(So, you'd think now that the games have started proper they'd take up the focus in this chapter right? Well nope, we get pictures of other scenes adding more to the "Plot" for the inevitable clusterfuck finale... stay tuned for that folks, it'll no doubt be an explosion of stupidity.)
ANl: Hey Bois an Girls (May as well be "boy" and "girl" because this fic isn't read by anyone else.) an NOT FAMLERS YUR NOT ALLOWED (Oh dear, no falmers are allowed. Guess i'm allowed then.) its time for a nu chapter! (I sure wished it was a no chapter.)
PS I FIGURED OUT WICH CHAPTAR NUMER I WAS AT BEFORE IT WAS SEVEN SO NOW ITS 7 (Actually, it's chapter 11. You fail math forever.)
T6HE MARRISSA GAMES
CHAPTER SE7EN (lol movie) (Your references aren't funny and they never will be, so stop thinking your audience consists of idiots and pointing out all your obvious references.) : First Nite
I ranned like a cooger or a cheata (Make your mind up.) thru some forest woods herin the noses of tributts killin eachotter. This made me soooo mad that Pregnant Snow (Pregnant Snow? YOu have no excuse for that one.) wood make kids to die (You know, why do you even care? Aside from one or two people, everyone dying are the "falmer trollz" you despise so much, so why do you care at all? I mean its not like any of your fuckton of allies are going to die.) hes the baddest dude ever even worse than GladO's! (I would've thought Assface would be your initial comparison... bringing GLaDOS back up seems out of place... unless...)
"Outta they way bullockin c***** b***** f**** sodbloke!13" (Its so good to know the author's writing is so complex and mature.) Sweary Guy tried to use his bazooker lick the solder does to do ROKET JUMP (Because that is possible in the Hunger Games universe.) but he got stuck ina tree so I lolled. (As usual, good ol' saint Marissa laughs at misfortune... and doesn't use the opportunity to actually kill the guy.) "Ya laff it up you buggerin g******** f**** m********* bloody q******! 23111!" (I've just given up on trying to figure out what this character is even saying.) I just waked away sashin my stuff (For someone with detective powers, Marissa sure is a dumbass.) to becos Haymish told me that I needed to make the boys bak home happied to get stuff. (...I can't even begin to untangle that sentence.)
There was no sine of Prim or Peeta Peepa Sandwich Eata so maybe they dided I thot? (Yeah, and monkeys might fly out of my butt. LOLOLOL REFERENCES.) Trees were all ever were and it was hard to see the places but I rembered I cold fly! (You can also use the green lanterns powers, are immune to gunfire and can shoot lightning from your hands, why do you forget your powers when you could be using them to end this?!) I flewed up to the sky an looked down to survay the areaner. (Also making herself an easy target for anyone with a gun who spots her.) There wase a lake an a grass an a volkano an a forest (What a delightfully generic descripton.) (but I was alreday there lol) (Is Marissa just making these mental notes while writing this?) an montans an I aslo saw... THE TRIBOOTS (Which ones?) CHASIN A GIR4L THAT WAS... PRYO!2244 (Pyro's a girl, huh? How does Marissa know this? Pyro's gender has been questioned since forever, even his/her own team don't know.)
Wit fast an speed I spammed down (HADOUUUKENHADOUUUKENHADOUUKENHADOUUUKEN) to help Pryo but Glummer sperated (I'm gonna assume that means she speared him/her) her in the left fourhead. (...why does Pyro have two foreheads? Also, Pyro is a trained mercenery and a bit of a psychopath, I don't buy he/she wouldn't be fighting back against kids with limited combat experience.) Tehy runned off but no cannon happened so Pyro was alife! (When have the cannons mattered? Two characters died right away and there was no mention of cannons.) The tributts noiced two and sented one back to finish Pryo... it was... PEETA PEETA SANDWICH EATA! !+!()!(!( (Oh wow, you mean he joined up with them JUST like he did in the book? What a fucking twist.)
