Last post of 2012:DD
(Age 15)
When everything calmed down and Edward and I could finally speak to each other civilly, granted it took all night, he and Alphonse told me of what they read. Unfortunately, Tucker didn't write very detailed notes, nor was he an expert, so the scrawled books and references were vague; if related at all to what we were searching for. There were some interesting things, like bodily structures and things of the same, so the two decided to visit again. Alphonse added that the little girl, Nina, had made them promise to return and play with them. The thought just made me smile, Nina seemed like such a sweet little kid, and being nice and playing like a child again would be good for my brothers. They offered to bring me along, but I declined, having already promised to come again tomorrow to be one of Mustang's subordinates.
"You find any pants, yet?" Edward asked deadpanned, but completely avoiding eye contact. He was munching on some toast for breakfast, already dressed and ready to head out with Al.
I glared at him until he stole a glance. He quickly looked back at his suddenly interesting toast. "No," I replied, "But I did find some tights. They'll work just fine." I was going to compromise with him, he was only trying to be a good brother, after all.
Edward nodded in approval. I couldn't help but wonder why he was getting so protective lately. He's always been protective, of course. I am his sister, but never so much as to order me around for something as petty as a skirt. Edward stood up to leave, "Bye, Liz. Watch over the bastards here for us."
"Brother, don't say stuff mean like that!" Al scolded, following behind him, only pausing to turn and wave goodbye to me.
I sighed, so that's it. He's getting antsy over me being surrounded by the military. Probably Mustang in particular. He still flares up any time he calls me 'cute,' whereas I have to be in a pretty bad mood anyway for his comments to affect me that much. Disregarding that, I dug through my drawer to find the tights I was talking about. They were opaque and black, perfect for underneath my skirt.
Ready to go, I headed out for the Colonel's office to begin another day's work.
"Hey, Beth!" Havoc called to me as I entered the room, "How're you doing?" he smiled at me, a cigarette in his mouth like always.
I could see Mustang scribbling in a few notebooks, and Fuery fiddling with his radio. Breda and Falman weren't anywhere to be seen, and neither was Hawkeye. I knew she'd be here soon, however, because Mustang didn't look like he'd be leaving any time soon.
I sighed and took the seat next to Havoc, "Don't call me Beth, Havoc. It's either Elizabeth or Broken Flame." I requested.
He chuckled, "Sure, Beth." I stiffened at his blatant disregard for my wishes, but tried my hardest to brush it off.
"What are we doing today?" I asked, changing the subject to something less personal.
Mustang answered for him, closing one of his notebooks, "Nothing!" he cried cheerfully, standing up and walking behind us, "Nothing, because you wonderful subordinates finished all of my work for me yesterday!"
I forced a smile and began to give him an earful, and would have, had Havoc not interrupted, asking, "Then why are we here, Colonel?"
Mustang put his hand on my shoulder, and the other on Havoc's shoulder and said, "Because you're still my subordinates, and this way you'll be here the moment something needs done." I saw him squeeze Havoc's shoulder out of the corner of my eye. Havoc looked up at Mustang with a slight glare, but he just walked back to his desk and began writing again. Havoc glared at him more plainly when he returned to his seat, and Mustang sent him a smug smile in return.
Not wanting to draw attention, but still curious, I grabbed a piece of paper and wrote, 'What was that all about?' and slid it over to Havoc.
He pretended not to notice it for a few moments, which really agitated me. I stood and walked over to the bookshelf to find a nice alchemy book to pass the time instead. The 'Alchemists' Beginnings' was among the books, so I grabbed the familiar bindings and sat back down. As I opened the book, I found that Havoc had finally passed the note.
His hand writing was surprisingly small, but very fluent for how scrawled and messy it looked. It suited him well, and was definitely a man's hand writing. 'An assignment I don't care for.'
