad! I shuda nown those JERKS cudant be trusted (...wait is Marissa thinking that in hindsight? When did we switch from first person to third?) but I was prakistin an didant here them say this. (Which makes you wonder how Marissa even KNEW.)
The trane got heer a about a ours later so I wabed an yelled loud so the trane wood stop (If the train had been called specifically to pick you up, I think it'd KNOW to look out for people.) an let us on. "CHEW CHEW!1!~1" The trane said (What? Is the train alive?) it was…. TOMAS THE TUNK ENJINE (...Tho...Mas...the tank engine... in a Portal/Hunger games fic... I... I don't think I can go on much longer... I... help... someone please help me...) (IN THE FUTUR OF HUNGER GAMES THE TRANES IS ALIVE ROBOTS LIKE GLaDOS AN WHEATLY) (...WHY?! What is the point behind this?! Giving trains artificial intelligence, what is the reasoning?! Is Aperture just ruling the world now?!) Bot ATLAS an P-Body did a robot hak into him (And no-one noticed? No-one tried to stop them?) to make Toams EVIL AN MEEN he was gonna run me over!
"GET REDDY TO DYE B*****!1!" Tomas yelled lowder than a trex or the moon. (...T-Rex I can understand being loud, but the moon? That tends to be a rather quiet thing...) ATLAS an P-Body were rollin a round an lollin (Do they just have nothing better to do?) there robot thins off. (Vagueness is not your friend.) The trane was goin 10000000000000050 millon miles per our (That's not physically possible.) so I cudant move in time an was gonna die! (Um, put up a shield?)
"Goodbye Wheatly an Chell Junor, rember I always love u." (Also, if the train is going faster than any speed known to man, how does she have time to say all this?) I cried limp teers down my fase an wated for the Tomas to kill (And if she decides to WAIT for him to kill her, she clearly has enough time to leap out of the way!) me but…
"OH NO YOU DONT!" Russianed (More bloody stupid verbs. And "Oh gee, I wonder who this could be.) big fat kid who grab the train. (...ok, the Heavy is now strong enough to grab a moving train and hold it still.) "DIE B********!" Australaned (Enough terrible verbs...) a other guy shottin guns an arrows into Thamass eyes. (So he's just lobbing guns at Thomas' eyes?) "Yur not gonna go nowehere ladykiller!" Texased (ENOUGH, PLEASE.) a sort man hoo made a turrent (but not a Portal Labs turrent) (Because we all needed THAT little note, just so none of us forgot.) to shoot of Tomas weels. (Shooting off a train's wheels would take a while... also, how does his turret shoot both sides at once?) I was asaved an Tomas crashed then the crash died. (Oh, so Thomas survived then? Just this random crash died?) Ho cuda saved me?
The doost cleered an Effey was sayin "ots ok ever one, we can still use manual drive." (Um Effie? Your train just derailed and crashed, I don't think you'll ever get it working again.) I looked at the pepole ho had saved me an they looked at me an we looked at eachotter. (Lots of lovely redundancy.)
It was….
TEEN FORTRESS 2! (Oh. What a twist. Also, if they were teens in the past, how are they STILL teens?)
TO BE CONTINUED!
NEXT CHAPTAR ILL BE A FLASHBACK BOUT HOW JA N K GOT TEEN TORTES 2 BACK (Oh good, I cared so much about that.) SO GET REDDY!
(See? Just filler. Delightfully dull filler... god this story drags.)