Ho could he an I washed in horrer as he snaped Pyros neck. (Oh no, that member of Team Fortress 2 that was never mentioned AT ALL in this fic with the rest of the group has been killed... I admit I didn't expect any of Marissa's allies to die, but this hardly matters.) He habd gone Turbo ("Going Turbo" as used in Wreck it Ralph refers to someone changing their game, not being a traitor, get your words straight.) an become a trator. The shock of all that made me reel thirsty (It was so shocking I forgot about it almost instantly because MARISSA IS SUPERIOR. Also, why hasn't the hovercraft appeared to pick up the Pyro's body?) so I went lookin for a river becos the lake was by the corncopter were all the fitin was. (Which she could easily en- oh I give up, i'm beating a dead horse...) I landed down but didnt see any water no where but I had a trike up my sleeve. (Oh boy...) One of my powers is that I can use my arms as dosing rods to find water. (Another power pulled out of Marissa's ass. You know, couldn't the detective power just compensate for that?) Turned ot there was sum hidin just below me so I drugged it up (...you drugged it? You DRUGGED the water? Well, after giving so much shit to Atlas, P-Body and Haymitch for taking drugs, you go and take some yourself in your water?! You fucking hypocrite!) an dranked it. I said to me "These Hunger Games are a pies of cake (an its no lie LOL)!" (Urrhurrhurrhurr! You're not funny. Also Marissa sure does flip flop between emotions quickly. One second she's pissed that people are dying, and then she's just like "this sure is easy lulz." Maybe she's bipolar...) An then I lolled at my funny. (I laugh at my own jokes because it makes me a great character.)
Wile I was gamin it up, there was some other stuff goin down (Which I couldn't have known about and therefore this sentence is null and void.)
MEENWHILE AT DISTRACT 12 IN WHEATLYS POV (Yeah that's right, just break off from the exciting hunger games to get a little bit of pointlessness with Wheatley. That'sa gooda pacing!)
I was sooooo bloody sad I hadant see Marrissa in weeks an Chell Junor was missin her mom soooo much to. (Nice to see Wheatley has nothing better to do with his life than bawl over Marissa. Why not just give him a little apron and a blonde wig too, he's pretty much a HOUSEWIFE by this point!) That soddin bloke Gale bloody Thunderpants was tryin to make me do (He's trying to make you DO something? Ugh, the gall and nerve of that guy.) but I didant care becos my troo love was gone for wankin ever to die! (And he doesn't even hold out hope that Marissa will survive because she's so godmodded. Do not cry for him. DO NOT CRY!)
One day me an Chell Junor I was watchin my favrite movie: Rugged Ralph becos it a bout robots. (No, I don't believe Wreck it Ralph is about video games and not just robots.) Chell Junor make a cry noise so I wented an got some diapas to change her (See? He has to stay at home with the kid while Marissa's off having an adventure. He really IS a housewife.) with but she said "Mama!" I o-mouthed (HOW?! HOW?! YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A GODAMN MOUTH!) an cried bloody bulloks Chell Junor had say her first soddin words an Marrissa wasant there to saw it!1 3! (2tragic4u) Befour I cold wank another cry (Wank another cry... god damnit.) the door nocked. (The door just knocked itself?) I opened it an yelted with loud.
"OH GOD SAVE THE QUEEN WHAT THE BLOODY HELL DO U WANT U WANKIN BURGER!82*(!" It was Gale. (Shock of all shocks.)
"Harry u cant hide from yur past any longer." (So far as i've seen, the fact Wheatley and Gale are Harry and Ron has served no purpose whatsoever.) He said an I was more soddin mad than ever. (You know, the very least you could do is listen to him. I mean, Harry was the most powerful wizard ever and defeated the dark lord, you might be of SOME use in this fic is you actually listened!)
"I tole you IM NOT HARRY Im Wheatly (Or rather, this fic's bastardized version of Wheatley.) watever I was befour is NOT NOW Ive gotta bloody family and dotter an I dant need yuo wankin me! 88" (Author, are you trying to piss me off with this misuse of British insults?) An then I punched his bloody head of! (...well, it's nice to see Marissa has passed on her violent tendencies to Wheatley. I can only image what Chell Jr does when she gets upset...) But I relised what happen AN Chell Junor saw I had buggerin keroopted her mind with violens. (Oh don't worry Wheatley, I think Marissa got to her long before you did.) But Gale gotted up! (Oh yeah, I forgot death barely exists in this Fanfic.)