I crumpled the paper up and tossed it in the bin next to Mustang's desk. If he didn't want to get into it, I wouldn't pry. There are plenty of things I wouldn't want being pried into, so I understand. I heard a snap break the silence, and a bright flame followed, near the colonel's desk. I gasped in surprise from the sudden flash, my gaze finding Roy, who already had his fixed on me. He smirked, probably knowing what was written for the most part, and lowered the fingers he'd just snapped. Just the thought that he had something planned or was planning something made me grit my teeth. I made myself calm down, because it might be something serious. Or it's Mustang and he's screwing with everyone's minds.
Within twenty minutes, I couldn't handle the silence anymore. "Colonel?" I asked tentatively, "I want to go get a cup of coffee and get out of the office for a while." He appeared to be finishing a sentence, but looked up after a few seconds.
"Go ahead." he replied nonchalantly, but looked at Havoc expectantly. He didn't seem to notice me still observing him even as I stood to leave.
Havoc also stood and turned to the Colonel and asked, "Can I go with her?" he turned to me as an after thought.
Mustang reiterated the same response for Havoc as he did for me, and we were off.
He opened the door for me, like a gentleman, and followed after. The walk out of Central Command was awkwardly silent, and Havoc seemed tense. It wasn't until we were out of the front door did he relax a bit, but the silence remained until I took the initiative to break it.
We were standing across the street from the coffee shop, but neither of us took the first step. I turned to say something, but halted. How do I talk to someone, practically a stranger, without Edward and Alphonse as a mediator? Or work as a topic? I swallowed my nervousness, out of necessity, and my pride, for good measure, just to talk to Havoc for the first time out of the office.
"Uhm, ready to go, Havoc?" I asked quietly, looking up at him. He wasn't really looking at anything, and seemed to be thinking about something and spacing out.
He blinked and came back to earth, facing me. He smiled when he realized what I'd said, "Call me Jean, Beth. And yeah, lets go."
Jean? His first name? Odd, I'd known it the whole time, but never thought to call him by it. It seemed too casual, too informal. Havoc had begun walking already, so I had to catch up to speak again, "Uh, Ha-Jean. Why do you call me 'Beth'?" I asked. I've gotten kind of used to it in such a short time, what with him saying it every other time he speaks to me.
He took the cigarette out of his mouth and blew out a puff of smoke. "It's part of your name, isn't it?" He asked rhetorically, "Besides, no one else does." He added with a smile.
I turned a bit pink because I think, in a round-about way, he just said he liked calling me something only he gets to call me. No, no. That's just what I want to think because I find him interesting. "Y-yeah, I guess you're right."
After finally getting some drinks and a seat, I calmed down. Havoc wasn't flustered to begin with, but I don't think he noticed my embarrassment or clumsiness. We could settle into a nice, casual conversation at last.
I sipped my hot coffee, "Your family runs a store? Really?" I asked, quite intrigued. Our conversation had just started to get a bit personal, Havoc initiated it.
Havoc nodded, "Yeah. It's a general store, and we've got just about anything you need. Anything else, you either don't need it, or we can get ahold of it for you." He teased, holding his coffee with both hands.
"Oh, really?" I exaggerated, "What about an arm and a leg?" I joked, clanking my metal joints a bit. Havoc's expression softened, but darkened as well.
He sighed, "So what's the story?" he pried, "I know the official story, and that that's not the truth. I know vague details. Could you elaborate...?" He left the question open, and I knew I could simply re-tell the story of the eastern conflict and he'd understand why I'd refused. But I wanted to tell someone, I needed to.
"It's a long story." I replied, waiting for his response. I won't tell someone that won't care. I need to know if he's genuinely interested, if he genuinely cares.
He smiled sadly, "I have time if you do." A dry lump formed in my throat, and I couldn't seem to talk. Silence enveloped us for a few seconds, but I swallowed my fear and began to recount my tale.