"Lol Harry" Gale lolled wile lollin (He laughed while he was laughing with his head off eh? That's completley possible.) "U never chanje. (Because Harry is well known for comitting murder when he's angry.) Ho do you think you decapoded me without kill? (So far as I know, there is no spell in the Harry Potter universe that allows you to CHEAT DEATH.) You have magic an I will trane you to use them so we can save Marrissa!44" (Because as well all know, just having magic gives you the ability to punch people's heads clean off. The most Harry could do was talk to snakes...) I o-mouthed (HEUGH.) theres no way bloody Gale was wankin serios or was it? (You just punched his head off and he's still alive, do you really think that's a trick?) "Yes I will make you as powarful as even Marrissa (Two problems with this. One, impossible. Marissa can just pull powers out of her ass whenever she wants, I doubt Wheatley will be able to do that. Two, I really hate how Marissa has just become the most powerful being in this world, that everyone is looking up to her and she's the most powerful. It's sickening.) an then we can safe her theres more at work goin on than you relise Wheatly." He said mysticism. (There's a lot of convoluted nonsense waiting to awkwardly spill out in the last chapter, you mean.)
I pot Chell Junor in her krib an me an Gale did a trainin monstashe. (*Facepalm* This isn't the Nineties, actually SHOW what Wheatley is doing rather than skipping over it. Not like this is an important point anyway.) The song was "Eyes on the Tiger" by the guys. (And just make it as cliche as possible and not even credit the actual artists of the song.)
BACK AT HUNGER GAMES (Well that was short and pointless.)
After drinkin up the water a fire happened (And it wasn't important enough to show in this paragraph.) so I hided in a tree an went asleep fo the nite. Haymouth had gotted me a few sponsers so I had bread loves to eet with my water. (Even though you just said you went to sleep. Nice to see she completley forgot how the dead are shown in the sky during the night.) I hadant seen the tribyouts or Prim I wondared if she had been kill by Peeta Peeta Sandwich Eata (Fat chance.) like a lovers sewiside or sumthin like Boney an Clide. (Don't compare your fabricated pedophillic relationship to Bonnie and Clyde.)
The sun was barkin over the trees (The sun isn't a dog.) so I started gettin up but I saw sumthin BAD. (Oh goodie...) The tributes an there new homeboy Peeta Peeta Sandwich Eata were camped out undar me ready for a kill! I was trap. (Once again, just like in the book, what a shocking twist. Gee, I wonder if Marissa will find a way to kill Glimmer with tracker jackers?) Just wen I thot thins cudant get worse I herd a russel from the tree an saw... ROO! (And so we've started completley ripping off the source material.)
She ponted at a thing hangin on the tree necks to me (It's a tracker jacker nest isn't it?) so I looked an saw it was a tracket jacket nest! (Yep, looks like she's decided to completley flip off the story and just recycle bits from the hunger games. At least the original "It's my life" had a unique plot going to it, this shit is just recycling the hunger games.) I nodded thanks with my hed to Roo an she swinged a way lick Tarsan (Yeah this doesn't remean Rue in the slightest, does it?) an I made my plan. Trucker Jackers are incests that if you tuch there nests they go crazy an put posion in you an you die. (And of course Marissa just knows what Tracker Jackers are from having lived in this world for, what, a week?) I sawed it off qick an speedy an it falled down to the tributes camp. (Gee, I wonder if Glimmer will be the one to die from this.) The looks on there feces wood be soooo funny butt... it didant break an no jackets attacked. (...huh. Well maybe there will be a more original twist.) I was so mad I said cusses (OOHMMMM! MARISSA! YOU CAN'T SWEAR! THAT MEANS YOU'RE A VILLAIN!) an punched tree an it waked Glimmer up! (How did punching the tree wake her up?)
"Gug Im havin a period" Glimmer said (Delightful...) when she saw the tracker jack nest an thot it was tampon (...what. Tracker Jacker nest... tampon... for gods sakes author, don't,) so put it in her "no no square". (...scum.) I waited with bated breth for the attack. (You are scum.) Glimmer got quite. (You are absoloute scum.)
"OMFG! !3" She screemed realizin her goof. (It's not a natural mistake to make, an insect nest for a pad of fabric. This just doesn't happen.) The screemin screams waked ever one else up (Apparently punching the tree only woke her up for some reasno.) an they o-mouthed (EYAAAGH) in horrer. Peeta Peeta Sandwich Eata was tryin a dislocate the nest (Yes, good idea, save the dumbass from her own dumbass move.) but Glimmer was all swolened from the stings an posion an Cato was LICKIN IT! (Eugh... an image we didn't need to see.) I cudant stop lollin at those tributs gettin stunged (I swear, Marissa's gonna become a serial killer at some point in the future... god help us all.) an Glimmer as all swoled up an leakin posion with big bumps an the nest had gottened fused with her insides so they cudant take it out. (Oh god damn... you really feel the need to outgross the original don't you, fucking author.) Peeta Peeta Sandwich Eata got a "f*** this" look (Is that similar to the "dude yur so retarded" look?) an ranned way wile Cato meowed an climed a other tree. (It's nice to see the guy who was essentially the antagonist of the Hunger Games be reduced to a comic relief. Like everyone else in this fic.) I sneaked a way in the kaos an did a si-cheer that I had already taked out Glimmer (You could've taken them all out with your powers... sorry, dead horse, I know.) an nocked the flamerz down a peg.
MEANWHILE (And now back to even MORE pointless crap.)
I was at the trane wif Effie on the fone (Gonna assume this is Haymitch, not like the author decides its a good idea to specify it...) with some celebs tryin to get Marrissa sponsors. (I really wish this bit had just been left out. It serves no purpose and it seems really awkward considering we never saw Haymitch getting sponsors.) Justin Beaver, (Gotta be a troll move there...) Whitey Houseton (SHE DIDANT DIE OK), (Yes she did, and you're defiling her memory by putting her in your fic.) Ceeser an those good guys were givin donashons but it wasant enuff. (Considering you got whole loaves of bread, and Katniss had to wait a good few days for supplies, I think you're doing FINE.)
"I need a drunk/ !" I burbed (Yeah, its Haymith...) lookin for a beer just one cudant hurt cood it? (Yeah, drinking in moderation is important. But apparently drinking one beer in this world makes you addicted to the stuff.) There was sum beers in ATLAS an P-Bodys room I cood 'borrow', I went over lollin at my funny jokes an gags (Which I was making in my head to no-one and probably giving away that he was coming into their room.) when Wip Whittikered (You will never be funny.) into the room.
"Yo Hayman you druggin an beerin finally?2" He aksed an I saw his grotately face (Groatately? Grotesque maybe?) an blushed eyes an thitted how much of a JERK i was to Marrissa (Stop capitalising JERK, we get it!) an the other ones wen I beered.
"No Im stayin cleen for good!3891" (Good...) I said prowd of me. Wipe had a funny look an sed "Ok" an lefted sumthin fishy was goin on. (Well of course there is, and it will no doubt be dumped on us in the last chapter.)
Wip walked ups to ATLAS an P-Body in there room an they was mad. (Who gives a fuck about the tweedles?) "We herd alreddy Haymitsh still isant druggin an beering what we do now?" P-Dody demaned. (Stop bitching already, you serve little to no purpose anymore.) "Ive gotta idea." Wip said takin a gun out an shotted the JERKS ROBOTS (STOP RAMMING IT DOWN OUR THROAT THAT THEY ARE JERK ROBOTS. YOU HAVE ESTABLISHED THIS IN EVERY BLOODY CHAPTER IN THIS FIC, AND THE LAST ONE.) in the hed...
TO BE CONTINUED!
OMG SO MUHC PLOTS AN TWISTS! (That you're outright stealing from the source material or making nonsensical.) PEETA PEETA SANDICH EATAS A TRATER? (He's just working within the other tributes to survive, like in the bloody book!) WHERES PRIM? AN HOOS SIDE IS WIP RELEAY ON?! (Who cares, we barely even know/care about the guy!) FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON THE MARRISS AGMES! !8!
(Ugh, this chapter is something of a revelation as to how much the author has resorted to recycling the plot of the actual Hunger games. I can only wonder if this will continue in later chapters... maybe one more, two tops.)