"Before the actual story, know that Edward and I completed a blood transmutation, or rather, half of one. It was an attempt to show a boy in our class that we were closer than identical twins. We were only four or five at the time. But here's how the story began:"
"When Edward and I were six, our father left us. He was a good father until then, but he left without a word. Our mother tried to cover it up, and play it off as if he'd return, but he abandoned us. Plain and simple." I sighed, remembering my birthday that year, "And when we were barely ten, we ran home from a friend's home to find her collapsed and unconscious. Well, Ed and Al found her. They dragged me to Pinako's house without explaining. Pinako used to be a nurse, you see. She told us it was a sickness that had been hidden for a long time." I paused, regaining my composure to keep from crying, "Even on her deathbed, Mother thought our father would return." I looked at my coffee to avoid Havoc's eyes, "We sent out dozens of letters to try and find our dad, thinking that if he returned, she'd get well again. He didn't. And she didn't."
I took a deep, shaky breath before continuing. "Only two days later, our mother died. Another day later, we buried her. And another day later, we had decided to bring her back." My rigid breathing was soon joined by silent tears that had no place in my eyes. I blinked them away and kept telling my story. "Edward and Alphonse were determined, as determined as I was. We found a teacher by chance, and learned alchemy from one of the best in just six months. That's all she'd take us for. In our free time, we read constantly, any book on human transmutation. Especially the ones from our dad's study. There were tons of them there."
I took a bug gulp of my coffee and looked at Havoc. He seemed to be processing the story so far. He noticed my cease and asked, "Continue, please?" I nodded, and complied.
"When we were either almost eleven or barely eleven, I don't remember which, we committed the taboo. Ed and Al drew out the circle, while I went out and got all of the ingredients for the transmutation. Then they made me leave and locked the door behind them. I had to wait outs-"
"Wait!" Havoc interrupted, "How did your limbs get taken away if you weren't transmuting anything?" I smiled, expecting that.
"The blood transmutation we did when we were little. It connected us, body, blood, and soul. Normal injuries inflicted on one aren't inflicted on the other. But the rebound of the human transmutation...That wasn't normal." I explained.
Still not finished, I began speaking again, "I had to wait outside. Edward had told me to go to Pinako's house and wait for the three of them to return, but I had to watch. I peeked through the window, and stayed even as it started to pour out. Then it happened, the transmutation began. I was temporarily taken to a gate, which I still haven't learned what it is exactly. I saw everything. That's how I can just clap to transmute. Once it was all done, Al had been taken away, along with Ed's left leg, and my own. I was crying from the pain, so much that I could barely watch anymore. But I did. I watched in amazement as Ed, in the pain he was in, drew a seal in his own blood-my own blood- that bounded Al's soul to a suit of armor. It took his right arm," I looked at my automail-arm sadly, "and my own."
I held my head in shame, never feeling worse about the incident than right now. Havoc looked at me with pity-filled eyes, but he also had another look in them. One I wasn't familiar with. "Beth..." He stopped, and changed directions, "What happened after?"
"Al carried us to Pinako's home. She bandaged us up real nice. That night, Mustang came to visit. I explained, and so did Ed and Al. He planted the idea of becoming a state alchemist in our minds. And it blossomed. We requested to be fit with automail the next morning. It took a year to recover fully, and I bled quite a bit during that time from the weight of the metal. So did Al. After we were certified, on the train ride home, Ed and I broke down, crying. Once we dried it up, we made a vow. We vowed never to cry in front of Alphonse, to be strong for him. Then the next morning, as we were leaving we burned down our house. It was Ed's idea, so we couldn't tuck tail and run home."
I sighed, I've never told anyone this much, ever. Hell, I've never talked about it with anyone but Ed! Not ever Al!
Havoc cleared his throat, "What about the-the transmutation?" He asked gingerly.
I let my hair fall in my face, "That thing didn't even look human. We failed. Completely. Utterly. Failed."
By the time my tale was told, the sky had darkened quite a bit. "Let's go, Beth" Havoc said softly, laying money down on the table before walking away.
He walked me to my room in Central Command without a word. It wasn't awkward like the walk here, it was comfortable. He didn't even face me until we reached my door. It was then that he set his hand on my head. "You've seen hell. But you've got people to back you up, now. Don't worry about not crying. Just learn to let it out when you need to."
My eyes wavered, almost watered, "Tell you what. When I need a shoulder, I'll come to you, Jean."